Im a bad parent

[jaklgreen]

I guess if your occupation is being a full-time parent - then YES.

For me not only full time parent but working 30 hours in a restaurant on my feet and being primary care giver to my 88 year old grandmother. So yep, getting away where I do not have to cook, clean or take care of or even think about anyone else is a recharge.

 

[MissingDisney]

I'm a teacher.

I feel like you are being awful judgmental on what what works for others families.

Thank you for your work with kids. I have loved my kids teachers. Truly, an occupation I could not do. Patience at its finest.

My job does requires me to see adults at their worst and unfortunately see children suffer as a consequence of that. Use your imagination and you'd still not come close most days. I probably have a different view than most but it's learned and earned. I also work with those kids who are now adults and the family members and hear of the would've should've could've....just doing the best I can with those who've been entrusted to me.

Kids don't forget and retained resentment and anger are never a good thing.

 

[jaklgreen]

I have no issue with anyone taking a vacation without the kids, we all need it to recharge and rekindle. I am a huge disney fan, been over 30 times to WDW and about 8 to DL, but I wouldn't think about going without an 8 or 7 year old, and especially not telling them. They will find out, trust me. They will be hurt or mad. Kids are so much smarter than we think. Depending on their height, the kids are probably old enough now to do most rides. Just my opinion, but I would plan an adult vary somewhere else, take the kids to WDW, and when they have grown, go back by yourselves....and you know what, when you do, you will miss them being there with you. I do.

Thinking this way is already doing your kids a disservice. Worrying about how your kids will react is not helping them. Of course they wont like it that they are not going but that's too bad. I tell my kids all the time that life is not fair. I am not going to plan my life around my kids feelings. I have been going places and doing things without them their whole life so that is "normal" for them. In fact I think it actually helps my daughters see that a wife and Mom can live a life for herself as well as for her family. My Mom was not "allowed" to do anything without my Dad's say. There is no way I would become a slave to others either husband or kids. My children are well cared for and are happy and they actually enjoy their time alone with their father.

 

[EmmieSue]

I am not a parent and I am not here to judge anyone, but I can tell you that if my parents went on a vacation to Disney without me I would be incredibly upset. I wouldn't be nearly as upset if they went somewhere else...my dad is always talking about Hawaii which wouldn't be anything either of us kids would have ever been interested in. I am even struggling with the idea of leaving my dogs behind for a Disney vacation. If I am that guilty with my fur babies then I have no idea how I would ever manage that once I had kids. My thoughts are that once you have kids, you sacrifice the luxury of going on trips like that alone. A night out? That's entirely different. But that is me and if you feel you need to do this and you can live with your kids being upset with you, go for it.

The only thing is, I would talk to them about it now instead of letting them find out on their own. They will find out and they will be more upset you kept it secret. Sit down with them and explain that you need some time with each other and you think that for this trip they will have more fun with their grandparents. Maybe layout some of your more adult plans. (I don't know about your kids, but if someone told me they were going to be spending a ton of time in Epcot and signature restaurants I would happily let them go alone). Then make sure that they know that you guys are going to start planning a nice family trip once you get back. They will still be upset, but honesty and laying it all out for them is probably a lot better than keeping secrets.

 

[jaklgreen]

I am not a parent and I am not here to judge anyone, but I can tell you that if my parents went on a vacation to Disney without me I would be incredibly upset. I wouldn't be nearly as upset if they went somewhere else...my dad is always talking about Hawaii which wouldn't be anything either of us kids would have ever been interested in. I am even struggling with the idea of leaving my dogs behind for a Disney vacation. If I am that guilty with my fur babies then I have no idea how I would ever manage that once I had kids. My thoughts are that once you have kids, you sacrifice the luxury of going on trips like that alone. A night out? That's entirely different. But that is me and if you feel you need to do this and you can live with your kids being upset with you, go for it.

The only thing is, I would talk to them about it now instead of letting them find out on their own. They will find out and they will be more upset you kept it secret. Sit down with them and explain that you need some time with each other and you think that for this trip they will have more fun with their grandparents. Maybe layout some of your more adult plans. (I don't know about your kids, but if someone told me they were going to be spending a ton of time in Epcot and signature restaurants I would happily let them go alone). Then make sure that they know that you guys are going to start planning a nice family trip once you get back. They will still be upset, but honesty and laying it all out for them is probably a lot better than keeping secrets.

A parents job is to raise kids to be productive members of society and part of that is for the kids to be independent. We raise our kids and they grow up and move out we and are back to being by ourselves. If you loose who you are as an independent person and just live your life for your kids then you are harming both them and yourself. 50 years ago Moms did not live their life for their kids they kids adapted to what Mom was doing. And kids were better behaved and were more independent and better off when they left the house. Moms are not slaves to their kids!

 

[EmmieSue]

A parents job is to raise kids to be productive members of society and part of that is for the kids to be independent. We raise our kids and they grow up and move out we and are back to being by ourselves. If you loose who you are as an independent person and just live your life for your kids then you are harming both them and yourself. 50 years ago Moms did not live their life for their kids they kids adapted to what Mom was doing. And kids were better behaved and were more independent and better off when they left the house. Moms are not slaves to their kids!

