Where in the World Isn't Bob Saget?

[JenniferS]

I know some people really want to pass at home in familiar surroundings, but if I’m not going via a massive heart attack in my sleep, this is where I would want to be.

The compassion, care, and dignity afforded to the patient and family would make you weep with gratitude to witness. Plus, they have the good meds there.

Auntie is resting on a $10,000 mattress that inflates and deflates at various intervals to reduce pressure spots; she was given a bed bath and back rub before bed last night; she is offered food and drink multiple times/day (although she is really past food at this point), but it’s offered. (And it smells delicious!) Family are free to partake of all the beverages, snacks, and meals as well.

Everyone there is DNR, so there are no extreme measures … no clicking, beeping monitors like in a hospital. Just a sparkling clean, welcoming facility that gives the family a break, and the peace of mind that their loved one is 100% comfortable and free from pain.

Like your mom, Auntie has pulmonary fibrosis. Hers is also complicated by a second disease called bronchiectasis. In her final hours, she will be sedated so that she is completely unaware that she is drowning in her own secretions.

I have the overnight shift tonight. For once I’ll be dozing with a light heart, not worried that she’s going to pass in the middle of the night, and I’ll be alone. The nurses there do all the heavy lifting (so to speak). We just get to offer reassurance, love, and companionship. All of our care burdens have been lifted.

 

[Mr Ferret 75]

I know some people really want to pass at home in familiar surroundings, but if I’m not going via a massive heart attack in my sleep, this is where I would want to be.

The compassion, care, and dignity afforded to the patient and family would make you weep with gratitude to witness. Plus, they have the good meds there.

Auntie is resting on a $10,000 mattress that inflates and deflates at various intervals to reduce pressure spots; she was given a bed bath and back rub before bed last night; she is offered food and drink multiple times/day (although she is really past food at this point), but it’s offered. (And it smells delicious!) Family are free to partake of all the beverages, snacks, and meals as well.

Everyone there is DNR, so there are no extreme measures … no clicking, beeping monitors like in a hospital. Just a sparkling clean, welcoming facility that gives the family a break, and the peace of mind that their loved one is 100% comfortable and free from pain.

Like your mom, Auntie has pulmonary fibrosis. Hers is also complicated by a second disease called bronchiectasis. In her final hours, she will be sedated so that she is completely unaware that she is drowning in her own secretions.

I have the overnight shift tonight. For once I’ll be dozing with a light heart, not worried that she’s going to pass in the middle of the night, and I’ll be alone. The nurses there do all the heavy lifting (so to speak). We just get to offer reassurance, love, and companionship. All of our care burdens have been lifted.

Sounds like an amazing place. Glad she is somewhere so nice.

 

[Goofyernmost]

Not five minutes before she passed my mother was talking to the nurse that was there at the time and when the nurse told her she should save her strength, she looked up and smiled and said.. "In other words you want me to shut up?" The nurse left her room grinning and since my mom had asked for a priest, he went in and they started to talk and all of a sudden she just closed her eyes and died. To be dramatic there was a container at the end of the bed that she kicked off at the same time. The priest yelled out that he needed help quickly and we all ran in to see what was happening.

There was nothing else left to do except the nurse did somethings and the morticians came and took her away to prepare her for the wake and burial. It was a sad time, but it was good for her since the final year had been nothing but pain and fear on her part. She was at peace that evening and content as she said, "I can go now and know that everyone is going to be OK".

That was almost exactly 17 years ago. My dad had passed 10 years earlier. She made the best of those 10 years and traveled to places they had stayed in Myrtle Beach, visited old friends in Ohio (flew there by herself for the first time). She still couldn't understand why she couldn't get a direct flight from Burlington, Vt. to Dayton, Ohio. She attended my first child's graduation from Colorado College in Colorado Springs, that is when she first noticed she had a real problem breathing in that higher elevation. Two years later she flew with us to New Orleans when my youngest graduated from Tulane. She was so excited about seeing things she never saw before like the French Quarter at night. She got a real education there but she was so funny with her comments about what she was witnessing. She even held a baby Alligator when we went on a swamp tour.

