Struggling with anxiety over leaving children and considering cancelling WDW - help?

[MickeyLuv'r]

We decided, morally, you cannot have a travel & vacation lifestyle while simultaneously placing your dogs in boarding houses every time you want to take a trip. Well, that and we both work full time w' commute, and leaving them alone 12 hours a day also feels morally problematic.

Not sure where you live, but itis possible to hire a petsitter while you are away. (in many areas) Service options vary. Your pets get to stay home. Usually the petsitter comes for like 2-3 visits per day, whatever you set up. You can have them come for 30min or longer per visit if you prefer. There are also some companies where having the person stay in your home is an option, or maybe they stay as a day guest in your home.

It gets $$, but it is possible to have a sitter come on weekdays every day, too.

I did petsitting for a time, and it was a really fun job. I think the pets all coped very well. I also learned a great deal from my clients. Most people have some little slightly quirky thing they do for their pet. In addition to taking care of pets, I also of course made sure the house was okay, and did little extras like watering plants and collecting mail if they asked.

As for OP, there have been several good suggestions, one not offered so far is to modify the trip and make it shorter. It depends on the terms of what you have booked, but it is perhaps another possible option.

 

[Ghostdog]

Leaving the kiddos for the first time is nerve racking for most parents. Only you can know how long away is too much. If you’re second guessing the length of time away why not shorten this trip and see how it goes. If the kids do great and you can manage shorter times away, then book a second short trip.

I hope you have a wonderful trip!!

 

[HerefortheFood]

We are having our first (and only) test run this weekend for 2 nights - fingers crossed.

I think we are still going for the full duration, kid #2 is doing slightly better lately. He just loves comfort from mommy.

 

[fractal]

I would cut it to 3 or 4 days. JMHO.

 

[drizgirl]

He just loves comfort from mommy.

Because he’s still a baby.

 

[jaklgreen]

I just saw this post and have not read through all of the answers yet but I wanted to say that I have been going solo to WDW for many years. My husband is fine with WDW but does not love it like I do. We had taken the kids several times when I decided that I wanted to start going alone. I started going for the F&WF because that was something that I was interested in. The kids stayed home with dad. I did that from the time that they were about 6,7 years old and did so their whole childhood. We still did go on trips with the kids, this was just an extra trip for just me.

They understood that Mama and Daddy are still our own people and not just their parents. If your kids are safe and healthy, that is what matters. Family members do not have to spend every single second of their free time together.

My kids are young adults now and we have an amazing relationship. They still want to go on vacation and spend time with us and have learned balance in their own personal relationships, that you don't have to be with those that you love 24/7. I think that is a much healthier way of living than feeling like you can't be away from someone.

 

[jaklgreen]

I’m an extremely attached parent and I couldn’t do it. I’ve not left mine overnight for a single night in 9 years. I cannot think of any trip I would want to take that would be fun enough to override how miserable I would be if I left my kids at home. Even the handful of times we have left them with a grandparent or older sibling for a couple hours so we can have a date night or run some errands, I just spend the whole time stressing over what’s happening with them and cannot enjoy the moment.

I would base the decision on how it would impact you and your wife. If you’re like me and would be miserable not having the kids with you for an extended time, then there’s no sense in wasting all that money to have a bad time. But I know there’s plenty of parents out there who leave their kids all the time to take trips alone and they are unaffected by it.

This is not how I see things. When I first started taking trips without my kids, I would get the whole "don't you love them"? As if a parent can't be without their kids for a few days. Even back in the 70s when I grew up, people would send their kids over to spend time with grandma and grandpa. Heck, some would send them for the summer because there was no daycare available.
Yes, you do miss your kids but that does not mean that you let the emotion override rational thought. Kids are meant to be a part of your life, not your whole identity. Because if you lose who you are, then when your kids grow up and move out to start their own lives, you will feel lost. If you are miserable being away from them for a few days now, how are you going to cope when they grow up?

 

[Laura]

This is not how I see things. When I first started taking trips without my kids, I would get the whole "don't you love them"? As if a parent can't be without their kids for a few days. Even back in the 70s when I grew up, people would send their kids over to spend time with grandma and grandpa. Heck, some would send them for the summer because there was no daycare available.
Yes, you do miss your kids but that does not mean that you let the emotion override rational thought. Kids are meant to be a part of your life, not your whole identity. Because if you lose who you are, then when your kids grow up and move out to start their own lives, you will feel lost. If you are miserable being away from them for a few days now, how are you going to cope when they grow up?

I have 2 adult children and 3 small kids. I coped just fine when my older 2 grew up and moved out, and I don’t feel lost without them. My adult children have an amazing relationship with me and with each other, but we can all also go months at a time without seeing each other and it is no big deal.

Kids are only little for a few years, and then they are all grown up for the rest of their lives. It is ok for some parents to spend extended time away from their kids if that’s what they need and enjoy, and it is ok for other parents not to if they would not enjoy it. I am very firmly planted in my identity and have plenty of interests and spend plenty of time doing things without my little ones, even if I prefer not to sleep away from them and would actually be miserable sleeping away from them.

 

[jaklgreen]

I have 2 adult children and 3 small kids. I coped just fine when my older 2 grew up and moved out, and I don’t feel lost without them. My adult children have an amazing relationship with me and with each other, but we can all also go months at a time without seeing each other and it is no big deal.

Kids are only little for a few years, and then they are all grown up for the rest of their lives. It is ok for some parents to spend extended time away from their kids if that’s what they need and enjoy, and it is ok for other parents not to if they would not enjoy it. I am very firmly planted in my identity and have plenty of interests and spend plenty of time doing things without my little ones, even if I prefer not to sleep away from them and would actually be miserable sleeping away from them.

I'm sorry but being gone for a few days is not an "extended" period of time. Nobody is talking months here, it is a few day vacation. Yes, it is fine to be be away from your kids and it is fine if you don't. But what is not fine is to act as if spending a few nights away from your kids makes you a bad parent. Saying that parents are "unaffected" by it implies that they don't give a crap about their kids, and that is just not true. Maybe you didn't mean it to sound that way, but that is how it came across.

 

[Laura]

I'm sorry but being gone for a few days is not an "extended" period of time. Nobody is talking months here, it is a few day vacation. Yes, it is fine to be be away from your kids and it is fine if you don't. But what is not fine is to act as if spending a few nights away from your kids makes you a bad parent. Saying that parents are "unaffected" by it implies that they don't give a crap about their kids, and that is just not true. Maybe you didn't mean it to sound that way, but that is how it came across.

I consider leaving a baby and a toddler for 8 days to be an extended period. It’s a long enough time that the OP is having anxiety about it. And it would be a a significant amount of time for the 1 and 3 year old who are too little to read a calendar or understand “how much longer” until their mom and dad get back.

By unaffected, I mean some parents are unaffected by anxiety or distress when they are away from their kids. I know many wonderful parents who are able to take kid-free vacations without it being a big deal. Especially if their children are frequently left with other caregivers and used to separations. My impression from the OP is that they haven’t ever been away from their kids for nearly this long before and their kids are not, in fact, used to this sort of thing.

No where did I say any sort of parent was a bad parent. I just said someone shouldn’t spend a lot of money on a trip if they are unlikely to enjoy said trip.

 

[Ghostdog]

We are having our first (and only) test run this weekend for 2 nights - fingers crossed.

I think we are still going for the full duration, kid #2 is doing slightly better lately. He just loves comfort from mommy.

So…how did it go? I hope you had the best time and we’re able to relax, recharge and have a blast.

And have a FANTASTIC time at Disney without the kids! As parents we need time away sometimes and it’s ok to take the time!

 

[Indy_UK]

My wife and I booked an 8 day WDW vacation for the two of us back in December for this upcoming August, and we have really enjoyed planning it. However, the closer the trip comes, the more we are getting anxious over leaving our two kids (who will be 14 months and 3 years old).

They will be staying with my wife's parents who they see multiple times a week and are comfortable with. I know they will be taken good care of, we are just worried they will become homesick or miss us too much, or impact our attachment. My wife is also doing her best to wean our almost 1 year old onto straw cups as he doesn’t take bottles well. He eats solids well, but doesn’t always like drinking milk from cups.

Are we just overthinking this, or is 8 days too long to be away?

Leave them and GO !!!!

 

[HerefortheFood]

So…how did it go? I hope you had the best time and we’re able to relax, recharge and have a blast.

And have a FANTASTIC time at Disney without the kids! As parents we need time away sometimes and it’s ok to take the time!

Older son woke up a few times but went back to sleep fairly quickly.

