Favorite Jungle Cruise Jokes

[RockStarBaby]

Rhino: WOw that looks liek it is a real pain in the AS we turn the corder here....

 

[ajrwdwgirl]

I haven't been on the Jungle Cruise in years but reading this makes me want to go on it again next time. Anyway, I always remember the joke when we would go behind the waterfall and the skipper would say now the backside of water (or something like that). It always struck me as funny.

 

[cindy_k]

I always like the comments about the Head Salesman. You know the one dealing with a shruken economy.

or something like that, I'm going at the end of the month.
Can't wait to ride it again!!

Cindy in NY

 

[shakes20]

I'm sorry that I didn't see this thread earlier, I love these jokes!

The best skipper that we ever had also had the best line I've ever heard... As we came upon the lions eating the zebra, she started singing "Can you feel the love tonight?" from Lion King. I must mave laughed for the rest of the cruise about that.

Thanks for starting this thread!

 

[TheDisneyQueen]

last time i went on the jungle cruise we had the WORST skipper ever... i mean... she was terrible. she sat down with her back to us the entire time and just kind of mumbled into the mic. we couldn't really understand her, and she left out all of the really good jokes and puns. there was a couple of scenes she didn't even say anything about at all.... it really ruined it.

i love it when you get a really good skipper who has you sing songs and is really enthusiastic!

but my favorite is definitely about where they can't find the key to the bathroom!!

What did she look like by any chance i think we had her the first time but right before e-ride night started we had Jawon who was amazing...!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! The best ever so quick that everything was a joke after another it wwas awesome
Btw one i like is before you go into that cave with the snakes there are ruins and I was there once and the lady said " see those ruins well that was walt's first attempt to a monorail tracks (it was pretty funny)

Jawon was so quick though i can't remember any of his jokes.... I wished I would have paid more attention to him.

 

[bjlc57]

A little off topic but...

didn't years ago, the cruise itsself was longer, but two didn't the walls of the temple fall in, and didn't the captains use a gun to shoot the hippo's?

 

[Mouse's Magic]

I was a Jungle skipper from January 14th-May14th on the college program... I loved every minute of it. I always got offered the weirdest things after the ride. People would offer me money, buisness cards for a start up in comedy, parents would offer their daughters phone numbers for me. It was a great time. There are soo soo many jokes that I can't pick a favorite. Actually, I loved when people were getting off the boat and I would say..." Well folks if you liked me a lot you can see me every thursday night at the comedy warehouse in downtown disney. Im there from 7pm till 2am. Im in the mens locker room handing out towels." There is also a whole second speil that is just for other cast members with some "interesting jokes"... It was a blast. My Screen name is Flipside0281 or you can email me at Flipside0281@AOL.com if you have any questions about anything about the ride.

 

[RSoxNo1]

Now it's time to open up for the "cast member only jokes", I say we all just start guessing until he tells us.

 

[Steamboat_Kevin]

I've always liked "These butterflies can grow from 12 inches to one foot!"

 

[MadameCheshire]

I like the one for Inspiration Falls whenever the guide says "It inspires you to go... deeper into the woods." I suppose I am the only one who finds this funny because no one else laughed on our boat.

 

[RSoxNo1]

I named some of these bushes. That one over there is Barbara, oh and look that's George.

 

[rainfully]

What did she look like by any chance i think we had her the first time but right before e-ride night started we had Jawon who was amazing...!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

She was kind of older (compared to the age of most of Skippers) and she had longish blond curley hair and I think glasses... same person?

 

[TheDisneyQueen]

No i don't think it was the same person... but those CM should be into their Jobs!!! I know i would be if i worked there

Angie

 

[TiggerBW]

I love all of the jokes.......but one that really made me laugh was when we were inside the temple and the skipper sang "Snake, snake, snake! Snake, snake, snake! Snake your Buddha! Snake your Buddha!" :lol:
(to the tune of "shake shake shake - shake your booty")


Another I like is really quite dumb, but I laugh anyway........
"Oh no! A crashed airplane! You know what that means................HIPPOS!!!!!!!" :lol:

I don't know why that makes me laugh, but it always does!

