Hard time w/ canceling trip

[Hot Lava]

We had to cancel our trip b/c my dad fell critically ill and then passed away. Apart from the hard time I am having with that, it is worse right now b/c this was the time we were all supposed to be at WDW.

I came here b/c I no one in my life really is understanding about why the cancellation of this trip is extra hard on me. The attitude (especially from my husband) is, "Well, it was just a trip." Well, no it wasn't. Clearly even if this trip had been canceled b/c of weather or work or such, I would be more upset than him. But this trip was so very important to me and my father. I sort of understand why no one is affected they way I am; but on the other hand it is hard that no one else seems to realize why this was not "just a trip to me".

I have avoided coming here since it was clear that the trip would be canceled b/c not only was my dad too sick, but that he was not going to make it. I only came briefly to ask real mad hatter some bagpipe questions I had (for the funeral). Otherwise, thinking about WDW was too painful. It is bad enough to have to watch Disney Jr pretty much everyday.

But my son talks often about going to Disney and how grandpa is now "too sick to go with us" (we told him that grandpa went to heaven, but he doesn't really understand). And today I got an extra kick in the head when a reminder from WDW about a reservation was in my email. Do not know how it happened. Our TA canceled everything (including restaurant res) and I had previously checked my MDE account as well. The infamously glitchy MDE at work again, I guess. It didn't help that the CM I got snidely said to me, "Well, canceling your trip reservations doesn't cancel your restaurant reservations."

So I needed a place to come and "vent" my sorrow over my lost trip, where I knew there were people of like mind about WDW and would understand that even under less terrible circumstances that this wasn't "just a trip to WDW". And just people who would appreciate the importance of this particular trip.

 

[myhappyplace]

How very very sorry I am for your loss. I took my grandmother to Disney for her first time ever in 2004, only to have her fall ill about 3 weeks after returning home, never recovering, and passing away 5 months later. So the last really happy time she had was Disney, this has been a comfort to me each time I go back. I'm not going to say I didn't cry my eyes out the first time I walked back on to Main Street USA, but it felt good. This fall I'll be returning, and part of my traveling party is my mother who has been diagnosed with Stage 3A lung cancer..the whole family has decided to go to make this a family trip, well....just in case, ya know? But I again take comfort in the fact that Disney will hold a very special place in my heart, because of the moments I shared with these two women there. And someday, when the time is right, this will happen for you as well.

 

[Hot Lava]

This fall I'll be returning, and part of my traveling party is my mother who has been diagnosed with Stage 3A lung cancer..the whole family has decided to go to make this a family trip, well....just in case, ya know?

I am sorry you are going through this. And all I can say is, go ASAP. And to anyone else in this situation, go as soon as you can manage. 20/20 hindsight and all, but I wish we had gone last spring/early summer rather than waiting. Everyone (myself and my dad included) thought waiting until fall was no big deal. He was supposed to have another year, at the very least. Well, tangential complications unforeseen (not out of the realm of possibility, just not generally expected) occurred.

 

[Weather_Lady]

I am so sorry for your loss!

I hope you are able to rebook another trip soon -- to give you something to look forward to, and to honor the memory of your father.

My mother passed away ten weeks before our last trip to WDW. We went despite the newness of our grief, because we knew it was what she would have wanted us to do -- to go and have as much fun as we could in a place she had enjoyed, and to find and relive the happy memories, made years before with her, that were lurking around every corner.

 

[Hot Lava]

Yeah, today I picked up DS from preschool, and one of the moms was there with her father (so grandfather to other preschooler) to pick up her child. For whatever unknown reason (since this is not the first time I have seen grandparents and grandkids together), it stabbed me in the heart. I hard a really hard time keeping back the tears. My reaction was so sudden and so very unexpected for me. I guess that will happen to me a great deal.

After I was pulled together, my first thought was, "Argh! I'm not even supposed to be here today!" We would have still been at WDW.
(And yes, meant as a Fast Times reference. That always goes through my head when something bad happens to me somewhere I wasn't meant to be in the first place).

 

[Disney Shib]

My thoughts are with you and your family. I can completely understand why you would be taking the cancellation so hard, especially if your dad was supposed to be there with you. Just remember that when the time comes that you do get to go back to WDW your dad will be there with you. Feel free to reach out to us extended disney family members whenever need be.

 

[crispy]

I lost my dad 5 years ago to cancer so your post really touched me. I just wanted to say that your dad probably received a tremendous amount of joy from simply planning this trip with you and your son so it wasn't all in vain. It gave him something to look forward to and helped him focus on something other than being ill. That is a gift and a blessing that you gave him even if the trip didn't happen. Truly, I am sure spending time with you and your son probably meant more than a million trips to WDW.

