Ladies and gentlemen, I present to you...
A Very Merry Frontierland Jamboree
Davis Music Hall looks purdier than ever. The roofs are strung with garland, a small pine (think Charlie Brown’s Christmas tree) has been placed on display near the door, and the Indian Chief statue has been replaced with a statue of a big jolly bear dressed as Santa Claus. He has his sack of goodies open in front of him, and it’s filled with presents for all the good cubs of the world. He may look merry, but be careful: if you reach into his sack, he might let out a growl.
Inside, the dressing room doors for the show’s performers all have presents in front of them. The animals have also set up a Christmas tree, a big beautiful pine tree much unlike the one outside decorated with wooden ornaments, berries, and candles. Buff, Max, and Melvin look great, too: Melvin has Christmas lights wrapped around his antlers, Buff dons a Santa hat, and Max thought it would be a BRIGHT idea to place a small red light on his nose (like Rudolph’s). Unfortunately, there seems to be a leak in the roof, as snow keeps falling on the three’s heads (actually projection-mapping). Buff eventually wakes up with a yawn and shakes the snow off his head.
Buff: Hey, Max.
Max: (wakes up) Huh?
Buff: When do ya think they’re gonna fix that leak in the roof?
Max: Soon, I hope. Melvin, whaddya think?
Melvin continues to snore.
Max: Melvin, wake up!
He does.
Buff: The way you’re always hibernatin’, you must be part bear.
Melvin: Aw, shucks. I’m only part MOOSE as it is.
Max: Now, now, boys, no use in gettin’ hung up on complaining! We’ve got a show to introduce!
Melvin: What kind of show, Max?
Buff: A Christmas show, of course! We gotta introduce these kind cowpokes to the holiday spectacular behind these doors.
Melvin: How are we gonna do that?
Max: The only way we know how… Through SONG!
Buff: I like the way you think!
Music starts up, and they begin to sing.
All Three: Come on everybody to Frontierland’s Jamboree
You may be sure both rich and poor are welcome inside these doors
You don’t need a ticket to Frontierland’s Jamboree
A lot of songs all sung all wrong and plenty of fun in store
Max: A goose who sings so high, you’ll laugh so hard you’ll cry!
Melvin: And Henry will be there to call “Merry Christmas to you all!”
All Three: Come on everybody to Frontierland’s Jamboree
A cheery grin will get you in so what are you waiting for?
Max: Don’t forget to bring in your belongings!
Buff: Be sure to watch your kids!
Melvin: And your husbands, too. The show is about to begin!
Indeed, a cast member leads us into the theater, which is decorated with garland, candles, and Christmas lights. Once everyone has sat down, the cast member presses a button that sends the show into motion. A drum roll goes off… The curtain rises… And we see Henry. His mountain range has been replaced with a pile of presents, and the screen background represents a log cabin.
Henry: Give me a little intro there, Gomer.
Gomer rises up out of the stage tickling the ivories as usual. Henry begins to sing.
Henry: It’s beginning to look a lot like Christmas
Everywhere you go
But the prettiest sight you’ll see is the holly that’ll be on your own front door
As Henry sings, some smaller animals pop out from the sand below him: a prairie dog, a roadrunner, an owl, and a desert snake. They’re all decked in winter clothing.
Henry: It’s beginning to look a like Christmas
Soon the bells will start
And the thing that’ll make ‘em ring, is a carol that you sing, right within your heart
Gomer continues to play an instrumental version of the song as Henry speaks to the audience.
Henry: Howdy, folks, and welcome to this special Christmas celebration of the Frontierland Jamboree. The snow is softly falling, the stockings are hung, and coming from the kitchen there’s the smell of turkey and yams.
He begins to descend into the stage.
Henry: And now, to star the show, why don’t we ask our good friends the Goose Brothers what they think of the holidays?
In his place once the lights come back on are the Geese Brothers, wearing winter gear. Instead of pickaxes, they hold hockey sticks clearly fashioned out of tree bark. A sled is on the ground next to them. The background screen becomes a snowy winter day.
Geese Brother: Dashing though the snow
In a one-horse open sleigh
Goose Brother: Yee-haw!
Goose Brother: Through the fields we go
Laughing all the way
Bells on bob-tail ring
Making spirits bright
What fun it is to ride and sing
A sleighing song tonight
Goose Brother: You said it!
