Convincing Parents

[RobVanDam]

Sorry to create another thread, but I wanted more people to see this one than my other thread about planning a trip...

As I stated in my other thread my girlfriend and I are planning a trip to the World for January 2011. As we know, the rates are not available yet for 2011 so we do have some time to figure things out.....


Howwwwwevvvvveeeerrrrrrr,

My family is extremely excited about us going together and think its great since we'd be paying for everything ourselves.

Wellllll, her family on the other hand is a bit different. We haven't talked to them yet, but they're the kind of family that had a hard time letting her stay a weekend at my college (1 hour away). Let it be known at the time of the trip she will be 20 and I will be 22.

We sit here right now in the upper level of a Barnes and Noble planning our dream vacation together, complete with spreadsheet of possible/estimates/guesstimates/predictions/future prices, that way we know exactly how much we would need (If I knew how to post the spreadsheet, I would)

ANYWAY, we come here to the forums in search of ways that we can bring it up to her family and convince them to let us go.

Also, there is a small chance my Uncle might let us use a week of his timeshare and possibly let us stay at the OKW instead of POP. That'd be fantastic cause then we wouldn't have to pay for hotel and then expenses would be cheaper!!!..... That's semi off topic, but then again maybe not really..

Any help would be greatly appreciated.

Thanks.:wave::wave:

 

[RobVanDam]

I didn't want it to seem like I was bashing my gf's mother or disrespecting her in any way.

I just wanted to inform you of some of the things that has happened in the past so you could help us figure out reasons why she could trust us on this trip.

I feel like that's the big problem, not necessarily finances, but trust.

 

[rob_and_kate]

Good luck - Hope you manage to go on your trip together.

 

[ConstanceIrene]

I am voting with the other adults on this thread that would say "no" to the 20 year-old girl vacationing with her boyfriend.

If my daughter came to me and asked, I would laugh and laugh before telling her to get real.
If she came to me and said her boyfriend had made plans for a couple's vacation before even asking, I would consider that a telling account of the boyfriend's disrespectful character and say no without batting an eye.

 

[RobVanDam]

I am voting with the other adults on this thread that would say "no" to the 20 year-old girl vacationing with her boyfriend.

If my daughter came to me and asked, I would laugh and laugh before telling her to get real.
If she came to me and said her boyfriend had made plans for a couple's vacation before even asking, I would consider that a telling account of the boyfriend's disrespectful character and say no without batting an eye.

Not to sound snooty/snotty or anything Irene, but could you give reasons as to why you would say no? Just so that me and the gf have something we can prepare to discuss in the presentation

 

[ConstanceIrene]

Not to sound snooty/snotty or anything Irene, but could you give reasons as to why you would say no? Just so that me and the gf have something we can prepare to discuss in the presentation

There are plenty of good reasons listed by the people who posted before I did. Go back and read them again.

If "the gf's" parents do not allow her to go to WDW with you, you're just going to have to accept that. They are under no obligation to give you any reasons. Go to WDW with your guy friends and have a good time.

 

[RobVanDam]

There are plenty of good reasons listed by the people who posted before I did. Go back and read them again.

If "the gf's" parents do not allow her to go to WDW with you, you're just going to have to accept that. They are under no obligation to give you any reasons. Go to WDW with your guy friends and have a good time.

There are good reasons. Such as what fosse76 stated :

As far as I am concerned, if she is paying for the trip with her own money, her parents have no right to interfere. Let's assume they pay for her college, food, phone, etc. So what? They agreed to do that. She is an adult and has every right to go wherever she wants with her own money. It sounds like the mother has control issues.

:wave:

Twas a joke.. But I'm just saying that there are 2 sides of this and want to hear exactly your side of it instead of you just agreeing with others... Know what I mean? It seems confusing, but Just want to know what YOU think from your words exactly, and not just you agreeing with the others.

