Im a bad parent

[Goofyernmost]

I totally agree with you. Thats kinda why we do want to do something on our own. We do everything with our kids, and invest a lot of energy into them which as any parent knows can be tough at times. Though like any other good parent its all worth it. Regardless, we were going on a trip by ourselves anyway, and they were fine with that. To be honest they love going to my parents because they are always doing something fun and they will have a blast just non-disney style. One other thing I should say is this will probably be the last time until they are adults that my wife and I will do something alone. We enjoy having them with us to experience everything new and old. Thats what life is all about right. And I hear you on going somewhere more adult oriented but Disney can be that way and we love it more than any other destination, so I figure the money we were using on our cruise will be better spent this way. They will find out and they will be unhappy but when we get back we will just plan the next one with them so that way they will be able to get excited to go back. All will be good in the end. I didn't really ask for an opinion though, more of a statement from me just to get conversation going on a Sunday morning but when you post on any forum opinions are what you get, so thanks for yours.

I respect your decision and acknowledge that you seem to have thought it through. Have a good time.

The following is a personal feeling and not in judgment of anyone that does or thinks about it differently. For those that feel the need to "get away from their kids to recharge", well, to me that is sad. We brought them with us not because we felt that we should, but, because they were (and still are) our family. The only extended trip we ever made after the kids were born was a 5 day trip for a golf outing to Myrtle Beach. We would have brought them along then if they had even a little interest in golf or if there was a reliable person available to watch them while we were on the course. That was one time in the 18 or so years that they might have been considered our total responsibility that we left them behind for anything more then a weekend. (some of that was while they were in College). Personally, I never felt the need to "recharge" or "take a break" from the people that I helped create.

Like someone else said, blink an eye and they will be gone, then you will have more time on your hands then you know what to do with. Sorry, for the rant... I must be missing those days today. Nothing to see here... move along!

This nonsense of 'being too young for Disney' is a ton of hooey. That's a copout for parents who don't want to deal with the hassle of having a baby or toddler at Disney because yes, it's work.

And that completely sums up why I didn't take mine until they were at least 6 years old. Yes, I knew that they would have fun, but, didn't think they would remember that anyway, so the second half of the reason why I didn't take them earlier now kicks in and it is exactly what you said. I wanted to have an equally relaxing and fun time where I didn't have to be concerned about the needs of one younger then that age. Selfish? I suppose, but, I wanted us all to have fun together, not watch them have fun while I labored around wondering what they could ride and what they couldn't, etc. When we were together at that age we could discuss in a relatively realistic manor the good and the bad, the likes and the dislikes.

But it all boiled down to the memories of the stuff we used to have to drag with us just for a small 20 mile trip to my parents house. I had no intention of dealing with that stuff in a place like WDW. I don't think that people are foolish for bringing them that young, it's a personal choice and mine was not to do that. However, it is a lot easier to just say, I felt they were too young without going into the reasons why I thought that. The best part, is that I never missed out on the looks on their faces the first time they saw things and now that both of them are hitting middle age they remember the entire trip and we discuss it as to how it relates to their own children now. Just a matter of personal preference.

 

[seahawk7]

I think you might have missed it, but OP posted that he did end up telling his kids. Just so you know because it seems like you missed it.

I hadn't read that far yet! I'm glad he told them. I was just so worried about mistrust being developed. With kids, if they don't trust and respect you... and thanks!

 

[wdwjmp239]

For me, once I had children, except for short weekend getaways, they were always with us. They were not something that we left behind, especially from things that we knew they would love to do. Physiologically, they are part of me. To not go with them would be like leaving a body part behind for me. You, of course, know your children better then I do, so perhaps there is a reason why you don't think this will bother them enough to be concerned. But, you did ask for an opinion and I don't think you would have come to a public forum asking about it if you didn't have some concerns yourself.

When my kids were small (1 and 2 years old), my wife and I left them with either my parents or her parents and had weekends where we went to Disney without them. But, there was one anniversary weekend we went to Disney without the kids and wound up cutting our trip short because we came to the realization that it wasn't right. Ever since then, going to Disney has been a blast and it's fun to see the faces on my kids light up as if it was the first time they've been to Disney.