Geese Brothers: Jingle bells, jingle bells, jingle all the way
Oh what fun it is to ride in a one-horse open sleigh
Jingle bells, jingle bells, jingle all the way
Oh what fun it is to ride in a one-horse open sleigh
Henry reappears on the second stage to the right of the main stage.
Goose Brother: Take it away, Henry!
Henry: A day or two ago
This story I must tell
I went out in the snow
And on my back I fell
Then who was riding by
In a one-horse open sleigh?
He looked down in the snow and asked
If I would like to play
Henry and Geese Brothers: Jingle bells, jingle bells, jingle all the way
Oh what fun it is to ride in a one-horse open sleigh
Jingle bells, jingle bells, jingle all the way
Oh what fun it is to ride in a one-horse open sleigh
The Geese Brothers sink back down.
Henry: And now, the Swamp Boys!
The Swamp Boys, the bullfrogs, and their harmonica-playing raccoon pal pop out of some snow-covered bushes on the stage. The background becomes that of a bayou caught in a snowstorm. The frogs and the raccoon wear Santa hats, the Swamp Boys are dressed as mountain climbers. One of them has icicles hanging from his tail.
Henry: When the snow begins a-fallin’
And your blood begins to freeze
It’s time to stomp and holler
And slap your hairy knees
Swamp Boy With Banjo: So hand me down my banjo, I think I’m gonna sing!
The time for sittin’ idle’s in the summer or the spring
Swamp Boys: We’re makin’ tracks in the snow and everything is rosy
Henry: No more hibernating, boys!
Swamp Boys: We’re up on our feet!
Just makin’ tracks in the snow, keepin’ warm and cozy
Shiverin’ and shakin’ to that good ole country beat!
Swamp Boy With Guitar: (turns to audience) We have to, ‘cause we’re cold-blooded, after all.
Henry: I like the cozy fire on a cold, dark winter’s night
When the wind is often rattlin’
And the stars are shining bright
My feet upon my huntin’ dog, my arm around my wife
They may be old and toothless
But I’ve had them all my life!
Swamp Boys: We’re makin’ tracks in the snow and everything is rosy
Henry: No more hibernating, boys!
Swamp Boys: We’re up on our feet!
Just makin’ tracks in the snow, keepin’ warm and cozy
Shiverin’ and shakin’ to that good ole country beat!
Henry: (chuckles) And now, a more soothing melody. One that I’m sure you’ve all heard at some point in your life.
The raccoon continues to play his harmonica as the familiar Mother Rabbit appears on the left stage, accompanied by her offspring, who hold presents in their paws. Her backdrop is the inside of a small house, complete with a large window behind the performer.
Mother Rabbit: Silent night, holy night
All is calm, all is bright
Round yon simple mother and child
Hold infant so tender and mild
Sleep in heavenly peace
Sleep in heavenly peace
Henry: That was a mighty deep song, Ma.
As the stage’s curtain closes, the mountain lion (still can’t think of a name for him) appears on the stage next to hers playing his mandolin. Like the other performers, he wears winter attire and has a large guitar case (way too large for his mandolin) next to him. Accompanying him for the holiday season only is the tortoise that usually accompanies Henry during “Home on the Range”. The raccoon continues to play his harmonica.
Mountain Lion: I’ll have a blue Christmas without you
(shivers)
I’ll be so b-b-blue, just thinking about you
You’ll be doing all right with your Christmas of white
But I’ll have a blue, blue Christmas.
Henry: I’m sure she misses you too, buddy.
The curtain on his stage closes. On the stage to the right of Henry’s, the guitar-strumming jailbird fox in a rocking chair. He is now dressed as a hunter, and he has a gun in one paw (he uses the other to strum his guitar).
Fox: On the first day of Christmas, I said to my mate
“I’m a-goin’ a-huntin’ and I might be home late.”
The next day of Christmas, seems I lost my way
And I ain’t seen my cabin since dawn yesterday
Oh, what a Christmas!
I’m lonely and lost, and shakin’ and sneezin’
And covered with frost
I fell in the river and lost all my food
Don’t send me no carols, ‘cause I ain’t in the mood
Next year at Christmas, I think I’ll use my head
And spend the next twelve days of Christmas in my bed!
Chorus: Next year stay home...
