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[MommytoMJM]

Bonny... This is for you,and me and all the other Mommy's out there....
A lil Happy Mothers day "card" for you


Expectant mothers waiting for a newborn's arrival say they don't care what ______ the baby is. They just want to have ten fingers and ten toes.
Mothers lie.
Every mother wants so much more. She wants perfectly healthy baby with a round head, rosebud lips, button nose, beautiful eyes and satin skin. She wants a baby so gorgeous that people will pity the Gerber baby for being flat-out ugly. She wants a baby that will roll over, sit up and take those first steps right on schedule (according to the baby development chart on page 57, column two). Every mother wants a baby that can see, hear, run, jump and fire neurons by the billions. She wants a kid that can smack the ball out of the park and do toe points that are the envy of the entire ballet class. Call it greed if you want, but a mother wants what a mother wants.
Some mothers get babies with something more. Maybe you're one who got a baby with a condition you couldn't pronounce, a spine that didn't fuse, a missing chromosome or a palate that didn't close. The doctor's words took your breath away. It was just like the time at recess in the fourth grade when you didn't see the kick ball coming, and it knocked the wind right out of you.
Some of you left the hospital with a healthy bundle, then, months, even years later, took him in for a routine visit, or scheduled him for a checkup, and crashed head first into a brick wall as you bore the brunt of devastating news. It didn't seem possible. That didn't run in your family. Could this really be happening in your lifetime.
There's no such thing as a perfect body. Everybody will bear something at some time or another. maybe the affliction will be apparent to curious eyes, or maybe it will be unseen, quietly treated with trips to the doctor, therapy or surgery. Mothers of children with disabilities live the limitations with them.
Frankly, I don't know how you do it. Sometimes you mothers scare me. How you lift that kid in and out of the wheelchair twenty times a day. How you monitor tests, track medications, and serve as the gatekeeper to a hundred specialists yammering in your ear.
I wonder how you endure the clichés and the platitudes, the well-intentioned souls explaining how God is at work when you've occasionally questioned if God is on strike. I even wonder how you endure schmaltzy columns like this one-saluting you, painting you as hero and saint, when you know you're ordinary. You snap, you bark, you bite. You didn't volunteer for this, you didn't jump up and down in the motherhood line yelling, "Choose me, God. Choose me? I've got what it takes."
You're a woman who doesn't have time to step back and put things in perspective, so let me do it for you. From where I sit, you're way ahead of the pack. You've developed the strength of the draft horse while holding onto the delicacy of a daffodil. You have a heart that melts like chocolate in a glove box in July, counter-balanced against the stubbornness of an Ozark mule.
You are the mother, advocate and protector of a child with a disability. You're a neighbor, a friend, a woman I pass at church and my sister-in-law. You're a wonder.A mother of A Miracle...and a Miracle yourself:kiss:

WOW

 

[Uponastar]

This is so true... I still believe in God, but I really can't stand the sentiment that "God had a plan". Not just in regards to raising exceptional children, but I heard it used in my family when someone had recently died, leaving a 6 yr old child without a dad. "God must have wanted him." that sounds like BS to me. Because, if God wants what is best for us, surely having such a wonderful man for a father is what was best for his daughter? It doesn't make sense why God would take someone good away from their family when they are needed here on earth, especially when you have abusive alcoholics like my father still hanging around.
I'll agree that it is unfortunate when someone dies young. I'll agree that God gives us what we can handle, but I always say that if God gives us only what he thinks we can handle, then he sure has a high opinion of me. :lol: Nice to know someone does.

I would rather hear someone say, "I'm sorry for your loss. Let me know if there is anything I can do to help you through this difficult time." than to hear "it is God's will." We say things like that because we don't know what to say. We don't know how to process our grief, or how to console others. Big lesson: sometimes the right thing to say at the time is "You're not alone. We understand what you are going through." Knowing that someone else has felt the same emotions you are feeling helps more than religious platitudes. I'd rather someone say in a nicer way that "Gee, this really stinks. You're right; it is unfair."

Kudos to people like Bonny who have crap thrown at them but brush it off and keep going. People who deal with life's curveballs instead of moaning all the time "Why me?" Everyone feels that way sometimes, but there is a time for self-pity and a time for action. For those who have autistic children, for example, there just isn't a lot of time in between. Someone else needs you, so you do what you can.

So very well put.
We have some very smart and compassionate people around here.

 

[MommytoMJM]

Good afternoon all. I am so happy because I just finished my last final and now have no school til January! And, I leave for Disney in 12 days! I am so excited for that. Can't wait to see you Bonny! Also, I read the story about Baby Samuel, and I don't know when was the last time I cried that hard. That story was so sad, especially since the parents decided to carry him to term. Many people would have stoped the pregnancy. I hate abortion, especially since I was adopted.

Me too Are you going to come over before you check in?


I could't bring myself to read the story.... It would make me a basket case...

I have pretty strong views on this one myself....

 

[Uponastar]

The best part is that he got the news on his birthday, while we were in Disney! They've been stringing him along for almost a year now, and when it does happen, it happens on his birthday.

What a special day that must have been!

 

[Uponastar]

What a very, very strange day around here.

To any lurkers who don't know what to make of us:
It's not always fun and games around here.
We can cry and whine and complain.
We can be sad and mad and confused.
We can question and wonder.
And someone listens.

