The EPIC Pop Culture Story

[kmbmw777]

Bump.
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Alfred drove a black mazerati into the deserts of Nevada, towards the woods of Oregon. The vehicle cruised through the sands at a solid 65 mph and left a trail of dust behind it. The music of Hamilton played through his CD player.

Nightvale - Next Exit

He checked the gas gauge. It was getting low, and the exit after Nightvale wasn't for many miles. He would have to fill up here. Alfred took the exit off the highway, and drove towards the community. Apparently, it was just two miles away.

Ugh. They should be more considerate and have gas stations by the highway. Alfred thought.

The radio in his car flickered and blared static. "That's weird. I never turned this on."

"All radios must be on at all times, Afred. Our signal is so strong." the radio said.

"WHAT THE BLOODY HELL!?" Alfred blared. He panicked, and proceeded to drive his car into a ditch.

"You really should've waited for gas Alfred," the radio said. "But anyways Welcome to Night Vale."

 

[IAmNotAHufflepuff]

"You killed my mum!", Batman yelled at BlueDragon.

Losing all sense of moral ambiguity, Wayne rushed towards BlueDragon and broke his neck, instantly killing our main character. After all, only the Bat could survive a broken neck.

Batman snapped out of his fury and looked down in horror. He had killed a man, not innocent, but still a human being.

All of the sudden, the space-time continuum broke. You see, if Batman kills someone, it is a violation of the space-time code, something that would never happen. When Batman violated the code, all of the universe ceased to exist. Gee thanks, Batman.

However, the end of time served as a nifty way to restore the plot to the beginning.
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It was all-too an ordinary day in the Land of Cornfield. BlueDragonFive had just awoken from a long winter's nap, when he realized... His favorite Captain America sneakers were missing.

"That's odd," said BlueDragonFive. "I had just seen them in my dreams..." Not but too minutes later was there a knock at his bedroom door. "Come in!"

 

[Suchomimus]

"You killed my mum!", Batman yelled at BlueDragon.

 

[MANEATINGWREATH]

It was all-too an ordinary day in the Land of Cornfield. BlueDragonFive had just awoken from a long winter's nap, when he realized... His favorite Captain America sneakers were missing.

"That's odd," said BlueDragonFive. "I had just seen them in my dreams..." Not but too minutes later was there a knock at his bedroom door. "Come in!"

In walked... Batman?

"Gee-whillikers! It's the Bat!" Batman gave Dragon a wink. Dragon edged to the edge of his bed. "What? How? You?!" Batman placed a finger to Dragon's lips. "Not a word. We have much to discuss." In the corner of his eye, Dragon saw mushroom clouds, smoke and fire in the distance... He hadn't seen such horror since World War 2.5 just a year prior. Could this be the start of World War 2.5 1/2?

 

[kmbmw777]

In walked... Batman?

"Gee-whillikers! It's the Bat!" Batman gave Dragon a wink. Dragon edged to the edge of his bed. "What? How? You?!" Batman placed a finger to Dragon's lips. "Not a word. We have much to discuss." In the corner of his eye, Dragon saw mushroom clouds, smoke and fire in the distance... He hadn't seen such horror since World War 2.5 just a year prior. Could this be the start of World War 2.5 1/2?

"Gosh. I hope all that won't interrupt me and Cap's poker game." Batman said.

Another mushroom cloud formed and Dragon held up his thumb to the window. "I think we are in the radiation zone. We have to go. Grab Cap and the other guy and I'll get our emergency kit."

"No. This can wait. I need your help." Batman looked BlueDragon in the eyes.

"What?"

"I need you to help me cheat and win this poker game. See typically we're in the BatCave and I have cameras everywhere, but it flooded, so we had to move the game here. Please. I have never lost a poker game in my life."

BlueDragon looked at his second favorite hero mortified.

 

[Suchomimus]

Another mushroom cloud

 

[kmbmw777]

There were some submitting too early errors when I first typed it

 

[MANEATINGWREATH]

So, we obviously need to start over with a different storyline. Haha. Or will we continue Dragon's un-ending time loop? Haha

 

[kmbmw777]

So, we obviously need to start over with a different storyline. Haha. Or will we continue Dragon's un-ending time loop? Haha

I vote continue and see what happens.

 

[MANEATINGWREATH]

Dragon awoke with a start. Not only had he dreamt of being roommates with Captain America and Roger from Rent, he had dreamt of multiple bizarre scenarios; MichaelEatingWreath, TheOriginalDwight, Cranium Flenderson, Hipster Donald, etc. His dreams had proven so bizarre in fact, he had a dream within a dream where nuclear explosions had brought an end to the entire world.

Fortunately, this was not a dream. He was awake.

Dragon stretched, took a breath, and got up. Unfortunately, his beloved Captain America sneakers were in fact missing, just like in his dream. Suddenly, a knock on the door. "No, don't come in!" Dragon fled beneath his Batman sheets. "This is all a dream! I best not open the door again! I know what waits for me on the other side." The began to turn. As the door creaked open, a pair of eerie, haunting eyes peered in from the darkness. "Hello... I've come to inquire about your rusty spoons."

