Im a bad parent

[Disney_Dad88]

So my wife and I were about 70 days out from going on a cruise when she decided yesterday that she just wasnt feeling the cruise and how awesome it would be to go to Disney. Now its me, my wife, and two daughters (8 and 7) and even though Ive been 3 times to Disney, when we went in January of 2014 it was all their first time. We went on and 8 day trip and enjoyed every minute of it. Well, obviously over a year later we are having withdrawls and have been for a while. The kids are always asking when we are going back.

So I got online yesterday and after much discussion we are canceling our cruise and going back to Disney World in June instead for about five days. Now since my wife and I were going by ourselves on our cruise, we decided that it will be just me and her going to Disney, without the kids. They dont know and we dont want them to know to be honest, but my wife and I have been married 8 years and have never been anywhere together, not even a honeymoon. Last time we went it was magical, but because the kids were so young we missed out on a few things that we as adults really wanted to do. The kids will be staying with my parents which they really enjoy doing, but it still feels bad sometimes that they wont be going with us. Regardless, my wife and I decided that we just needed to get away from it all, and what better way to do it than Disney. I'm excited to be going back and its going to be less stressful without the kids this time. We do plan on going again with the kids when all the construction is finished in a couple of years, so its not like we will never be taking the kids back.

I dont post on this forum a lot but I do enjoy coming over here from time to time to look at all of yours. Really puts me in the Disney mood and I'm glad to be a part of it. Just wanted to share this today and say 67 days to Disney. Life is good.

 

[Goofyernmost]

I wouldn't call you a bad parent, but, perhaps one with the ability to make bad decisions. If you hadn't stated early in your post that the kids have been begging to go again, then I would have said... no problem. As it is you are heading down a path that may not have horrendous consequences, but, it will be difficult. You will not be able to keep this a secret forever. The kids will know, probably before you go, they will not forget it. Trust me!

If it were myself and I wanted to get away with my wife for a little alone time, I would pick a strictly adult location. One that the kids would have no desire to go to. However, going to a place that they love, without them.. seems like a recipe for some very unhappy children. They will survive it, but, it would seem like a pretty upsetting thing for them.

For me, once I had children, except for short weekend getaways, they were always with us. They were not something that we left behind, especially from things that we knew they would love to do. Physiologically, they are part of me. To not go with them would be like leaving a body part behind for me. You, of course, know your children better then I do, so perhaps there is a reason why you don't think this will bother them enough to be concerned. But, you did ask for an opinion and I don't think you would have come to a public forum asking about it if you didn't have some concerns yourself.

 

[Disney_Dad88]

I wouldn't call you a bad parent, but, perhaps one with the ability to make bad decisions. If you hadn't stated early in your post that the kids have been begging to go again, then I would have said... no problem. As it is you are heading down a path that may not have horrendous consequences, but, it will be difficult. You will not be able to keep this a secret forever. The kids will know, probably before you go, they will not forget it. Trust me!

If it were myself and I wanted to get away with my wife for a little alone time, I would pick a strictly adult location. One that the kids would have no desire to go to. However, going to a place that they love, without them.. seems like a recipe for some very unhappy children. They will survive it, but, it would seem like a pretty upsetting thing for them.

For me, once I had children, except for short weekend getaways, they were always with us. They were not something that we left behind, especially from things that we knew they would love to do. Physiologically, they are part of me. To not go with them would be like leaving a body part behind for me. You, of course, know your children better then I do, so perhaps there is a reason why you don't think this will bother them enough to be concerned. But, you did ask for an opinion and I don't think you would have come to a public forum asking about it if you didn't have some concerns yourself.