She developed a whole new personality after my Dad passed, one that she kept hidden while he was alive always giving him the floor and staying in the background. At that point we grew closer and could see each other in ourselves. I don't think about her everyday anymore because, well, I have issues of my own to deal with. I do think of her often and even sometimes think, I need to call her before I remember that I don't know where she ended up and even if I did I probably couldn't afford the long distance fees. (That was before the anywhere/anytime unlimited calls, Cell Phone era.) The moral of the story is that as time goes by we tend to remember the happy times and feel good that we were able to share that part of our life with someone special to us. We don't forget them we just deal with the loss better.

 

[MinnieM123]

You have hit upon something that has bothered me for years. My mother's last birthday party was attended by some of the home visiting hospice people. They did a wonderful job of making her physically comfortable, but there was a part of it that was completely embarrassing for her. Her 86th birthday was somewhat clouded by the fact that she knew she was dying, her mind was sharp up to the end which came less than a month later. She had a slow process of dying from Pulmonary Fibrosis. My upset and hers what that she was basically forced to put on a stupid party hat that was painfully obvious was something she didn't want to do. She was always a very vain person when it came to her appearance.

After the hospice people left she grabbed the hat and threw it across the room saying get rid of that stupid thing. She was weak from the illness, had lost her ability to be independent, her good looks had faded away and she was upset about that and then, even though the intention was not to humiliate, managed to do just that. To take away her final amount of dignity that she had left. She had even, in spite of the difficulty, manage to get dressed nicely and get herself to her chair in the living room with her oxygen tubing trailing along behind her. Hell, she even insisted on having a hairdresser come in and do her hair and darken the gray roots the day before she died. I felt her pain but could do nothing about it at the time. I did, however, tell my children that if they ever allowed that to happen to me, I would haunt them forever. Well not everything, I hardly have any roots left much less gray ones.

That is something that I see happen way to often when it comes to aging people. The well intentioned people trying to force the elderly to be young when they are sick and are facing the end. That last thing they need is a festive party hat. What they deserve is dignity and warmth. That also hit me back when I owned my Residential Care Home. I saw the awful reality of how people died. To think about how someone lived their life, many experiencing many important and useful things, that died while on a toilet with their pants around their ankles. It is a mind boggling injustice in my mind, but nonetheless a common thing. So while someone is alive, please treat them with the dignity that they earned in their lives and not make it a circus in an attempt to tell terminal people that it is a happy time. It's not happy for anyone that cares about them and it certainly isn't a joyous time for those that know the end is near and are many times helpless in expressing the pride they once had in life.

Sorry to be a Debbie Downer here this morning, but believe me it is a scary thing to get older especially when you start to lose physical abilities that once were just second nature. It doesn't have to be a sullen time, but just one that allows them to still hold their heads up high and leave with a sense of accomplishment and dignity. Again, sorry! I just had an overwhelming need to express that.

Disclaimer: There may be some of the elderly that would be ok with that, however it is important to know what each individual person finds appropriate for themselves.

Each patient is different, and well wishers from the staff probably didn't have a clue she didn't want the party. Sorry to hear that the party upset her. It just wasn't the right time for your mother, and I understand. (Perhaps the staff should have called a family member first, to run it by them.)

Overall, hospice workers are amazing people. They carry out the Lord's work in a kind and gracious manner, in the final time left for the patients. (Also, I think that the place where Jennifer's aunt is residing, is very positive, and I'm glad for her entire family.)

 

[Goofyernmost]

Each patient is different, and well wishers from the staff probably didn't have a clue she didn't want the party. Sorry to hear that the party upset her. It just wasn't the right time for your mother, and I understand. (Perhaps the staff should have called a family member first, to run it by them.)

