Soooooooo, the trip to Niagara is now over. It was an amazing time in many ways. A few frustrations here and there, mostly with the hotel, and with the Labor Day weekend crowds, but overall, so much fun. We did this trip with the least planning I have ever done on a trip anywhere, but somehow, it went off without too many speed-bumps. And the good thing is that now, Philmonster has to go to Disney in February. That was the agreement, after all.
So, without further boring intro, let's get this party started in 3......2.....1..............
CHAPTER ONE: I'LL TAKE MY FIRST CLASS BAG OF CHIPS AND PLASTIC CUP OF WINE, IF YOU PLEASE!
When I booked our flights earlier this summer, I had just gotten a small bonus from my job, and I was feeling a little peckish.
There was a great round trip rate from JFK to Buffalo for under two hundred bucks, but they wouldn't let you pick your seat. It was assigned at the airport. Grrr....not into that.
But! For just a few bucks more, you could pick your own seat in cattle-class, where I usually sit.
BUT!!!! For just a few bucks more than that, you could upgrade to economy comfort, where you had more legroom and got free adult beverages and snacks for the whole flight. By this point, the price was around $290 round trip, per person.
BUT!!!!!!!!!!!!! For just about a hundred bucks more, you could go First Class!
Me?? First Class? What??? I might as well have been considering buying a Bengal tiger.
The one and only time I have ever flown first class was in 2006, at which time I represented the musical DREAMGIRLS. Someone from the studio called me up and said they were doing a screening of the film (prior to release) and asked if I would like to come to LA to see it. I said yes, of course, and they told me a plane ticket would be waiting for me at the airport. Imagine my total shock when I got to the airport to find that my ticket from NYC to LA was First Class. Huhhhhhhhh????
I work in live theatre, and you are lucky if theatre companies will mail you a broom and tell you to try to get it to fly. But these motion picture companies are not messing around. That first class blew my mind. Hot towels and champagne the minute you sit down. Every movie you could possibly want to watch. Meals served on actual plates. Drinks flowing like the River Jordan from beginning to end. It was pretty amazing.
It was this that I was thinking of the night I booked our flights from JFK to Buffalo, bonus from my job burning a little hole in my pocket. Before I knew it, I had clicked buy, buy,
BUY for the First Class flights.
Ehm....a little wine may or may not have been involved in this decision. You be the judge.
So anyway.....flight was booked. Hotel was Sheraton at the Falls. Key to note, it was Sheraton
at the Falls, not Sheraton
on the Falls (which was on the Canada side, which we could not get into because Philmonster was a little b#stard in his early 20's, and we had to rearrange the entire trip when we found out the rules (details on this above - scroll up).
But too much exposition. I would have already thrown this book in the fire and read something else instead. But if anyone is still with me, here we go:
Tuesday morning. August 27. Last week. Here comes my chariot....emmmm....Long Island Railroad, to whisk me to Jamaica Station to catch the Air Train to JFK.
And look who's waiting for me when I get there. A Philmonster!
I don't know what the hell is going on with those pants. They are his comfortable pants. Or something......
Well, I know you do not want to suffer through the security line with us, so through the magic of Niagara, or Disney, or something, we have arrived at the airport.....bar!
It's cranberry juice....plus! Hey, it's five o'clock somewhere.
And soon the bill arrived.
Ummmm.....errr.......
Okay several shameful things.
1. See top of check. 9:46 AM. Ooops.
2. Three drinks were consumed. I'm sure you can guess who had two. If not, free answer. The queen in the white tee-shirt.
3. We spent $90.37 (not counting tip) without even thinking about it before we even got out of the airport. This is not the first time this type of thing has happened, and if I have not learned my lesson by now, I guess I never will. I may never be able to afford that Bengal tiger, but dammit if I won't drop some cash at an airport bar.
Anyway, onward to our "first class" flight, which involves some pretty hideous photos, but you have to experience our "first class". I insist.
So come with me, and you'll be in a land of pure imagination.....or at least a tiny little puddle jumping plane pretending to have first class.
I told Philmonster that we had to board early so we could order champagne and then sneer at all the commoners as they crawl past us into steerage class. (PS - In case you don't know me, I was totally joking because basically, I'm steerage class 99.99% of the time).
But the joke was on me because when we got on the plane, we were led to our first class seats, which were marginally larger than steerage, and basically in no particular order - no hot towels, no movies, no anything really, because idiot that I am, I did not realize that the flight is under an hour long. I was hoping that we would at least have a curtain, and we would be able to kick Kristen Wigg out, like in this
:
They did offer us prosecco in a plastic cup before take-off. Whoo-hooo!!
Once in the air, they offered a quick drink service, and served it in an actual glass! they also offered bags of chips and bananas, among other snacks.
I have no explanation as to why I am holding up a magazine with Orlando Bloom on it, as I am not even a fan. I'm not NOT a fan, but I could basically care less.
I also have no explanation why my neck looks like a contracted accordion. I mean I use my face cream every night, just like Edith Bunker. This aging thing just sucks, but let's face it, it is better than the alternative.
Speaking of class, between me, Philmonster and this guy, there was clearly none in First Class that day. Yup, let's just put our dirty shoes all over the wall. Wonderful.
Annnnnyway.............it looks like we are about to arrive in Buffalo!
.
But I still have a drink!
We should be on the ground soon, and then we can get to the good stuff, like getting soaking wet, losing a zillion dollars in a casino, seeing an old college friend, getting pulled over by cops, and much much more.
Back to you soon!
But then again, should I be surprised? 