I totally agree with you. Thats kinda why we do want to do something on our own. We do everything with our kids, and invest a lot of energy into them which as any parent knows can be tough at times. Though like any other good parent its all worth it. Regardless, we were going on a trip by ourselves anyway, and they were fine with that. To be honest they love going to my parents because they are always doing something fun and they will have a blast just non-disney style. One other thing I should say is this will probably be the last time until they are adults that my wife and I will do something alone. We enjoy having them with us to experience everything new and old. Thats what life is all about right. And I hear you on going somewhere more adult oriented but Disney can be that way and we love it more than any other destination, so I figure the money we were using on our cruise will be better spent this way. They will find out and they will be unhappy but when we get back we will just plan the next one with them so that way they will be able to get excited to go back. All will be good in the end. I didn't really ask for an opinion though, more of a statement from me just to get conversation going on a Sunday morning but when you post on any forum opinions are what you get, so thanks for yours.

 

[TimothyMouse]

Good luck abd have fun.
We all deserve some adult time.

If this is the worst thing that happens to your kids, they'll be fine.

 

[JIMINYCR]

Yes you will be feeling guilty for awhile, choosing to leave the kids behind, but sometimes the adults need time alone and its good for the relationship. DW & I went without our DS and although we missed him, having the alone time with my wife was worth it. Doing Disney without children along is very different type of Disney, no pressures to keep them occupied and having to keep tabs on them. It is a more relaxing, do things on your time kind of trip. So enjoy the time with your spouse, recharge your relationship, but bring the kids back something special and be sure to keep that promise for a return trip with them.

 

[Cmdr_Crimson]

You could always do a Land/sea cruise with Disney...It's putting everything together magically.

 

[Reedy Creek Rob]

If it helps you at all, my wife and I did something similar 2 years ago. We took our 4 year old to WDW and left our 1 year old at home with the grandparents. Not so bad, right? Well, did I mention that we were gone for the 1 year old's birthday?

We had a good reason. My wife has a job that only allows her to take a vacation during that one week. We feared having an infant would negatively impact our 4 year old's 1st trip. We knew an infant would not get anything from the trip. And we promised that we would return ASAP with the whole family.

We're keeping that promise. This August, we will be headed to WDW to celebrate his 3rd birthday and can't wait. His big brother is excited to show his little bro around. I guess I'm suggesting that maybe you could plan another trip for the whole family, and come clean to the kids now.

Good luck, and have fun!

 

[Disney_Dad88]

Thanks guys at least others on here have done the same and see where I'm coming from. I could not imagine bringing a child along under 2 IMO. I just don't see how you could get the full Disney experience unless you bring someone along to babysit at times.

The biggest part Im excited for is like Jiminy said, doing Disney at our own pace, as well as riding rides we didnt get to go on last time. I'm also excited for the new mine train coaster since it wasnt open last time we went.

 

[Disney_Dad88]

You could always do a Land/sea cruise with Disney...It's putting everything together magically.

We've thought about it and will probably be doing one maybe when our girls get a little older.

 

[Nemo14]

I kind of agree with @Goofyernmost on this, but I do understand where you're coming from too. I couldn't imagine going to Disney World of all places without our kids when they were that age. We did get to Epcot one night without them the year that they had free admission for teachers, but that was just one night while my mom babysat them. Have you considered using the babysitting services there or the Kids Club things? The kids might enjoy that as much as you will enjoy a night out alone.
Not trying to condemn your decision, but take it from an empty-nester. Those 2 will soon be at an age where Disney trips together will be nearly impossible, so enjoy them while you can.
JMHO

 

[MissingDisney]

So the title says 'I'm a bad parent' but you're really looking for some reassurance that you're not a bad parent ????. I'm with Goofyernmost... I'm not taking a trip to Disney without the littles. That's what the empty nest stage of life is for, followed by retirement. If our marriage requires time away from our children, the people we created together to survive, we have much bigger issues. Not implying that's your issue, that's just how we've always viewed it. I want to enjoy every experience in the short time I have with them as possible because before I know it, they'll be out of the house.

This nonsense of 'being too young for Disney' is a ton of hooey. That's a copout for parents who don't want to deal with the hassle of having a baby or toddler at Disney because yes, it's work. Our kids have gone since the youngest was a toddler and it was fine. We survived with smiles and brace yourself.... We had fun! That trip wasn't about they would remember, it was for me as a parent, seeing the smiles and hearing three toddler squeals of excitement. It wasn't about getting the full experience, the experience was my little ones. There's been many more trips and I wouldn't trade any of them or have left the kids home for any of them... They're opportunities for memories. College comes quick. Trust me.

