Favorite Jungle Cruise Jokes

[RSoxNo1]

I'm trying to compile a list of all the corny jokes they say on the jungle cruise, because frankly, I have nothing better to do.

Start out with the butterflies: They have a wing span of 12 inches all the way up to a whopping foot, their latin name is plasticus mechanicus electronicus and they are indigineous to Walt Disney World Florida and Walt Disney Land California.

Inspiration falls: I don't think I've ever heard a good joke here.

(I don't remember the order things go in so I'll jump around)

Schwitzer Falls: named after the famous explorer Albert Falls, and the infamous back side of water

Savannah: Those rocks are pure solid sandstone, so don't take them for granite. Over there you see a '64 Impala, and those Lion's are watching that Zebra take a nap.

Rhino/Guys on a pole: How do you keep a rhino from charging? Give him an American Express card

Python: Don't worry he's attached to the tree.

Elephants: It's ok to look, they have their trunks on, look at the big shot over there with the private shower.

Canoe w/skulls: I see dead people.

Plane Crash/Hippo pool: A plane crash can mean only thing... hippos. If those hippos can bring that plane out of mid-air imagine what they can do to this boat.

Gorilla Camp (generally reserved for days when people are wearing yellow ponchos): Everyone will be ok as long as you're not wearing yellow. Oh wait... well then don't make any sounds like a banana, they find it very appealing.

Tribal Dance: Either their doing a tribal dance or they're all hopping up and down because they can't find the key to the bathroom.

Ambush: Lookout! Britney Spears!

Old Smily: Waiting for a handout, Ginger-snaps

Temple: "Is that you tigger?" Tiger Woods... Hum Indiana Jones music... Snakes, why did it have to be snakes... Monkey's, why did it have to be monkey's.

Chief Nami: 2 of his heads for one of yours.

Docking: Be careful we don't want you to succumb to any pier pressure. If you exit the boat and you find your shoes rapidly filling up with water, get back in the boat and try the other side. If you leave your children we bring them over to it's a small world, bolt them to the ride and force them to sing that same song over and over again for the rest of their lives.

 

[Main Street USA]

I like this one!

http://www.tredworld.com/disneytshirts.html

...one of the best, indeed!

 

[raven]

Oh! Now this would be a thread for Freaky boy Brian! :lol:

 

[got2lovedisney]

Gorilla Camp: Those are the guys responsible for the presidential election recount. Couldn't get me Jeep to start this morning...guess they got it to turn over.

The Rhinos: they got the point in the end.

Inspirations Falls: inspires you to go deeper and deeper into the jungle

The elephant that doesn't squirt: forgot to pack his trunk

Ambush: Duck...don't worry about looking silly, I'm doing that for all of us.

And now we're approaching a paradox and standing on it...a pair of dorks!!

 

[ISTCrew20]

The best one I have ever heard was : "OH NO! The hippo's are wiggling their ears, meaning they are about to attack. I do have some good news though. I just saved a boatload of money on my boat insurance. I stayed on the phone for 20 minutes so I saved 20%"

 

[cseajs]

docking: Don't forget your children becuase if you do they will become property of the park. And that means only one thing. We will teach them "It's a Small World" , dress them up and nail their shoes to the ground in the ride so they become one of the kids singing.

 

[rainfully]

last time i went on the jungle cruise we had the WORST skipper ever... i mean... she was terrible. she sat down with her back to us the entire time and just kind of mumbled into the mic. we couldn't really understand her, and she left out all of the really good jokes and puns. there was a couple of scenes she didn't even say anything about at all.... it really ruined it.

i love it when you get a really good skipper who has you sing songs and is really enthusiastic!

but my favorite is definitely about where they can't find the key to the bathroom!!

 

[Phosphate]

Before entering the Temple, paraphrased "Do you know what we call this temple, Shirley's Temple!"

I've also heard a joke that refers to the temple as an old monorail station.

 

[WDWScottieBoy]

A little off-topic, but still about The Jungle Cruise with a bit of Disney Trivia in it. But the airplane that you see the tail end of it....you can find the front half of it in the Great Movie Ride at MGM in the Casablanca seen. And yes, that is the actual plane from the movie you see on both rides. Disney went out looking for the real plane after they had the one they do now and realized later that they already had the real one to start with. Just some useless Disney knowledge you might not have already known.

