Frugality is certainly a virtue, but it’s also become a cult. It’s extremely common amongst my generation that grew up in the shadow of the 2008 crash and particularly in my line of work (accounting/finance). You’re correct, if someone is struggling, the first two things that they bring up are “takeout coffee” and “smartphones.” As though these are the cause of all social ills.
These people love Dave Ramsey, think all debt is bad, and aspire to live on shoestring budgets. Dislikes include new cars (never allowed), Starbucks, and the suburbs. Of course travel is still allowed since that’s not consumption... it’s an “experience that makes you cultured.” I mean, how could anyone ever be truly cultured until they can post a picture on Instagram of themselves holding up the Leaning Tower of Pisa with their bare hand? Well, forgo the iPhone and the coffee long enough, and you can be cultured too!
Again, I have no issues with frugality. The Greatest Generation was frugal. They didn’t shout it out loud, though - they just lived it. But Dave Ramsey (and his contemporaries), as well as social media, have changed the landscape. Now it’s all about shaming people for their bad decisions.