 

[Goofyernmost]

A parents job is to raise kids to be productive members of society and part of that is for the kids to be independent. We raise our kids and they grow up and move out we and are back to being by ourselves. If you loose who you are as an independent person and just live your life for your kids then you are harming both them and yourself. 50 years ago Moms did not live their life for their kids they kids adapted to what Mom was doing. And kids were better behaved and were more independent and better off when they left the house. Moms are not slaves to their kids!

I agree, but there is a difference between living your life for your kids and living your life with your kids. Why do we have children if we don't want to be around them or need to get away from them. Seems like the better solution would be to just never have any children. Problem solved.

They might be upset but there's nothing wrong with a man and woman enjoying their time together without the kids. Will they be a bit bummed that they didn't go? Sure, but I doubt it's the gateway to being the next serial killer on CNN. It doesn't make you a bad parent. Now I will tell you that I spent some time solo on our last trip and it was very strange and didn't feel right to me. But just because some folks want to be attached due to it being Disney that doesn't mean you're in the wrong for not taking them.

Are the kids fed? Do they have clothing and shelter? Are they doing well in school? Okay then, you're doing what you're supposed to be. If you made it a habit of always going to WDW and never taking them then perhaps we might be having a different conversation. But one trip without them isn't going to send them to the therapists' couch.....

I cannot speak for everyone, but, I know that was not what I was stating. It's not that people shouldn't do things without their children along or that circumstances don't occasionally require that they be left behind. I am merely questioning the location of that getaway. A beach in Cancun, A mountain resort in Vermont or just a location that is obviously geared for adults is a fine idea. The problem and possible upset would come from the location of the getaway. WDW, one of the worlds largest and best known family resorts! Yes, WDW is quite a good place for adults without children and it surely is fun to do that, but, it just almost seems kinda cruel to go to a place without them, when you have children, that they would also love to go too and have requested numerous times. Again, please understand that I am only expressing what I feel about it and why. I'm sure others have completely different thoughts on the matter, but that is mine. There is so much more to parenting then food, shelter, clothing and education. I also don't think that it will send any of them to the shrinks office either, but, it just seems that there is a better way, then doing something that may or may not cause hurt feelings.

 

[Hakunamatata]

I hadn't read that far yet! I'm glad he told them. I was just so worried about mistrust being developed. With kids, if they don't trust and respect you... and thanks!

Yes. On something like this telling the child is appropriate. Telling your children that their mom is the most important person in the world to him lets them know where his priorities are.

 

[EmmieSue]

Yes. On something like this telling the child is appropriate. Telling your children that their mom is the most important person in the world to him lets them know where his priorities are.

It shouldn't be said like that and doesn't need to be said like that. Wanting alone time with his wife is no different than wanting one on one time with one of his kids one day and then the other the next weekend. From everything he has posted, he loves his kids very much and does things with them a lot and they plan to take a family trip after this as well. It's not like they ditch their kids all the time. It doesn't at all need to be said that way and it isn't that way.

 

[Hakunamatata]

It shouldn't be said like that and doesn't need to be said like that. Wanting alone time with his wife is no different than wanting one on one time with one of his kids one day and then the other the next weekend. From everything he has posted, he loves his kids very much and does things with them a lot and they plan to take a family trip after this as well. It's not like they ditch their kids all the time. It doesn't at all need to be said that way and it isn't that way.

How else do you tell them that their mom is the most important person in the world? You appear to be taking offense to a truthful statement.

 

[EmmieSue]

How else do you tell them that their mom is the most important person in the world? You appear to be taking offense to a truthful statement.

I'm confused as to where you are getting this "your mom is the most important person in the world" part honestly.

 

[Pocahontas]

I personally would have chosen a different vacation because your children had really wanted to go to Disney and it would make them really upset if they found out you went without them. It's fine to go on a vacation just with you and your spouse, but I think a Disney vacation is a special vacation to be shared with family - and your kids really wanted to go.

 

[seahawk7]

I'm confused as to where you are getting this "your mom is the most important person in the world" part honestly.

I'm confused on that myself.

