Ladies and gentlemen, it has happened, I have crossed over.
Grab that questionable left over Del Taco from yesterday, open up that last beer from that six pack your friend brought over years ago that you never drank because you don't like it, lets get to the review...
8:00p – 12:00a was our time slot. The last of our group showed up a tad late and we got in line for the land a bit past the rail bridge around 7:40p. Upon the running of the bulls, my friend and I ‘briskly’ walked toward the Cantina to grab a reservation, what we didn’t expect was for the CMs to funnel practically the entire mass into the area of the line. We nabbed a spot in the virtual queue with an expected 3 hour wait time.
First impressions- The land is extremely well done, there is no denying it. It is immersive, it’s beautifully dressed, it is a site to behold. I’ll admit it was fun to be momentarily lost in Disneyland… that has not happened to me in a very long time. The scale of the land is unmatched in Disneyland nor anything else I’ve experienced in a Disney Park (I haven’t been to Pandora). The scale is huge. I was sitting at a table next to Ronto Roasters looking at the setup and found myself in awe of why the rotunda for a food stall was so HUGE (~2.5 stories tall).
Stores- All the stores are masterfully themed… of note I think that the droid depot is a home run. Awesome theming, great looking store, just a wholly neat concept. I think this is certainly worthy of being called a ‘Potter wand shop killer’. Dok Ondars is an awesome shop to look in… what great theming… but does it matter where it counts? For one, I give props to Disney for actually offering unique merchandise. Often my friend and I comment when in the parks that we would like to buy what’s in the display case at a store, and not the generic merchandise it is framing. For the most part here, they’re offering really unique items fitting for the land. That being said, I don’t think it will last. From my observation (and online rumors), no one was buying anything. People are buying the droids and the lightsabres, but no one is buying much of anything else. Sure, certain things will sell (I noted they are out of Kowakian Monkey Lizards), but I think most of the merchandise is just too specialized. For instance the Toydarian Toymaker… I was amazed to see they have little wooden Millenium Falcons… but how many people will buy those? Poseable wooden drawing manakins of C-3PO? Inventive, certainly something a junk toymaker would make… but will children buy them by the thousands? Doubtful. Of all the merchandise I saw in the land, there are two things in the driod shop I MAY consider getting. In a way I think Disney has misstepped with the merchandise in the land, they added hyper theming to an aspect of the park that doesn’t need, nor want it.
Food- We decided against the restaurant in favor of riding Smuggler’s Run 3 times. Here’s a list of what we did try-
- Ronto Wrap- Not bad. I’m not craving it or wowed by it, but it’s good. I would gladly get it again (I’m a sap for meat), but wouldn’t actively seek it out. Initially the roast pork seemed pointless… but I had a bit more of it bunched up in the back half of my pita and it had a tasty flavor when I got a good bite of it.
- Turkey Jerky (spicy)- This is an absolute travesty; how dare they serve this. It is flavorless, hard as a rock, overpriced crap.
- All 3 unique drinks from Ronto Roasters- I can’t tell you which one was which but 2 are moderately sweet with some random fruit notes, and the other is quite sour with some random fruit notes. I didn’t mind the drinks, but I think in trying to add so much to them, they taste muddled and just ‘fruity and sweet’.
- Popcorn- Pointless. A waste of a stall… but I had to get the mouse droid… going to wear it around my neck 24/7 until HR calls me in voicing concerns from fellow employees.
- Ball soda- Given to us unrefrigerated. Look, I know it was 11pm… but why was my soda warm? Unacceptable. See ‘The Rants’ below for a segue from this.
- Blue/ Green Milk- Disney dropped the ball. Even thinking this is a ‘butterbeer killer’ is laughable (and I don’t even like the butterbeer). The green has an interesting scent… but both are just bland, muted, flavorless slurries. They’re not bad, but they’re not even mediocre… I honestly can’t fathom how the design team went through creating iconic Star Wars Blue Milk, known world-wide for over 40 years… and came up with this pointless concoction. If this was the result of the idiotic plant-based ‘purpose’ behind the drink, it serves them right. Overpriced and beyond unforgettable… I guarantee it will be re-imagined quickly (being hardly anyone actually likes it in reviews).
Smuggler’s Run- It’s fun. Not a home run, but not bad. It put a smile on my face all 3 times. The queue is nice (I enjoyed the random Porg nests scattered about). The chess room is ok, it seems like there’s not much point in it as we didn’t spend more than a minute or two in it each time we went through. Concerning the attraction… I have a feeling that tossing the guests in without fully explaining to them what they’re going to do, and the ensuing chaos, is part of the idea. They want you to crash, they want you to be a bit confused, it adds to the mayhem and resulting action. I sat in all 3 positions-
- Pilot my first experience was pilot. I found it a bit awkward to control the ship, I couldn’t tell what I was doing vs. what was automated. I determined that the controls are very sensitive and have a delay to them. You have to gently ease the controls where you want to go and not jab it back and forth. You are fully invested in the screen when in this position which was fun.