I don't quite agree with you on this. You're taking a very strange stance on this whole thing that I feel is quite unnecessary. In no way, shape, or form did I say anything about moms being slaves to their children. I agree with the point that parents shouldn't be with their kids at all times and shouldn't exactly adapt to their kids. My parents have never, ever taken a vacation without us kids. Does that make us completely dependent on them? No, not at all. Did they have nights out? Yes of course. Did we have nights out with our friends and other family members? Yes of course. There are other ways to give kids independence that aren't so extreme. We did our own thing. Our parents did their own thing. But they weren't the type to leave us for more than a day.

I also look at my entire family and my sisters and I are the most successful, most productive, most well mannered out of all our cousins. We are also the kids who had our parents around the most. So I don't believe that having parents who go out all the time is good for children, but on the other end I don't think parents should stay home and home school their kids and all that just because they feel they have to be with their kids all the time. There is a balance and that balance is going to be different for different people and different kids and their different lifestyles.

Again, If the OP hasn't taken a vacation since their kids were born and don't plan to take another one until after they leave the nest then maybe that is simply their balance. I am not saying they shouldn't take a trip without their kids. I am just saying that PERSONALLY I couldn't go to Disney and leave my kids behind. I probably won't ever take a trip without my kids once I have them because that is just me, but if I did then I would pick somewhere else. It is different for everyone. The only thing I really think the OP is doing wrong is hiding the trip from the kids.

 

[Disney_Dad88]

Its not about recharging or relaxing or anything for us. Our marriage is great. I work, my wife works, obviously kids go to school, they both play sports and I help coach both of them. We take them out to eat with us all the time or to the movies. In fact I couldn't tell you the last time just the two of us went to the movies. And to be honest, I don't like doing anything without the kids. This is just something we want to do. We just want to go on a trip without kids and our ideal place is Disney. I should not have titled this thread the way I did. I know I'm not a bad parent and for the most part nobody on here either. I think time with children is important but do 5 days in Disney really mean I'm losing out on something special with them when they have been and will go several more times before they are adults. I think not. But the opinions are great on here lol.

 

[HRHPrincessAriel]

Thank you for your work with kids. I have loved my kids teachers. Truly, an occupation I could not do. Patience at its finest.

My job does requires me to see adults at their worst and unfortunately see children suffer as a consequence of that. Use your imagination and you'd still not come close most days. I probably have a different view than most but it's learned and earned. I also work with those kids who are now adults and the family members and hear of the would've should've could've....just doing the best I can with those who've been entrusted to me.

Kids don't forget and retained resentment and anger are never a good thing.

If our kid harbors resentment towards us as parents because we sent her to have fun with her grandparents while we go on a trip we've messed up much bigger somewhere else in our role as a parents.

 

[Disney_Dad88]

I don't quite agree with you on this. You're taking a very strange stance on this whole thing that I feel is quite unnecessary. In no way, shape, or form did I say anything about moms being slaves to their children. I agree with the point that parents shouldn't be with their kids at all times and shouldn't exactly adapt to their kids. My parents have never, ever taken a vacation without us kids. Does that make us completely dependent on them? No, not at all. Did they have nights out? Yes of course. Did we have nights out with our friends and other family members? Yes of course. There are other ways to give kids independence that aren't so extreme. We did our own thing. Our parents did their own thing. But they weren't the type to leave us for more than a day.

I also look at my entire family and my sisters and I are the most successful, most productive, most well mannered out of all our cousins. We are also the kids who had our parents around the most. So I don't believe that having parents who go out all the time is good for children, but on the other end I don't think parents should stay home and home school their kids and all that just because they feel they have to be with their kids all the time. There is a balance and that balance is going to be different for different people and different kids and their different lifestyles.

Again, If the OP hasn't taken a vacation since their kids were born and don't plan to take another one until after they leave the nest then maybe that is simply their balance. I am not saying they shouldn't take a trip without their kids. I am just saying that PERSONALLY I couldn't go to Disney and leave my kids behind. I probably won't ever take a trip without my kids once I have them because that is just me, but if I did then I would pick somewhere else. It is different for everyone. The only thing I really think the OP is doing wrong is hiding the trip from the kids.

I actually told them after I posted this and they were actually really cool with it. They said the wanted some stuff and said they really wanted to go stay with their grandparents anyway. I assured them that we would go as a family again soon and they were good. So all is well.

 

[EmmieSue]

I actually told them after I posted this and they were actually really cool with it. They said the wanted some stuff and said they really wanted to go stay with their grandparents anyway. I assured them that we would go as a family again soon and they were good. So all is well.

I am glad it all went well! And I hope you understand that I wasn't in anyway calling you a bad parent especially since I know how stressful a trip to Disney can be with kids, despite it being fun. I've only ever gone with my two young nieces and am planning a trip with just friends for 2016. I can't wait for a kid free trip.

