Trip Report MILESTONE TRIP! First Orlando Visit, Final Disney Park!

THE TIME HAS COME!

In just about a week, I will be starting my very first ever trip to Orlando…and all therein that may be explored.

As the title suggests, among other milestones, this trip will see me visiting my 12th and final Disney Park – Magic Kingdom itself! I have traveled extensively, with all the other Disney Destinations worldwide under my belt, yet somehow I have so far resisted the allures of the Vacation Kingdom. In this week days leading up to my departure, I’ll be going over “why not yet,” “why now,” my itinerary, maybe even soliciting some travel advice.

But for now…Who’s going?

Me after a hike at Bryce Canyon (the real Big Thunder). My beard is much calmer now.​

Just me. Doug. Typically I’m a regular of the Imagineering forums, but I'm just a dilettante on these Trip Report boards. Traveling solo, as is my wont.

Where? Universal’s Endless Summer Resort for three nights, then the Walt Disney World Swan for like a week.

When? September 21st – October 1st.

The broadest plan is to see as much of Orlando as I can (both Disney and beyond) in the week+ prior to Magic Kingdom’s 50th. That means plans to see Walt Disney World, Universal, SeaWorld, Busch Gardens, even the Fun Spots.

Over ambitious, perhaps? Sure it is, but I’ve done my research, and I know my travel style and what I'm capable of! Let’s do this!

 

[D Hulk]

Way out in the obscurest corner of Africa, we next found Gorilla Falls Exploration Trail. It's located right by the Kilimanjaro Safaris exit, and clearly the design intent was for this to be a post-ride exhibit of sorts, in the classic EPCOT Center style. Had we not been focused on ride efficiency earlier in the morning, I would have enjoyed doing this then. Oh well, better now than never!

Exploration Trail is the sister attraction to Maharajah Jungle Trek. It too is a naturalistic animal viewing trail. In contrast, Exploration Trail is a bit lesser. It lacks Jungle Trek's built-up themed setting (the ruined palace) to complement the critters. This instead is presented as part of the Harambe Reserve, same as Kilimanjaro Safaris, meaning that manmade scenery takes a backseat to the natural world which was "already" there. It's still a lovingly-made space, with more largesse behind it compared to the equivalent Busch Gardens Tampa trails, so it's a good one.

I don't know what this thing is.

The animals are the highlight here. The titular gorillas were nowhere to be seen in the afternoon, but there were other beasts on hand to keep things engaging.

This is a hippo.

At the time when I visited, the hippopotamuses were the real stars. These animals are terrifying! In their native African savannah habitat, apparently hippos injure or kill the most people. They're simply that territorial, that protective of their young. It was a treat watching them gracefully dance underwater without fearing for my life.

After our lackadaisical Exploration Trail hike, we passed once again through Harambe towards Discovery Island. Again I marveled at the love and thought which went into even the smallest, most easily ignored little snack carts. Each was wholly integrated into the larger Harambe storyline, reflecting distinct aspects of East African culture.

We arrived at Tiffins well ahead of my reservation. I gave the servers my phone number, to text when our table was ready. With a nebulous 10 to 20 minutes to spare, we decided to do another one of Animal Kingdom's oft overlooked hiking attractions: Tree of Life Garden, AKA Discovery Island Trails.

Like the queue for ITTBAB, this afforded many intimate new views of the Tree of Life from its tangled, gnarled base. Even with the crowds on Discovery Island at their thickest (in every sense of that word), the Garden was a quiet, calming respite.

While my photos focus on the Tree of Life and its intricate animal carvings (always a delight), there were also several animal exhibits along the way. There was a mob of kangaroos, and a flamboyance of flamingoes. These weren't a real highlight - the mid-land animal encounters throughout Animal Kingdom were actually fewer than I expected - but they were a pleasant distraction.

The timing of our stroll worked out very nicely. Theme park decompression at its finest. Tiffins' text message came mere moments after stepping back onto the main thoroughfare, so there was never a wasted moment nor a rushed moment. We longed for a late, long, leisurely lunch, ready for a relaxing restaurant rest, eager to eat.​

 

[PacNWTigger]

This is an Okapi. It's a relative of the giraffe.

 

[D Hulk]

I am grateful to Tiffins - and to similar table service restaurants inside theme parks - for providing an extended midday break with good food and nice ambience. Sometimes you want something better than sub-McDonald's grub when touring a park. Disney World overall does dining better than any other theme park complex I've encountered, and Tiffins is one of their crown jewels. It is quiet, beautifully appointed with Imagineer artwork from research trips abroad, and tasteful without ever feeling too terribly stuffy or upscale.

I'd made my Tiffins well plans before Dad became part of this visit, so it hadn't occurred to me just how adventurous Tiffins' menu could appear. Frankly, I don't look at menus before going to a restaurant; if a place is well-regarded, I'll just go. Dad, it seems, falls on one far end of the picky-omnivorous dining spectrum, while I'm on the extreme other end. The only thing Dad was willing to eat for lunch was a beer.

For my drink, I selected one of those ridiculous Disney cocktails with the glowing ice cubes. It was overly fruity, which I guess I had coming. To eat, I selected a whole fried fish. It wasn't a bottom feeder, but otherwise I forget exactly what sort of fish it was. Something native to Florida's waters?