Overall, hospice workers are amazing people. They carry out the Lord's work in a kind a gracious manner, in the final time left for the patients. (Also, I think that the place where Jennifer's aunt is residing, is very positive, and I'm glad for her entire family.)

Please understand I am not putting the hospice staff down at all. They were terrific and took extremely good care of her in spite of the fact that she tended to be prone to sarcasm at that time. Not mean, just curmudgeon type comments.

 

[MinnieM123]

Please understand I am not putting the hospice staff down at all. They were terrific and took extremely good care of her in spite of the fact that she tended to be prone to sarcasm at that time. Not mean, just curmudgeon type comments.

Oh, I had no doubt about that. I was just agreeing that in case of a party, etc., that might be a bit much, for some patients, that's all. Glad that the big picture experience of your mom's care, was very good.

 

[Songbird76]

Nicole is not my kind of people.

View attachment 682001

I just saw a thing recently about a woman who gave someone a lottery ticket for their birthday, they scratched it off right there and it turned out they won $5000, so then the person who gave them the ticket demanded it back, saying it was their money since they bought the ticket. The person even offered to share the winnings 50/50 and the "gift giver" refused. She actually took them to court where the judge laughed in her face and said she was getting nothing.

 

[Songbird76]

As some of you know, I have been heavily involved in looking after my beautiful Auntie since the day we got back from our summer long Odyssey.

She was transported to hospice this morning. Family will still be with her 24/7, but she is now in a remarkable facility where she is being cared for in the most competent, caring manner imaginable.

I am sad as the end is near, but feeling so blessed to know that her suffering is almost over. God is good, my friends. Always.

The view from her window.
View attachment 682203

Afternoon tea and tarts.
View attachment 682204

 

[Mr Ferret 75]

Advent days 1



And 2

 

[SteveBrickNJ]

I am at my wife"s company dinner party. I totally don't fit in. She is in the financial/accounting department within a company that makes or resells xray... MRI machines, etc. The party is in a multi floor Italian Restaurant. There is a DJ pumping out loud music. You have to really raise your voice to be heard. Oh well. I love my wife so I am just laying low and posting here.

 

[SteveBrickNJ]

I am at my wife"s company dinner party. I totally don't fit in. She is in the financial/accounting department within a company that makes or resells xray... MRI machines, etc. The party is in a multi floor Italian Restaurant. There is a DJ pumping out loud music. You have to really raise your voice to be heard. Oh well. I love my wife so I am just laying low and posting here.

On a more positive note, I just ate some delicious chicken marsala

 

[Songbird76]

I am at my wife"s company dinner party. I totally don't fit in. She is in the financial/accounting department within a company that makes or resells xray... MRI machines, etc. The party is in a multi floor Italian Restaurant. There is a DJ pumping out loud music. You have to really raise your voice to be heard. Oh well. I love my wife so I am just laying low and posting here.

Does your wife enjoy the loud music and such, or is it not her thing either?

I never go to my company Christmas party. Most of the people I work with are in their 20s and it's just a temporary job for them while they go to college. Work events are always loud and people get trashed and it's just really not my scene, so I skip it every year. I don't think I've been to one since one of the first years I worked there. They also always hold it right around my birthday and we have SO many December things that I just don't care to have one more event. A's birthday is today, my birthday is Friday, my nephew's birthday is the 16th, Monday is Sinterklaas, my friend Niwanthi and her son share a birthday on the 11th, my friend Cecilia's birthday is on the 19th. It's a little better now that my BIL and his wife divorced....her birthday is on the 28th. Spouses also aren't invited, so there's just no incentive for me to go. One year, the bosses got mad that not everyone signed up to go and they called everyone who wasn't signed up in for a meeting to demand a reason. One of the gals told them it was none of their business. They aren't paying us to be there, we're not obligated to go. They tried to guilt us all into going....."people worked so hard to organize it and it's not very nice for them that not everyone appreciates their efforts." I just told them, "Look, you scheduled it on my birthday and families aren't invited. If I have to choose to celebrate with my family or with my coworkers, I choose my family!" They still tried to get me to come for at least an hour or two. Nope. Not happening. Last year we were bought out by a larger company and it's on the other side of the country and the Christmas party is there this year. They are chartering buses to transport all 200 of our workers who want to go, to the other side of the country for it. I didn't sign up.

