"Folks still remember the day ole Bob Riley came bouncing down that dirt road in his pickup. Pretty soon, it was bouncing higher and higher. The tires popped, and the shocks broke, but that truck kept bouncing. Some say it bounced clean over the moon, but whoever says that is a gosh darn liar."-Jungle Jack Handey
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Deep Thoughts
- Thread starter CaptainMichael
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maggiegrace1
Well-Known Member
Got to fix Dinner.. Be back soon with some Deep thoughts...I leave you with this....
"If you want to be the most popular person in your class, whenever the professor pauses in his lecture, just let out a big snort and say "How do you figger that!" real loud. Then lean back and sort of smirk." Jack
"If you want to be the most popular person in your class, whenever the professor pauses in his lecture, just let out a big snort and say "How do you figger that!" real loud. Then lean back and sort of smirk." Jack
Since Dana is gone, I may as well leave too. Time for some Madden before I get into study mode...
"Fear can sometimes be a useful emotion. For instance, let's say you're an astronaut on the moon and you fear that your partner has been turned into Dracula. The next time he goes out for the moon pieces, wham!, you just slam the door behind him and blast off. He might call you on the radio and say he's not Dracula, but you just say, "Think again, bat man."-Jack
"Fear can sometimes be a useful emotion. For instance, let's say you're an astronaut on the moon and you fear that your partner has been turned into Dracula. The next time he goes out for the moon pieces, wham!, you just slam the door behind him and blast off. He might call you on the radio and say he's not Dracula, but you just say, "Think again, bat man."-Jack
maggiegrace1
Well-Known Member
" I hope that someday we will be able to put away our fears and prejudices and just laugh at people."
Jack Handey
Jack Handey
diddy_mouse
Well-Known Member
(this quote might not be acurate...but i'll try)
"Instead of mouse traps, why doesn't someone invent baby traps. Not to hurt the babies, just to hold them down for a while." -- Jack
"Instead of mouse traps, why doesn't someone invent baby traps. Not to hurt the babies, just to hold them down for a while." -- Jack
maggiegrace1
Well-Known Member
:lol:diddy_mouse said:
maggiegrace1
Well-Known Member
"If you ever catch on fire, try to avoid seeing yourself in the mirror, because I bet that's what REALLY throws you into a panic." Jack Handey
"Whenever I see an old lady slip and fall on a wet sidewalk, my first instinct is to laugh. But then I think, what if I was an ant and she fell on me. Then it wouldn't seem quite so funny." Jack Handey
"Whenever I see an old lady slip and fall on a wet sidewalk, my first instinct is to laugh. But then I think, what if I was an ant and she fell on me. Then it wouldn't seem quite so funny." Jack Handey
"Here's a good trick: Get a job as a judge at the Olympics. Then, if some guy sets a world record, pretend that you didn't see it and go, "Okay, is everybody ready to start now?" -Jack
maggiegrace1
Well-Known Member
For mad scientists who keep brains in jars, here's a tip: why not add a slice of lemon to each jar, for freshness?
Jack Handey
Jack Handey
"Here's a good tip for when you go to the beach: A sand dollar may look like a nice cracker that someone left, but trust me, they don't taste like it."-Jack
maggiegrace1
Well-Known Member
I bet the main reason the police keep people away from a plane crash is they don't want anybody walking in and lying down in the crash stuff, then, when somebody comes up, act like they just woke up and go, "What was THAT?!"
- Jack Handey (aka Jack Handy)
- Jack Handey (aka Jack Handy)
maggiegrace1
Well-Known Member
Good Morning Michael..
“If you ever have to steal money from your kid, and later on he discovers it's gone, I think a good thing to do is to blame it on Santa Claus” Jack Handey
“If you ever have to steal money from your kid, and later on he discovers it's gone, I think a good thing to do is to blame it on Santa Claus” Jack Handey
Jack wrote for SNL for a little bit, and a few of these "Deep Thoughts" made it onto to the show. If you also remember, there was "My Big Thick Novel" by Jack Handey on the show a couple of years later.New2WDW said:
It was his voice.New2WDW said:
er...:lol:New2WDW said:
I was at the ripe old age of 1!New2WDW said:
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