 

[rainfully]

No i don't think it was the same person... but those CM should be into their Jobs!!! I know i would be if i worked there

Angie

Yeah... no kiddin!

 

[DisneyMom66]

My favorite Jungle Cruise line ...

My favorite line on the Jungle Cruise happened on time when our skipper pulled back intot he the docks at Disneyland and stated:

WELCOME BACK TO THE BIGGEST MAN TRAP EVER BUILT BY A MOUSE!

:slurp:

 

[RSoxNo1]

Back when they had the cushions (I believe they were blue), I was a big fan of the: "Life preservers can be found under the red cushions."

 

[bashful]

On a recent visit, our skipper Crystal warned us:

"Folks, watch your heads as you stand to leave, you don't want to bang your head on the metal speakers. They're really hard... to replace."

 

[Sledge]

Some of the funniest are in the queue line.

"Ladies and gentlemen. May I have your attention please? Due to circumstances beyond our control...the Jungle Cruise WILL be operating for the rest of the evening...Thank you."

"Ladies and gentlemen, your attention, please. Would the party that lost the roll of 50 $20.00/$100.00 bills, wrapped in a red rubber band, please report to the turnstile...we have good news for you. We have found your rubber band."

"Those of you who have just entered the Jungle Cruise are probably resigned to the fact that, being at the end of the line, you have a long wait. Well, we aim to please here at the world-famous Jungle Cruise. So, on the count of three, I want everyone to turn around. One...Two...Three. There--those at the back of the line are now at the front. Doesn't that make you feel better?"

"Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to the World Famous Jungle Cruise. Those of you who are waiting in line are probably resigned to the fact that there is a long wait. Well, we here at the Jungle Cruise aim to please. So, if you'd like to see the line move faster, please raise your hand. Once again, please raise your hand if you'd like to see the line move faster. (crowd raises hands) Okay, those of you who have your hands raised, please take one step to the right and let the people behind you through. Now you'll definitely see the line move faster."

"There are 87 varieties of poisonous snakes on the North American continent. We at the Jungle Cruise are proud of the fact that we have 82 of these varieties in the wooden rafters directly over your heads. Fear not, though, they will NOT attack a moving target, so please try to keep the line moving. If the line won't move, simply run in place."

"Today only, ladies and gentlemen, we will be allowing veterans to board the world-famous Jungle Cruise without waiting...veterans of the Civil War, that is, in full dress uniforms, accompanied by their parents and their horse. Everyone else will have to wait in line."

"...But I think rhinoceroses are by far the smartest animal in the jungle. Just last week, I asked what four minus four is, and he said nothing."

"Ladies and Gentleman, welcome to the World Famous Jungle Cruise Please do not take pictures while you are in the queue. Once again please do not take pictures while you are in the queue; They are nailed to the walls for a reason."

"Ladies and Gentleman, I'd like to remind you that cutting in line will not be tolerated here at the World Famous Jungle Cruise. That's right...there is to be no cutting in line. Anyone caught with scissors will be ejected from the queue."

"Knock, Knock...Who's there?...Toucan....Toucan Who?...Toucan not fit through the turnstiles at the same time."

"That cushion in that back of the boat is actually a whoopee cushion. Don't believe me, go ahead sit down. [People sit, Skipper makes farting sound over PA.] How embarrassing and in front of people you don't even know."

"Let's get one thing straight...if we start to sink, the captain will be going down with the boat. I'd like you to meet your new captain [looking at nearby guest]...What did you say your name was?"

 

[bashful]

Once at the end of the tour our skipper said, "Oh, look the boat stopped. Get out! Sorry, that was rude. Leave!"