Going if a family member is sick

[CoraJack]

Hi all----

I have a trip planned in November for 5 days with a great price at the Polynesian and I want to use my Disney Club card one last time at the World of Disney before it's eradicated!

Anyway--I've had the trip planned since June and now my grandmother has been told she has terminal cancer (has been fighting lung cancer for 2 years now). But the ridiculous thing is that the doctors told her that she has 2 weeks to 3 years to live! They told her there is no way to predict if the cancer will spread to other organs or not so there is no way to accurately predict how long she will be here.

I can't imagine having a whole family put their lives on hold for 3+ years IF she ends up making it that long. I guess my question to all of you is have you ever made the trip when someone in your family was sick? I don't know if I'd feel guilty or not?

She will be having radiation treatments during the time of the trip--at least that's what's planned for now. I live an hour away from her so I'm not there taking care of her on a day to day basis, but again I don't know if I'd feel badly having the time of my life while she's suffering. While on the other hand I don't want to put my family's life on hold for years either!

Help!

Christina

 

[The Mom]

I was at WDW 2 weeks before my father died. I WAS the primary (along with my mother) caregiver, so it did involve a little more work to get away. (and I was only gone for a weekend) He was also in a rehab facility at this time, so it wasn't like my mother was taking care of him physically.

My father would have been very upset if I had put my life on hold indefinitely, and it would have made him feel guilty.

I took my cell phone, and checked in with my mother frequently to make sure things were OK, and had an "emergency" person who could help my mother until I could get back.

I also went through the same thing last summer.We had a trip planned months in advance. My mother fell and broke her hip shortly before we were due to leave. She was also in a rehab center, but was due to be discharged in the middle of our trip. My brother was flying down to keep an eye on things, but his wife got suddenly ill (and was hospitalized) the night before he was to arrive! I ended up leaving my 18 year old, along with my good Samaritan neighbors, behind to keep an eye on her. Then, my daughter and I flip flopped in the middle of the week..I came home and she went on vacation...passing each other in the airport.

I would still go on your trip,but find out about flights before you go, so IF one of you had to leave suddenly, you could. (Even if you drove, one of you could take a one way flight)

Please, go and have fun...it sounds like things could be getting rough soon enough, and at least you'll have had a little magic to tide you through.

 

[tybroid59]

I know just how you must be feeling.My sister in law was diagnosed with secondary brain cancer this March she was given some palliative treatment but evetually told there was nothing else .They told her she had 3-6 months to live ..the 6 months was right on our holidays.

We didnt really know what to do for the best ...it's so hard .We kept our reservation after talking it through with her.....although I did cancel it.
Sadley she died last month and we remade our holiday.....

There is no easy way round this one but I feel that you should try and continue with your holiday plans .

IF you have insurance it will cover it if you have to cancel at the last minute.

Good luck my thoughts are with you

 

[MassFan]

Our last trip to Disney World, my grandfather had been in and out of the hospital with COPD.

He would have hated it if we put our lives on hold and not gone because he was dying. He was very proud and wanted us to live our lives.

We went to Florida at the beginning of April and he pasted away that July.

 

[CoraJack]

Thank you for sharing your stories everyone. Since I wrote my first message my mom has now refused to go and it's starting to make me feel guilty too. My mom says she just "knows" that she does not have long left and she just would feel too guilty if she went. And again she's trying to make me feel that way too. I don't know what to do at this point.

I did talk with my grandma today and she said that she wants us to go for sure. I guess she will be upset if my mom does not go at this point but my mom has made up her mind.

This is very difficult--but as you all said it would be so hard to put our lives on hold just pretty much waiting for her to die! I know I wouldn't want my family to do that if it were me.

Christina

 

[conntom]

My mother had terminal cancer in 1993 it was brain and lung
cancer we found out about the cancer in Nov 8 but I had made
my planned trip to Disney World in the summer when it came
time to go I didn't want to but my mother said I should go and
I did. I had a ok time but my mind was on my mother.
My mom died on April 8 1994 I did not go to Disney that year.
God bless all that have a love one that is sick

 

[mickey04]

Originally posted by CoraJack
Thank you for sharing your stories everyone. Since I wrote my first message my mom has now refused to go and it's starting to make me feel guilty too. My mom says she just "knows" that she does not have long left and she just would feel too guilty if she went. And again she's trying to make me feel that way too. I don't know what to do at this point.

I did talk with my grandma today and she said that she wants us to go for sure. I guess she will be upset if my mom does not go at this point but my mom has made up her mind.

This is very difficult--but as you all said it would be so hard to put our lives on hold just pretty much waiting for her to die! I know I wouldn't want my family to do that if it were me.

Christina

No disrespect intended at all, but I'd feel differently myself. I would want my family to try and have a good time and not worry about me, but everyone's different. Anyway, my grandmother died of lung cancer two years ago (exactly a year before the terrorist attacks- September 11, 2000). Its a difficult time for everyone involved. I remember visiting her in the hospital, and gradually watching her die, in more pain every day. Just a horrible situation- I'm truely sorry.