 

[AliciaLuvzDizne]

I like this one!

http://www.tredworld.com/disneytshirts.html

...one of the best, indeed!

those are really great tshirts!! do you sell them? id buy them all lol

anyways MY favorite jungle cruise joke was sort of an inside joke between me and my friends... One of my friends was bantering with the host and she said to him "id watch it if i were you, i have a black belt in karate" and my other friend looked at her and said "Hey, what a coincedence, he has a blackbelt in stupidity"
Maybe you had to be there, but my friends and I still laugh about that! :lol:

 

[RSoxNo1]

A little off-topic, but still about The Jungle Cruise with a bit of Disney Trivia in it. But the airplane that you see the tail end of it....you can find the front half of it in the Great Movie Ride at MGM in the Casablanca seen. And yes, that is the actual plane from the movie you see on both rides. Disney went out looking for the real plane after they had the one they do now and realized later that they already had the real one to start with. Just some useless Disney knowledge you might not have already known.

I had heard that that was just a rumor and it has since been refuted.

 

[MKCP 1985]

A little off-topic, but still about The Jungle Cruise with a bit of Disney Trivia in it. But the airplane that you see the tail end of it....you can find the front half of it in the Great Movie Ride at MGM in the Casablanca seen. And yes, that is the actual plane from the movie you see on both rides. Disney went out looking for the real plane after they had the one they do now and realized later that they already had the real one to start with. Just some useless Disney knowledge you might not have already known.

Indeed, RSoxNo1, it has been debunked. Read about it here.

The ones that always stick in my mind have been mentioned already. My personal favorite, easy to remember relates to the men on pole with Rhino - . . . but they'll get his point, in the end.

 

[SpectroMan]

All of these are great!

I also like at the entrance to the temple when the skipper shows the ruins and says "Disney Worlds first attempt at the monorail."

Also while in the temple, they flash the lights all around the boat and begin to sing "Is it raining? Is it snowing? Is a hurricane a'blowing?" from Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory.

The last time I went on it, I made the funniest joke on the ride. The skipper had just said "This is Inspiration Falls," and I chimed in "Ohhh, ahh!" The skipper then said "Don't get ahead of me folks."

 

[Pixie Duster]

The last skipper I had, Jaime, did the Indiana Jones bit in the Temple, "snakes, why did it have to be snakes," and the same for monkeys. But when we passed the gold statues at the end she added, "The Golden Girls, why did have to be the Golden Girls" I gotta kick outta that one.

 

[Boo's Mom]

we had an awesome skipper one time and he was telling jokes the whole entire time. his best joke was around the elephants. he was talking really fast when he said this one. he said "you think its water but its not" but saying it really fast it sounded like "you think its water but itSNOT"

 

[Ringo8n24]

Last year at MNSSHP, my daughter was dressed as seen in my avatar and the skipper on our Jungle Cruise said "uh oh, we have the boss's wife aboard" in reference to her being Minnie. She loved the attention and everyone else laughed with us. It was cute.

 

[Tara Mae]

We had this really funny guy last time, and we got caught behind the other boat at the dock, and we were two behind from docking, and the captains conversed and joked with each other.
"Hey, Joe, your flies open!"
lol, it's hilarious when the ride ends quicker than expected, somehow, and you're stuck behind another boat, and they joke. I'll try and remember more later.

 

[BigNorm]

I love the joke about going through the waterfall and crashing into the rocks...
"The first time I tried that turn we went straight through the waterfall and crashed into those rocks...that was yesterday."
I love that one. I also had a skipper who showed us pictures of his dog.

 

[RSoxNo1]

MNSSHP? Not a clue as to what that stands for.

I had forgotten about the Golden Girls quote.

Some other good ones:

Do you know how you can tell those are African elephants?
How?
We're in Africa.


Look at those people waiting in line... you'll never see them again. Although you've probably never seen them prior to this so it's really nothing gained nothign lost.

As you leave, watch your head and take small children by the neck, if you happened to hit your head watch your language.

 

[Mandabella]

MNSSHP? Not a clue as to what that stands for.

Mickey's Not So Scary Halloween Party