Welcome Home Magic Friends......

[Nemo14]

Last year we spent Christmas Eve with my mom and had Christmas day dinner with his Mom.

This year she wants to go to Cumberland to visit her mother since "it could be Nan's last Christmas!" (The woman is 91... I can't count how many "Last Christmases" she's had. )

So the happy plan that worked for our family, worked for SIL and BIL too, is now in peril.

And MARC's the one I'm mad at. He thinks I'm being "Selfish and unresonable"

So does that mean you have to go to Cumberland too?

 

[mousefan1972]

The last Christmas that I allowed my mother to ruin was 2006.

I decided then and there that I am a grown woman, with my own family, and no one will dictate what we do for the holidays but us.

So, for now we spend Christmas in Disney and could not be happier. In the future we may not, but for now, that is our tradition and it has become sacred to us.

Bun, don't take that crap from your MIL. If Marc won't tell her that your family won't be at her beck and call, then you should. Nicely, of course, but this will never end until you stand up to her. My life has been so much better since I realized that it is ok to not let my mother run my life now that I am an adult. I know it is different b/c it is your MIL and not your mother, but the similarities between what you are going through now and what I went through in '06 are eerie... good luck w/your situation.

 

[Nemo14]

The last Christmas that I allowed my mother to ruin was 2006.

I decided then and there that I am a grown woman, with my own family, and no one will dictate what we do for the holidays but us.

So, for now we spend Christmas in Disney and could not be happier. In the future we may not, but for now, that is our tradition and it has become sacred to us.

Bun, don't take that crap from your MIL. If Marc won't tell her that your family won't be at her beck and call, then you should. Nicely, of course, but this will never end until you stand up to her. My life has been so much better since I realized that it is ok to not let my mother run my life now that I am an adult. I know it is different b/c it is your MIL and not your mother, but the similarities between what you are going through now and what I went through in '06 are eerie... good luck w/your situation.

^ What she said!

 

[Uponastar]

^ What she said!

Ditto!

 

[mousefan1972]

^ What she said!

Ditto!

Thanks, girls. It is just that this hits so close to home for me. I remember very well the misery I felt that year, and the hopeless feeling that no matter what we did, someone wasn't going to be happy. Whether it was Lou's sister or my mother giving us crap, we were both miserable and it ruined the holiday for us. So, we both stood up to our famililes and now we say GFY... we're going to Disney for Christmas, and if you don't like it.... tough!! It was very liberating. After all, our kids are only young once and we didn't want to go through life worrying about making other people happy, since it was clear no one cared what would make US happy....

 

[Nemo14]

Thanks, girls. It is just that this hits so close to home for me. I remember very well the misery I felt that year, and the hopeless feeling that no matter what we did, someone wasn't going to be happy. Whether it was Lou's sister or my mother giving us crap, we were both miserable and it ruined the holiday for us. So, we both stood up to our famililes and now we say GFY... we're going to Disney for Christmas, and if you don't like it.... tough!! It was very liberating. After all, our kids are only young once and we didn't want to go through life worrying about making other people happy, since it was clear no one cared what would make US happy....

It's true - once you have your own family, you really have to learn to stand up for them.

 

[DisneyBunny]

O so basically she feels she should be the center of attention at christmas and when she's not she decides to play the nobody likes nobody loves me guess I'll just go eat worms card?

You got it. And she plays her boys like fiddles.

Why because you want to see your family too?

I'm being selfish because I "See my mom all the time" and whose fault is that exactly???

So does that mean you have to go to Cumberland too?

Hell no. but if it means keeping what I want intact, I'm all for it. I don't care, as long as my Mom has a happy holiday. This is the first Christmas she's actually been looking forward to since my grandmother died...And I'll be dammed if MIL ruins that for her.

The last Christmas that I allowed my mother to ruin was 2006.

I decided then and there that I am a grown woman, with my own family, and no one will dictate what we do for the holidays but us.

So, for now we spend Christmas in Disney and could not be happier. In the future we may not, but for now, that is our tradition and it has become sacred to us.

Bun, don't take that crap from your MIL. If Marc won't tell her that your family won't be at her beck and call, then you should. Nicely, of course, but this will never end until you stand up to her. My life has been so much better since I realized that it is ok to not let my mother run my life now that I am an adult. I know it is different b/c it is your MIL and not your mother, but the similarities between what you are going through now and what I went through in '06 are eerie... good luck w/your situation.

I've TRIED standing up to her. Heck, he has too. but everyone still cowtails, and she's a black belt in guilt.

 

[Uponastar]

Thanks, girls. It is just that this hits so close to home for me. I remember very well the misery I felt that year, and the hopeless feeling that no matter what we did, someone wasn't going to be happy. Whether it was Lou's sister or my mother giving us crap, we were both miserable and it ruined the holiday for us. So, we both stood up to our famililes and now we say GFY... we're going to Disney for Christmas, and if you don't like it.... tough!! It was very liberating. After all, our kids are only young once and we didn't want to go through life worrying about making other people happy, since it was clear no one cared what would make US happy....

