Funerals...eeek!!

[OldKeyWest24]

Oye-
My grandma died last night. It was definatly a good thing she did. She was suffering. She had Altimerz (spelt wrong) She didnt know who any of us were and she wasnt eating and she was loosing weight evryday. I thank god shes up there peaceful and happy with my grandpa.
The thing is this is my second funeral. I went to one in 6th grade for my grandpa (her husband) That was very scarey. I wasnt aloud to be there for the whole mass. I had to wait down stairs with my cousins because i was deathly afraid. Now that Im 15 I probibly will hafta go and watch the mass. Im am soo scared. I think a havea phobia. The whole seeing her lying there juss scares me. Ill saya little prayer up at her coffin but i dont know how long i can last in there. I know my mom wont be mad coz she knows im scared, but i feel soo awful because she was my grandma. We werent that close though. I was the youngest grand child so by the time i came around They couldnt do too mcuh with me. When i was 5 my grandfather became blind and all she wanted to do was stay with them. Mereories are very sad of her. Juss seeing her in the Nursing home suffering. Well now i have one grandparent left.


Please help me! Im deathly afraid of all this!

Susan

 

[Castle Cake Apologist]

It's OK to be afraid... Everyone's afraid of something. If you absolutely HAVE to stay for the whole service, just keep telling yourself "That's not a real body, it's just a wax figure" I know it seems strange, but sometimes it works, it always did for me. Because when you look at the body, it really does apear to be made of wax, they put so much makeup on them and there's no blood in the body anymore. If it doesn't work, just walk out. Don't make a scene, just do it quietly. People will understand. Hope this helps!

-Jake

 

[Maria]

Sweetie, you don´t have to be there. Sure it is your family, but still...
I´m 31 and thank God, haven´t had too many funerals to attend... at least, my parents have never forced any of us to be there. We go to the Mass, but I had never approached the couffin to see the person inside of it. My grandfather died 3 years ago and it was the first of my granparents to die (thank God the others are still alive), and I didn´t see him there. I rather remember him alive and not keep the image of him in a couffin in my mind.
A friend´s father died three months ago and we went to the funeral, but we just stayed out, prayed with the family and attended the Mass.... from the distance. It´s totally ok. Don´t worry about it.
After the funeral, it is customarily here, not sure if where u live, to have Masses for the soul of the person during the following week(s). So we use to attend them to pray for the person.

I´m sorry about your loss, but you shouldn´t feel bad for not wanting to be in a funeral.... it´s totally normal, not to mention you are too young! Take advantage of that! hehe

 

[Tramp]

Suzie Q....

...so sorry to hear of the loss of your Grandma...you can find comfort that she's at peace with your Grandpa in heaven....

honey, there's no need to fear someone in death that did you no harm in life...if I were your Dad, I'd encourage you to be strong and attend the wake to pay your final respects to her...stay close to your mom at the coffin cuz she may need you, say a little prayer, and then leave the room if you feel the need...

If the Mass is held in a church, the casket is closed...so you have nothing to fear by attending the funeral or the brief ceremony at the cemetery...

be stoic...and i'll be thinking of ya.

 

[Al]

Originally posted by OldKeyWest24
Oye-
My grandma died last night. It was definatly a good thing she did. She was suffering. She had Altimerz (spelt wrong) She didnt know who any of us were and she wasnt eating and she was loosing weight evryday. I thank god shes up there peaceful and happy with my grandpa.
The thing is this is my second funeral. I went to one in 6th grade for my grandpa (her husband) That was very scarey. I wasnt aloud to be there for the whole mass. I had to wait down stairs with my cousins because i was deathly afraid. Now that Im 15 I probibly will hafta go and watch the mass. Im am soo scared. I think a havea phobia. The whole seeing her lying there juss scares me. Ill saya little prayer up at her coffin but i dont know how long i can last in there. I know my mom wont be mad coz she knows im scared, but i feel soo awful because she was my grandma. We werent that close though. I was the youngest grand child so by the time i came around They couldnt do too mcuh with me. When i was 5 my grandfather became blind and all she wanted to do was stay with them. Mereories are very sad of her. Juss seeing her in the Nursing home suffering. Well now i have one grandparent left.


Please help me! Im deathly afraid of all this!

Susan

dont be afraid. your grandmother will be in heaven, and she will know that you love her, whatever you do and dont do

 

[Camelot]

Dear Susan,

So sorry about your Grand Mom.

Everyone has to deal with funerals in their own way, and there is no right or wrong way...so whatever you need to do or not do, others will understand...

Mainly, Susan, remember that the rest of your Family may be feeling the same way, and that you are all there to support one another during this difficult time.

 

[mej]

Dear Susan

I am so sad to hear about your Grandma dying but glad in a little way too. My Nana is ill in a nursing home right now. She too has Alzeimers and recognises no-one (except occasionally my 4 year old son whom she calls "Trouble"!) She can't get dressed, get out of bed, use the bathroom and is even fed through a tube direct into her stomach. She isn't living, she is just existing. I have strong memories of her as a fit, healthy, active woman who was constantly busy, so to see her like this is hard.