 

[HouCuseChickie]

I'm so sorry for your loss. You and your family will be in our thoughts and prayers. I can't begin to fathom how difficult it all must be, but as a PP noted, the planning surely brought your dad joy and a positive focal point when he really needed it. I know it's got to be tough with the WDW trip, especially when everyone else doesn't get it, but when you do get to go back to WDW- maybe you can kind of make it as a tribute trip to your dad. Bugs me that the phone rep had to be that way, but I guess it's always luck of the draw whenever you call...still too bad that they didn't have a greater level of empathy.

 

[Disneyhead'71]

So sorry for your loss, and words fail me (I know, hard to believe, right?) in times like these. And hugs are so hard to give over the interwebs. But hugs to you. WDW sometimes is the ticket and sometimes it compounds ones emotions. Let me tell you a little story of my last WDW experience. It won't help, but I haven't told anyone yet, and I think this thread may be the one place people will understand.

****Depressing Story Ahead: Turn Back Now. You have been WARNED*****

So, on July 7th, my 79 year old father went to work even though he was feeling pretty bad. He is a physician and one of his colleagues took one look at him and directly admitted him into the hospital. It is a hospital my father was an attending physician at for 47 years. As it turns out he has diabetic induced gastroparesis, long story short, his stomach is dead and he will never eat another bite by mouth again. Anyway He ended up staying in the hospital until he maxed out his insurance on Aug. 10th. They tossed him out of the hospital like last weeks leftovers. He went to another local hospital and stayed until Sept. 9th. For that entire month he was paying for EVERYTHING out of pocket. So on Sept. 9th he got well enough to leave the hospital but because he was paying for everything out of pocket, his 5600 sq. ft. lake home is going into foreclosure. So on Sept. 9th my brother packed my parents into the car in West Virginia and made a beeline to my door here in Orlando. My father is dying and I have opened a hospice in my living room. I am a single father of 2 teenage daughters living in a 3 bedroom apartment. I am a local news photographer who goes to work at 3 am and my ex wife is 700 miles away and 27 months behind on child support. I was in over my head BEFORE my folks moved in with us. Now there are 5 of us in a 3 bedroom, my father is dying and I have lost 25 lbs since the 9th. Because of my fathers illness there is quite a bit of labor involved with his feeding tubes and what not. I am the only one of the 5 of us who can drive. I am trying as hard as I can but I am overwhelmed to say the least.

Now on to the WDW portion of my story. As it turned out 9/13/13 was my youngest's 13th birthday and media night at MNSSHP. So I got to take my daughters for free. I got up at 2:30am, just like every morning. Worked a full shift, came home, changed my fathers diaper and flushed the feeding tube, fed my mother, and then loaded up the kids for a free evening at "The Happiest Place on Earth". I got on the Monorail and broke down into complete body wracking sobs. I felt like my brain was being torn apart. I was literally shaking I was crying so hard. I pulled it together within 10 mins. but I am sure everyone on the Monorail with me was pretty freaked out. I just had a really hard time going, in less than an hour, from being the sole caretaker of my dying father to a teenager's birthday party at "The Happiest Place on Earth".

This pic was taken 10 mins after my "episode" so, as you can see, all was not lost:

Sorry to be a Debbie Downer. But thanks for those that actually read my post. Sometimes people just need to talk. Even if no one is listening.

 

[crispy]

So sorry for your loss, and words fail me (I know, hard to believe, right?) in times like these. And hugs are so hard to give over the interwebs. But hugs to you. WDW sometimes is the ticket and sometimes it compounds ones emotions. Let me tell you a little story of my last WDW experience. It won't help, but I haven't told anyone yet, and I think this thread may be the one place people will understand.