 

[Dwarful]

I quit my job with the Fed. Government to be a stay at home mom. When the youngest went to school, I went back to work. I am now an elementary teacher in a high poverty school district. My husband and I will be celebrating our 20th anniversary this year. We are in our early 40s and are probably the only ones in our circle of friends and co-workers that haven't left our children behind for a weekend or extended trip. It seems in our area to become more common with the younger parents.

Personally, I think I'd be stressed to the max worried about the kids (esp. when they were younger) making 'having fun and relaxing" a non-issue.

We just went on a trip with the band as chaperons and even that felt odd on our down time when the kids had free roaming time in the parks. lol

I don't think it makes you a bad parent though. Everyone is different and does different things. The time of childhood goes quickly....to quickly.

 

[MissingDisney]

I agree, but there is a difference between living your life for your kids and living your life with your kids.

This.

 

[Hakunamatata]

I'm confused as to where you are getting this "your mom is the most important person in the world" part honestly.

If my wife (my kids mom) is not the most important person in the world to me, then what was the purpose of making a vow when I married her? What message does it send my kids if she is not?

 

[Disvillain63]

While the kids were in elementary school, we took a 3-day trip to WDW. We had received an invitation to tour the new DVC resort-Old Key West. The room was comped, as well as a meal voucher for the two of us. We decided to go and the grandparents jumped in to watch the kids. Our kids didn't have a problem with us going. They understood tt there would be more trips later...we went at least once per year. Now that we have "an empty nest", we go as a couple about once per year and as an extended family (son and wife w/ 3 grands, and daughter w/ boyfriend) about every two years.

 

[EmmieSue]

If my wife (my kids mom) is not the most important person in the world to me, then what was the purpose of making a vow when I married her? What message does it send my kids if she is not?

I was under the impression that when you have kids they become the most important people in the world to you too. Your wife and your kids are the most important people. People. Not person.

 

[Hakunamatata]

I was under the impression that when you have kids they become the most important people in the world to you too. Your wife and your kids are the most important people. People. Not person.

You are free to have that impression if you wish.

 

[MissingDisney]

While I made a vow to my husband, if my husband and kids are in the path of an oncoming bus, I'm aiming to push all 3 out of the way into safety, not just my husband.

 

[seahawk7]

I think that everyone needs to decide what's best for their individual families. I'm glad the OP found resolution with his family.

 

[jaklgreen]

I think everyone should have their own interests. We go on family vacations, one parent-one child vacations, and solo trips. A parent going somewhere they are interested in is no different then a kid going to summer camp or a friends house. For the majority of our children's lives they are with us day in and day out. But we are all individuals and want/need to do our own thing at times. For they people who say they do not do anything without their children, do your kids go to grandma's or to camp or spend a few nights at their friends house alone or do you go with them? You can't stop being individuals because you are a family. And everyone should do their own thing from time to time.

 

[StarWarsGirl]

It's a personal choice. Do what you want.

My parents never left us behind. They never wanted to, especially not Mom, and especially not while we were younger, and we don't have any relatives who could have kept us. Now that I'm in college and my brother's 13, they've talked about doing a trip with just them. But only for a long weekend or so. But they were married about 10 years before they had me, so they had a lot of time vacationing without children.

Here's the thing: all married couples do need time with just each other. That's key to having a happy marriage. My parents have always gone and done stuff without us. They still go out and do stuff without us and have ever since they had me. When we are on vacation, a lot of times, we kids will go off and do what we please and they will have time to themselves. Sometimes we leave and they have the house to themselves. So even though they take us on vacation, they still have time with just the two of them. Some other couples have date night without their kids around.

If for you and your wife, going on vacation and leaving the kids behind is time you need to keep your marriage strong, go for it. You can always plan another trip with your kids shortly after. Your kids need to see that you are your wife still love each other. Seeing my parents go off and do things when I was growing up, even fun stuff I didn't get to do, made me more secure because I knew that they loved each other and wanted to be together, even though I didn't consciously realize that at the time. And believe me, your kids will be much happier if they have two parents in a happy marriage. So if that for you means travelling without them, go for it.