Susan, remember what you had, not what you've lost. Be strong for your Mum and if you can go to the funeral, do go. It will give you closure and peace of mind in the long term.

In my thoughts and prayers

 

[The Mom]

Dear Susan,

I'm so sorry that this is so frightening to you! I'm planing my father's funeral right now, and have opted for a memorial service, with a private, "family only" burial.(actually, cremation) My children will be at the service, but only my Dad's spirit will be present. I remember going through 3 day "wakes" with my own grandparents, and my parents and I made the decision a long time ago not to go through this.

I agree with Tramp...remember that your Grandmother loved you and would never do anything to hurt or frighten you. I've worked in hospitals for years, and seen dozens of people die, but have never seen a ghost. Please don't be afraid of the dead..especially those who cared about you!

 

[kal1484]

Don't worry about it too much. It's not as bad as you think it will be. I have been to 11 funerals since I was 10, (i'm 17 now) and the first one was scary, and I didn't want to see my aunt in the coffin, but it wasn't as bad as I thought. She looked like she was in peace, and I knew she was in heaven, and free from pain.

 

[Lhriangel]

*hugs* I lost my grandfather when I was 12 and I was very close to him so I understand how you feel losing a grandparent.... If you are scared talk to your parents about it and hopefully they will realized how you feel and keep you close to them.

My prayers are with you.

 

[CalDisney]

Originally posted by mej
Dear Susan

I am so sad to hear about your Grandma dying but glad in a little way too. My Nana is ill in a nursing home right now. She too has Alzeimers and recognises no-one (except occasionally my 4 year old son whom she calls "Trouble"!) She can't get dressed, get out of bed, use the bathroom and is even fed through a tube direct into her stomach. She isn't living, she is just existing. I have strong memories of her as a fit, healthy, active woman who was constantly busy, so to see her like this is hard.

Susan, remember what you had, not what you've lost. Be strong for your Mum and if you can go to the funeral, do go. It will give you closure and peace of mind in the long term.

In my thoughts and prayers

Susan!
I am sorry about you`re loss
I have lost all of my Grandparents So I know how you feel.
It is Frightning But Your mom will need you to support her
if you feel like you cant do it It is ok.
just say some prayers God will help you.
I know Cause 9 years ago I lost my Mom
It was the Hardest thing I have ever done, Going to the church
I thought there was something wrong with me cause I didnt cry, But I knew that my mom was in Heaven and she understood.

I send you my Condolences God Bless

 

[OldKeyWest24]

Thanks all
Im stil a lil scared but Im gunna suck it up for my mom. The wake is on Tuesday. I read my moms speech, i dont think i was suppose to read it, but oh well. Its really sweet. She thanks evryone for all there help! shes sucha a sweetie. I wasnt that close with my grandma, but i was think i want to write a letter to her. telling her how i will always remeber her. im not sure yet, but i think my mom would like it. Thanks for all ur thoughts and prayers!

Susan

 

[mej]

Susan

I think that writing a letter to your grandma is a lovely idea.

When my Papa was ill 4 years ago, my daughter - who was then aged 3- made him a card. Papa loved it and although he sent home his other cards from the hospital every few days he always kept that one, so that he could look at it and that Francesca could see that he had it. When he died, we buried it with him - even now it pleases me to think of that link between Francesca and her great-grandfather. She remembers very little about him, but she knows that she loved him and that he loved her all because of that card

Still thinking about you

 

[Tramp]

Originally posted by OldKeyWest24
Thanks all
Im stil a lil scared but Im gunna suck it up for my mom. The wake is on Tuesday. I read my moms speech, i dont think i was suppose to read it, but oh well. Its really sweet. She thanks evryone for all there help! shes sucha a sweetie. I wasnt that close with my grandma, but i was think i want to write a letter to her. telling her how i will always remeber her. im not sure yet, but i think my mom would like it. Thanks for all ur thoughts and prayers!

Susan

...good girl...you're doin' the right thing, young lady...your mom's grief will be lessened with the thoughts of you by her side...you might want to consider standing with her when she presents her eulogy.

 

[mej]

Originally posted by mej
Dear Susan

I am so sad to hear about your Grandma dying but glad in a little way too. My Nana is ill in a nursing home right now. She too has Alzeimers and recognises no-one (except occasionally my 4 year old son whom she calls "Trouble"!) She can't get dressed, get out of bed, use the bathroom and is even fed through a tube direct into her stomach. She isn't living, she is just existing. I have strong memories of her as a fit, healthy, active woman who was constantly busy, so to see her like this is hard.

Susan, remember what you had, not what you've lost. Be strong for your Mum and if you can go to the funeral, do go. It will give you closure and peace of mind in the long term.

In my thoughts and prayers

The nana that I spoke about above died this week. Her 86th birthday was on St Patrick's day and she died the day after! It is hard, especially for my mum, but it would be selfish to wish that she was still alive. We all loved her and she loved us - that is our comfort.

 

[Al]

Originally posted by mej


The nana that I spoke about above died this week. Her 86th birthday was on St Patrick's day and she died the day after! It is hard, especially for my mum, but it would be selfish to wish that she was still alive. We all loved her and she loved us - that is our comfort.

so sorry to hear about your sad loss.