Fair warning: Here comes that photo of the whole fried fish again!

Despite its intimidating appearance, the fish was approachable and not terribly exotic. Once you slide your fork down the base of its spine and separate the flesh, the resulting chunk of protein looked & tasted the same as your classic bone-free filet. (The occasional bone was the tradeoff for an interesting-looking meal.) There was light herb seasoning; no crazy, delicious ginger soy sauce like you sometimes find.

Animal Kingdom really seems to shine with its dining, at least to my stomach. Pickier eaters might feel differently. There are enough good-sounding restaurants on property which I didn't get a chance to try, enough to fill at least another day. Those untouched experiences include the Satuli Canteen, the Yak & Yeti, and Tiffins' adjoining Nomad Lounge. If I were an Orlando local, that latter Lounge looks like the sort of place where I'd regularly hole up. There was a period of time when I was on a first name basis with the bartenders at DCA's Carthay Circle Lounge. Like Tiffins, these Lounges are lovely ways to escape the heat and hordes for an hour or two.

Now, with all this time so far spent in Animal Kingdom, isn't there a massive place we haven't been to yet...?

A gigantic sex gland welcomes guests to the land.

Pandora!

I didn't want Pandora to overshadow the rest of Animal Kingdom, so it was always a late afternoon leg in the itinerary. I figured that crowd levels would stabilize by then.

Pandora is one of those crown jewel lands - each park needs one - centered around a single popular IP, with a wholly immersive experience and all that. Much at it'd've been nice to see Beastlie Kingdomme, Pandora fits Animal Kingdom surprisingly well. Much better than you'd expect from the cynical corporate decision to just plop Avatar into one of the parks as an attempted "Potter swatter." Credit goes to Joe Rohde and his creative team for designing Pandora around Animal Kingdom's very specific set of thematic goals. This land too is a celebration of nature, conservation, and indigenous human culture, even while it simulates scenes from the highest grossing movie in history.

Our initial Pandora plan (our Plandora) was simply to explore. So late in the day, there was no rush to beat the crowds. This meant doing that oh-so Animal Kingdom thing and wandering off onto meandering side paths, enjoying the organic avenues where streams and roots and rocks and manmade features all mix together in interesting ways.

Pandora is filled with interesting landscaping. Much of it is a continuation of DAK's impressive jungle agriculture, carefully selected to suggest an extraterrestrial planet. To supplement this, Imagineering fashioned a huge array of fake alien plants. There is an overabundance of details such as this integrated into every alcove of the land, frankly more of it than was strictly necessary, all adding up to a very naturalistic, convincing environment.

Pandora might possibly lack a little for interactive features, compared to Hogsmeade. With pandemic reductions in place, it was hard to judge on such a brief visit. The drum circle where streetmosphere performers often congregate was empty. The drums remained, so I briefly pounded one out (on the drums). I suppose that Pandora's plant life responds to guests' touch, but this was hard to register, especially in the daylight. There was no walkaround mech suit, like I've seen in photos. I don't hold this against the land's design. That's just the way this day went.

Oh right! Those massive floating islands in the sky were impressive as well.​

 

[D Hulk]

You all must’ve known that this post was coming. Here come just a whole bunch of Pandora pics!

Pretty place, isn’t it?​

 

[spacemt354]

View attachment 596139

​

I like how @Disney Dad 3000 's beer made a cameo appearance - a valuable part to the day

 

[Voxel]

I like how @Disney Dad 3000 's beer made a cameo appearance - a valuable part to the day

Beer and Coffee, the two most important parts of a daily diet!

 

[D Hulk]

Flight of Passage had a posted 45 minute wait time, though from entrance to ride start it took us only half an hour. For me, this was an easy choice: One of the world's top-rated rides, plus its amazing queue, with a moderate wait by Disney standards. Even for Dad, who'd done FOP many times before, this was fine.

As a reminder, I was there in late September, during a brief Golden Age now long lost to the mists of time. With revenge travel over and the 50th still a week away, crowds were historically low. Plus this was a sweet spot after the death of FastPass+ and before the birth of Genie+. This neutralized Disney's habit of overcomplicating every aspect of a visit. Standby lines were the sole option. Just show up and play! Touring strategies suddenly no longer favored that weird class of WDW preplanning metagamers (who've already gamed out Lightning Lane), but they favored someone like me who could boast plenty of general park experience elsewhere. This was an ideal time to visit!

FOP's queue, as stated, is excellent. There's a definite progression of scenery. With the standby queue pulsing at a steady rate - no longer a guarantee now that paid line-cutting is the new normal - you're never in one setting long enough to grow restless. From the outdoor Pandora trails offering exceptional land views, to the Na'Vi caves, the reclaimed toxic waste site, the old military bunkers and the new research facility, there's a lot of variety here, most of it wordlessly communicating Animal Kingdom's ever-present themes about nature & culture & conservation.

Some sections - the laboratory in particular - I felt like we rushed through them too quickly to fully appreciate what was in there. The labs included some wild, small-scale special effects (such as a creeping black sludge) which barely registered. That much-touted Avatar animatronic sleeping in its cryopod? I'm lucky I even got that photo with how swiftly we were ushered past. Perhaps this is the final standby segment before the Lightning Lane merge, so guests normally get more time in here?