So, we both stood up to our famililes ...
Those are the key words. Bun could tell her mother-in-law that they have other plans and will go see Nan on another day at their convenience, but it would be much better if she had Marc's support on that. It's hard to take a stand when your other half is on the fence.

 

[DisneyBunny]

It's true - once you have your own family, you really have to learn to stand up for them.

You've got it. This is Anastasia's first REAL Christmas. she LOVES presents and loves watching Christmas trees, and all that. She's going to be SO into it, and I don't want anything to come in the way of that.

Unfortunatley Marc's the one standing in my way.

 

[cdunbar]

Thanks, girls. It is just that this hits so close to home for me. I remember very well the misery I felt that year, and the hopeless feeling that no matter what we did, someone wasn't going to be happy. Whether it was Lou's sister or my mother giving us crap, we were both miserable and it ruined the holiday for us. So, we both stood up to our famililes and now we say GFY... we're going to Disney for Christmas, and if you don't like it.... tough!! It was very liberating. After all, our kids are only young once and we didn't want to go through life worrying about making other people happy, since it was clear no one cared what would make US happy....

My parents did that with my grandmother but it didn't work, she thought it was just us being horrible people who weren't making the holiday about her who it should be about.

 

[DisneyBunny]

So, we both stood up to our famililes ...
Those are the key words. Bun could tell her mother-in-law that they have other plans and will go see Nan on another day at their convenience, but it would be much better if she had Marc's support on that. It's hard to take a stand when your other half is on the fence.

you got it.

Marc feels that since I see my Mom all the time, and we have dinner together and I talk to her on the phone all the time, and all that, So his parents should get special treatment since we don't do as much with them.

NOT my fault. Daughters just naturally want to spend time with their Moms.

Especially their WIDOWED Moms who live at home with nobody but the cats to talk to.

 

[DisneyBunny]

got to go..

more arguing to do. :fork:

 

[mousefan1972]

You got it. And she plays her boys like fiddles.




I'm being selfish because I "See my mom all the time" and whose fault is that exactly???


Hell no. but if it means keeping what I want intact, I'm all for it. I don't care, as long as my Mom has a happy holiday. This is the first Christmas she's actually been looking forward to since my grandmother died...And I'll be dammed if MIL ruins that for her.



I've TRIED standing up to her. Heck, he has too. but everyone still cowtails, and she's a black belt in guilt.

Bun, your MIL and my mother were cut from the same mold. And that is not a good thing... I know exactly what you are dealing with. And it is not easy.

So, we both stood up to our famililes ...
Those are the key words. Bun could tell her mother-in-law that they have other plans and will go see Nan on another day at their convenience, but it would be much better if she had Marc's support on that. It's hard to take a stand when your other half is on the fence.

That's very true.

 

[Uponastar]

you got it.

Marc feels that since I see my Mom all the time, and we have dinner together and I talk to her on the phone all the time, and all that, So his parents should get special treatment since we don't do as much with them.

NOT my fault. Daughters just naturally want to spend time with their Moms.

Especially their WIDOWED Moms who live at home with nobody but the cats to talk to.

Holidays are a different story. You see your mom a lot in the normal course of things. That's a good thing, not a negative. No one should be keeping count. It would be crazy to think that your mom doesn't need to see you on Christmas because she sees you all the time. Better that she sits home alone??? Why should she be alone when it's not necessary?

 

[cdunbar]

Well how about we jump from a MIL with a black belt in guilt to a grandmother whose a pill popping drunk and basically makes it her priority to ruin everything she touches.

 

[Uponastar]

Bun, your MIL and my mother were cut from the same mold. And that is not a good thing... I know exactly what you are dealing with. And it is not easy.



That's very true.

Marc's a sweetheart who wants to make everyone happy. I can relate to that. I also know that it doesn't work.

 

[Uponastar]

Well how about we jump from a MIL with a black belt in guilt to a grandmother whose a pill popping drunk and basically makes it her priority to ruin everything she touches.

Oh dear.

 

[mousefan1972]

Marc's a sweetheart who wants to make everyone happy. I can relate to that. I also know that it doesn't work.

No, it doesn't. And once I realized that it doesn't work, I became a much happier person.

 

[Nemo14]

Got to run - talk to you later maybe. :wave:

 

[Uponastar]

No, it doesn't. And once I realized that it doesn't work, I became a much happier person.

That's the ticket!
It's a big step to realize that sometimes it's okay to be say no. Family can make that so difficult because they know all the guilt buttons to push. When George and I started putting our little family of four above everyone else's demands and expectations, we were much, much happier for it.