In walked Salad Fingers. Tall, green and not-quite-there, "Salad" took deep and flemmy breaths. "What the... Who... Get out! Get out of my bedroom!" Salad stared in silence. "Are you hard of hearing?! I said, get - " Just then, Dragon looked at the floor... On Salad's feet were his favorite pair of Captain America sneakers. In his heart, rage began to fester... "Give those back." Salad gave a toothy grin. "I'll give them back, Mr. Blue, on one condition... You handover your rusty spoons, post-haste." Dragon was angered, confused. "Well, actually, Salad, I don't collect rust or spoons. So, you're out of luck. I'll be taking my sneakers back now." "I see." Salad turned to the door. "I must be warning the others then. Bring in the League of Villains!"

Just then, the earth began to shake. Dragon's Batmobile-shaped bed began to shuffle and slide. "What is going on?! Who? What?!?" From nowhere, the roof lifted from its foundation. @TheOriginalTiki, Dragon's roommate awoke to the sound in the neighboring room. "Dragon, quit listening to the Batman soundtrack! You're shaking the whole house!" "Actually, Tiki, this is much bigger than the fantastic music of Danny Elfman..." From above, the sky resembled a swirling, purple vortex of dark magic. Other houses, cars and even cattle sucked up into the vortex. Tiki, now upset by Dragon's disregard to noise level burst into Dragon's bedroom. "I'll say it again, Dragon, turn it - " Just then, both Tiki and Dragon were torn from the floor, sucked into the vortex. "MY SNEAKERS! NOOOOOOO!" From below, Salad waved. The League of Villains awaited in the vortex beyond...

 

[kmbmw777]

Tiki and Dragon landed in a dark prison cell. Dragon runs to the door. "HELLO?" Not a single voice answers, even though Tiki's X-ray vision can detect other life nearby. "HELLO!?"

Footsteps come down the hallway. The figure stop in front of the duo's cell. "Welcome blubs to the Gladiatorial arena. 94% of heroes are captured in these cells down below and forced every day to battle to the death with other prisoners weekly. While all us villains watch and laugh."

"Well we're screwed, " Tiki said.

"Not necessarily. Spacemt354 was captured a month ago, and he has managed to defeat Black Widow, Gary the Snail, Anthony Rizzo, and Greg Heffley. He was just a normal guy like y'all."

"How did he beat Black Widow in a brawl?" Dragon said.

"Oh the event is randomized. That round the task was designing a new ride for Walt Disney World. It wasn't very appealing to the crowd though, so I doubt we'll see that again."

Tiki and Dragon frowned. "And are we just forced to wait in our cells the whole time?"

"No, of course not. There are lounges upstairs for good people. These are for naughty people. I'll move you up there after you're first game, which starts in ten minutes."

"WHAT?"

"Calm yourself. Tiki, you will be dueling AJ in a fashion-off. Arena 32. Dragon, you will be dueling Captain America in a fight to the death. Arena 2. Follow the signs, and if you need anything ask for me. In case I didn't introduce myself, I am Loki."

Dragon and Tiki looked at each other and freaked.

 

[kmbmw777]

Tagging some people who may be interested in continuing
@MANEATINGWREATH @Pionmycake @IAmNotAHufflepuff @TheOriginalTiki

 

[MANEATINGWREATH]

Meanwhile, as Tiki and Dragon rotted in a cell, Timekeeper and 9-Eyes relaxed by the pool... "Say, Timekeeper?" "Yes, 9-Eyes?" "Do you think this whole post-apocalyptic future thing is our fault?" "Hardly," Timekeeper snapped. "Man is dumb enough to make their own stupid decisions that lead to war and famine. We are robots, we had nothing to do with it."

Well, actually... They did have something to do with it. You see, that fateful incident where Timekeeper and 9-Eyes brought Jules Verne back from the past... Well, not only did it throw off the timeline ever-so-slightly, it sent his family on a lifelong search for their beloved brethren. In the process, the Verne family aggravated nomads somewhere in the Gobi Desert. This led to an all-out battle between the two groups... The battle escalated into a country-wide civil war. The civil war led into a world war and, before long, what would have been World War I and II became World War II and III. Timekeeper and 9-Eyes had unintentionally sparked World War I in the late 1800s... Imagine that.

"Timekeeper, I think we should find Jules and take him back." "What?! No, nonsense! I couldn't. I can't! I shan't. Jules is one of the world's most respected minds today." He gestured to a poster of Jules that read: "JULES VERNE - PREDICTIONS OF THE FUTURE - I'M ALWAYS RIGHT." 9-Eyes grew irritated. "Timekeeper, you know full well that this future is our fault. We have to take him back. People will only continue to suffer until he's been returned. The League of Villains grows stronger by the day." Just then, the pool's gate creaked open. It was Mickey... Mickey Mouse. On either side of him were two Imperial Guards.

"Haha! Hi-ya, Timekeeper! Hi-ya, 9-Eyes!" Timekeeper and 9-Eyes rattled in their...in their...er, uh, electronic boots? Everyone, and I mean everyone feared this mouse. "Mickey! What are - I mean - how are you?! Well?! I hope so. See ya around!" Timekeeper bolted. "Not so fast, ya android..." Mickey, using the Force, pulled Timekeeper toward him. "I couldn't help but listen to the two of you and your conversation about 'fixing' the future." "Yeah, what of it?" 9-Eyes trembled wildly. Mickey grinned.

"I'm afraid I can't let you fix the future. Jules belongs here. If it weren't for you, I wouldn't have much of the success and wealth that I have today. If you go back and change that...well, how is that fair for folks like me?" 9-Eyes stood firmly. "Hey, we're doing this for the whole world. We would never, and I mean NEVER obey you." "9-Eyes, ixnay on the NEVERstay..." "Shut up, Timekeeper. I'm thru with living in fear. It's time that someone did the right thing."

Mickey gave a boo-boo face. "Well then. What a shame. I guess I'll be going. C'mon, guards." Mickey and his guards turned. "Phew, I thought he'd never leave..." Suddenly, the mouse turned around, a blaster at hand. In two seconds, Timekeeper and 9-Eyes were obliterated, mere piles of cogs and gears set ablaze. "Well, that'll teach 'em." Mickey crunched his feet on what was left of 9-Eyes, pulling a walkie-talkie from his pocket.

"Come in, Salad Chief. Salad Chief, do you copy?" Salad Fingers answered on the other line. "Loud and clear, M. Mouse. Whatdya need?" "I've destroyed the last time-travelers on Earth. There is no hope for humanity if you have the Captain America sneakers... Do you?" "Yessir. The eagle has landed. I'm wearing them now." "Excellent..."

 

[kmbmw777]

In his cell, BlueDragon5 panicked. "There's no way I can beat Captain America in a duel. No way at all."

"Don't be so unsure of yourself," an individual boomed from a nearby cell. "Steve Rogers at your service."

"Cap! Why are you down here? Loki said all the victors get to live in suites upstairs in between matches."

"Well. I do not exactly win. I refuse to kill my opponents. Eventually, the villains come down and kill them and apprehend me."

Three hovercrafts with names on them arrived. The cell doors opened and Tiki, Dragon, and Cap boarded their vehicles. "Good luck out there," Cap said to the two nobodies.

 

[kmbmw777]

Bump?

 

[spacemt354]

In his cell, BlueDragon5 panicked. "There's no way I can beat Captain America in a duel. No way at all."

"Don't be so unsure of yourself," an individual boomed from a nearby cell. "Steve Rogers at your service."

"Cap! Why are you down here? Loki said all the victors get to live in suites upstairs in between matches."

"Well. I do not exactly win. I refuse to kill my opponents. Eventually, the villains come down and kill them and apprehend me."

Three hovercrafts with names on them arrived. The cell doors opened and Tiki, Dragon, and Cap boarded their vehicles. "Good luck out there," Cap said to the two nobodies.

As Tiki, Dragon, and Cap began to fly away on three hovercrafts, a sense of calm and serenity washed over them. Maybe they finally got away.

Then suddenly, just as the story was reaching a climatic moment, a voice appeared from behind them.

Boom! Detective Michael Scarn

 

[MANEATINGWREATH]

Michael Scott awoke from his dream. He had no clue why or how, but he had somehow envisioned and imagined an entire four pages of a thread on a Disney fan forum. He immediately ran to his desk to draw out what he had imagined. However, he ended up drawing a unicorn instead, believing it was the first unicorn in existence - that no one had thought about such a creature before.

 

[spacemt354]

For the next upcoming game this summer and so many new imagineers who enjoy stories - now would be a great time at revitalizing this concept while waiting for the season!

@Tegan pilots a chicken this seems up your ally!

 

[Tegan pilots a chicken]

For the next upcoming game this summer and so many new imagineers who enjoy stories - now would be a great time at revitalizing this concept while waiting for the season!

@Tegan pilots a chicken this seems up your ally!

OH MY GOD IT’S PURE UNFILTERED CHAOS

IT’S BEAUTIFUL

 

[Tegan pilots a chicken]

Michael named this “new” creature a “rhinopony.”

Believing that this could be his ticket to riches, Michael immediately set out for his local copyright office to patent the rhinopony with intent to sell the toy rights to Mattel.

He spoke eagerly to a woman named Clementine. Her head was adorned with blue hair and she wore a sweatshirt with a hue that matched her name.

“It’s a totally new creature! Nobody’s ever seen anything like it!” He enthusiastically continued, “Just imagine, this could be a toy at McDonalds!”

Clementine simply gazed at Michael with a blank stare, believing him to either be a really bad prankster, or simply bats*it crazy!

“Yeah, that’s a unicorn.” She said, unamused.

“No, no it’s not a unicorn, that’s a stupid name! Who would even come up with something like that! It’s a rhinopony!” Michael wasn’t giving up.

“Umm, sir. I have to ask you something,” she leaned in slowly and spoke in a whisper, “Are you on drugs?”

Michael recoiled. Clementine continued, “Because I can get you some help. There’s no shame it getting help! There’s a place just up the road I can call you a Lyft.”