The pre-show had a strange, sweaty energy. Like, exposition as told by stoners. Simulator rides like FOP necessitate lengthy pre-shows because of their stop-start load cycles. Plus the ride premise could be confusing if you're among the billions like me who's happily forgotten what Avatar was all about. Dad pointed out when our pre-show entered B-mode, stalling for time since there must've been a loading delay on the ride ahead of ours.

As for the ride itself...to my utter surprise, it left me completely nonplussed. I went in hyped; I totally wanted to love this. Reliable sources (fellow coaster enthusiasts who don't cut Disney no slack) all told me that FOP fully transcended its motion simulator genre. That you never feel like you're watching a screen. Somehow, that transportative moment never happened for me. It felt like watching a pretty movie while riding a mechanical bull. The 3D and wind and scent were all fine enough, I guess. The vehicle motions were entirely too tame to match the wild motions seen on-screen; I blame Velocicoaster’s for spoiling me the day before. Spider-Man, too, if we’re comparing like-to-like regarding screenz. Also, we had the far right seats.

Even so, the ride film's content is beautiful...and not just visually. Once again wordlessly, the ride's scenic progression communicates Animal Kingdom's values in a technically impressive package. You see Pandora’s many biomes, with moments of majesty and even brief danger (thankfully no violent conflict) contrasted against quiet moments of beauty. The attraction's overall package is top notch. I just don't know why the ride effect didn't work on me.

In the grand scheme of things this was overall just a mild letdown. Animal Kingdom was already working for me, so a single high-tech attraction wasn't the make-or-break point. Pandora itself, of course, was as lovely as ever when seen from FOP’s exit. The land's wholly physical splendors felt so much more tactile & welcoming compared to the ride's CGI landscape. After passing through the standard post-ride gift shop (expected, never appreciated), we enjoyed another brisk moment of calm exploration simply soaking in the scenery. Animal Kingdom completely works on that level nearly 100% of the time (Dinoland excepted), which is an incredibly strong foundation for a theme park.

This stuff is neat to look at, but I have no idea what it's supposed to be. Anyone?

(Apologies for the delay today. I went to a midnight screening of Last Night in Soho last night, and director Edgar Wright was in attendance. That was great!)​

 

[Suchomimus]

I distinctly remember when I went onto FoP for the first time in 2019, there were coins all over the “flowerbed”, and some even in the flowers themselves, in front of the stairs going into the lab. I remember looking at them and something inside me telling to me to the do the same with the coins in my pocket. Are they still there?

 

[D Hulk]

Na'Vi River Journey had a posted wait time of somewhere around 30 minutes. Based on my photo time stamps, from entry to exit took a solid half hour, and that's including ride time. While Dad was OK with the slightly longer wait time for Flight of Passage, he balked at this sort of wait for River Journey. Said the ride simply doesn't justify anything over 20 minutes. I broke ranks and cited First Timer Privileges, so against Dad's protestations we joined the queue. (Dad took pity on himself by ducking out to a restroom initially - beer for lunch! - while I endured the entirety of the queue.)

River Journey's queue doesn't rise to the level of Animal Kingdom's top offerings. There's a dearth of unique things to look at, and the Na'Vi cultural details like the woven frond tapestries simply cannot match their Africa or Asia counterparts because this is all fiction. It has less meaning. There are nice textures throughout the interior switchbacks, that's an area where Animal Kingdom never disappoints. There isn't much specificity, though, making the scenery repetitive. Temporary plexiglass dividers didn't help.

The ride exceeded my expectations, which were tempered based on reputation. Na'Vi River Journey was short, yes, but I found every moment of it to be beautiful and illuminating. This is almost exclusively an ambient experience, without any particular storyline or characters or nondiegetic music to guide expectations. There's a brief thread about following native Na'Vi villagers on a pilgrimage, concluding with the impressively fluid Shaman animatronic. Otherwise, in its way, River Journey felt to me very similar to some of my travel experiences. Quiet and interpretive. It's up to you as the traveler to supply meaning, because this is simply the Na'Vi peoples' world taken as it is, without the easy digestible storytelling of "good vs. evil" or "suddenly something goes wrong" or "Hey, Olaf!" which we're often used to.

I took no on-ride photos. I didn't want to break my own meditative mood, especially not on an inaugural journey downriver, nor did I want to distract anyone else with my phone screen.

Ultimately, I think Dad forgave me for subjecting him to this C-ticket supporting ride. My post-ride enthusiasm must have helped.

Some shifting late afternoon sunlight bathed Pandora in a warm new glow. Animal Kingdom seems to transform all throughout the day in subtle, naturalistic ways. This makes revisiting old areas endlessly rewarding.

We took a lengthy and mostly unadorned path from Pandora back towards Africa. Sometimes I feel like there's maybe too much decompression space in Animal Kingdom, that it needs more attraction density to complement its wonderful tranquil moments. I was on Animal Kingdom's wavelength, but I imagine that it would be far less impressive from a different perspective.

We timed things oh so neatly to arrive with just 5 minutes to spare before Celebration of the Festival of the Lion King. (In fact, I used this timing a a big factor in my whole "Hey, let's go ride River Journey" argument, since otherwise we would have simply lollygagged someplace for half an hour, and possibly Dad would have gotten another beer.)