Like tybroid said, if you do go, get travel insurance. I understand your mom's point of view (I'm assuming its her mother) and I'm sure this is incredibly difficult for her. But if you do go, don't feel guilty, and don't be afraid to enjoy yourself. You should not live in sadness. I know your worried about your grandmother, but don't forget to take care of yourself too.

Anyway, my sympothies are with you and your family.

 

[CoraJack]

Originally posted by mickey04


No disrespect intended at all, but I'd feel differently myself. I would want my family to try and have a good time and not worry about me, but everyone's different.

Hi Mickey04--well my grandmother (who is the one who is sick) DOES want us ALL to go--but it's my mother who is trying to make me feel guilty about it. Yes it's my mother's mother who is sick. So my grandma does want us to have a good time and enjoy, but my mom is the one who is trying to make me feel like I'm making the wrong decision by going.

Sorry to hear about your grandma. Cancer is just a horrible disease.

Christina

 

[tybroid59]

May be as your mother gets a bit more used to the terminal diagnosis ( i know you never get used to it but if you know what i mean its so shocking when you hear it first )

Maybe leave it a while and discuss it again in a week or 2 ....I remeber when they told us about my sister in law we thought she would drop dead there and then . It made us surround her all the time which she didnt like but after a while we sort of accepted it .......

In those short months all our family had a break as long as some one was with her . Perahps you could say that if she suddenly got worse you could fly back straight away.

One after thought if you are not going to be able to enjoy it then there is no point going.WDW will be there in 2 weeks and 2 years


Josie

 

[CAPTAIN HOOK]

Christina (aka Coreajack),
Unfortunately YOU must be the one to decide (and don't let your mother pressure you one way or the other).
As you rightly say, you can't put your life on hold for up to three years. Think about how you would feel if you went to WDW and she died while you were there - could you handle the guilty feelings ? If you cancelled your trip and she lived for the three years, what would your feelings towards your grandmother be ?
You don't say how old you are - presumably you're old enough to do WDW without your mother - in which case I would re-emphasise "Its your call"
Sorry I can't help one way or the other. You have a lot of soul searching to do. Good luck.

 

[The Mom]

You also have to remember that sometimes fate interferes with our plans.

One morning during my father's illness I found myself in one hospital's pediatric OR waiting room while my mother was across town in a different OR waiting room! That's not the way it was planned, but things happen (it was my dad who was having emergency surgery) She had called her pastor, and he waited with her.

I also had to run out to attend a neighbor's funeral while they (my son and my father) were both recovering!

It sounds like you aren't the primary caregiver.If I were in your position, I would make sure you see your grandmother just before you leave, and understand that your goodbye may be your last...but unless you plan on moving to be closer for the next few years, that will be the case from here on! You will probably be able to tell when things are getting close. The chances of her dying suddenly are very slim...unfortunately. I doubt that they would be giving her chemo if they felt things were imminent. I suspect the 2 weeks was to cover the doctor in case she did the unexpected. Some people do give up upon hearing the prognosis...if she were to stop eating, and refused IVs and feeding tubes, that would be the time frame.

God bless you. Your Grandmother is fortunate to have such a caring family.

 

[wannabeBelle]

Hey there all, I faced the same problem not too terribly long ago. My Aunt Rose was sick with lung cancer and my mom (her sister) obviously wanted to go to disney with me, but also wanted to be there for her twin when the time came. I just held off on making the plans until this was resolved. It ended up going very quickly (7 Months from diagnosis to her passing away) and I ended up booking the trip as planned. However if Mom couldnt have made that one, I would've just held off and planned for a time that you could go with a clear head. That is really the most important thing. Go when you are comfortable with your own mental state. Going to Disney when your head is all muddled wouldnt work out well even if Mom was OK with going. If you do decide to book I Am agreeing with everyone else here pay for the travel insurance and check with your individual flight carrier to find out what would happen for a last minute cancellation. Some have very high penalties. You may also want to contact Pam from Kingdonm Konsultants, They are a sposor to this board. She is a travel agent and may know of some ways to book your trip so you wont lose anything if you have to cancel. In any event, Know that you are in my thoughts and prayers!! Belle

 

[The Mom]

I believe the OP has already booked her November trip. Her question is concerning whether she should cancel or go as planned.

I think that only she can decide what the best choice will be. I suggest that she try to visit her grandmother before her scheduled departure so she will get a better idea of her true condition. If her grandmother is still walking around, eating, feeling fairly comfortable, etc it's highly unlikely that anything awful will happen while the poster is out of town (5 days). She also has to find out EXACTLY what it is her mother expects her to do concerning her grandmother's condition.

 

[RogueHabit]

I have two things to say.

1) Life does go on - As you say, your Grandmother could have two week, she could have 3 years. Would sacrafcing 3 years of your life make her happy, would in honour her memory after? Our family view is No, but then each family is different.

2) What does you Grandmother think? Have you asked her, discussed it with her? Thant's what I would do.



Any way I right this it seems hard and cold, which is not what I wanted to convey in any way. We can all offer advise to you, but in the end it comes down to two people, You and your Grandmother.

The same is true of your Mom, she should discuss if with your Grandmother.

And I guess the last thing is to talk with the Doctor. If there is a real chance of the unmentionable happening why you away then that becomes a real, overriding factor.