Excuse me while i vent

[mwitkus]

Just needed a place to vent - forgive me for rambling...

First - my husband is still sound asleep and it is now 1 PM! I don't know how he does it but it makes me crazy! (Because I'm jealous that I can't sleep like that and because we have so much work that we should be doing around our house!!)

now my real reason for needing to vent - I don't understand my inlaws and how their family works! We've been married for 2 1/2 years now (and were together and very involved in each others families long before that) and I still don't get it! In my family, if you have an issue with someone you discuss it with them. Yes, it may lead to some fighting for a few days, but at least you know where you stand, where they stand, and how to improve upon the situation.. In his family, you just ignore it and if the subject comes up in some round about way you do whatever you can to avoid stating the truth, even if it means lying. why can't these people deal with honesty in their relationships? i'm not saying you have to be cruel and inflict pain or anger - but at least if you can attempt to find a nice constructive way to discuss your issue - if nothing else, it gives the other person the opportunity to explain their point of view...

does anyone else have to deal with this??? i don't get it and my husband just says "it's better this way"

how is this better???

 

[Erika]

Ah...in-laws :lol
Aren't they a gas?

Mine are about as different from my family as they could get. The important thing is that my husband and I realize this and we

OK, I just got interrupted. Is this ironic or WHAT. As I was typing this reply, my father in law called and asked John to figure out if he (his dad) had any auctions coming up on eBay tonight, because he doesn't feel like waiting for his slow-*** dial up connection. So John had to come in here and have me open up a new window and check it out for him. What a pain in my butt.

Anyway, the thing about in-laws is that you can't change them. It's best to choose your battles and just accept the way they are. The most important relationship is the one between you and your husband. I agree that the way your in-laws deal with things is NOT better. But the most important thing is the communication between you and your husband. If that is good, everything else is secondary :wave:

 

[Debbie]

Erika said it right when she stated that everything else is secondary when all is OK with your spouse.
Luckily, for 95% of our marriage, my mother-in-law has been the 'mother I gained when I wed her son". I don't know how old you are; but I find alot of wisdom has been gained as I have gotten older. I've learned how to pick and choose my battles. Most importantly, I realize they are not going to be here forever as they are 79 and 71. I really don't have a relationship with Don's two brothers or their wives. Maybe it's because of the age difference.
The main thing is that after almost ten years together, my man and I are soulmates, he gets sexier by the minute, and whatever his people do doesn't matter to me. As long as my 'backyard' is clear, the rest of everything just rolls off of my back.

 

[mwitkus]

thanks to both of you... and i do realize they will never change - but i can't help but feel that my relationships with all of them would be so much better if they could handle a little bit of honesty once in a while... i find myself keeping so much in that i just start to resent and dislike them in general!

luckily for me - aside from his sleeping habits :lol: - my husband is pretty terrific... he understands how hard it can be for me and plays interference a lot of the time... i just always feel badly because i don't want my issues to affect his relationships with them.... he says they were never close to begin with and nothing has changed - but it's hard for me to see that kind of distance when i am so incredibly close to my family... (some people think we are a bit obsessive... my sis and dad and i talk to each other at least 1x a day - usually more! we are very close and very involved in each others lives! we like it that way, especially now that i have 2 adorable nephews!!)

anyway - sorry for venting on the boards - i had just spent the entire previous day with them and was feeling a bit of frustration still... now that i've had distance i'm much better and almost ready to deal with my mil and her hubby again this sunday for mom's day...

wish me luck!

:wave:

 

[Yellow Shoes]

My in-law issues were not as extreme as yours, but after 23 years of marriage (I hope it doesn't take you that long!), I now believe my husband when he says, "I married you. "

What he meant was that what is important is the life he is making with me -- not the life he had with his family.

If he isn't close with his family, your problems are diminished somewhat. It's not like you will be forced into spending huge amounts of time with them.

Smile a lot. Keep your mouth closed. Never complain about them to him, but listen and be supportive if he needs to vent to you.

Above all, be grateful for your wonderful close-knit family.

 

[Bagheera]

My situation is kinda reversed. My in-laws are wonderful, warm, easy-to-deal-with people. You always know where you stand with them.

My parents are nice people, but they hide most issues of conflict. It seems as if they'd much rather just pretend that it doesn't exist. But they'll occasionally snipe at you if they're mad at you, without telling you why they're sniping. If you don't figure it out, they get more upset.

I'm trying very hard to be different from them because being like them was driving me nuts. With the help of therapy, I'm feeling muuuch better now. (Little joke for all of you "Night Court" fans.)

I'm thankful for my wife and my in-laws to help me understand how the real world works and how it's much better to express your feelings than to live in the fantasy world that my folks live in.