Anyway...Lion King show! This one is legendary! It often tops lists of the Best Theme Park Live Shows in the Whole Wide World. This particular version - the "Celebration of the..." variant - is decidedly not that top tier show. This is a reduced coronavirus version, designed to maintain social distancing between performers. It is by its very nature a lesser show.

It was still delightful!

I've actually seen Celebration of the Lion King before, at Hong Kong Disneyland. That version, even in Cantonese and in a less impressive theater, it genuinely impressed me. The only park show I'd rate above Hong Kong's Lion King would be DisneySea's Big Band Beats. So I know just how vibrant this can be, full of life and color and great songs and happy audiences, aided by a brilliant "theater in the round" staging which makes the whole production more personal, more tactile. It's lightning in a bottle.

Well, even Animal Kingdom's temporarily inferior version was fantastic! It would be my 4th favorite live park show, even, behind only the aforementioned Asian shows and also Disneyland's Fantasmic. I don't typically go in for theme park live performances, but this one's a keeper.

(What a bloody shame that Finding Nemo: The Musical wasn't running. It too is supposed to be excellent. Animal Kingdom has quietly stolen the show crown from DHS, and the food crown from Epcot, and bless this park for excelling in these categories!)

The Harambe Theater as very nice also. While Hong Kong's theater cheaps out with high school bleachers and a bare naked visible backstage, Animal Kingdom's show is fully integrated into Africa. It helps that they made this a theater in-universe. It helps too that this isn't a direct retelling of Lion King, but rather something that's filtered through the local culture. That careful integration plays to the park's strengths, offering guests an expected Disney property without every feeling market-driven. This was a trip highlight.

​

I distinctly remember when I went onto FoP for the first time in 2019, there were coins all over the “flowerbed”, and some even in the flowers themselves, in front of the stairs going into the lab. I remember looking at them and something inside me telling to me to the do the same with the coins in my pocket. Are they still there?

It’s hard to notice change on a first visit.

 

[Suchomimus]

It’s hard to notice change on a first visit.

Money or differences?

 

[Songbird76]

I'm pretty sure I heard that the finding nemo show won't be coming back as it was. They are making a new show with Nemo and friends, but it won't be the same show as before.

 

[D Hulk]

As we shuffled among the crowds exiting Harambe Theater, I checked waits times on the app. Excitedly, I exclaimed to Dad that Kilimanjaro Safaris was at a 5 minute wait. I was swiftly scolded by a nearby rando who was aghast at my shocking display of public ignorance. "Snort! Pshaw! Everyone knows the Safaris have no wait at 5:30." Well excuuuuuuuuse me.

We decided to reride Kilimanjaro Safaris. The wait was 5 minutes.

This time I rode on the truck's left side, hoping to get some different views. That spot, combined with the late afternoon animal activity differing greatly from the morning, made for a convenient repeat. Below are some of the images I captured from this latest ride, randomly mixed in with a couple of Serengeti savannah pics, just to keep everyone on their toes.

This is an OKAPI!

So lazy...

Lions make for a pretty okay climax to the Safaris, but we really need to end with an animal considered to be the Greatest Of All Time...a GOAT, if you will...

Goats! ​

 

[Suchomimus]

This is an OKAPI!

*Looks down at hat*
“O’kapi? That’s a O’doiby!”

 

[D Hulk]

We concluded our second ride on Kilimanjaro Safaris around 6 PM. My Animal Kingdom ambitions included staying until closing time, primarily to see Pandora all aglow in the dark. The early autumn sunset would've only given a quarter hour to take in the bioluminescent nighttime. Looking at Dad post-Safaris, I saw in him the same exhaustion which I felt in myself, now after 4 straight days of fairly gung-ho park-going in unfamiliar, unpleasant weather. Dad was done for the day. I was too.

"Shall we call it?" I asked.

Any attempts to fill out the nearly two hours remaining before sunset would have been simply vamping for time. (Though I realize now we could've grabbed drinks at the Nomad Lounge. ) In just a portion of one day, with a laid back pace and plenty of pauses, we'd pretty much completed Animal Kingdom, with some rerides thrown in there. Some minor things were left on the table, like Conservation Station and TriceraTop Spin, but I don't believe in completionism for its own sake.

I've had nearly nothing but praise for Animal Kingdom so far (minor quibbles aside), but this highlights the park's major flaw: It is substantially underbuilt.

All three of Disney World's second gates are underbuilt, actually. They work as supporting parks in an existing resort, but they'd never be successful standalone draws in a different market. This is a uniquely Walt Disney World issue. Their guests are mostly tourists away from home looking for relaxation. Days can be extended with incomplete parks. The usual Disney World touring pace allows for this. From a management perspective, why build more rides and hire more cast members when the only thing it improves is guest satisfaction, not the bottom line?

Given its size, Disney World has incalculable untapped potential. "One hundred million times the size of Disneyland," they all say, "Four theme parks is twice as good as two," when the truth is that Orlando & Anaheim & Tokyo are all nearly equal in attraction count and things to do within the theme parks. Viewed from a park commando's perspective (I'm not a resort relaxer type), Disney World needs more.

I do not say this lightly...Animal Kingdom has the potential to be the world's best theme park. The thematic foundation is there. It just needs 2 or 3 times as many attractions as it has now (bringing it up to DisneySea's count, that's not unrealistic), all realized with the same thematic care as what's there today.