 

[JenniferS]

Does your wife enjoy the loud music and such, or is it not her thing either?

I never go to my company Christmas party. Most of the people I work with are in their 20s and it's just a temporary job for them while they go to college. Work events are always loud and people get trashed and it's just really not my scene, so I skip it every year. I don't think I've been to one since one of the first years I worked there. They also always hold it right around my birthday and we have SO many December things that I just don't care to have one more event. A's birthday is today, my birthday is Friday, my nephew's birthday is the 16th, Monday is Sinterklaas, my friend Niwanthi and her son share a birthday on the 11th, my friend Cecilia's birthday is on the 19th. It's a little better now that my BIL and his wife divorced....her birthday is on the 28th. Spouses also aren't invited, so there's just no incentive for me to go. One year, the bosses got mad that not everyone signed up to go and they called everyone who wasn't signed up in for a meeting to demand a reason. One of the gals told them it was none of their business. They aren't paying us to be there, we're not obligated to go. They tried to guilt us all into going....."people worked so hard to organize it and it's not very nice for them that not everyone appreciates their efforts." I just told them, "Look, you scheduled it on my birthday and families aren't invited. If I have to choose to celebrate with my family or with my coworkers, I choose my family!" They still tried to get me to come for at least an hour or two. Nope. Not happening. Last year we were bought out by a larger company and it's on the other side of the country and the Christmas party is there this year. They are chartering buses to transport all 200 of our workers who want to go, to the other side of the country for it. I didn't sign up.

Happy Birthday Week to you and A!

 

[Goofyernmost]

Does your wife enjoy the loud music and such, or is it not her thing either?

I never go to my company Christmas party. Most of the people I work with are in their 20s and it's just a temporary job for them while they go to college. Work events are always loud and people get trashed and it's just really not my scene, so I skip it every year. I don't think I've been to one since one of the first years I worked there. They also always hold it right around my birthday and we have SO many December things that I just don't care to have one more event. A's birthday is today, my birthday is Friday, my nephew's birthday is the 16th, Monday is Sinterklaas, my friend Niwanthi and her son share a birthday on the 11th, my friend Cecilia's birthday is on the 19th. It's a little better now that my BIL and his wife divorced....her birthday is on the 28th. Spouses also aren't invited, so there's just no incentive for me to go. One year, the bosses got mad that not everyone signed up to go and they called everyone who wasn't signed up in for a meeting to demand a reason. One of the gals told them it was none of their business. They aren't paying us to be there, we're not obligated to go. They tried to guilt us all into going....."people worked so hard to organize it and it's not very nice for them that not everyone appreciates their efforts." I just told them, "Look, you scheduled it on my birthday and families aren't invited. If I have to choose to celebrate with my family or with my coworkers, I choose my family!" They still tried to get me to come for at least an hour or two. Nope. Not happening. Last year we were bought out by a larger company and it's on the other side of the country and the Christmas party is there this year. They are chartering buses to transport all 200 of our workers who want to go, to the other side of the country for it. I didn't sign up.

When I was in management for a printing and publishing company the one thing I hated were the holiday parties. It was fun for everyone except me. I would have a drink or two, but had to stay sober because the ones that got crap faced drunk (that included the owner) usually needed help to either stand, sit, head for the bathrooms or be taken home. At the same time when we had employee's under drinking age I had to make sure, not always successfully, that they didn't get "fed alcohol" by the "fun" lovers looking for something to laugh at. I only had that happen once but see how much fun it would be to have to take a younger employee home drunk and be confronted by their parents like I was the one that allowed them to drink. It was my responsibility but I couldn't be everywhere at once. Happy Holidays it wasn't! After a while, I just found an excuse not to go anymore forcing the owner to take care of that stuff. It only took a couple years of that before he passed on the party idea and just added the money to Christmas bonuses. Everyone was much happier, especially me.

