I'm back! And I failed... I failed soooooo utterly badly. I just couldn't do it. It was the dance I practiced but I wasn't ready to do it the way it was performed. It was a lot faster, synchronized with other people, and moving. I had practiced it in place. I just couldn't do it. It wasn't that I was nervous or any of that. This was just something I physically could not do. I don't have the coordination for that. Everyone else was so fluid and graceful. I looked like a mermaid who just got her legs and could barely walk, let alone dance. I didn't even finish the audition, by the end of the first run, I was just so winded and my nerves were totally shot. I just grabbed my things and left. I didn't want to embarrass myself any further. I wish I could have made it to animation, that would have been my strength. But to get to that, you have to pass dance. Today, I learned that I'm not a dancer, I'm a software engineer.
You know, sometimes you dream too much and you need a good slap in the face from reality. I'm glad I did it. At least I got the experience and know that it wasn't meant to be. I'm sad I won't get to be a character but you know, there's lots of things I wish I could be and aren't. I want to be a hockey player too but that's not happening either. At least, trying and failing is better than not trying at all. At least I know now. I also know I won't ever be doing this again. I couldn't put myself through that ever again. But tomorrow, I have a wonderful attendant job waiting for me. So I'll still get to be a part of Disney entertainment. And who knows, it could end up being better for me.
Thank you all so much for supporting me. It meant a lot. My old love interest from Cali was really behind me in this. I'm glad to know she still cares very much about me.