 

[Disney_Dad88]

I'm excited regardless of what people think, but I did post about it on here so I can handle the opinions. My wife is excited too. 67 days and time to start dining planning

 

[HRHPrincessAriel]

I wonder what the thoughts are on the fact I take my dance team kiddos to perform every few years to dance in WDW and don't take MY kid.

 

[EmmieSue]

I wonder what the thoughts are on the fact I take my dance team kiddos to perform every few years to dance in WDW and don't take MY kid.

I don't necessarily think of that as a bad thing. Would your kid even enjoy it as much having to do what the dance team group would want to do and have to sit through their performances? Since you are going for the dance team it wouldn't be the same as a family vacation and just seems like it might be a lot less enjoyable.

It would be the same as any school group going and the teacher taking their kid along. It just doesn't seem nearly as fun.

 

[Chernaboggles]

I actually told them after I posted this and they were actually really cool with it. They said the wanted some stuff and said they really wanted to go stay with their grandparents anyway. I assured them that we would go as a family again soon and they were good. So all is well.

Good for you! Sounds like you're raising some nice children. It's good for kids to understand that they don't "own" fun, that parents can and do enjoy Disney, the zoo, birthday parties or whatever else, even if there are no children involved. The ability to be genuinely happy for a friend or loved one who is doing something exciting, (even if it's something you wish you could do yourself and can't, for whatever reason) is a very important life skill.

Let's not forget, Disney is HUGE and has a wide variety of offerings. You'll have fun this time exploring it with your spouse. You'll go back with your kids as a family in the future. Maybe someday there will be a Mom and Girls trip or a Dad and Girls trip, or your girls will go together when they're 21 and 22. Disney can be any kind of vacation you want, that's part of what makes it so cool.

Enjoy your trip!

 

[unkadug]

I am horrible parent then.

To borrow from Meatloaf: You took the words right out of my mouth.

 

[seahawk7]

I have no issue with anyone taking a vacation without the kids, we all need it to recharge and rekindle. I am a huge disney fan, been over 30 times to WDW and about 8 to DL, but I wouldn't think about going without an 8 or 7 year old, and especially not telling them. They will find out, trust me. They will be hurt or mad. Kids are so much smarter than we think. Depending on their height, the kids are probably old enough now to do most rides. Just my opinion, but I would plan an adult vary somewhere else, take the kids to WDW, and when they have grown, go back by yourselves....and you know what, when you do, you will miss them being there with you. I do.

I agree with this. I wouldn't go to Disney without my kids especially if they have been asking to go. If you do you, tell them before you go because they will find out and you will lose their trust. If you find it hard telling them then you are not 100% confident in your decision. How can you keep this a secret it will come out some way. I think a lot of the people on this forum who share this opinion have older kids so we have a different perspective.
Go somewhere for adults if you can't tell them beforehand.

 

[seahawk7]

Don't feel guilty. Society has done a good job of conditioning us to make our kids the center of our universe. Kids need to learn early that the world does not revolve around them. Your marriage vow is with your spouse and if you need time away tell your kids that.

But you agree to tell them right? This I what I'm emphasizing is that he must tell his kids. Parents have a right to have fun away from their kids but, by not telling them, he is not acting like an adult. He is acting like a scared teenager hiding from his parents. Kids remember when you hide things from them and it builds distrust.
That's what I worry about.

 

[EmmieSue]

But you agree to tell them right? This I what I'm emphasizing is that he must tell his kids. Parents have a right to have fun away from their kids but, by not telling them, he is not acting like an adult. He is acting like a scared teenager hiding from his parents. Kids remember when you hide things from them and it builds distrust.
That's what I worry about.

I think you might have missed it, but OP posted that he did end up telling his kids. Just so you know because it seems like you missed it.

 

[draybook]

They might be upset but there's nothing wrong with a man and woman enjoying their time together without the kids. Will they be a bit bummed that they didn't go? Sure, but I doubt it's the gateway to being the next serial killer on CNN. It doesn't make you a bad parent. Now I will tell you that I spent some time solo on our last trip and it was very strange and didn't feel right to me. But just because some folks want to be attached due to it being Disney that doesn't mean you're in the wrong for not taking them.

Are the kids fed? Do they have clothing and shelter? Are they doing well in school? Okay then, you're doing what you're supposed to be. If you made it a habit of always going to WDW and never taking them then perhaps we might be having a different conversation. But one trip without them isn't going to send them to the therapists' couch.....

 

[seahawk7]

A parents job is to raise kids to be productive members of society and part of that is for the kids to be independent. We raise our kids and they grow up and move out we and are back to being by ourselves. If you loose who you are as an independent person and just live your life for your kids then you are harming both them and yourself. 50 years ago Moms did not live their life for their kids they kids adapted to what Mom was doing. And kids were better behaved and were more independent and better off when they left the house. Moms are not slaves to their kids!

I think @EmmieSue was only saying that the kids should be told beforehand. To not keep it secret.