 

[ajrwdwgirl]

Our school district used to have a Christmas party but we all had to pay our own way. So not really a Christmas present to the staff. It wasn't well attended because people had to pay for it themselves and many of our elementary and high/middle school staff don't really get along very well. So now the school district pays to have a lady cater a holiday meal for us during our lunch break. It is better, but I don't think the lady who does the catering cooks that great but it is a free meal. This year though the meal is on a day I have taken off for a dental appointment.

Anyway when the district stopped coordinating an offsite party another teacher and I arranged a gathering of fellow teachers for a Christmas gathering of teachers/spouse we like and actually hang out with. It is pretty fun, even teachers who have left the district still attend because we are all still friends. It is so much better than the old districts party. We even have a white elepant gift exchange with a reoccurring gift.

 

[SteveBrickNJ]

Does your wife enjoy the loud music and such, or is it not her thing either?

I never go to my company Christmas party. Most of the people I work with are in their 20s and it's just a temporary job for them while they go to college. Work events are always loud and people get trashed and it's just really not my scene, so I skip it every year. I don't think I've been to one since one of the first years I worked there. They also always hold it right around my birthday and we have SO many December things that I just don't care to have one more event. A's birthday is today, my birthday is Friday, my nephew's birthday is the 16th, Monday is Sinterklaas, my friend Niwanthi and her son share a birthday on the 11th, my friend Cecilia's birthday is on the 19th. It's a little better now that my BIL and his wife divorced....her birthday is on the 28th. Spouses also aren't invited, so there's just no incentive for me to go. One year, the bosses got mad that not everyone signed up to go and they called everyone who wasn't signed up in for a meeting to demand a reason. One of the gals told them it was none of their business. They aren't paying us to be there, we're not obligated to go. They tried to guilt us all into going....."people worked so hard to organize it and it's not very nice for them that not everyone appreciates their efforts." I just told them, "Look, you scheduled it on my birthday and families aren't invited. If I have to choose to celebrate with my family or with my coworkers, I choose my family!" They still tried to get me to come for at least an hour or two. Nope. Not happening. Last year we were bought out by a larger company and it's on the other side of the country and the Christmas party is there this year. They are chartering buses to transport all 200 of our workers who want to go, to the other side of the country for it. I didn't sign up.

Thanks for quoting me and taking the time to respond.
My wife does not mind the loud music like I do. I wouldn't say "it's her thing" but she is just happy to be there watching her colleagues (who normally are serious and diligent) let down their hair and become dancing fools.
The staff at my school have a Christmas Party but I don't go. So I'm like you @Songbird76 . I personally do NOT want to see my colleagues who I respect get drunk and act crazy.

 

[JenniferS]

Facebook Memory from 7 years ago.
Auntie splitting beans with some of our kids in Tanzania.


The boys from the home video called and sang to her yesterday, and told her how much they loved her.

 

[Songbird76]

Happy Birthday Week to you and A!

Thank you!! The cake is delicious! I baked it and E decorated it. He requested a chess board. In blue and white.

 

[Songbird76]

When I was in management for a printing and publishing company the one thing I hated were the holiday parties. It was fun for everyone except me. I would have a drink or two, but had to stay sober because the ones that got crap faced drunk (that included the owner) usually needed help to either stand, sit, head for the bathrooms or be taken home. At the same time when we had employee's under drinking age I had to make sure, not always successfully, that they didn't get "fed alcohol" by the "fun" lovers looking for something to laugh at. I only had that happen once but see how much fun it would be to have to take a younger employee home drunk and be confronted by their parents like I was the one that allowed them to drink. It was my responsibility but I couldn't be everywhere at once. Happy Holidays it wasn't! After a while, I just found an excuse not to go anymore forcing the owner to take care of that stuff. It only took a couple years of that before he passed on the party idea and just added the money to Christmas bonuses. Everyone was much happier, especially me.

