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Favorite Jungle Cruise Jokes
- Thread starter RSoxNo1
- Start date
Hochmania
Member
My fave Jungle Cruise one is when the boat is about to come in to dock at the end of the ride.
"Thanks for riding the Jungle Cruise. As you can see we have docks on both sides of the boat, which is a paradox. Those two(points to 2 CM's waiting to help CM's out of boat) are a pair of dorks."
"Thanks for riding the Jungle Cruise. As you can see we have docks on both sides of the boat, which is a paradox. Those two(points to 2 CM's waiting to help CM's out of boat) are a pair of dorks."
rosebud's mom
Active Member
I'm not sure if these were from the Jungle Cruise, or possibly the old Mike Fink Keelboats.
There was a whole routine where the skipper was pointing out plants. He called some of them hops, barley, and so forth. Then he said "here's the BUSCH. See all the little BUDS. Don't tell anyone, and they won't be any WEISER." I guess those aren't exactly pc any more..... :lookaroun
There was a whole routine where the skipper was pointing out plants. He called some of them hops, barley, and so forth. Then he said "here's the BUSCH. See all the little BUDS. Don't tell anyone, and they won't be any WEISER." I guess those aren't exactly pc any more..... :lookaroun
Yeah, if I was a Jungle Cruise guy I would accidentally slip up and say something that most people wouldn't think was offensive, but the same type of people that spill coffee on themselves and then sue McDonalds probably would throw a fit. It would be hard because I doubt you can say everyday words like "That sucks." or "crap" and little stuff that no one would normally care about. People are too PC these days and it's pretty ridiculous, to a certain extent of course. At least are current president is kinda sorta making the whole PC a little bit better by not being PC a lot of times. That's my president! Bush in '04, baby! :lol:
TheDisneyQueen
Member
What did your skipper look like??? Do you recall him name?Nora said:
Angie
celestia
New Member
WDWScottieBoy said:
Actually, according to the walt disney world trivia book, it is NOT the casablanca plane. It was a rumored that started a long time ago. There was no plane even used in the casablanca movie because it was filmed on a film stage because of restrictions at the time of filming at airports and they could not fit a plane in it. (new to me as well)
I have a couple of favorite jokes from many years of riding. My first comes from when I was on the college program the skipper was pulling into the dock and stated:
"I wanted to leave you with a little advice my parents gave me as I left for college. Pack up your loose belongings and don't hit your head on the way out."
Another great one as the boat is approaching the dock:
"Now before you leave I want to tell you something that is very dear to my heart and very important. Parents, please take your children with you. Lost children not claimed in 30 days do become the property of Disney World and are sent to Its a small world where they are forced to sing that stupid song over and over again. Then after ten years they are promoted to Jungle Cruise skipper. Well, now you know how I got here and please, if you see my parents tell them its not funny anymore, the joke is over. (almost in tears) so please for your kids sake, take them with you."
Finally a great one that I find hillarious as the boat approaches the "backside of water":
before rounding the corner: "Alright ladies and gentlemen you are about to see the greatest part of the jungle. It is so amazing you will not want to leave, get your cameras ready, kids up in the air, eyes open. Its so amazing you will cry, it is so incredible you can't do anything else the rest of the day (as we pass behind the falls). You will not believe what you are seeing, it is unreal, incredible, the most amazing thing in the world...Oh wait....there it went...oh well it wasn't that great anyways."
Of course there are many more classics but as far as originality is concerned...those have got to be some of the best. Hopefully one day I will be creating new jokes with he old.
"I wanted to leave you with a little advice my parents gave me as I left for college. Pack up your loose belongings and don't hit your head on the way out."
Another great one as the boat is approaching the dock:
"Now before you leave I want to tell you something that is very dear to my heart and very important. Parents, please take your children with you. Lost children not claimed in 30 days do become the property of Disney World and are sent to Its a small world where they are forced to sing that stupid song over and over again. Then after ten years they are promoted to Jungle Cruise skipper. Well, now you know how I got here and please, if you see my parents tell them its not funny anymore, the joke is over. (almost in tears) so please for your kids sake, take them with you."
Finally a great one that I find hillarious as the boat approaches the "backside of water":
before rounding the corner: "Alright ladies and gentlemen you are about to see the greatest part of the jungle. It is so amazing you will not want to leave, get your cameras ready, kids up in the air, eyes open. Its so amazing you will cry, it is so incredible you can't do anything else the rest of the day (as we pass behind the falls). You will not believe what you are seeing, it is unreal, incredible, the most amazing thing in the world...Oh wait....there it went...oh well it wasn't that great anyways."