Could Animal Kingdom get there? Sadly, I doubt it. Joe Rohde's retirement is a distressing sign. The guardian is gone. It's possible that Animal Kingdom is right now peaking just like EPCOT Center did in the late '80s, early '90s. There are always rumors about out-of-place future additions, like cloning Shanghai's Zootopia. I hope that doesn't happen. Modern Disney under Bob Chapek has a habit of undermining parks' integrity - lookin' at you, DCA 3.0. Animal Kingdom has avoided that fate thus far.

***

Dad & I were in no rush leaving Animal Kingdom. Despite our fatigue, it was impossible to ignore the park's beauty in the waning sunlight hours. Everest especially caught our eye, perfectly framed from the Africa bridge across the waterways. Dad pondered if this placement was an intentional design choice. I have no doubt that it was. The whole park is laid out around a batch of perfect panoramas, planned from the start for expansion.

At my insistence, we even took a brief detour back to the Flame Tree dining dock for some extra Everest views. Some guests would spend their fleeting moments in a park browsing the gift shop on the way out. I wanted this final tranquil moment instead.

The walk back to the car at day's end is always tiring. With trams inoperational, I was extremely grateful that Dad found a good parking spot. Even the slight schlep out along unshaded asphalt was better than the alternative - surrendering early to the WDW buses. Rather, Dad drove me out towards the Walt Disney World Swan Hotel, where I'd be staying for the rest of the trip, while we both reflected on Animal Kingdom and our future plans.

My next day would be a park-free respite, very low key.

Dad in comparison planned on doing the Parkeology Challenge - every single WDW ride across all 4 parks in a single day! He didn't plan on a successful completion - this prophecy proved true - but he wanted a test run for future attempts. (Side note: One time I successfully completed every Disneyland Resort ride in one day - that's more total rides than WDW boasts, by the way - but it wasn't officially sanctioned or anything.)

Anyway...

This Animal Kingdom visit was largely divorced from the larger Walt Disney World Resort. Only now, driving up World Drive (right?) did I start to grasp the sheer sprawling scale of this place. Panic set in. I felt a twinge of fear for my immortal soul. Disney World's size and complexity has always intimidated me. Disney's other 5 resort complexes cannot prepare you. Individual hotel complexes the size of entire theme parks! Hardly anything walkable! I was not at all ready for the gauntlet Walt Disney World was about to throw at me!

Dad dropped me off, I gathered my gear, and I checked into the Swan.

I wasn't completely certain that this would work, actually. I'd booked with a third party company, TravelUp, who have a confidence-shattering 1.0 stars on Yelp. When you Google them, one of the first suggestions is "TravelUp is it legit?" (They are, they're just awful.) When I made my final arrangements with these shysters, rather than getting a confirmation code or anything, I had to print out an email, photograph that, send that as an attachment, yadda yadda, it was a whole ordeal.

But it worked. I checked in without incident. And there's been no fraud on my credit card at any point. Hooray!

Was I a fool for using this fly-by-night company? Well, I paid $200 a night for my Swan room ($125 less than it would've been booking direct), so I'm happy. Researching Disney room rates for late September, the cheapest Value Resort rooms were 2 to 3 times as pricey, which is bonkers. I paid less than that to stay at Hotel MiraCosta inside of DisneySea! Disney World (& Disneyland) prices are famously high across the board, far in excess of Disney's international resorts. One-day park tickets cost 3x as much. The quality is roughly the same at all Disney destinations. Comparing like-to-like solely within the Disney Company, the U.S. parks are overpriced; this is just how it is. And Disney World offers you the most opportunities to spend.

I was happy with the Swan as a way to break up the "Disney brand" sensory overload on occasion. I didn't want to be harassed by Mickey Mouse every time I rode the elevator. I've done only a few Disney-run hotels (all in Asia), and I was happy to pay less for a calmer Marriott experience instead.

The room, as seen above, was nice. It was comfy, had AC, and a convenient nearby ice machine to lull me into dreamland at night. (The ice machine was a tradeoff for a swift walk from the elevator, which I cherished.)

The room view due south was even nicer...

I'm not even showing the best part yet!

Once fully ensconced in my room, I mostly just caught my breath at first. I strew all my clothes haphazardly across the desk and nightstand and bed and floor, so I knew where to find them. Eventually I took a shower, then changed into a stylish "running shorts and flipflops and t-shirt" combo for a night out on the town.

I then set forth, mask dutifully in place, to seek some sort of dinner.

Having now had a chance to relax, it's hard to communicate just how tired I was. For some unholy reason, Disney World's designers opted to maximize walking distances between every single thing resort-wide (y'know, for the children!), and I didn't feel like trekking over a mile to the nearest decent eatery. (The Swan itself isn't Disney, but it follows the resort's design standards.)

The Dolphin, or a Masonic Lodge? You decide.

None of the restaurants on Swan's first floor looked appealing. None were casual enough. All were full service fancy tablecloth snooty places, all packed to the gills with peacocking Wall Street business types yelling at each other about the day's conquests. Hard pass!