Henry: Hey, be careful with that gun!
Fox: Don’t worry, Henry. It’s not even LOADED.
Then he accidentally fires it. It hits a light, causing the theater to go dark.
Swamp Boy With Banjo: You just HAD to jinx it, didn’t you?
Henry: Now, here they come. Those three little sun bonnets from the sunshine state… Bunny, Bubbles, and Beulah!
Up come the Sun Bonnets, appear on stage. They wear winter coats, and the background now serves as a screen for a slideshow.
Bubbles: Just hear them sleigh bells jinglin’, ring-ting-tinglin’ too
Bullfrogs: Ting-a-ling-a-ling-a-ding-dong-ding!
The first picture is of two wolves in a horse-pulled sleigh.
Beulah: Come on it’s lovely weather for a sleigh ride together with you
Bullfrogs: Ting-a-ling-a-ling-a-ding-dong-ding!
It changes to the mountain lion performer jumping into the sleigh.
Bunny: Outside the snow is falling and friends are calling “Yoo-Hoo”
Bullfrogs: Ting-a-ling-a-ling-a-ding-dong-ding!
It changes to the sleigh going off a cliff.
Sun Bonnets: Come on it’s lovely weather for a sleigh ride together with you
It changes to a close-up of the sleigh. The horse has now jumped into the sleigh and is clinging to the wolves in terror.
Sun Bonnets: Giddyap, giddyap, giddyap let’s go
Let’s look at the show
We’re riding in a wonderland of snow
It changes to several animals (one of them a skunk resembling Bambi’s friend Flower) fleeing from the sleigh.
Sun Bonnets: Giddyap, giddyap, giddyap it’s grand
Just holding your hand
It changes to the sleigh about to pass some young rabbits making a fox-shaped snowman.
Sun Bonnets: We’re riding along with a song in a winter-y fairy land
It changes to the snowfox in the sleigh with the riders.
Beulah: Our cheeks are nice and rosy and comfy and cozy are we
Bullfrogs: Ting-a-ling-a-ling-a-ding-dong-ding!
It changes to the Swamp Boys eating dinner inside a cabin as the sleigh is seen coming toward the window.
Bunny: We’ll snuggle up together like two birds of a feather will be
Bullfrogs: Ting-a-ling-a-ling-a-ding-dong-ding!
The sleigh crashes through the house. The Swamp Boys (and their dinner) have somehow ended up riding in it.
Bubbles: Let’s take the road before us and sing a chorus or two
Bullfrogs: Ting-a-ling-a-ling-a-ding-dong-ding!
The sleigh is approaching a pond with a sign nearby reading, “THIN ICE. DO NOT WALK ON. OR DRIVE A SLEIGH ON.”
Sun Bonnets: Come on, it’s lovely weather for a sleigh ride…
A loud “SPLASH” is heard.
Sun Bonnets: Sleigh ride together with you!
Finally, we see a goose using an ice chisel to get the sleigh’s occupants out of a large block of ice. The horse stands nearby, wrapped in a blanket, his hooves in a tub of water.
Bullfrogs: Ting-a-ling-a-ling-a-ding-dong-ding!
Ting-a-ling-a-ling-a-ding-dong-ding!
Ting-a-ling-a-ling-a-ding-dong-ding…
The Sun Bonnets descend.
Henry: And now, Saddlesore Swanson!
Swamp Boy With Accordion: He’s not here, Henry. I think he went on vacation.
Henry: Vacation? Where?
Suddenly, the curtain opens on the stage next to Henry, and we see Saddlesore Swanson. He sports a Hawaiian shirt and sunglasses, and his backdrop is that of a desert island.
Saddlesore Swanson: Yee-haw!
How’d ya like to spend Christmas on Christmas Island?
How’d ya like to spend the holiday away across the sea?
How’d ya like to spend Christmas on Christmas Island?
How’d ya like to hang a stocking on a great big coconut tree?
How’d ya like to stay up late, like the islanders do?
Wait for Santa to sail in with your presents in a canoe
If ya ever spend Christmas on Christmas Island
You will never stray for everyday
Your Christmas dreams will come true
His curtain closes.
Henry: I’d like to spend a day on Christmas Island myself. Ha ha.
On the stage where Mother Rabbit once was is the donkey-riding terrier dog. He’s dressed as Santa Claus, and his donkey sports a pair of reindeer antlers.
Terrier: Feliz Navidad
Feliz Navidad
Feliz Navidad
Prospero ano y Felicidad
Feliz Navidad
Feliz Navidad
Feliz Navidad
Prospero ano y Felicidad
Feliz Navidad
I wanna wish you a Merry Christmas
I wanna wish you a Merry Christmas
I wanna wish you a Merry Christmas
From the bottom of my heart
On the stage where Saddlesore Swanson once was, the Boothill Boys, those two rascally vultures with top hats and tuxedos, appear.
Vulture #1: We’ve got a Christmas story for you tasty little morsels.
Vulture #2: A really spooky story.
Vulture #1: Gomer, would you do the honors?
Gomer begins to play, his cheerful piano now sounding like a dramatic pipe organ.
Vulture #2: Twas the nightmare before Christmas…
Vulture #1: And all through the house…
Vulture #2: Not a creature was peaceful…
Vulture #1: Not even a mouse…
Vultures: The stockings, hung up by the chimney with care
When opened tomorrow would cause quite a scare!
The two vultures snicker at this last part.
Henry: Uh, boys, this story might be a bit too scary for the holiday season…
Vulture #1: (sigh) Fine… Now if you’ll excuse us, we’re gonna fly south for the winter.
Their curtain closes. As the Swamp Boys play an instrumental version of “Auld Lang Syne”, Sammy the Raccoon appears, peeking out of Henry’s top hat.
Sammy: I sure am looking forward to the new year.
Henry: Yep. Ain’t nothing like a brand new year to lift your spirits.
Suddenly, the music is interrupted by a wrong note coming from the first stage to the left of the main stage.
Henry: Of course, I could be wrong.
The curtain of said stage opens. Standing there is a big fat bear, Big Al, in his cave. Looks like he just had a rockin’ New Years party.
Big Al: Another year wouldn’t be quite as hard
If you’d only come back, or at least send a card
Another new year, and I’m lonely and low
Since you stole my heart, and my truck, and my dough
Henry: Sammy, help me out here.
Sammy: Sure thing, Henry. Uh, you folks in the audience feel free to join in.
Henry and Sammy: Oh the weather outside is frightful
But the fire is so delightful
And since we’ve no place to go
Let it snow, let it snow, let it snow
The terrier dog reappears.
Terrier: Sleigh bells ring, are you listenin’?
In the lane, snow is glistenin’,
A beautiful sight, we’re happy tonight
Walkin’ in a winter wonderland
The Sun Bonnets reappear, too.
Sun Bonnets: In the meadow, we can build a snowman
And pretend that he’s a circus clown
Now the Goose Brothers.
Goose Brother: We’ll have lots of fun with Mr. Snowman
Geese Brothers: Until the other kiddies knock him down!
Goose Brother: Everybody!
Now the fox and the mountain lion.
All: Later on, we’ll conspire
As we dream by the fire
We’ve had lots of fun
Goose Brother: The show’s almost done!
All: Walkin’ in a winter wonderland
Goose Brother: That’s what I’m talking about!
All: Walkin’ in a winter wonderland
Goose Brother: One more time!
All: Walkin’ in a winter wonderland
The fox gets so excited that he fires his gun again. Once again, the lights go out.
Henry: Would somebody get that gun out of his paws?!
Swamp Boy With Guitar: I'm on it!
We can hear the Swamp Boy get out of his seat, walk over to the fox’s stage, take the gun, and break it.
Fox: Hey!
Henry: It’s for your own good, buddy!
The lights go back on. Henry and Sammy are the only ones left.
Henry: Well, folks, that just about does it for our show.
Sammy: We hope you’ve had a heck of a time. Come back and see us again real soon.
Henry: And have yourselves a merry little Christmas, you hear?
The curtain around his stage closes. After a few seconds, Big Al’s stage’s curtain opens.
Big Al: Walkin’ in a winter wonderland
From backstage, we can hear the Swamp Boys.
Swamp Boy With Banjo: Pssst! The show’s over! Stop singin’ and get backstage, pal!
Swamp Boy With Accordion: Just let him sing, buddy. He’s not gonna hear us.
Indeed, Big Al does continue to sing, even as his curtain closes, as we make our way out of the theater. So long, folks!