HouCuseChickie
Well-Known Member
I think that's just it...it's a sad commentary on how petty grown adults can be over things involving kids. While there were bragging rights, I do wonder if there were any kind of behind the scenes matters involving funding, raises and promotions. That's the kind of stuff that often drives adults to do unscrupulous things in these kinds of situations.
Both of my grandfathers as well as several uncles and cousins fought. My maternal grandmother's brother was a pilot who was killed in action over Germany. I had a cousin of the same generation who was captured, held, and tortured in a military camp in Germany. He survived. I don't know the details of the other relatives, but my maternal grandfather spent most of his time stationed in France teaching hand to hand combat to soldiers being sent into action. My paternal grandfather saw the most action and it haunted him the bulk of his life. I know he started out in northern Africa, made it to Normandy D+4, and spent the bulk of his time after that fighting in Belgium. My parents actually found an episode of WWII in Color where we're pretty sure it's him in the footage. My parents were more of the Vietnam era, so different mindset with them.
It's really too bad. Not saying that it's great for kids to date like crazy, but I think teen experiences when there's still a bit of a parental safety net help prepare them for college years and after when they're navigating on their own. Your assessment makes sense though. If she was the kind to never admit fault it seems logical that she'd try and shield you from doing the same. It just would have been nice if she talked to you about it vs. being so controlling and restrictive. It's interesting because we told the girls they were allowed to date starting in high school (unless it was a middle school date style dance). Kendall didn't date anyone until senior year, but I was so happy for her to have some longer term dating experience before college so she was armed with some of that wisdom. Of course, no parent is perfect and we're still around today living with our scars and passing them on as lessons.
I'm 99.9% certain it wasn't an act. It's hard to get into this because it involves a lot of intimate details, but he had absolutely nothing to gain from putting on an act at this point. I don't think fickle is applicable either. He was a lovesick puppy whenever I was around...kind of like Duckie in Pretty in Pink. He also wasn't a player. While he was in a good house, he was one of the lower guys on the totem pole that most of my sisters had an "ewwwwww" reaction over when I first expressed my interest. Mid-fling, I had vocally written it off as a fun dead end that was at least nice to see come to fruition on some level, but during his outburst, he didn't seem concerned with the distance, our living situations, or job/finances situations and just insisted that we could make it work. Although the reality of that might have started to set in for him after being removed from the situation by a day or two. There was also the reality that we didn't have much of a foundation for a long distance relationship even though we danced around this for months. Ultimately, I think it was the same two things that were likely the issues all along. 1. Fear of getting hurt/making me mad. 2. Loss of control/being weak. The marking territory move was clearly a guy who wanted some control and wanting to show strength, but he immediately lost that control when word got back to me and I started dictating his options via the grapevine. There was also fear over my wrath...like he was going to have to grovel to get back into my good graces and find the courage to actually ask me, even though he knew I would say yes. The first time he saw me in person after that, he behaved like a wounded dog tucking his tail and begging for mercy. He also had a "knight in shining armor" sort of moment after that where he jumped into action to protect me. I know he also hovered in my orbit the week or two before graduation. Memories are foggy, but I think he even walked me home one of the nights shortly before graduation...possibly a kiss goodnight... and we both admitted it could have been really good. It's been so long it's hard to separate it all out. Still, it seemed the instinct for him remained to be there for me. Ultimately, at the start of our homecoming fling, in addition to his friend sharing how much he still really liked me, the friend informed me that he was really scared and I might have to make the first move. That first move ended up with me having full control for the long weekend until his outburst at the end. For what it's worth, that last night...we hung out at my favorite bar, went out for pizza, spent some time alone back at my sorority house, and then wound up on the sidewalk outside afterwards (since we were both staying with friends in our respective houses and didn't technically have our own places for the night). It was that sidewalk part at the end, in front of a ton of Greek houses where people were still coming and going from late night parties that he began crying, making a scene and got us into this trying to make it work business. It's probably for the best though. We would have never survived if he couldn't have a backbone around me. I needed balance and not someone who worshipped me to the point of me being able to call every shot. Honestly, there are pros and cons to having guys lining up for you like this. I would still get anxious and shy if I liked the guy, which made things tough because I was often put on this pedestal which made a lot of them too nervous. Some of that appeal (aside from attraction) was that it was know that I had sort of rules...meaning I wasn't easy and if I allowed anything to happen, it meant I really liked them. It also led to my sorority sisters using and abusing my appeal. There were a lot of toxic mind games and manipulation going on to try and push me towards people that would add status to the house OR keep me single so that all of the scared guys would pair off with other sisters who were less intimidating. It made me sad because it wasn't uncommon for me to end up alone over this setup. Can't really give me a pity party though either because I was resourceful and rebounded well. I found myself dating outside of the Greek system just so I could escape some of this. Oh, and if the guys certain sisters wanted were bold enough to go directly for me, some of those girls liked to punish me. The worst guys were the ones who thought they could get with my friends to get closer to me, maybe lure me in more, and get to a point where they didn't find me as intimidating. It was so bad with my best friend that she spent most of my last semester holed up with her new boyfriend (that had never met me) because she was tired of guys dating her to get to me. In any event, I still sometimes wonder about this guy because there was real chemistry, we still really liked each other when we parted ways, and I still cannot understand why you'd call someone, leave a message, and then ghost them. Of course, this is also from the same person that said I was going to his formal with him and never asked me. Go figure! Side note- it always feels a bit arrogant and conceited when I talk about college me. I always suffered from a bit of imposters syndrome. Don't get me wrong, I had a really fun time but the older I get, the more I find that I was living a bit of a charmed life back then...toxic environment/friends and all.
It seems medically plausible that she lost the babies if they were born that early, especially as twins. I have a friend who went into early labor with twins around that timeframe. One survived an hour or so and the other a day. Still, what a horrible situation for her. I've only known a few people who went through the foster system and they were all so deeply scarred. Most had serious issues back in their teens but I've seen a few success stories where they finally pulled things together on their own. The ones I knew also had a nasty habit of being abusive and mean to those that came into their lives. I think sometimes they displace their anger on anyone that gets close because they've been so deeply hurt. Like you said, we all seem to live and learn about who are real friends. Some of it all just goes back to that some friends are in your life for a reason, a season, or a lifetime.
Admittedly, I do this in the summer when it's very hot out and I don't want deal with an oven or the stove top. I'm not not that hungry when it's really hot outside. Other times, it's carrots and hummus or cheese and crackers. When I do make a vegetarian meal, my husband usually makes an excuse that he needs something from the supermarket and comes back with a crumpled up, empty fast food bag. Most of the meals I cook do have meat, so it's not like he's being denied meat, I just like meatless meals here and there.
Yes, because we want to keep all the vegetables for ourselves and don't want to share with you.