****Depressing Story Ahead: Turn Back Now. You have been WARNED*****

So, on July 7th, my 79 year old father went to work even though he was feeling pretty bad. He is a physician and one of his colleagues took one look at him and directly admitted him into the hospital. It is a hospital my father was an attending physician at for 47 years. As it turns out he has diabetic induced gastroparesis, long story short, his stomach is dead and he will never eat another bite by mouth again. Anyway He ended up staying in the hospital until he maxed out his insurance on Aug. 10th. They tossed him out of the hospital like last weeks leftovers. He went to another local hospital and stayed until Sept. 9th. For that entire month he was paying for EVERYTHING out of pocket. So on Sept. 9th he got well enough to leave the hospital but because he was paying for everything out of pocket, his 5600 sq. ft. lake home is going into foreclosure. So on Sept. 9th my brother packed my parents into the car in West Virginia and made a beeline to my door here in Orlando. My father is dying and I have opened a hospice in my living room. I am a single father of 2 teenage daughters living in a 3 bedroom apartment. I am a local news photographer who goes to work at 3 am and my ex wife is 700 miles away and 27 months behind on child support. I was in over my head BEFORE my folks moved in with us. Now there are 5 of us in a 3 bedroom, my father is dying and I have lost 25 lbs since the 9th. Because of my fathers illness there is quite a bit of labor involved with his feeding tubes and what not. I am the only one of the 5 of us who can drive. I am trying as hard as I can but I am overwhelmed to say the least.

Now on to the WDW portion of my story. As it turned out 9/13/13 was my youngest's 13th birthday and media night at MNSSHP. So I got to take my daughters for free. I got up at 2:30am, just like every morning. Worked a full shift, came home, changed my fathers diaper and flushed the feeding tube, fed my mother, and then loaded up the kids for a free evening at "The Happiest Place on Earth". I got on the Monorail and broke down into complete body wracking sobs. I felt like my brain was being torn apart. I was literally shaking I was crying so hard. I pulled it together within 10 mins. but I am sure everyone on the Monorail with me was pretty freaked out. I just had a really hard time going, in less than an hour, from being the sole caretaker of my dying father to a teenager's birthday party at "The Happiest Place on Earth".

This pic was taken 10 mins after my "episode" so, as you can see, all was not lost:

Sorry to be a Debbie Downer. But thanks for those that actually read my post. Sometimes people just need to talk. Even if no one is listening.

((HUGS)) to you, too. You can always find a listening ear here. So sorry to hear about your father, and bless you for taking care of him.

 

[myhappyplace]

Hugs to all! Very touching story, Disneyhead, and what a great role model you are to those daughters of yours!!

 

[danzkat]

I so sorry to hear about your father passing and having to cancel that special tri

We had to cancel our trip b/c my dad fell critically ill and then passed away. Apart from the hard time I am having with that, it is worse right now b/c this was the time we were all supposed to be at WDW.

I came here b/c I no one in my life really is understanding about why the cancellation of this trip is extra hard on me. The attitude (especially from my husband) is, "Well, it was just a trip." Well, no it wasn't. Clearly even if this trip had been canceled b/c of weather or work or such, I would be more upset than him. But this trip was so very important to me and my father. I sort of understand why no one is affected they way I am; but on the other hand it is hard that no one else seems to realize why this was not "just a trip to me".

I have avoided coming here since it was clear that the trip would be canceled b/c not only was my dad too sick, but that he was not going to make it. I only came briefly to ask real mad hatter some bagpipe questions I had (for the funeral). Otherwise, thinking about WDW was too painful. It is bad enough to have to watch Disney Jr pretty much everyday.

But my son talks often about going to Disney and how grandpa is now "too sick to go with us" (we told him that grandpa went to heaven, but he doesn't really understand). And today I got an extra kick in the head when a reminder from WDW about a reservation was in my email. Do not know how it happened. Our TA canceled everything (including restaurant res) and I had previously checked my MDE account as well. The infamously glitchy MDE at work again, I guess. It didn't help that the CM I got snidely said to me, "Well, canceling your trip reservations doesn't cancel your restaurant reservations."

So I needed a place to come and "vent" my sorrow over my lost trip, where I knew there were people of like mind about WDW and would understand that even under less terrible circumstances that this wasn't "just a trip to WDW". And just people who would appreciate the importance of this particular trip.

I so sorry to hear about your father passing and having to cancel that special trip to WDW that you were going to take together. I understand the pain is unbearable. My family was planning a trip for June of 2010 when my little brother was murdered Nov. 22, 2013. All nine of us were going to go together to Disney World. You should try to reschedule the trip and use the planning and the trip to continue to remember those moments you had with your father. The trip to WDW that June was full of sweet memories from past trips with my brother and knowing that the new memories we were making, especially my 8 year old daughter and 6 year old son were making would make him happy. I'll be keeping you in my thoughts and prayers.

 

[Hot Lava]

****Depressing Story Ahead: Turn Back Now. You have been WARNED*****

I am so very, very sorry for what you are going through. My dad was eventually in a hospice, and that was bad enough. And since I am a SAHM, I was able to stay out of state for an extended time with my child.
Yes, you probably did freak people out on the monorail. You and I would also be freaked if we saw some stranger get suddenly hysterical at WDW. ::shrug:: What can you do? Sometimes circumstances overtake you, and the emotion is literally like a gut punch. Hopefully the fact you were with your daughters kept people from thinking you were a nut job with any ill intent.

