From the philly papers yesterday:
IF YOU listen to Bostonians, Super Bowl XXXIX is already in the bag.
Their coach is a genius and the quarterback is the second-coming of Joe
Montana. They had the longest winning streak in NFL history and they won
two of the last three championships.
So what?
The Super Bowl is bigger than mere individuals. It's bigger than
statistics and strategy. The Super Bowl is about the verities of life,
the balance of all that is right and good in the universe.
Thanks to a modest measure of omniscience, Blitz Package offers these 10
reasons the New England Patriots don't deserve to win the Super Bowl.
* 1. The Pats, surely the most boring team in professional sports, have
drained the fun out of the game and replaced it with machine-like
proficiency. It's like rooting for a robot.
* 2. The town's most popular politician lost the White House to the most
unpopular president in the history of American politics, and now it
wants us to trust it with the Lombardi Trophy? I don't think so.
* 3. New England is a region, not a city. Get yourself a city, then come
back and play.
* 4. This is a perfect opportunity to end all this nonsense about a
"dynasty."
* 5. Pretty boy Tom Brady, who said he wants to be a U.S. senator
someday, allowed himself to be used as a tool of the Republican Party by
sitting next to Laura Bush at last year's State of the Union address. At
the time, he had never bothered to vote in an election. Super Bowl
trophies are not for opportunistic hypocrites.
* 6. Their cheerleaders lack sufficient boobage.
* 7. New England, Old England, whatever - Philadelphia fought two wars
to rid itself of the crown, and now we're going to let those Tory
________________ walk off with the Super Bowl?
* 8. Their fans are smug dilettantes who never supported the team until
it was a winner.
* 9. With a win, Bill Belichick will surpass St. Vince Lombardi's
post-season coaching record. If this happens, life as we know it will
cease to exist.
* 10. Boston already used up its share of sports miracles.
Wake me when it's over
Belichick must've learned public relations from Karl Rove. He has his
team so "on-message" that he prohibits his assistants from talking to
the press, lest they stray off topic. The New York Daily News reported
that even Charlie Weis, the Patriots' offensive coordinator who's
leaving next season to coach at Notre Dame, has been denied permission
to talk to reporters.
Meanwhile, Belichick is the most unquotable being in the
English-speaking world. Asked about the praise that's heaped on his
team, he said, "Criticisms are made. Accolades are given. What I try to
focus on is our future opportunities and achievements."
No surprise: As a youth, Belichick was a golf caddy for Spiro Agnew.
Ha-ha... oh, shut up
"In the Senate, the vote to confirm Condoleezza Rice as the next
secretary of state was 85-13 in favor. 85-13! No, I'm sorry, that's what
the score of the Super Bowl is going to be when the Patriots beat the
Eagles."
- Jay Leno
Swoop this
The Boston Herald, grasping for any possible edge in the big game,
reports that human mascots are 18-7 in Super Bowl matchups with animal
mascots.
However, this is the first Super Bowl featuring a matchup between a
flesh-ripping, razor-taloned, winged beast of terror and a
knickers-wearing dandy in a tri-corner beanie.
Breakfast of champions
If some nitwit was crazy enough to shell out $28,000 for the Virgin Mary
on a grilled- cheese sandwich, how much would you pay for an Eagles logo
in a bowl of Apple Jacks?
As of last night, the going price on eBay was about 10 bucks, plus
shipping, but not including the milk.
The green Eagle logo is hard to discern at first, but stare at the
photos on the popular online auction site long enough and you'll spot
the open beak in the soggy cereal.
Is it an omen?
The seller, an Eagles fan named Caryl from Reading, thinks so. She
doesn't want her last name printed because she's worried she'll be
swamped with calls from fanatics looking for a lucky charm.
It was Caryl's teen-age daughter who spied the Eagle. It took Caryl
about two seconds to think it might be worth something on eBay. The
buyer gets the cereal, already dried and dumped into a plastic bag, and
the bowl. Some re-assembly may be required.
"I already have 11 bids on it," she said. "I just did it to be funny,
but who knows? It might be an omen!"
Dubious moments in Boston sports history
Oct. 21, 2004.
The Boston Red Sox win their first World Series in 89 years. During the
celebration, Boston police open fire on fans, killing a 21-year-old
woman.