Heading outside into the deathless Florida heat, the walk out to Beach Club seemed terribly intimidating. Just for the chance at available food. That first bridge alone, only 1/10th of the way and already horribly overscaled & impersonal & intimidating, elicited a vocal "Nope!" from me. I turned right back around into the Swan's AC.

I defaulted to that cheap deli near the lobby, which was 5 minutes away from closing (at 9). I bought a thoroughly bland cold cut sandwich, but at least it was huge. Grabbing a generous handful of mustard packets, I retired to my hotel room. I mowed down on half of that hoagie while catching up on Marvel's "What If?" The second half would be breakfast.

Then I slept...ready for a break...ready for the laziest day of the trip...​

 

[Zipadeelady]

I do hope you ended up giving II Mulino at the Swan a try. It's a fantastic Italian restaurant.

 

[Suchomimus]

I do hope you ended up giving II Mulino at the Swan a try. It's a fantastic Italian restaurant.

D Hulk going to check out that restaurant:

 

[Voxel]

View attachment 596696

We concluded our second ride on Kilimanjaro Safaris around 6 PM. My Animal Kingdom ambitions included staying until closing time, primarily to see Pandora all aglow in the dark. The early autumn sunset would've only given a quarter hour to take in the bioluminescent nighttime. Looking at Dad post-Safaris, I saw in him the same exhaustion which I felt in myself, now after 4 straight days of fairly gung-ho park-going in unfamiliar, unpleasant weather. Dad was done for the day. I was too.

"Shall we call it?" I asked.

View attachment 596697

Any attempts to fill out the nearly two hours remaining before sunset would have been simply vamping for time. (Though I realize now we could've grabbed drinks at the Nomad Lounge. ) In just a portion of one day, with a laid back pace and plenty of pauses, we'd pretty much completed Animal Kingdom, with some rerides thrown in there. Some minor things were left on the table, like Conservation Station and TriceraTop Spin, but I don't believe in completionism for its own sake.

I've had nearly nothing but praise for Animal Kingdom so far (minor quibbles aside), but this highlights the park's major flaw: It is substantially underbuilt.

View attachment 596698

All three of Disney World's second gates are underbuilt, actually. They work as supporting parks in an existing resort, but they'd never be successful standalone draws in a different market. This is a uniquely Walt Disney World issue. Their guests are mostly tourists away from home looking for relaxation. Days can be extended with incomplete parks. The usual Disney World touring pace allows for this. From a management perspective, why build more rides and hire more cast members when the only thing it improves is guest satisfaction, not the bottom line?

Given its size, Disney World has incalculable untapped potential. "One hundred million times the size of Disneyland," they all say, "Four theme parks is twice as good as two," when the truth is that Orlando & Anaheim & Tokyo are all nearly equal in attraction count and things to do within the theme parks. Viewed from a park commando's perspective (I'm not a resort relaxer type), Disney World needs more.

View attachment 596699

I do not say this lightly...Animal Kingdom has the potential to be the world's best theme park. The thematic foundation is there. It just needs 2 or 3 times as many attractions as it has now (bringing it up to DisneySea's count, that's not unrealistic), all realized with the same thematic care as what's there today.

Could Animal Kingdom get there? Sadly, I doubt it. Joe Rohde's retirement is a distressing sign. The guardian is gone. It's possible that Animal Kingdom is right now peaking just like EPCOT Center did in the late '80s, early '90s. There are always rumors about out-of-place future additions, like cloning Shanghai's Zootopia. I hope that doesn't happen. Modern Disney under Bob Chapek has a habit of undermining parks' integrity - lookin' at you, DCA 3.0. Animal Kingdom has avoided that fate thus far.

***

Dad & I were in no rush leaving Animal Kingdom. Despite our fatigue, it was impossible to ignore the park's beauty in the waning sunlight hours. Everest especially caught our eye, perfectly framed from the Africa bridge across the waterways. Dad pondered if this placement was an intentional design choice. I have no doubt that it was. The whole park is laid out around a batch of perfect panoramas, planned from the start for expansion.

View attachment 596700

At my insistence, we even took a brief detour back to the Flame Tree dining dock for some extra Everest views. Some guests would spend their fleeting moments in a park browsing the gift shop on the way out. I wanted this final tranquil moment instead.

The walk back to the car at day's end is always tiring. With trams inoperational, I was extremely grateful that Dad found a good parking spot. Even the slight schlep out along unshaded asphalt was better than the alternative - surrendering early to the WDW buses. Rather, Dad drove me out towards the Walt Disney World Swan Hotel, where I'd be staying for the rest of the trip, while we both reflected on Animal Kingdom and our future plans.

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My next day would be a park-free respite, very low key.

Dad in comparison planned on doing the Parkeology Challenge - every single WDW ride across all 4 parks in a single day! He didn't plan on a successful completion - this prophecy proved true - but he wanted a test run for future attempts. (Side note: One time I successfully completed every Disneyland Resort ride in one day - that's more total rides than WDW boasts, by the way - but it wasn't officially sanctioned or anything.)

Anyway...

This Animal Kingdom visit was largely divorced from the larger Walt Disney World Resort. Only now, driving up World Drive (right?) did I start to grasp the sheer sprawling scale of this place. Panic set in. I felt a twinge of fear for my immortal soul. Disney World's size and complexity has always intimidated me. Disney's other 5 resort complexes cannot prepare you. Individual hotel complexes the size of entire theme parks! Hardly anything walkable! I was not at all ready for the gauntlet Walt Disney World was about to throw at me!

