Simply Huggles

Connor002

Connor002

Active Member
Ah, Bill O'Reilly, this is why I watch you:
http://www.billoreilly.com/currentarticle

'Twas the night before Solstice, and all through the land
the ACLU was watching to keep things in hand.
The children were nestled all snug in their beds,
while forces kept Christmas out of their heads.
When out on the lawn there arose such a clatter,
I sprang from my bed and heard desperate chatter.
Someone had seen my manger display,
And wailed very loudly - go away, go away.
How could I be so crass, so utterly wrong
So show the infant Jesus and sing him a song?

And then, in a twinkling, I heard on the roof
An ACLU lawyer, looking stern and aloof.
No manger! No caroling! he said with a snort,
And if you don't comply immediately, I'll take you to court!
He was chubby and plump, a right surly old elf,
And I laughed when I saw him in spite of myself.
He dallied no more, but went straight to his phone
Lamenting the manger, in a most pitiful moan.
But I in the spirit, said nothing unkind
Christmas is forgiveness whatever you find.
A wink of his eye and a twist of his head,
Soon gave me to know I had nothing to dread. Christmas will survive, the folks will demand it,
Even if secular lawyers will not understand it.
Then I heard him exclaim, as he drove out of sight,
Happy Solstice to all, and to all a good night!
​
 
dandaman

dandaman

Well-Known Member
Reminds me of a segment on Royal Canadian Air Farce, about 10 years ago, called "A Politically Correct Christmas Story". :lol:
 
dandaman

dandaman

Well-Known Member
Note: Not the same thing I'm thinking of, but funny nonetheless :lol::

Twas the night before Christmas and Santa's a wreck...
How to live in a world that's politically correct?
His workers no longer would answer to "Elves".
"Vertically Challenged" they were calling themselves.
And labour conditions at the North Pole
were alleged by the union to stifle the soul.

Four reindeer had vanished, without much propriety,
Released to the wilds by the Humane Society.
And equal employment had made it quite clear
That Santa had better not use just reindeer.
So Dancer and Donner, Comet and Cupid
Were replaced with 4 pigs, and you know that looked stupid!

The runners had been removed from his sleigh;
The ruts were termed dangerous by the E.P.A.
And people had started to call for the cops
When they heard sled noises on their rooftops.
Second-hand smoke from his pipe had his workers quite frightened.
His fur trimmed red suit was called "Unenlightened."

And to show you the strangeness of life's ebbs and flows,
Rudolf was suing over unauthorised use of his nose
And had gone on Geraldo, in front of the nation,
Demanding millions in over-due compensation.
So, half of the reindeer were gone; and his wife,
Who suddenly said she'd enough of this life,

Joined a self-help group, packed, and left in a whiz,
Demanding from now on her title was Ms.
And as for the gifts, why, he'd never had a notion
That making a choice could cause so much commotion.
Nothing of leather, nothing of fur,
Which meant nothing for him. And nothing for her.

Nothing that might be construed to pollute.
Nothing to aim, Nothing to shoot.
Nothing that clamoured or made lots of noise.
Nothing for just girls, or just for the boys.
Nothing that claimed to be gender specific.
Nothing that's warlike or non-pacifistic.

No candy or sweets...they were bad for the tooth.
Nothing that seemed to embellish a truth.
And fairy tales, while not yet forbidden,
Were like Ken and Barbie, better off hidden.
For they raised the hackles of those psychological
Who claimed the only good gift was one ecological.

No baseball, no football...someone could get hurt;
Besides, playing sports exposed kids to dirt.
Dolls were said to be sexist, and should be passe;
And Nintendo would rot your entire brain away.
So Santa just stood there, dishevelled, perplexed;
He just could not figure out what to do next.

He tried to be merry, tried to be gay,
But you've got to be careful with that word today.
His sack was quite empty, limp to the ground;
Nothing fully acceptable was to be found.
Something special was needed, a gift that he might
Give to all without angering the left or the right.

A gift that would satisfy, with no indecision,
Each group of people, every religion;
Every ethnicity, every hue,
Everyone, everywhere...even you.
So here is that gift, it's price beyond worth...
May you and your loved ones, enjoy peace on Earth.
 
Connor002

Connor002

Active Member
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:lookaroun
 
dandaman

dandaman

Well-Known Member
Don't feel bad... our country's currently undergoing an election, out of non-confidence for the previous prime minister.

Technically, Canada's in limbo in terms of established leaders. :hammer:
 
Connor002

Connor002

Active Member
dandaman said:
Who doesn't? :lookaroun
Click to expand...

Good point.

dandaman said:
Don't feel bad... our country's currently undergoing an election, out of non-confidence for the previous prime minister.
Click to expand...

He's ours for another 3 years, so I'll stand behind him...
Unless he does something really, really, really stupid...


dandaman said:
Technically, Canada's in limbo in terms of established leaders. :hammer:
Click to expand...

I sliped a clause into your constitution which makes me leader in the event of such... events... I hid it between the overly polite policy and the cheap drugs law. :lookaroun
 
dandaman

dandaman

Well-Known Member
Connor002 said:
I slipped a clause into your constitution which makes me leader in the event of such... events... I hid it between the overly polite policy and the cheap drugs law. :lookaroun
Click to expand...

It was probably you that decriminalized marijuana, too. :lookaroun

P.S. I call for another non-confidence vote
 
Connor002

Connor002

Active Member
dandaman said:
It was probably you that decriminalized marijuana, too. :lookaroun

P.S. I call for another non-confidence vote
Click to expand...

I wouldn't do that! :fork:

Though I might try to sell Canada to the U.S. that would make everyone happy.:lookaroun
 
dandaman

dandaman

Well-Known Member
You can always help me with my homework... Researching and "establishing" a new national park in the Northwest Territories. ;)
 
dandaman

dandaman

Well-Known Member
Connor002 said:
I wouldn't do that! :fork:

Though I might try to sell Canada to the U.S. that would make everyone happy.:lookaroun
Click to expand...

You wouldn't want to own us. We'd be a third wheel when invading countries:

"We're gonna invade your country, terrorists!"

"Hey! You can't do... hey, wait a minute! Is that...Canada? HAHAHAHA! You're too polite to bomb anyone! What a loser..."

So, as you can see, we'd just be an annoyance. :lookaroun
 
Connor002

Connor002

Active Member
dandaman said:
You wouldn't want to own us. We'd be a third wheel when invading countries:

"We're gonna invade your country, terrorists!"

"Hey! You can't do... hey, wait a minute! Is that...Canada? HAHAHAHA! You're too polite to bomb anyone! What a loser..."

So, as you can see, we'd just be an annoyance. :lookaroun
Click to expand...



Quite true.


:lookaroun
 

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