The Sorcerer's Apprentice Season 2: International Edition - Discussion Thread

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RMichael21

RMichael21

Well-Known Member
@RMichael21 's Critiques of Team Sea's Challenge 5 Proposal: Discover Disney

I would like to preface this by saying that no matter what I say about the proposal, Team Sea did an outstanding job this week.

Team Sea Presents
Discover Disney

For this project, we were assigned the task of creating a new campaign for the Disneyland Paris Resort to accompany the attractions we created during projects 1 and 2 of this season.
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I don't think this was necessary as you had already copy and pasted the challenge description directly above this paragraph. It kept it repetitive. Also, there really wasn't a "hook" here to draw the reader in. Just saying what the challenge was and stating that you found a campaign that fits doesn't make the reader want to read your proposal.

It's been a difficult journey, but we believe that we have come up with a great campaign that will attract all types of families, and really help Disneyland Paris and Walt Disney Studios Park flourish and grow. Team Sea proudly presents our campaign, Discover Disney.
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As I said above, this is really just a generic introduction. Maybe some kind of creative story or piece of imagery could have helped the introduction some more.

Life is about discovery. At the Disneyland Paris Resort, guests are encouraged to explore and discover new and exciting worlds at some of the best themed attractions in the world. The Discover Disney campaign will come with the openings of a brand new attraction in Adventureland at Disneyland Paris, The Voyage of Sindbad, a brand new land with a brand new E-Ticket experience at the Walt Disney Studios Park, Hollywoodland featuring The Gangsters of Hollywoodland, and a brand new nighttime spectacular for the Walt Disney Studios Park, City Lights.
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I didn't like how you just listed what was coming to the resort. Maybe put in some more adjectives to help describe it more and break it up into 2 or 3 sentences instead of just 1 longer run-on sentence.

With these attractions, guests are brought into exciting new worlds that they can explore and discover in ways never before.

The Voyage of Sinbad will be Disneyland Paris' response to the wildly popular Splash Mountain, inviting guests to follow the legendary pirate Sindbad as he journeys across the land searching for riches and adventure. This state of the art flume ride will also be able to operate in the winter months as it is entirely indoors.

Over in Walt Disney Studios Park, a brand new land has popped up. A tribute to the Hollywood that never was and always will be, Hollywoodland brings guests into a romanticized Hollywood of the 1920s. Here, guests will be able to join a group of gangsters as they ravage the famed city in The Gangsters of Hollywoodland.

Elsewhere, guests will be able to receive a wonderful meal surrounded by some of film's greatest landmarks and actors in Le Theatre d'Or. Finally, guests are invited to journey up the famed Hollywood hills and have a one of a kind experience at a recreation of the beautiful Hollywood Bowl. Here, guests will be dazzled by The Walt Disney Symphony Orchestra as they delight guests with some of film's most famous themes in an incredible display called City Lights.

The orchestra will be accompanied by a state of the art fountain system, similar to World of Color at Disney California Adventure. It truly will be a sight to behold. These additions will add to a park in need of things to do, and will certainly make it a full day park, encouraging guests to stay until the park's closing.
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Honestly, you could have just scrapped the list from the top and put this above the detailed descriptions: "Here are new additions for you to discover at Disneyland Paris!" I felt it was unnecessary to repeat more then you needed too.

With these additions comes our ad campaign, Discover Disney will encourage guests to discover everything Disneyland Paris Resort has to offer; from new attractions and show, to incredible restaurants and one of a kind experiences. There is plenty to discover and do at Disneyland Paris. So, please, join us as we see just what is coming to the Disneyland Paris Resort during this campaign.
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Nice Conclusion! The only thing about it is that I wish you could have tied it to your campaign just a bit more. Maybe on the end, you could have written: "So, please, join us as we see just what is coming to the Disneyland Paris Resort and Discover Disney!"

Poster 1: The Font is nice in the english version, but I couldn't see some apostrophes and certain parts of letters because of the dots. Also, some kind of border would have been nice, especially for the two pictures at the bottom. They kind of just felt tacked on. If you were going to use two pictures at the bottom, you should have stuck with it and put them on the bottoms of all the posters.

Poster 2: I like how you encorporated Disney Dreams into this poster, but how is the "a new addition?" This challenge was meant to highlight everything new coming the resort. Disney Dreams premiered several years ago. Especially with your theme, people visiting the resort would not be discovering Disney Dreams unless they were first time guests.