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Dad dropped me off, I gathered my gear, and I checked into the Swan.

I wasn't completely certain that this would work, actually. I'd booked with a third party company, TravelUp, who have a confidence-shattering 1.0 stars on Yelp. When you Google them, one of the first suggestions is "TravelUp is it legit?" (They are, they're just awful.) When I made my final arrangements with these shysters, rather than getting a confirmation code or anything, I had to print out an email, photograph that, send that as an attachment, yadda yadda, it was a whole ordeal.

But it worked. I checked in without incident. And there's been no fraud on my credit card at any point. Hooray!

Was I a fool for using this fly-by-night company? Well, I paid $200 a night for my Swan room ($125 less than it would've been booking direct), so I'm happy. Researching Disney room rates for late September, the cheapest Value Resort rooms were 2 to 3 times as pricey, which is bonkers. I paid less than that to stay at Hotel MiraCosta inside of DisneySea! Disney World (& Disneyland) prices are famously high across the board, far in excess of Disney's international resorts. One-day park tickets cost 3x as much. The quality is roughly the same at all Disney destinations. Comparing like-to-like solely within the Disney Company, the U.S. parks are overpriced; this is just how it is. And Disney World offers you the most opportunities to spend.

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I was happy with the Swan as a way to break up the "Disney brand" sensory overload on occasion. I didn't want to be harassed by Mickey Mouse every time I rode the elevator. I've done only a few Disney-run hotels (all in Asia), and I was happy to pay less for a calmer Marriott experience instead.

The room, as seen above, was nice. It was comfy, had AC, and a convenient nearby ice machine to lull me into dreamland at night. (The ice machine was a tradeoff for a swift walk from the elevator, which I cherished.)

The room view due south was even nicer...

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I'm not even showing the best part yet!

Once fully ensconced in my room, I mostly just caught my breath at first. I strew all my clothes haphazardly across the desk and nightstand and bed and floor, so I knew where to find them. Eventually I took a shower, then changed into a stylish "running shorts and flipflops and t-shirt" combo for a night out on the town.

I then set forth, mask dutifully in place, to seek some sort of dinner.

Having now had a chance to relax, it's hard to communicate just how tired I was. For some unholy reason, Disney World's designers opted to maximize walking distances between every single thing resort-wide (y'know, for the children!), and I didn't feel like trekking over a mile to the nearest decent eatery. (The Swan itself isn't Disney, but it follows the resort's design standards.)

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The Dolphin, or a Masonic Lodge? You decide.

None of the restaurants on Swan's first floor looked appealing. None were casual enough. All were full service fancy tablecloth snooty places, all packed to the gills with peacocking Wall Street business types yelling at each other about the day's conquests. Hard pass!

Heading outside into the deathless Florida heat, the walk out to Beach Club seemed terribly intimidating. Just for the chance at available food. That first bridge alone, only 1/10th of the way and already horribly overscaled & impersonal & intimidating, elicited a vocal "Nope!" from me. I turned right back around into the Swan's AC.

I defaulted to that cheap deli near the lobby, which was 5 minutes away from closing (at 9). I bought a thoroughly bland cold cut sandwich, but at least it was huge. Grabbing a generous handful of mustard packets, I retired to my hotel room. I mowed down on half of that hoagie while catching up on Marvel's "What If?" The second half would be breakfast.

Then I slept...ready for a break...ready for the laziest day of the trip...​

How did you like the Swan? I'm booked there for a long weekend in December and I was wondering if there was anything I should really expect.

 

[D Hulk]

I do hope you ended up giving II Mulino at the Swan a try. It's a fantastic Italian restaurant.

Sadly, I did not. There are always more intriguing Disney World restaurants than there is time (or reservation availability) to try them all.

D Hulk going to check out that restaurant:

Ha ha! If I could do that, I'd also go back to Universal Studios before they created The Simpsons Ride.

How did you like the Swan? I'm booked there for a long weekend in December and I was wondering if there was anything I should really expect.

While you're probably more familiar with WDW than I am, here's my advice: Do not rely on Swan's buses. (This will inspire a Hulked out rant in my next update tomorrow.) They're not Disney buses, and they're not as reliable. I would up walking over to the Boardwalk and using their bus to get to Magic Kingdom before Early Entry rope drop, successfully. Do that. Swan is ideally located near Epcot & DHS, at least, which are either a ~20 minute walk or roughly the same time via boat.

Swan is nice though. You should enjoy it.

Also, try out Il Mulino.

 

[Voxel]

Sadly, I did not. There are always more intriguing Disney World restaurants than there is time (or reservation availability) to try them all.


Ha ha! If I could do that, I'd also go back to Universal Studios before they created The Simpsons Ride.


While you're probably more familiar with WDW than I am, here's my advice: Do not rely on Swan's buses. (This will inspire a Hulked out rant in my next update tomorrow.) They're not Disney buses, and they're not as reliable. I would up walking over to the Boardwalk and using their bus to get to Magic Kingdom before Early Entry rope drop, successfully. Do that. Swan is ideally located near Epcot & DHS, at least, which are either a ~20 minute walk or roughly the same time via boat.

Swan is nice though. You should enjoy it.

