Kermit, you can insert humor, or do some drawings of these scenes!
I have one sketch of the queue, and a couple of the demons in the ride.
But we can always use more visuals!
Now...this is something I cranked out last night, so PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE feel free to add, alter and/or fix it before we actually post it!
We need to inject more HUMOR and JOKES into the scenes!
and the script is a little lame, but if anyone wants to reword or edit anything...please don't hesitate!
I love the jokes so far! You can put them wherever you think they will work!
Ok...here we go...
Halloween Overlay For the Jungle Cruise Attraction
As you approach the Jungle Cruise queue, just as the sun has set, you encounter a new sign, hastily boarded over the old Jungle Cruise sign:
Shrunken Ned's World Famous Haunted River Tours!
The queue itself looks like it's been closed until very recently. There are splintered former barricades that clearly say DANGER! CLOSED FOR OCTOBER! but have now been opened up.
The lights overhead flicker, and cobwebs hang from the rafters, and new crates and cages line the walkway containing (unseen)dangers and ferocious creatures, such as Amazonian Vampire Bats!
Killer Tarantula! DO Not Feed!
Poisonous Egyptian Asps!
Yuka Demons!Do NOT Touch!
Of course, if you were silly enough to touch the box, it starts to shake on it's own, and elicit weird and horrible moans!
On the adjoining wall, there are tribal masks that resemble devilish skulls, whose eyes occasionally glow with an eerie red light.
Maps on the walls suddenly change to show new locations, such as Degradation Falls, The Cursed Temple, River of Blood, and Hellish Rapids.
The music above sounds like disharmonious weird white noise, and static leaking into the speakers.
Sometimes it's interrupted by the sound of a hapless skipper calling for help, and screams that are cut off..
Snatches of conversation overlayed with whispers...
“I told Hearty Hal that he shouldn't go that way! (sob) I warned him not to take the passengers that far upriver!”
“Shrunken Ned is up to his old Voodoo tricks again! The River Spirits they are coming for us! I can just-- arrrghhhhh...”
“Don't panic, Courageous Carrie said not to show them any fear...or you could be trapped between Worlds!”
As you approach the CM's at the loading dock, they either look grim, sullen and deathly pale, or they appear twitchy and laugh nervously.
The skipper on your tour, however looks relieved to let the last passengers off, “Hey, I brought back another one mostly alive! Except for THAT guy!”
He bids you a hearty welcome!
SKIPPER~ “Welcome aboard Shrunken Ned's Haunted Tours! Where you are bound to have a screaming good time!
I'm your skipper, Fearless Fred!
No eating, drinking, smoking (unless you happen to catch on fire!) or flashing your camera at the Spirits! They really don't like when you flash your cameras!Bad things can happen if you flash your camera!
So, nice to see such a hearty crew with us this evening....you aren't the least bit superstitious, right? Of course you're not!
Shrunken Ned says you aren't in aaaaany sort of danger! Just make sure you keep your hands inside the boat, though...in case something out there is, uh...hungry...
Hey, do you know why the Ghost crossed the road? To get to the OTHER SIDE!”
(The surrounding jungle has been plunged into darkness, while the boat is equipped with large hand held searchlights.
On the left, you can see an eerie glowing UV lit display of giant bats!)
SKIPPER~“Uh oh! It looks like we are encountering the dreaded Amazon Giant Vampire Bat!
What do you call a vampire bat that went crazy?
Batty.
(Skipper shines the serachlight on the glowing bats, to discover that, in the light, the uv effect disappears, and they are revealed to be harmless butterflies!)
SKIPPER~”Ah, I see was mistaken! Those are not bloodchoking night creatures at all! They are harmless rainforest butterflies!”
“Up ahead...it looks like the river is tainted! The falls are running red with...it looks an awful lot like... BLOOD!"
(shines searchlight on red glowing waterfalls)
“Ah sorry! it must just be a trick of the light! Those are the same old Inspiration Falls, folks. Ha ha. Yep, no need to panic! Maybe we should call them "Perspiration falls? Not that I'm sweating..."
(boat enters Congo area, and the pygmy camp on the right.With fog effects boiling out of the camp, there is a white and blue floating ghostly apparition with a ghastly uv face that looks like it's floating towards the boat)
SKIPPER~ “AAAAH! It's the ghosts of the dead! The Spirits are returning! I guess they don't call it the Haunted Tour for nothin'! And you all know what happens to a ghost lost in the fog, don't you?
He's Mist.”
(searchlight on “ghost” reveals it's just curtains draped over the hovel that are being moved by the wind)
SKIPPER~"See it's nothing to worry about! (takes big sign of relief) I mean, it's not as if this is October, when the River Spirits get angry, and try to trap unwary tourists in an unending torturous horror between worlds!
Oh. yeah...it IS October.. isn't it.”
(pass the glowing uv lit giant python!)
SKIPPER~ (confident now) “hey, I betcha that's NOT a giant and hungry python!”
(shines searchlight)
“Well, Ok...maybe it IS a giant python...but maybe he's already eaten!”
(Boat winds toward the Gorilla camp, and there's a giant UV lit monster, with horrible features and sharp teeth!)
SKIPPER~ “oh no...It looks like the Pygmy Devil! Don't worry, Fearless Fred will save the day!”
(shines searchlight to reveal “monster” is just a big gorilla)
“Phew! See I told you there is nothing to fear from these River Spirits...I mean they ONLY come out at Night...and they only get agitated if someone approaches their world with the audacity to wear...white!”
(shines the searchlight on the nearest person wearing white!)
“Uh oh”
(Strange music now can be heard in the surrounding jungle, the sound of screeches, drums and eerie keening wailing!
Giant water sprays and projection lighting effects show creepy animated spirits moving past the boat on the left. Elephant AA is replaced by large gruesomely cute demon creature with multiple trunk like tentacles waving.)
SKIPPER..."I noticed these ghouls and beasties only seem to appear...JUST before someone screams! And I wonder why all these ghouls and demons seem to hang out together?
Maybe because a demon is a Ghoul's best friend?"
(The animals in the veldt scene on the right have UV paint to resemble skeletal versions of their former selves. The lions have been replaced by comically scary glowing demon AAs with bulging eyes and a row of sharp teeth.)
SKIPPER~ “Hold onto your hats, and your loved ones everybody! Nice try there, sir...but I don't think she's with YOU... I'll try and get us outta here!
Now here's where we have to say Bone Appetit to that hungry demon!
You know, I don't think they are going to come after us...they have no GUTS”
(The rhino scene has been replaced by several monsterous monkey like demons up a pole that move up and down and wave their multiple arms, while a skeletal glowing rhino remains below)
(the crocodiles have been replaced with a glowing red bubbling effect, as if the river is boiling, while flames periodically shoot up from the water)
(Schweitzer falls has animated angry river spirits projected on the surface of the water.)
(SKIPPER makes joke about Banga the God of Muddy Waters?)
(crashed plane scene is littered with little pop eyed green creepy/silly looking goblin AAs, gnawing on metal parts)
SKIPPER~ “I think the pilot probably thought those were gremlins...but they are Abiku! That's an african demon that LOVES children...um...for dinner!
Do you know what their favorite fruits are? Adam's apples and nectarines!
But I heard they won't come near if a child rings a bell! They are afraid of the sound!”
(have a small child come forward to ring the bell)
SKIPPER “Ha! I knew we would have them on the run!”
(turns to see large uv glowing fishy creatures with scales and greasy hair popping up out of the water where the hippos are usually seen Skipper uses pop gun to try and scare them off!)
SKIPPER “Gah! Demons and Ghouls are popping up everywhere! If I didn't know we were on a river...I would almost think this was Lake EERIE!"
(the scene with native war dance, and natives with blow guns is relatively unchanged, except for the music and UV lighting, making them look more eerie and menacing.
One of the natives in a war mask leans over the boat...suddenly it's clear that it's not an AA, but a live actor! He reaches for someone in the boat!)
NATIVE~ “Booga Booga! Ha ha ha!!!
(The backside of water shows another projection...this time, of the animated spirits are making goofy faces, and moving quickly away)
SKIPPER~”Hey! It looks like if we try and be brave, and show no fear, the spirits won't bother us! haha! I think I spoke too soon...)
(Boat enters temple cave. There is fantastic projection lighting effects, as well as UV spirits painted on the dark walls they appear and disappear as the boat passes, and loud whispering and laughter can be heard echoing through the cave! The lighting appears to be like a time tunnel of stars and galaxies spiraling around the boat, as if you are moving through another dimension.)
SKIPPER~”That's right! We're not afraid of you! Everybody chant 'nya nya nya nya nya nya!'
It looks like they are going to let us go! We are going to make it!!!”
(As boat exits cavern, the scene is once again very dark, lit only by the sight of uv glowing eyes, and the sounds of water splashing.)
SKIPPER~ ”Awww...NO! I thought we were safe now! Remember folks...don't show them any fear!”
(The Skipper ducks in fear, then carefully shines his searchlight on the scary glowing eyes...only to reveal a bunch of playful elephants!)
SKIPPER~ "see what did I tell ya? There's nothing to be afraid of here!"
(the tour ends with the AA of Shrunken Ned himself, waving his shrunken heads at everyone!, and a final few quips from the Skipper!)