Poster 3: No comment on this poster. I loved this one and I think this was the only one that worked extremely well with the campaign.

Poster 4: I believe that this is the weakest poster out of all 4 of them. I feel like you guys ran out of ideas and just put that one there because it is more generic and doesn't really show anything new coming to the resort. Also, why use the castle a second time? If there are so many new offerings coming to the resort, why not use one of those options? And if you had to use the castle again, why from the same angle? Maybe a picture from the back or from a different place in the park where you could "discover each other" from a new angle?

Commercial: I loved, loved, loved the commercial and I thought the editing was outstanding. Whoever put this together, good job. I do have a few points though. If you were so dependent on a script for the commercial, couldn't you have voiced it over? And if you didn't want to put your voices on the internet, then don't depend on a script. I thought that the commercial was fine without it. I just complicated things by adding a script in my opinion. Also, I found that little strip that showed a little bit of footage annoying. If you were going to use that, make it larger so I can see it more clearly. Also, it took my attention away from the text. I liked how you put in your posters though!

Testimonial: Exactly what @Zweiland said. More then the required amount, but not allowed.

Overall, Good Job!
 
englanddg

englanddg

One Little Spark...
RMichael21 said:
@RMichael21 's Critiques of Team Sea's Challenge 5 Proposal: Discover Disney

I would like to preface this by saying that no matter what I say about the proposal, Team Sea did an outstanding job this week.


I don't think this was necessary as you had already copy and pasted the challenge description directly above this paragraph. It kept it repetitive. Also, there really wasn't a "hook" here to draw the reader in. Just saying what the challenge was and stating that you found a campaign that fits doesn't make the reader want to read your proposal.


As I said above, this is really just a generic introduction. Maybe some kind of creative story or piece of imagery could have helped the introduction some more.


I didn't like how you just listed what was coming to the resort. Maybe put in some more adjectives to help describe it more and break it up into 2 or 3 sentences instead of just 1 longer run-on sentence.



Honestly, you could have just scrapped the list from the top and put this above the detailed descriptions: "Here are new additions for you to discover at Disneyland Paris!" I felt it was unnecessary to repeat more then you needed too.



Nice Conclusion! The only thing about it is that I wish you could have tied it to your campaign just a bit more. Maybe on the end, you could have written: "So, please, join us as we see just what is coming to the Disneyland Paris Resort and Discover Disney!"

Poster 1: The Font is nice in the english version, but I couldn't see some apostrophes and certain parts of letters because of the dots. Also, some kind of border would have been nice, especially for the two pictures at the bottom. They kind of just felt tacked on. If you were going to use two pictures at the bottom, you should have stuck with it and put them on the bottoms of all the posters.

Poster 2: I like how you encorporated Disney Dreams into this poster, but how is the "a new addition?" This challenge was meant to highlight everything new coming the resort. Disney Dreams premiered several years ago. Especially with your theme, people visiting the resort would not be discovering Disney Dreams unless they were first time guests.

Poster 3: No comment on this poster. I loved this one and I think this was the only one that worked extremely well with the campaign.

Poster 4: I believe that this is the weakest poster out of all 4 of them. I feel like you guys ran out of ideas and just put that one there because it is more generic and doesn't really show anything new coming to the resort. Also, why use the castle a second time? If there are so many new offerings coming to the resort, why not use one of those options? And if you had to use the castle again, why from the same angle? Maybe a picture from the back or from a different place in the park where you could "discover each other" from a new angle?

Commercial: I loved, loved, loved the commercial and I thought the editing was outstanding. Whoever put this together, good job. I do have a few points though. If you were so dependent on a script for the commercial, couldn't you have voiced it over? And if you didn't want to put your voices on the internet, then don't depend on a script. I thought that the commercial was fine without it. I just complicated things by adding a script in my opinion. Also, I found that little strip that showed a little bit of footage annoying. If you were going to use that, make it larger so I can see it more clearly. Also, it took my attention away from the text. I liked how you put in your posters though!

Testimonial: Exactly what @Zweiland said. More then the required amount, but not allowed.

Overall, Good Job!
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Nice review!

(Reading how rainbows work...were you aware that light refracts!?!)
 
DinoInstitute

DinoInstitute

Well-Known Member
Aaron O said:
Think family-friendly.... family-friendly......
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Family friendly!
family.gif
 
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