Also, try out Il Mulino.

That's a great idea to walk to the Boardwalk, I'll probably do that.

 

[D Hulk]

September 25th
Day 5

The lazy day. A day without theme parks. A day set aside exclusively for exploring the greater Walt Disney World Resort.

In this post, I GET ANGRY!

Nalgene.

I totally slept in on this day! I must've woken up sometime before 9 o'clock, and at some point I must've eaten that remaining hoagie half. I didn't actually wander out from the Swan until a little past 11, owing to a combination of my own lethargy, my brunch reservation timing, and Disney Springs' hours. It was a Saturday, besides, so I was keen on lazily hanging back while the weekend crowds frolicked.

My loose and adaptable plan for the day: Go to Disney Springs, drink, then go to the Seven Seas Lagoon area, drink.

I was just about to discover some harsh truths about Disney World transportation. Try as they might, it's simply not possible to create an efficient, enjoyable, stress-free transportation network with the existing sprawling resort layout.

The Swan cannot even take advantage of Disney's in-house buses, making the situation worse still. After waiting 20 minutes outdoors (disregarding the Magic Kingdom & Animal Kingdom buses), at last a generic chartered bus arrived for Disney Springs. That destination was only announced with a handwritten sharpie note in the front windshield, and by Ralph Kramden bellowing out from behind the steering wheel. I wound up being the sole soul onboard. Creepy!

The bus unceremoniously dumped me at the furthest possible point from Disney Springs' entrance while still technically taking me to Disney Springs' property. Here I found myself at the complex's far north side, at the backstage cast member drop-off point. Apparently, this is SOP for the Swan bus, and for other non-Disney resorts on property. They're not allowed to operate in certain areas - a point which isn't effectively communicated to unaware hotel guests - so they must make do with scrounging up whatever routes they're allowed. (For example, @Voxel, Swan’s MK bus goes to TTC.)

My walk from this remote abandonment point all the way to the real Disney Springs bus depot was somewhere around half a mile. All of that through mostly unshaded, undecorated asphalt sprawl. That preceded the parking garage stairwell, or the walk past the backstage loading bays. Behold the legendary Disney Bubble! I was even harassed by a uniformed police officer at one stage, because I was so far off the beaten track.

Disney Springs' placement makes little sense to me even in better circumstances. The resort's premiere shopping district was intentionally located at the furthest possible spot from the parks. Why exactly?! This isn't convenient, it's a separate journey.

The whole of Walt Disney World has a confounding layout. It feels like the resort developed organically, without a master plan. There is no centralized area, just different random clusters in a bubble. Consistently, across the whole resort, the macro design emphasizes the overall scale and sprawl, with wide open spaces and distances which can only be traveled by vehicle. I found it impersonal, overwhelming, oppressive, and not enjoyable. It reminded me of car-centric 20th century urban design, with the same drawbacks. Disneyland and the international resorts all have a compact, walkable design with a single coherent transportation line when needed. Now that I’ve experienced WDW’s alternate approach firsthand, it is to me easily Disney’s worst-designed resort complex.

It’s too bad that they never went with the compact, user friendly city layout which had once been proposed for exactly this acreage…

Okay, enough ranting about Disney World's fundamental problems...for now. Back to Disney Springs! I made it through the security checkpoints around noon, with one cast member even pausing to complement me on my Wolverine facial hair, and - Wait a minute! It took an hour to get here from Swan?! Rant resumes! I live 27 miles from Disneyland, across county lines, with L.A. traffic, and it takes me less time to get there from home. It takes less time via public metro to get from downtown Shanghai/Hong Kong/Tokyo/Paris to their respective parks. Come on, Disney World!

So...Disney Springs seemed nice. Not detailed to the extent of the theme parks, but still a distinctive place with noteworthy care behind it. Weather aside, Disney Springs was pleasant. Design-wise, more enjoyable certainly than Universal CityWalk's overbearing postmodernism, with instead a very "Disney" sort of traditionalism informing this nostalgic retreat. From Disney's online fan community, I'm aware of a century-long fictionalized history underpinning Disney Springs and its assorted districts. As usual, that story doesn't really leap out on a cursory walkthrough. That could be something which is only found in the smaller plaques throughout, there for the most impassioned fans to discover.

I had over 30 minutes before my late Raglan Road brunch, and it was wretchedly hot outside besides. (The previous day's mellow overcast skies had given way to direct, pounding sunlight.) I'd figured that today would be a bar crawl anyway, and so it was time to select Bar #1: Jock Lindsey's Hangar Bar!

I'm already an Indiana Jones fan - enough that when they announced just the bar name alone some years ago, I instantly recognized Jock as Indy's pilot from the opening of Raiders - and I'm fairly interested in aviation. (See DisneySky.) So Jock Lindsey's was always a must-do at Disney Springs. I'm pleased to report back that it thoroughly satisfied my expectations as a creative, charming, ludicrously over-detailed Disney bar nearly on par with the gold standard that is Trader Sam's.

I'll have plenty more time in the next post to gush about my moments in Jock Lindsey's, and about my other Disney Springs comings and goings. When we get down to that nitty gritty, down to the stuff which Disney Resorts do well, my attitude improves. No more enraged rants next time, I promise!

The sun’s getting real low, big guy…​