- Engineer was my second experience… and I think I liked it the most. I liked that I had to turn to the side and push buttons and switches… it was a different experience than simply flying and watching the screen, this position is truly interactive as when you crash into something, you have to fix it… which I found fun. This position is the most unique as you actually have something to do and not just watch a screen. When there’s chaos, you have to react to it both in surprise and the resulting repairs.
- Gunner was my third experience. Of all 6 of us, I don’t think a single person enjoyed being a gunner. It’s senseless button mashing and tiresome. I selected manual and noted that of the ‘up’, ‘middle’, and ‘down’ options, often what I was seeing on the screen didn’t line up with what my buttons suggested they would do. Aside from that, the button mashing was annoying.
Overall, it’s a fun experience. It’s not an E-ticket… I’d say a D ticket or so. That being said, we had fun while waiting 30, 15, and 5 minutes for the ride… how my opinion would differ after waiting ~3-4 hours for it… I’m uncertain. What I found off was that after you’re done… that’s it, they kick you out, you walk down a cold stone hallway, and get out. There was very little closure to the ride which I for some reason expected out of a bigger high tech ride like this (especially with the space available). Would it have been too much to have a leader board in a storage room near the exit ranking you ala Midway Mania? Sure, I’m armchair Imagineering, but the exit hallway is rather cold…
The Rant- So what did I not like about it? I’ll rant about a few topics-
- Perhaps something that has been creeping up in recent years but I haven’t taken much notice or have been blind to. The cast members were absolutely TERRIBLE during this preview. Attitude, disinterest, and badmouthing of the experience. While ordering at Ronto Roaster, I asked the CM how to pronounce the name of one of the drinks and her reply was “Say it however you want, I don’t care. People have been telling me how to pronounce it all day”. Throughout the land, the CMs had a noted attitude and I honestly don’t know why. I can’t figure out why in the opening preview weeks of the BIGGEST expansion of the world’s greatest theme park, when it should be at its absolute best, that cast members (who are supposed to be leaders in the industry of guest experience…) are acting in such a manner. Now sure, I don’t expect treatment like I’m a god, I know people have a bad day, but in this land, the cast members moreso than ever are part of the show… and they’re failing. Other reviews have mentioned this, what gives? I recall when Carsland opened, the CMs were on fire and at the top of their game. Has that much changed since then?
- Our 3 hour wait for the Cantina never materialized. We walked by around 11:40pm to inquire and were informed that we wouldn’t get in. Not even a courtesy text to let us know they simply abandoned our space in the queue? This goes along with the room temperate coke from above… it doesn’t take much effort to be the leader in the theme park industry, why can’t Disney do it with supposedly the best of the best CM’s while presenting their new jewel to the world?
- The land is out of scale. It is massive in scope and I think it’s past the point of inviting. When strolling through New Orleans Square, the Bazaar in Morocco in Epcot, or the African market areas of Animal Kingdom, they are built with a certain intimate charm. I feel that Disney threw that concept out the window with this and went all for it. I can’t quite place what I find off about it, but it’s almost too large and cold… is it the junkyard desert feel? Is it the lack of useable doors in the pathways? Is it simply the scale itself? I don’t know… I will have to experience it again a few more times to see how it grows on me and if I can pin what is off about it.
- Perhaps related to the above paragraph, other than a walk around character or two… the land is entertainmentally (is that a new word?) cold. I think back to when Buena Vista Street had the walk around characters when it first opened, Main Street with its little musical performances, just Disney entertainment in general… where is it? Where’s the charm? It’s the opening weeks (in a controlled environment), why is this land not parked with charm and entertainment and at its absolute best? Aside from the physical settings, where is the themeing? Historically new Disney areas are packed at the beginning and decline from there… and if this is the start line for this land, how can it get any worse? With rumors that Disney cut all the entertainment in lieu of the cast members filling in for it (and it being obvious they are not up for the task) I feel that the land will be cold and heartless quite quickly.
Final thoughts- It’s neat, but I think a few things keep it from being a home run. I’ll admit from the first announcement I was amazed that Disney was expanding Disneyland and turning a massive chunk of it into Star Wars, forever changing the definitive theme park… I like Star Wars, and I didn’t think it was the best direction to go for the park. I think in some areas that should be home runs, they’ve fallen flat. Considering this is a land created from arguably the most popular and successful franchise in entertainment history, why isn’t everything a homerun?
I think the land is suffering from the lack of the star attraction. Sure the masses will eat it up, but as of right now I think a massive aspect of the land’s identity is missing. I will be back like a sheep in line for when Rise of the Resistance opens, but will it put the land over the top to be the greatest possible thing Disney can create? Can the addition of the star attraction and tweaks of a few things turn this large jewel studded albatross into an intimately enjoyable space? We shall see…
Ho-kay, that just about wraps it up. Please buy a website T-shirt, be sure to like and subscribe, and please tip your waitress on the way out.
