mickEblu
Well-Known Member
Since I can't say it any better than how I said it before:
"Okay! Welcome to our 5th WDW park / 3rd DL park Star Wars planning session! First I say, let's build a land based on Hoth!"
"Well, concrete painted as snow is always amusing at theme parks, but it's never convincing. You can't hide the fact that you're actually in a warm climate."
"Okay, let's build a huge, climate-controlled show building for the Hoth land!"
"Fine, how cold should it be?"
"Super cold! I want to see foggy breath!"
"Like, uncomfortably for anyone who got a little wet on some flume attraction elsewhere?"
"Uh, yes..."
"Even if we adjust how cold is authentically cold, you're going to see guests walking around in tank tops, shorts and sandals. It's one thing to see earthly T-shirts in a Star Wars land, it's another to see guests dressed for summertime fun in the middle of a hostile ice planet."
"Eh..."
"Besides, there isn't supposed to beanymuch life on that iceberg. So all there would be to recreate is the rebel base. I mean the abandoned and destroyed rebel base. Or are we going to hop around time periods and build a Millennium Falcon in each of the lands?"
"Well not the prequel-based lands."
"Uh huh."
"Well, let's build a land based on Endor! That will be easily recreated in both the California and Florida climates!"
"Yes it will - what part of Endor do we build?"
"The Ewok village of course..."
"Of course... perfect place for a Redwood Creek challenge trail clone. Hmm, well good for Florida. A little duplicative for California. But fine."
"...And the imperial base."
"Right, just like Endor Vendors used to be before it was changed to Tattooine Traders. Next?"
"Um, where are some prequel locations... Naboo, baby! Let's build Naboo!"
"Right... so let's rebuild a lot of the locations that actually exist in Italy where George shot a lot of Naboo. Fans sure loved how Star Warsy that all felt in the films - oh wait a minute, they didn't."
"Well you don't need to get snippy about it. There's also the underwater realms of Naboo. That's very otherworldly. We could build a huge show building and put lots of glass windows wrapping around the guests, making it look like they are inside the ornate gungan bubbles."
"Welp - good luck justifying a hefty budget for what most people will see as 'Jar Jar Land'."
"Coruscant, we could build Coruscant!"
"Any particular buildings in Coruscant?"
"Sure! You got your Jedi Temple..."
"The size of an Egyptian pyramid."
"Your Senate building..."
"The size of a football stadium."
"Fine, those can be forced perspective recreations behind other smaller buildings."
"Like what?"
"I don't know, whatever was in the films."
"So like, generic Tomorrowlandy skyscrapers?"
"Um, yes."
"With a 50's diner and a sports bar?"
"Right."
"And continuous criss-crossing speeder traffic in the sky. How are we going to do that again?"
"Well we could either put it all in a showbuilding..."
"Again?"
"Or we could say that the traffic is very light today. Oh! Maybe it's a holiday! Maybe it's Life Day!"
"Moving on, what other lands?"
"Mustafar!"
Silence.
"You know! That volcanic place where Vader was born!"
"Look, I love volcanos as much as the next theme park fan. But that planet is always oozing with lava. Not only would that be a challenge to pull off effectively, it's narratively Lucas' version of hell itself. Smokey, ashy air, it's not a place we'd want to dedicate a full land to."
"sigh... fine."
"Maybe a brief virtual experience or something, but not a whole land."
"How about a Death Star?"
"Well, again, like we were discussing about Coruscant, scale is going to be a challenge here. You could do a 'Top half of the Death Star out there looming over the trees' sort of thing."
"Yeah but I mean put me on a Death Star."
"Ok, and... do some shopping and eating?"
"Uh, I was thinking more like get arrested, or get in a battle? And then have to escape?"
"Good ideas there. Let's write those down and save them."
"But the centerpiece land of the whole park, the planet most ripe for potential rides and attractions is... Tattooine of course! You gotta let me saddle up at the Mos Esley Cantina and watch a Bith band! Smugglers, rebels, stormtroopers, they all come to Tattooine!"
"Yes yes, now you're talking! First 'Escape from the Death Star' and now this, you are on a roll buddy!"
"Gracias!"
"Any trees there on Tattooine?"
"No, why?"
"It's just that trees help with shade and are naturally cooling. Any vegetation at all?"
"No, it's a desolate desert planet."
"Ok, so it looks like we're talking a lot of orange rockwork."
"No problem, we just did that for Carsland!"
"Uh yeah, we just did that for Carsland! And that was already a little duplicative of Frontierland's southwest landscape."
"Fine, we'll cut that part out of DL's Star Wars park. It will be unique for Florida."
"So no Tattooine (the land you said was most ripe with potential for rides and experiences) for Disneyland. Check. So that's lots of concrete with no natural cooling... we'll have to hit guests with AC whenever we can. Maybe we can say those moister vaporators spew out cool air too."
"Don't worry about it. The alley ways of Tattooine villages and its rocky wilderness... It's so atmospheric... plenty of experiential possibilities!"
"Sure, and not a piece of refreshing greenery or a trickle of soothing water in sight."
"Well you could go to Degobah land for that stuff."
"Yes, the very Animal Kingdom-like Degobah land. Except no structures to house anything. Just all jungle all the time."
"Um... yeah. You know, I'm starting to realize that most of these planets are just climates found on earth pushed to an uncomfortable extreme, or a style of city found on earth pushed to an easy-to-multiply-with-special-effects-hard-to-build-in-a-theme-park scale."
"Very true."
"You sure we can't just build a whole Tattooine land but include trees and water and call it something else?"
Writes it down.
"Noted."
Hahah nice post.
Here’s my thing though... if they were going to create a planet we ve never seen couldn’t they make it more aesthetically pleasing? Am I in the minority when I say I want to be transported to a place that looks like somewhere I’d pay to go in real life?