As far as the weight loss, I know it is hard to eat, but you have to try to remember that you have two daughters you need to care for also, so you need to try for them. I spent a month solid fueled basically by SB Mochas and stress. And while I can stand to lose a few pounds (and them some), it is by far the worst diet ever. For the sake of your daughters, please try to take care of yourself.

Feel free to vent here anytime. I has helped me to get this all out here, and it definitely sounds like you need to do so as well.

 

[wannabeBelle]

My deepest sympathies to you. I lost my Dad a few years back. When you are ready you will know it, and your Magical trip will happen!!!! Marie

 

[Club34]

Hello everyone,

I have been a long time lurker and have obviously joined and have been making some posts here and there. Certainly not as many as some. Anyways, my day job is social worker. Rapidly approaching 20 years in and finally just a few months away from my license [I put off going back to school too long]. So, I just want to tell the folks who are grieving and dealing with care giving issues to REMEMBER YOUR OWN CARE!!!! I know thats easier said than done, but you have to find the time/resources to give yourself the care you deserve. People can become depressed [beyond normal grief], try to "man up", and that kind of stuff and they don't realize what is happening to themselves and their families. You are not yourself and you are not superman/woman. You may be run down, losing weight, etc. This is your body/life telling you to do something different. You have to find the right recipe to care for yourself and take care of the responsibilities, including the ones you didn't ask for. I am sure many of you will read this and give me the "yeah, but..." so I'll just say this perhaps non-social worky bit...how good are you to your loved ones when you are getting wore down emotionally and physically. I know it seems like you are being selfish, but you are not. You are doing what you need to do to be at your best...for your family.

For those dealing with grief. Consider a support group. Check with churches, hospitals, or hospice organizations. The resources are out there. They help. They work. Give yourself permission to grieve, share, and process the loss.

Disney will be there with all your friends [..and stitch] when you are good and ready. It will be a new normal but you will create new memories with your loved ones.

Be well.

 

[QuiltinMom]

We had to cancel our trip b/c my dad fell critically ill and then passed away. Apart from the hard time I am having with that, it is worse right now b/c this was the time we were all supposed to be at WDW.

I came here b/c I no one in my life really is understanding about why the cancellation of this trip is extra hard on me. The attitude (especially from my husband) is, "Well, it was just a trip." Well, no it wasn't. Clearly even if this trip had been canceled b/c of weather or work or such, I would be more upset than him. But this trip was so very important to me and my father. I sort of understand why no one is affected they way I am; but on the other hand it is hard that no one else seems to realize why this was not "just a trip to me".

I have avoided coming here since it was clear that the trip would be canceled b/c not only was my dad too sick, but that he was not going to make it. I only came briefly to ask real mad hatter some bagpipe questions I had (for the funeral). Otherwise, thinking about WDW was too painful. It is bad enough to have to watch Disney Jr pretty much everyday.

But my son talks often about going to Disney and how grandpa is now "too sick to go with us" (we told him that grandpa went to heaven, but he doesn't really understand). And today I got an extra kick in the head when a reminder from WDW about a reservation was in my email. Do not know how it happened. Our TA canceled everything (including restaurant res) and I had previously checked my MDE account as well. The infamously glitchy MDE at work again, I guess. It didn't help that the CM I got snidely said to me, "Well, canceling your trip reservations doesn't cancel your restaurant reservations."

So I needed a place to come and "vent" my sorrow over my lost trip, where I knew there were people of like mind about WDW and would understand that even under less terrible circumstances that this wasn't "just a trip to WDW". And just people who would appreciate the importance of this particular trip.

I understand completely, I lost my Mother in Law and my Mom within 9 days of each other 10 years ago.
We still have moments, but it does get easier, I promise. My Son was 4 when they died and it was hard, especially it was right before the holidays. Just do your best, but it is ok for him to know you are sad.

My first 12 Disney trips were with my parents, so Disney World is a very special place for me. I had always hoped to have my parents come to take my Son for his first time. I took a small insurance policy Mom left me and planned a trip for my Son. I was surprised how upset I was when I first got there, but it turned out great and is one of my best Disney trip memories. We took him again 2 years ago and it is still a very happy place!

Pencil in a date for that next trip and start putting together a planning binder, the research is a great distraction!