Of course there are many more classics but as far as originality is concerned...those have got to be some of the best. Hopefully one day I will be creating new jokes with he old.
pilka214
Active Member
like the only joke i can remeber was from my most recent ride was while we were passing the butterflies
" ok these butterflies are a very rare and endagered species, now only found at this disney park. there actual scietific name is " rubberus mechanicus""
lol isnt that the darndest thing u ever did hear
:lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: i just bet u cant stop laughing
" ok these butterflies are a very rare and endagered species, now only found at this disney park. there actual scietific name is " rubberus mechanicus""
lol isnt that the darndest thing u ever did hear
:lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: i just bet u cant stop laughing
UltimtMickeyFan
Member
My favorites have to be .When entering the temple and lighting up the gold statues on the left, and the skipper says "They are demonstrating the ancient signs of the MAQUERENA".
Oh and right before docking your introduced to the HEAD salesman. Both of them kill me every time...
Oh and right before docking your introduced to the HEAD salesman. Both of them kill me every time...
Tigger friend
New Member
My favourite is in the Rhino scene.... The skipper told us that we were just about to meet his friend Ahontas.....Then the joke went on....."oh no! Don't Poke-Ahontas"...it made me laugh so hard! It was great!
ClemsonTigger
Naturally Grumpy
Now look at those nice lions over there watching out for that sleeping zebra...
We're coming up to my camp now, I had to walk to work 'cause I couldn't get my jeep to turn over...oh, looks like they took care of that for me...
We're coming up to my camp now, I had to walk to work 'cause I couldn't get my jeep to turn over...oh, looks like they took care of that for me...
surfsupdon
Well-Known Member
wdw100 said:
"If you enjoyed your tour my name was Tom, and if you did not, my name is Figment and this has all just been your imagination!"
That's my favorite, and I have been using that to close the tours I give at college as an Ambassador. :lol: They eat it up.
Mouse's Magic
Member
While in the temple I would say and do this...
"Folks I also do impressions! (groans) I knew you would be excited. This one took me years of practice to master. I call it.....Deer trapped in headlights! (I would then turn JUST the spotlight on so it shined directly in my face and stare directly into the light with "bug" eyes.) Thank you."
Great times. Guests liked that one. Also there is a whole long spiel you can say when stuck before the dock waiting to unload the passengers that I LOVE...
"Folks, being a Jungle Skipper isnt as easy as it looks. My first week hear I got in a big old accident. It involved the first corner we went through, a popcorn stand, and the US army. There were kernels/colornels everywhere!" This wasn't my first job believe it or not. I used to work in an Orange Juice Factory but I got canned because I couldnt concentrate. I guess you could say they gave me the squeeze. Before that I worked at a bubble factory but I fell into one of the machinces that they make the bubble gum in. My manager really chewed me out. It was a sticky situation. I was a doctor for a while but i didnt have the patients, a hairdresser but i couldnt cut it, and for one week I was a farmer but that wasnt right field for me."
"Folks I also do impressions! (groans) I knew you would be excited. This one took me years of practice to master. I call it.....Deer trapped in headlights! (I would then turn JUST the spotlight on so it shined directly in my face and stare directly into the light with "bug" eyes.) Thank you."
Great times. Guests liked that one. Also there is a whole long spiel you can say when stuck before the dock waiting to unload the passengers that I LOVE...
"Folks, being a Jungle Skipper isnt as easy as it looks. My first week hear I got in a big old accident. It involved the first corner we went through, a popcorn stand, and the US army. There were kernels/colornels everywhere!" This wasn't my first job believe it or not. I used to work in an Orange Juice Factory but I got canned because I couldnt concentrate. I guess you could say they gave me the squeeze. Before that I worked at a bubble factory but I fell into one of the machinces that they make the bubble gum in. My manager really chewed me out. It was a sticky situation. I was a doctor for a while but i didnt have the patients, a hairdresser but i couldnt cut it, and for one week I was a farmer but that wasnt right field for me."
I
I,Walt
Jokes
At the end of the ride. If you had fun on the cruise, my name is Joe. If you did not have fun my name is Jesus' and I am sorry you got sick on space mountain.
"The gator always looking for a hand out". At the hippos the skipper says look its marlan brando.
At the end of the ride. If you had fun on the cruise, my name is Joe. If you did not have fun my name is Jesus' and I am sorry you got sick on space mountain.
"The gator always looking for a hand out". At the hippos the skipper says look its marlan brando.
OliveMcFly
Well-Known Member
Man up pole, rhino and bottom..."Oh well, he'll get the point in the end". HeHe
TheOneVader
Well-Known Member
WDWScottieBoy said:
Actually, no. It's not the one they used in the movie, but it was on the set of Casablanca
mkepcotmgmak
Well-Known Member
my favorite is...
skipper: This was my first trip driving the boat since the accident, thanks for being such a great crew.
guest: what accident?
skipper: well, i really am not allowed to say, all i can say at this time is that it involved a popcorn stand, and the united states military..........there were kernels (colonels) EVERYWHERE!
LOL! :lol:
skipper: This was my first trip driving the boat since the accident, thanks for being such a great crew.
guest: what accident?
skipper: well, i really am not allowed to say, all i can say at this time is that it involved a popcorn stand, and the united states military..........there were kernels (colonels) EVERYWHERE!
LOL! :lol: