Going to Disney while mourning a loved one

Chezman1399

Chezman1399

Active Member
Original Poster
My wife and I had a 10 night trip planned for food and wine festival this year; however, she passed away recently, very unexpectedly. We got married in WDW and vacationed down there for her birthday almost every year since we have been together. I had another post planning our trip in the trip planning forum talking about all the things we love to do for Food and Wine and looking for suggestions. So we were both really looking forward to the trip. Now I'm really not sure I can go on the trip without her or what I'm going to be able to do on it.

I have been encouraged to go by others who have lost loved ones and by counselors I've talked to since Disney is such a special place not only for us, but for me as well. Has anyone been in this situation(I'm sure someone has)? What did you do? How did you handle the pain?

There are certain things I'm not going to be able to do, at least for a while, Via Napoli (It had become our go to restaurant), 7 Dwarves (It was the first coaster I ever got her to go on), Spend the entire week at food and wine going to different exhibitions and events like we had planned, along with a host of other restaurants and places I'm not sure I can spend much time in. I guess I'm just trying to find out other peoples experiences with this because I'm scared of how I'm going to feel.
 
epcotisbest

epcotisbest

Well-Known Member
So very sorry for your loss. I can't even begin to imagine a trip to WDW without my wife. No real advice or insight to help you here, but I think you are brave to consider it. We have been going multiple times per year since not long after we were married, some 32 years ago, and while she goes once per year without me on an annual girl's trip to run the Princess Half-marathon, I don't think I could, or would want to go without her. Of course, maybe it would be therapeutic to make the trip and enjoy the memories you created together.
 
CAPTAIN HOOK

CAPTAIN HOOK

Well-Known Member
My deepest condolences to you.

I think that you should embrace the opportunity to return to the place which holds so many fond memories for you. However, I would be wary about whether (at this time) those memories could also leave you feeling upset and empty as a vacation alone could be a lonely, sad experience for you
 
Chezman1399

Chezman1399

Active Member
Original Poster
Essentially what I was told from other people and counselors is I need to get through things and acknowledge the loss as I can't avoid everything and complete avoidance can cause other issues. Also, WDW has always been a place of comfort for me when I am feeling down, we'll see if it still is. So far my plans include spending some time at the water parks, which we never did and I have some friends who are meeting me out there, so I'll be doing some different things. It's going to be real tough, we even have a guaranteed week during her birthday at the Grand Floridian.

And thank you guys
 
bgraham34

bgraham34

Well-Known Member
First off I am so sorry for your loss.

I certainly would keep going to Disney World especially with your upcoming trip planned. You are doing it for the memory of your wife and to begin making new memories for yourself.

I would suggest maybe do things a little bit differently this time. Maybe even do some more tours of the parks like the Keys to the Kingdom tour at Magic Kingdom.
 
Kate Alan

Kate Alan

Well-Known Member
I'm so, so sorry for your loss.

We lost my father suddenly to a heart attack almost three years ago. Seven months before he died was the last trip we took to Disney together, along with my mother and sister (my brother was unable to get away due to college). It has been an incredibly difficult time for my family.

There will be times when it will hit you hard, especially when you are revisiting favorites you had together. My father was the one who introduced our family to Flying Fish Cafe. My then-boyfriend and I traveled to WDW four months after my father passed, and I wound up crying at the table when we went to the restaurant. My family finally took its first family vacation since my father's death this past December to WDW, and we all broke down on Star Tours, which was my father's favorite ride. Don't be afraid if that does happen - and I have to give props to the CMs, those that saw us break down were incredibly discreet about it.

I think it's good that you have people who can join you on the trip, and that you will be mixing it up with things that you have never done together. Take the days one day at a time and never make yourself to do anything. If you need to take a break from the parks and return to your hotel, or change up what you normally ride or where you normally eat, do so. Don't force yourself to go at the pace you normally went at. If there is something private you would like to do to acknowledge her birthday while you are on property, or you prefer to surround yourself with others - do it. It will be tough and bittersweet at times to try to enjoy a place that held so much for both of you, but you can also honor those memories while beginning to forge ahead with new ones for yourself.
 
Chezman1399

Chezman1399

Active Member
Original Poster
Thank you so much for the tips guys. @bgraham34 I never even thought of the tours, I think because I have had tunnel vision on the F&W Fest for the October trip. @Kate Alan thanks for the tip on crying on the rides, I know it will happen entering Epcot/MK or on the Muppets or Toy Story or one of her favorite rides, heck even the monorail when we pass the wedding pavilion. I really didn't know what to expect of the cast and everything, so thank you for the heads up on that.
 
Bucfan87

Bucfan87

Active Member
I wont pretend to be an expert on this subject as I don't believe that really exists. My grandfather passed away about 10 years ago. He is the center of our family and was always present when we would visit the resorts. As we lived in Tampa we would go almost monthly. I have fond memories of him taking me around the people mover as my older siblings would ride Space Mountain. As I visit now as an adult I am reminded of the time I spent with him. We always eat at the Crystal Palace now as it was his favorite, and we never visit the Magic Kingdom without a mid afternoon nap on the Carousel of Progress as he would always do. I know he's with us when we do the things we did with him.

Always remember. Your wife is still the amazing woman you fell in love with. i'm sure she would love for you to enjoy the things you enjoyed with her.
 
Tom P.

Tom P.

Well-Known Member
I am so sorry for your loss.

The mere thought of losing my wife almost cripples me. I can't even imagine it. And I can't claim to understand what you must be going through right now.

I think the counselors are correct in that you must move on with your life and that you can't avoid everything that reminds you of her. That being said, this isn't "everything." This is a major, major thing that was very significant to the two of you as a couple. Everyone grieves differently, and despite the fact that counselors are trained to deal with grieving people, I think sometimes there can be a tendency to try to make everyone fit into the same box. In reality, one person might take comfort from pressing forward with a trip like this an cherishing the memories. Another person might find it too soon and too difficult to handle.

My point in saying all of this is not to discourage you from going. If you feel that's right for you, I think you definitely should. My point is that in your message, I get a sense of you feeling like you *should* do this because of what the counselors have been telling you. And remember that only you can judge where you are in the grieving process. If you're not ready, it's also okay to say no.

Whatever you choose, I wish you all the best in this difficult time.
 
Chezman1399

Chezman1399

Active Member
Original Poster
Thanks again guys, I appreciate the thoughts

@Tom P. I don't really know if I'll be ready or not. I'm really not sure whether I'll have any clue until I get there and see how I feel. I'll be driving and if I need to leave because it's too much I will. WDW has always been my refuge, but like you said it is also the place of a lot of significant moments which I think is why I've been torn on what to do. As of right now I'm going, but it's also just DVC points, so I can always cancel if it gets to be too much.
 
Magenta Panther

Magenta Panther

Well-Known Member
Chezman1399 said:
My wife and I had a 10 night trip planned for food and wine festival this year; however, she passed away recently, very unexpectedly. We got married in WDW and vacationed down there for her birthday almost every year since we have been together. I had another post planning our trip in the trip planning forum talking about all the things we love to do for Food and Wine and looking for suggestions. So we were both really looking forward to the trip. Now I'm really not sure I can go on the trip without her or what I'm going to be able to do on it.

I have been encouraged to go by others who have lost loved ones and by counselors I've talked to since Disney is such a special place not only for us, but for me as well. Has anyone been in this situation(I'm sure someone has)? What did you do? How did you handle the pain?

There are certain things I'm not going to be able to do, at least for a while, Via Napoli (It had become our go to restaurant), 7 Dwarves (It was the first coaster I ever got her to go on), Spend the entire week at food and wine going to different exhibitions and events like we had planned, along with a host of other restaurants and places I'm not sure I can spend much time in. I guess I'm just trying to find out other peoples experiences with this because I'm scared of how I'm going to feel.
Click to expand...

I am so very very sorry for your loss. If you decide to go on your planned trip, is there anyone who could accompany you? A friend or relative? Someone who would understand that you're grieving, but could also help you enjoy your trip a little?
 
Nemo14

Nemo14

Well-Known Member
I'm so sorry for your loss - I can't imagine the pain you must have. As others have said, you'll know when you're ready and it's OK if it's 2 weeks, 2 months, or 2 years from now, whatever works for you. I do know that it won't be the things that you anticipate that will get to you the most, but rather some little unexpected moment that will bring back memories.

I've used this quote before but it's worth repeating. It comes from a speech that Joe Biden made at the funeral of Sean Collier, the officer killed by the Boston Bombers:

"You'll know it's going to be OK when the first instinct is you get a smile to your lips before you get a tear to your eyes."

My wish is that you find that smile again, be it at WDW or wherever.
 
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POLY LOVER

POLY LOVER

Well-Known Member
I am very sorry for your loss. Know that Disney hold the memories of many loved ones that are now gone. I truly believe that people's spirits exist in their favorite places. When and if you go you may find a strange comfort rather than sadness about being in the place you both had much fun and good times. Our family has gone to Disney for almost 25 years now, we have a tradition of going to the poly and having a drink on our last day. We have made our children promise that after we are gone they must continue the tradition with their family and in memory of us. I bet your wife would want you to go and have diner in Italy raise a glass of wine with your friends in her honor, she will be smiling and glad you did. As hard as it is try to smile and laugh and enjoy she would want this for you.
And if my theory is true she will be there at your side.

We are all thinking of you and wish you the best!
 
ShareBDwithMickey

ShareBDwithMickey

Active Member
I can't imagine your pain right now, but I am sure your wife would want you, when you are able, to visit the place that is so special to you both.

For 10 years we travelled back & forth to various Disney parks as a family of four, me, DH & his mum & dad, then last July his mum died very suddenly & it wasn't an easy passing. We knew DH's dad wasn't up to traveling & we had a trip booked to Disneyland last October. We made the decision to go ahead with the trip, I won't say it will be easy, it won't be. There will tears for sure & sometimes you will feel as if the grief will overpower you, but & its a big but, there will be smiles, tinged with sadness definately & there will also be a chance to start creating new memories, new rituals & new experiences.

Disney will help in your healing & it will be somewhere you will always feel particularly close & obtusly very far away from her.

Whenever you go you won't be ready, its just up to you when you feel ready to take that 1st & most painful of steps, each one after that will get a little easier.

Good luck & god speed.
 
Mista C

Mista C

Well-Known Member
Wow. I am so incredibly sorry for your loss. I've teared up just reading this thread so far. Well, this is definitely a tough one. I have agreed with every single post so far, so I'm not going to rehash everything. My opinion, like others, is that you, and only you, will know when you are ready to go back. Not sure if I would be brave enough to go back so soon, but you may be. Even if you were to wait 5 years to go back, it will still create a flood of overwhelming emotions whenever you do. You will know when the time is right. This is just heartbreaking.
 

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