I'm so sorry so much is on your shoulders. That's interesting that daughters visit more than sons. My MIL is in the hospital at the moment, and my husband is spending nights there with her (long story) and his brother has only been by once to visit as far as I know. Tomorrow is our anniversary so I made a request that he ask his brother to take over the duty to stay with her so that we can at least go out to dinner together. I haven't seen my husband since Tuesday. I don't think a dinner is too much to ask for our anniversary, but DH hasn't gotten a response yet. His brother has been super unhelpful through the whole process of moving their parents into a nursing home, cleaning out their old home, etc. DH has done 95% of it himself even after asking his brother to do specific things, like get rid of the recyclable paper. It sat there for months until DH just did it himself because it was obvious his brother wasn't going to help. I know how frustrating it is to have so much to do and no one to help. I've been doing all the household chores, including yard work, next to my job for the past 18 years. I do work fewer hours than my husband does, but I just don't have the energy to work 60 hours a week to get all the housework done AND a 20 hour work week. I think my husband just severely underestimates how much time it takes to do all the housework, because he's never done it. He's completely oblivious to experiences other than his own.
When our daughter was a baby, he came home from work when I was putting her in the play pen so I could go to the bathroom. He came in and was like "Oh....nevermind. I'll wait." and I asked him what he was talking about. He said he needed to go to the bathroom too. I told him to go upstairs....we have 2 bathrooms. No, he said he'd wait, because he didn't want to leave E alone. I said "What do you think I do all day while you're at work if I need to go to the bathroom? Do you think I hold it all day until you get home? She's been alone in the playpen before....she'll be fine for 2 minutes." His response was "I never thought about how you would do that." Really? You never considered that I would have to pee at some point in the 9-10 hours that you were commuting and working? You never gave a thought to what my experience as a mother was with no one to help me, and how I could get laundry done, cook dinner, vacuum the floor, etc? You thought....what...that I just held her in my arms while I worked with a kitchen knife, boiling water, and hot grease? It wasn't something he had to deal with himself, so he never thought about what went into my day. I'm sorry your husband seems likewise afflicted with a lack of empathy. Will he at least do it if you ask him to? I know, you shouldn't have to ask...no one gives US a list of what needs to be done. We have to actually look around and think and MAKE the list, and others shoud be perfectly capable of doing the same, but sadly, that just doesn't seem to be the case.
Enjoy your vacation. Hopefully when you come back, the men in your life will have a new appreciation for everything you've been doing that they have taken for granted. Now that your husband will have to do these things himself, maybe he'll realize how much work it actually is and that a little help would go a long way. And hopefully your dad didn't mean it in that way...more just that he's happy you are taking some time for yourself?
you should be good once he's in the ground, sorry, not sorry