Here, the drinking age is only 18, so pretty much everyone who works there can already drink. But I'm not a huge drinker, and I don't really like the really loud music, and they usually play techno or "house" music, which I don't like. It's not a fun environment to me. The music is too loud to hear anyone over it, so you can't sit somewhere and talk with other people who aren't dancing or drinking, there are limited choices for those not drinking alcohol. They always do a summer BBQ, too, and last summer I went to that and as people arrived, they were offered a cocktail. Every single one, even the non-alcoholic one, was coconut flavored, which I don't like. Then going through the food line, they couldn't cook the stuff fast enough, so by the time you got up to where the food was, everything had been picked over and there was hardly anything left, so you had to stand there for 20 minutes until they had more ready. And they hired live musicians who Could. Not. Sing!! They were terrible!! Fortunately, I had called my husband to come get me before I even knew there were live musicians, so I was only subjected to a couple of songs before he got there, but I felt bad for my coworkers who had to listen to that for the rest of the night. Although most of them were increasingly drunk, so they may not have even noticed. But I'd just much rather stay home and do my own thing with my family, or even by myself. I'd rather read a book or watch a movie, or catch up here. It's a much more fun use of my time than listening to screaming levels of music that I hate that gives me a headache, and trying to find something edible that I will actually like, and find someone I know and like to sort of talk to without damaging my vocal cords.

 

[Songbird76]

Our school district used to have a Christmas party but we all had to pay our own way. So not really a Christmas present to the staff. It wasn't well attended because people had to pay for it themselves and many of our elementary and high/middle school staff don't really get along very well. So now the school district pays to have a lady cater a holiday meal for us during our lunch break. It is better, but I don't think the lady who does the catering cooks that great but it is a free meal. This year though the meal is on a day I have taken off for a dental appointment.

Anyway when the district stopped coordinating an offsite party another teacher and I arranged a gathering of fellow teachers for a Christmas gathering of teachers/spouse we like and actually hang out with. It is pretty fun, even teachers who have left the district still attend because we are all still friends. It is so much better than the old districts party. We even have a white elepant gift exchange with a reoccurring gift.

That sounds so much nicer! My husband's is much nicer because it's a small group. There are only like 12 people who work there. They usually don't invite spouses, but they did in 2019 and it was a really fancy dinner. Not really my kind of thing either, but at least there's no loud music or anything. You can actually talk to people. And they did a sort of triva game with prizes they had gotten from their suppliers. I won a dinner card for either 50 or 100 euros (I don't remember now), because I answered the question "What part of the body is infected if you have Gingivitis?" Apparently they don't use that word here, and thanks to toothpaste commercials in the US, you can't NOT know what that is. So I was the only one who knew and I got the gift card. It was fun. At my work, they take all the gifts from suppliers and they hold a lottery type deal. They put raffle tickets in envelopes all over the Christmas tree. Everyone picks an envelope off the tree, and each number corresponds with some gift. It might be a cheap plastic sled, or a bottle of perfume, or a remote control car, or one year, there weren't enough things to go around, so they bought some packages of cookies, and anyone who got numbers whatever through whatever else, got a cookie instead of a prize. There's always something like that where they have a hundred of one thing and that's what the majority will "win". It's usually one of those nylon drawstring backpacks, or a beach towel or something. That's what I always end up with. But at least it's something, so it's nice that they do it. It used to be that you had to go to the party to get your Christmas package and the lottery prize, but they had so many things leftover from people who couldn't make it that they started separating it and there is a package pickup time where they have hot chocolate and oliebollen and you get your present. I like that sooooo much better, because I really don't like going to the parties.