Younger son woke up a lot but that's the same if he was with us. My mother in law was stuck with him all night as my father in law was with my older son sharing a bed. It's actually funny because it's kind of opening old wounds because my father in law apparently didn't help that much with their #2 kid (my brother in law). He only helped on the 2nd night at 4:30am...

My mother in law basically said it would be 8 days would be a long time (but then again I wouldn't blame her, when you have no help, then my younger son is a handful at night). If the father in law would help more, I think it would be better. My older son doesn't have to be watched all night.

 

[DisneyHead123]

Older son woke up a few times but went back to sleep fairly quickly.

Younger son woke up a lot but that's the same if he was with us. My mother in law was stuck with him all night as my father in law was with my older son sharing a bed. It's actually funny because it's kind of opening old wounds because my father in law apparently didn't help that much with their #2 kid (my brother in law). He only helped on the 2nd night at 4:30am...

My mother in law basically said it would be 8 days would be a long time (but then again I wouldn't blame her, when you have no help, then my younger son is a handful at night). If the father in law would help more, I think it would be better. My older son doesn't have to be watched all night.

Sorry it didn’t work out for right now. Maybe in a couple of years! The sleeping through the night thing can be so tricky when they’re little.

 

[Chef Mickey]

I'd recommend leaving the kids but go somewhere else.

 

[Ghostdog]

Older son woke up a few times but went back to sleep fairly quickly.

Younger son woke up a lot but that's the same if he was with us. My mother in law was stuck with him all night as my father in law was with my older son sharing a bed. It's actually funny because it's kind of opening old wounds because my father in law apparently didn't help that much with their #2 kid (my brother in law). He only helped on the 2nd night at 4:30am...

My mother in law basically said it would be 8 days would be a long time (but then again I wouldn't blame her, when you have no help, then my younger son is a handful at night). If the father in law would help more, I think it would be better. My older son doesn't have to be watched all night.

I understand having one that doesn’t sleep well. But each time they sleep away it gets better, at least it did for us.

I hope you can get away to Disney for an adult trip; it’s a totally different experience without the kids. If you have someone willing to watch them I hope you go and don’t worry about them too much!

 

[WheelsUpRN]

I think that’s a long trip for young Children to be away from their parents. Listen to your gut.

 

[HerefortheFood]

We went without - my #2 son didn't sleep well most nights for my in-laws but he doesn't sleep well for us anyway. Apparently they had a great time so much so that #1 son wants to sleep over again.

 

[Thepuma]

You're overthinking- Just go and enjoy yourself.

So glad to hear you aren't doing what I see so many selfish parents doing in the parks. The amount of times I've seen mums taking babies...and I'm talking 2 months old to a year old. Dragging the poor child round in 100 degree heat all day...and they wonder why the child is crying .

Yesterday took the biscuit - in the queue for Haunted Mansion and a mother with her newborn..could not have been older than 2 months old. I thought she wouldn't be going in and just queueing with the family- I was wrong, she held the poor baby all the way round, with the baby clearly (and obviously) being scared to death!!....the baby was screaming its eyes out all the way round absolutely terrified....why are some parents so selfish and instead of thinking of their children, they think "ill have my Disney holiday and stuff the poor child being dragged round all day"

Anyway...just enjoy your break..you deserve it. The children will be fine. I respect you more for leaving them rather than dragging them round against their will.

 

[CaptainAmerica]

You're overthinking- Just go and enjoy yourself.

So glad to hear you aren't doing what I see so many selfish parents doing in the parks. The amount of times I've seen mums taking babies...and I'm talking 2 months old to a year old. Dragging the poor child round in 100 degree heat all day...and they wonder why the child is crying .

Yesterday took the biscuit - in the queue for Haunted Mansion and a mother with her newborn..could not have been older than 2 months old. I thought she wouldn't be going in and just queueing with the family- I was wrong, she held the poor baby all the way round, with the baby clearly (and obviously) being scared to death!!....the baby was screaming its eyes out all the way round absolutely terrified....why are some parents so selfish and instead of thinking of their children, they think "ill have my Disney holiday and stuff the poor child being dragged round all day"

Anyway...just enjoy your break..you deserve it. The children will be fine. I respect you more for leaving them rather than dragging them round against their will.

I promise you, no newborn baby was scared to death by Haunted Mansion.

Non-parents giving parenting advice is my favorite genre of content on the Internet. Thank you for your contribution.