 

[DisneyBunny]

This is so true... I still believe in God, but I really can't stand the sentiment that "God had a plan". Not just in regards to raising exceptional children, but I heard it used in my family when someone had recently died, leaving a 6 yr old child without a dad. "God must have wanted him." that sounds like BS to me. Because, if God wants what is best for us, surely having such a wonderful man for a father is what was best for his daughter? It doesn't make sense why God would take someone good away from their family when they are needed here on earth, especially when you have abusive alcoholics like my father still hanging around.
I'll agree that it is unfortunate when someone dies young. I'll agree that God gives us what we can handle, but I always say that if God gives us only what he thinks we can handle, then he sure has a high opinion of me. :lol: Nice to know someone does.

I would rather hear someone say, "I'm sorry for your loss. Let me know if there is anything I can do to help you through this difficult time." than to hear "it is God's will." We say things like that because we don't know what to say. We don't know how to process our grief, or how to console others. Big lesson: sometimes the right thing to say at the time is "You're not alone. We understand what you are going through." Knowing that someone else has felt the same emotions you are feeling helps more than religious platitudes. I'd rather someone say in a nicer way that "Gee, this really stinks. You're right; it is unfair."

Kudos to people like Bonny who have crap thrown at them but brush it off and keep going. People who deal with life's curveballs instead of moaning all the time "Why me?" Everyone feels that way sometimes, but there is a time for self-pity and a time for action. For those who have autistic children, for example, there just isn't a lot of time in between. Someone else needs you, so you do what you can.

I agree. I was so sick of hearing the stories of what my mom had to put up with when her husband, my dad, died. People told her that he lived a good life, and pretty much ignored the fact that she now had to raise me by herself. People in general don't know how to comfort well. It makes many people uncomfortable, and they feel awkward asking them things, or even being around the person who is grieving or in need of help, when they in fact need it the most.

I'm just glad we all have each other here for support.

Now where's that hugs smilie?

 

[Uponastar]

I agree. I was so sick of hearing the stories of what my mom had to put up with when her husband, my dad, died. People told her that he lived a good life, and pretty much ignored the fact that she now had to raise me by herself. People in general don't know how to comfort well. It makes many people uncomfortable, and they feel awkward asking them things, or even being around the person who is grieving or in need of help, when they in fact need it the most.

I'm just glad we all have each other here for support.

Now where's that hugs smilie?

Mad had some good ones!
Now how can we all have them?

By the way, thanks Mad, for your input.
Wise as always.

 

[MommytoMJM]

oh, yeah! I have good news too! (Bonny, already knows)

Marc got a new job! He's been hired away from his consulting firm with a nice raise that will go a long way towards me being able to stay home when we decide to have kids, plus paid parking (his bosses don't even have paid parking, so it's a big deal) plus his own office, and soon there'll be people under him! I'm so very proud of him. :king:

Speaking of Marc.... I think he said that I could start MJ's website with Front Page 2002 and then upgrade it to 2003...would you double check with hime so I don't double my work?

 

[MommytoMJM]

Dana,
This made me cry.
It is everything I would want to say to you and Bonny.

*This* made me cry.... I love you Dot!

 

[Uponastar]

*This* made me cry.... I love you Dot!

Right back at ya, honey! :kiss:

 

[MommytoMJM]

The best part is that he got the news on his birthday, while we were in Disney! They've been stringing him along for almost a year now, and when it does happen, it happens on his birthday.

We were actually in Porperty Control, it rocked!

 

[DisneyBunny]

We were actually in Porperty Control, it rocked!

It did, didn't it?

I PM'd you Marc's e-mail, for all your technical needs.

 

[MommytoMJM]

I'll agree that God gives us what we can handle, but I always say that if God gives us only what he thinks we can handle, then he sure has a high opinion of me. :lol: Nice to know someone does. Yeah, no kidding huh? Sometimes I really wish he didn't trust me so much...

I would rather hear someone say, "I'm sorry for your loss. Let me know if there is anything I can do to help you through this difficult time." than to hear "it is God's will." I agree with this too....even though I am religious I would never say that to anyone....not my place to do so... We say things like that because we don't know what to say. We don't know how to process our grief, or how to console others. also very true Big lesson: sometimes the right thing to say at the time is "You're not alone. We understand what you are going through." Knowing that someone else has felt the same emotions you are feeling helps more than religious platitudes. I'd rather someone say in a nicer way that "Gee, this really stinks. You're right; it is unfair." Been there said that...

Kudos to people like Bonny who have crap thrown at them but brush it off and keep going. People who deal with life's curveballs instead of moaning all the time "Why me?" Everyone feels that way sometimes, but there is a time for self-pity and a time for action. For those who have autistic children, for example, there just isn't a lot of time in between. Someone else needs you, so you do what you can. Time? What's that?

Awww, thanks Luna!

I can't wait to get together one day with you!

 

[MommytoMJM]

So very well put.
We have some very smart and compassionate people around here.

We sure do....

 

[nibblesandbits]

Hi to the newly-graduated-and-soon-to-be-married Nibbs!

I'm afraid I started the bad-news-athon this morning.
Sorry to bring everyone down.
That sort of thing seems to be contagious.

But lots of good news now!
Let's carry on!

hi dot! :kiss:

 

[MommytoMJM]

What a very, very strange day around here.

To any lurkers who don't know what to make of us:
It's not always fun and games around here.
We can cry and whine and complain.
We can be sad and mad and confused.
We can question and wonder.
And someone listens.

And that is the beauty of what we have created here....

 

[Uponastar]

Hey Bonny, what's the Princess doing right now?

 

[Dukeblue1016]

We have some very smart and compassionate people around here.

People tend to realize these things once I start hangin around...

 

[CaptainMichael]

Hey Bonny, what's the Princess doing right now?

I'm studying...

:lookaroun

:lol:

:lookaroun

 

[Uponastar]

People tend to realize these things once I start hangin around...

. . .And we have our wise guys . . .

Who pretend to be hard as nails but are really teddy bears in disguise.