Favorite Jungle Cruise Jokes

[Phosphate]

Not a joke persay; funny/nice thigns that happened on the Jungle Cruise apart from the normal operations of Jungle Cruise, I've had two intersting experiences.

THe first experience takes place about 10 years ago, when I was about 8. I was sitting up in front and the captain let me drive the boat during the temple scene, I thought I was actually doing it and it was soo COOL! Later I found out thats its actually on a track but still

The other experience takes place when I was with my sister a few years ago. It may have been an E-Ticket night but don't quote me on this. There were not many boats running that night. So go thru the ride and we get to the Head-Buyer! and the guy decides to throw it the boat in reverse we head back to the last elephant on the right side by the rock formations and I guess he trips the sensor, I guess the elepehant is on a sensor, and people in the back of the boat get sprayed with water.

 

[ClemsonTigger]

A few more

See that tiger on your left? Did you know that tigers can jump 30 feet, but don't worry, we're only 15 feet away...he'll jump right over us.

Or after the tiger 30 feet, they then say elephants jump 30 feet, hippo's, rhino's, boa, etc.

That elephant is the second most dangerous animal in the jungle...and there's the most dangerous...his mother-in-law

This jungle cruise has over 200 species of tropical plants represented, let me point them out to you, theres one, and there's another, and another

More if I can think of them....

 

[Jekyll Baker]

I was on the Jungle Cruise just 2-3 weeks ago, and the first time I rode it at night (almost closing, but on an E-ride night) and I have to say it was probably one of the best cruises I'd been on - may it was the captain (can't remember her name), or maybe she was just tired and found everything just a bit funnier. Anyway, that was the first time I heard the Snakes/Monkeys/Golden Girls and thought it was real funny.

Another one that was kinda corny was something like: We just traveled from Africa to Asia. How do I know that? Because we just passed that tree right there.

 

[tj229er]

Last time I went on jungle cruise we had a very non-enthusiastic skipper who kept on flirting with these guys from England.... so annyoing.

 

[Phosphate]

Remembered another joke. When you enter the Nile. Now we are in DaNile.

 

[PirateJessica20]

Remembered another joke. When you enter the Nile. Now we are in DaNile.

There was also one that went "we are now crossing the Nile River, and if you don't believe me then you are in denile"....LOL

I love those corney jokes....LOL, Although sometimes it's not as great as others, depends on the skipper...

 

[AliciaLuvzDizne]

hehe speaking of the jungle cruise...
(this has been posted before...when it first came out, but i think its worth a repost)
http://www.homestarrunner.com/sbemail104.html

 

[TTA Traveller]

I heard this one on my last trip:
"Does anyone know what kind of snake that is? Starts with a P....no...not a python....it's a plastic snake, folks."

 

[ClemsonTigger]

No respect

CM: Excuse me sir, where are you from?
Guest: New Jersey
CM: Sorry?
Guest: New Jersey
CM: I heard you, and I'm Sorry!

Slight drift, but I've heard that they may be re-introducing using a gun for the hippo's... possibly political correctness is being corrected!

Don't worry, hippo's only charge after they wiggle their ears
(of course they're wiggling)
And the real groaner...how do you keep a hippo from charging? (give it a Disney Visa) among the obvious variants

 

[rainfully]

haha YES!!! i LOVE HSR!!!

homsar rocks ;-)

 

[AliciaLuvzDizne]

glad i brightened someones day :lol:

 

[rainfully]

what can i say? i'm easily amused... hehe...

 

[Nansafan]

In 2000, went to Disneyland. A continuous joke started, "see that tiger, he weighs over 500 pounds and can jump 25 feet (pause) Isn't that amazing!". Later, "see that lion, he weighs.... and can jump...amazing". Later, "see that hippo, he....amazing". It became our joke for the rest of the trip.

 

[504ellamae]

I've only heard this once and it was the best cruise we ever had i in all our 15 years of visiting.

As we left the docks the skipper asks us all to raise our right hands and repeat after him:

Skipper: I hope...
crew: I hope...
Skipper: we do...
crew:we do...
Skipper: Return...
crew: Return...
Skipper: ME TOO!!!

Never heard it since and when you type it out ot doesnt seem funny at all...but i always remember it

 

[504ellamae]

Hehehehehe....i almost forgot...on the same cruise, just as we we entering the temple....the skipper says...."keep your eyes open......i'm keeping mine shut!!" :zipit: :lol:

 

[1stStarIC2nite]

Hahahaha.. I really liked this one for some reason when I first heard it...

"Well guys, thanks for coming, and out of all of the groups I've had today, you are definately the most......... recent" :lol:

 

[TTA Traveller]

I'm not sure if anyone said this already, I don't remember seeing it the first time I read the messages:
"Watch out for the hippos! They're wiggling their ears, that means....you guessed it, they're hungry, hungry hippos. But don't worry, I have a bag of marbles in my pocket" :lol:

 

[RnRJoe6114]

CM- Do you know why we call it inspiration falls?
people- no, why?
CM- It inspires us to go.....................................................................................
Yes, it inspires us to go...... deeper into the jungle.

 

[bgraham34]

The Rhinos: they got the point in the end.

thats my favorite

 

[Miss Bell]

Inspiration Falls--this place inspires me to go to the bathroom every 20 minutes.

On this last trip our skipper made a crack to my husband about going bald--I don't remember why, but I'm sure he started it. Anyway--then the CM got really apologetic and embarassed. I don't know why--my husband knows he is going bald. :zipit: