The Budget Cuts Joke Thread

Matt_Black

Matt_Black

Well-Known Member
Original Poster
People are mad about all the recent budget cuts. So I, as a public service, have created this thread so that everyone can pour their sarcasm and snark here so serious discussions elsewhere aren't derailed. I'll begin.

*ahem*

Due to budget cuts, The Polynesian Resort will now be The Mononesian Resort. We apologize for the lack of nesias and regret any inconvenience this may cause.
 
S

Siren

Well-Known Member
Matt_Black said:
People are mad about all the recent budget cuts. So I, as a public service, have created this thread so that everyone can pour their sarcasm and snark here so serious discussions elsewhere aren't derailed. I'll begin.

*ahem*

Due to budget cuts, The Polynesian Resort will now be The Mononesian Resort. We apologize for the lack of nesias and regret any inconvenience this may cause.
Click to expand...
Great idea, Matt! It's always nice to start the day with a little humor. Plus, I don't ever want to see another thread derailed. So here's mine.

Due to budget cuts, The Walt Disney World Resort will *only* build -

  • Star Wars Land in DHS
  • Toy Story Land in DHS
  • Star Wars fireworks show in DHS
  • Avatar Land in AK
  • The Rivers of Light show in AK
  • New Night Time Safari in AK
  • New Soarin' experience in Epcot,
  • New Frozen Ever After Ride
  • Meet and Greet w/ Anna & Elsa
  • A new Royal Summerhus in the Norway Pavilion
  • The New Disney Springs Shopping & Dining Mecca
On behalf of the Walt Disney World Co. we sincerely apologize for building new and innovative experiences for everyone to enjoy.
 
Cmdr_Crimson

Cmdr_Crimson

Well-Known Member
Siren said:
Great idea, Matt! It's always nice to start the day with a little humor. Plus, I don't ever want to see another thread derailed. So here's mine.

Due to budget cuts, The Walt Disney World Resort will *only* build -

  • Star Wars Land in DHS
  • Toy Story Land in DHS
  • Star Wars fireworks show in DHS
  • Avatar Land in AK
  • The Rivers of Light show in AK
  • New Night Time Safari in AK
  • New Soarin' experience in Epcot,
  • New Frozen Ever After Ride
  • Meet and Greet w/ Anna & Elsa
  • A new Royal Summerhus in the Norway Pavilion
  • The New Disney Springs Shopping & Dining Mecca
On behalf of the Walt Disney World Co. we sincerely apologize for building new and innovative experiences for everyone to enjoy.
Click to expand...

Gee...Thanks Shanghai...Now I'll have NOTHING To do....
 
slappy magoo

slappy magoo

Well-Known Member
How many WDW accountants does it take to screw in a light bulb?

"Why do we have so many lights? Let's cut back on lighting 30%, be strategic about it so dark spots are minimal, create a role playing game that requires people to use the flashes on their cameras or cell phones, pass the savings on to our stockholders. You're welcome."
 
Chef Mickey

Chef Mickey

Well-Known Member
Siren said:
Great idea, Matt! It's always nice to start the day with a little humor. Plus, I don't ever want to see another thread derailed. So here's mine.

Due to budget cuts, The Walt Disney World Resort will *only* build -

  • Star Wars Land in DHS
  • Toy Story Land in DHS
  • Star Wars fireworks show in DHS
  • Avatar Land in AK
  • The Rivers of Light show in AK
  • New Night Time Safari in AK
  • New Soarin' experience in Epcot,
  • New Frozen Ever After Ride
  • Meet and Greet w/ Anna & Elsa
  • A new Royal Summerhus in the Norway Pavilion
  • The New Disney Springs Shopping & Dining Mecca
On behalf of the Walt Disney World Co. we sincerely apologize for building new and innovative experiences for everyone to enjoy.
Click to expand...
Totally agree, but there should be about double those things and many should have already happened. I call this stuff deferred maintenance. It's kind of like putting off maintaining your car and then taking it in and doing 10 things it needed 2 years ago.

EPCOT needs about 4 additional new attractions besides Frozen and Soarin (which needed maintenance 5 years ago).
 
matt9112

matt9112

Well-Known Member
Siren said:
Great idea, Matt! It's always nice to start the day with a little humor. Plus, I don't ever want to see another thread derailed. So here's mine.

Due to budget cuts, The Walt Disney World Resort will *only* build -

  • Star Wars Land in DHS
  • Toy Story Land in DHS
  • Star Wars fireworks show in DHS
  • Avatar Land in AK
  • The Rivers of Light show in AK
  • New Night Time Safari in AK
  • New Soarin' experience in Epcot,
  • New Frozen Ever After Ride
  • Meet and Greet w/ Anna & Elsa
  • A new Royal Summerhus in the Norway Pavilion
  • The New Disney Springs Shopping & Dining Mecca
On behalf of the Walt Disney World Co. we sincerely apologize for building new and innovative experiences for everyone to enjoy.
Click to expand...

Pretty sure all the frozen things can be lumped into one package at the very least the royal summerhaus as it is the building the meet and greet will be in? And you forgot the Pixar short film festival at epcot that's amazing too and oh oh the Frozen sing along at Hollywood Studios that's my favorite attraction.

OK my turn because of recent budget cuts we are building lots of new stuff but it will take 5 years or more to see any of it except for the retheming of a ride from the early 80s and a new film for a show that will last a couple of minutes. Those things will be done before your children turn 18. Oh and we have this wonderful nighttime show for AK but it's broken yeah we said it would be done but it's not so we will reuse some features of the broken show to do a temporary show until the broken show is ready. But until any of this happens we are going to cut staffing levels across all departments right in time for the busy summer season so we can make more vacations magical!!! Yay.
 
MississippiBelle

MississippiBelle

Well-Known Member
mf1972 said:
there's no such thing as sarcasm here on these boards....:hilarious:
Click to expand...

How rude! I'm offended sir.

Due to budget cuts, Enchanted Tales with Belle will now be an exclusive hard ticket event where guests can... wait for it... hear belle tell a story. Tickets start at $150 a person and you'll have the opportunity to eat a pork shank with Gaston!*
*Pork shank price not included in ticket price. Meeting with Gaston is only available for guests who upgrade their ticket for an extra $75.
 
MississippiBelle

MississippiBelle

Well-Known Member
Due to budget cuts, characters at meet and greets will now be photoshopped... we mean "magicked" into photos after the end of each trip. Guests will be expected to provide their own magical experiences. For an additional fee, a cast member will stand in to give guests something to work off of, but will not be permitted to speak or pose. Also, due to employee lay offs, we only have a limited staff of "magickers" so it may be several months before you receive your photos. Also, these meet and greets are now a hard ticket event. $50 a person for lesser known characters and $125.76 for the more popular characters. It's a great deal, really. You're welcome.
 

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