Where have twenty years gone? As always, a big thank you to Steve for preserving this. For the first time in twenty years, I did not read through this thread. The local base was quiet today--they livestreamed their memorial ceremony this morning, and saw a few minutes of that. I saw a clip of Springsteen singing this morning. But I have avoided the coverage. Twenty years collapses into a moment when I think about that day. I'm so thankful to have had this space and these friends to support me, and please know, everyone on the original day-of thread, that I often think of you but never more than today. I'm thankful that the base suspended training today--I bought my parents' house and still live in the same house I was in on 9/11, still in the flight path for the joint base, and some days the sound of the jets or the planes or the helicopters are so close my husband, a veteran, goes outside to make sure it isn't crashing or attacking us. That day is still the most afraid I have ever been in my life.
I did read and reflect on the names of my university's alumni lost that day, and there were many. I thought about the freedoms so many lost that day and the terror our Muslim, Middle Eastern, and Indian neighbors suffered for years. I had a Pakistani student when i returned to teaching in October 2001, and there were a lot of adults and students who were afraid of him, or tormented him, or talked about calling him in as a threat for no reason other than his heritage. I always have to balance the feeling of safety and unity I had on these boards with what life was like for others on that day and remember that it wasn't a strong sense of unity and safety for all. Someone asked me the other day if I would relive the last 20 years if I could, and if I have to say that if it meant living through the fear of 9/11 again, I don't know that I would do it, even if I got all the years that came after. 9/11 pushed me to return to the classroom, and here we are, twenty years on, and I'm almost ready to retire from teaching. I'm hoping for a second act and am a doctoral candidate looking for something new to do with my time. September will always feel like I should be teaching, but the world is so different now.
Sending much love to all those who held me close and lifted me up that day. I am grateful every year that I have the memories of all of you and your comfort to balance out the rest of the day.