 

[jaklgreen]

I am horrible parent then. I go every Oct by myself and leave hubby and the kids at home. Mama needs a recharge. I am going for 2 weeks and enjoying the food and wine festival. I don't feel guilty at all.

 

[HRHPrincessAriel]

If being a bad parent is taking time out for yourself then go ahead and give me the Bad Parent of the Year award. We take vacations all the time with and with out our kiddo.

Everyone needs a recharge everyso often. Including the kids away from you.

 

[MissingDisney]

It's interesting that some feel to recharge, it requires them to separate themselves from their kids. I wonder if this is impacted by occupation at all....just a thought.

 

[unkadug]

It's interesting that some feel to recharge, it requires them to separate themselves from their kids. I wonder if this is impacted by occupation at all....just a thought.

I guess if your occupation is being a full-time parent - then YES.

 

[drp4video]

I have no issue with anyone taking a vacation without the kids, we all need it to recharge and rekindle. I am a huge disney fan, been over 30 times to WDW and about 8 to DL, but I wouldn't think about going without an 8 or 7 year old, and especially not telling them. They will find out, trust me. They will be hurt or mad. Kids are so much smarter than we think. Depending on their height, the kids are probably old enough now to do most rides. Just my opinion, but I would plan an adult vary somewhere else, take the kids to WDW, and when they have grown, go back by yourselves....and you know what, when you do, you will miss them being there with you. I do.

 

[mousehockey37]

So my wife and I were about 70 days out from going on a cruise when she decided yesterday that she just wasnt feeling the cruise and how awesome it would be to go to Disney. Now its me, my wife, and two daughters (8 and 7) and even though Ive been 3 times to Disney, when we went in January of 2014 it was all their first time. We went on and 8 day trip and enjoyed every minute of it. Well, obviously over a year later we are having withdrawls and have been for a while. The kids are always asking when we are going back.

Ages 7 and 8 and they are begging to go back and you're trying to hide it that you're going without them? Don't know how to answer that one, but I know when the kids find out, like others have said, they're old enough to remember and they will NOT forget. If they were a little younger 4/5 where you're still just about too young to remember certain things, you could get away with it, but 7/8, you'll feel great from your break, but if you think you're feeling guilty now, wait until you have to face them when you get back. Sure, it's a chance to Christmas shop (or just get gifts for other occasions throughout the year), but if your kids are begging to go back....

If you seek validation from us here on the boards, chances are, you already feel super guilty and it'll probably only get worse. You can't get back the time when they are 7 and 8 once it's gone. Disney World is ever-changing, but it isn't going anywhere. You'll have time for you and your wife when the kids are out on their own. Missing out on a couple things due to having kids with you is a small price to pay when you see their faces light up and they have magical things happen on the trip.

 

[HRHPrincessAriel]

It's interesting that some feel to recharge, it requires them to separate themselves from their kids. I wonder if this is impacted by occupation at all....just a thought.

I'm a teacher.
When we leave her she stays with her grandparents and they all have the time of their lives. That time is good for then as well. She's just as much loved and taken care of as she is with us.

The last time I went to WDW my parents actually met us at the airport. I went on a girls trip and they took her around the world. The one time our paths crossed she hardly wanted anything to do with me because she was having the time of her life with them. What kind of parent am I in your eyes now?

I feel like you are being awful judgmental on what what works for others families.

 

[Livelovedisney]

We actually had this issue this year. Our trips were vegas for us or disney for the kids. We decided on disney for the family because we felt that it wouldn't have been fair for us to take a vacation without them. So many of my friends have suggested going to Disney without them but I can't do it with feeling super guilty.

 

[Hakunamatata]

Don't feel guilty. Society has done a good job of conditioning us to make our kids the center of our universe. Kids need to learn early that the world does not revolve around them. Your marriage vow is with your spouse and if you need time away tell your kids that.