 

[rsoxguy]

Hello RobVanDam,

You have asked for perspectives and reasons, and so I offer you a few. Many have stated that your girlfriend's age affords her the right to do as she pleases without parental consent, and they are certainly entitled to their own viewpoints. However, while this opinion is technically true within the general scope of our culture in America, one must take into consideration the personal and cultural beliefs of individual families. Additionally, one must consider the arbitrary nature of age when addressing the issue of adult related rights. For example, a thirty year old adult would be sentenced to prison in the U.S. for having a physical relationship with a sixteen year old, but the age of consent is lower in some other nations. What makes it right in one nation and wrong in another? Social beliefs. These standards do not serve as absolutes, but rather differ according to personal beliefs. As a further example, I would point out that when I was young, the legal drinking age in Florida was eighteen. It is now twenty-one. What magical occurence made the ages of eighteen through twenty unacceptable for alcohol consumption? Social mores and human reasoning.

In the case of your girlfriend, I do not fully understand the nature of her mother's objections, nor do require an explanation. The fact remains that your girlfriend lives within her mother's home, remains dependent upon her mother to an extent, and chooses to do so. Young people should not demand the freedoms and rights that come with adulthood without also fully accepting the responsibilities that accompany adulthood. The door must swing both ways.

I believe that this issue boils down to common consideration and respect, along with a perspective that looks beyond temporal desires. A trip to WDW will last for days, but a loving relationship with a parent will last for a lifetime. I believe that it is best to honor a parent on an issue such as this, regardless of age. When your girlfriend moves out on her own, her mother's counsel and advice will serve her well, but it will then be time for her to make final decisions regarding life-choices.

Please keep in mind that I'm just another stranger on the internet. I offer advice based on personal opinions, but I have attempted to exclude my stand on the moral implications involved in the planned trip with your girlfriend. I ask that you accept this post in the spirit with which it is written, and that you please not take offense.

 

[Ravenclaw87]

Well, if it helps you out any, I was allowed to go on vacation with my boyfriend (alone, mind you) when I was 18 and he was 19. (Yes, I know, the horrors--- but we're still together and we're 22 and 23, respectively.) Granted, our parents are rather... lenient, to say the least.

So, there IS a chance and there IS hope. I will keep my fingers crossed!

 

[RobVanDam]

Hello RobVanDam,

You have asked for perspectives and reasons, and so I offer you a few. Many have stated that your girlfriend's age affords her the right to do as she pleases without parental consent, and they are certainly entitled to their own viewpoints. However, while this opinion is technically true within the general scope of our culture in America, one must take into consideration the personal and cultural beliefs of individual families. Additionally, one must consider the arbitrary nature of age when addressing the issue of adult related rights. For example, a thirty year old adult would be sentenced to prison in the U.S. for having a physical relationship with a sixteen year old, but the age of consent is lower in some other nations. What makes it right in one nation and wrong in another? Social beliefs. These standards do not serve as absolutes, but rather differ according to personal beliefs. As a further example, I would point out that when I was young, the legal drinking age in Florida was eighteen. It is now twenty-one. What magical occurence made the ages of eighteen through twenty unacceptable for alcohol consumption? Social mores and human reasoning.

In the case of your girlfriend, I do not fully understand the nature of her mother's objections, nor do require an explanation. The fact remains that your girlfriend lives within her mother's home, remains dependent upon her mother to an extent, and chooses to do so. Young people should not demand the freedoms and rights that come with adulthood without also fully accepting the responsibilities that accompany adulthood. The door must swing both ways.

I believe that this issue boils down to common consideration and respect, along with a perspective that looks beyond temporal desires. A trip to WDW will last for days, but a loving relationship with a parent will last for a lifetime. I believe that it is best to honor a parent on an issue such as this, regardless of age. When your girlfriend moves out on her own, her mother's counsel and advice will serve her well, but it will then be time for her to make final decisions regarding life-choices.

Please keep in mind that I'm just another stranger on the internet. I offer advice based on personal opinions, but I have attempted to exclude my stand on the moral implications involved in the planned trip with your girlfriend. I ask that you accept this post in the spirit with which it is written, and that you please not take offense.

Only thing I'm offended by with you is... the red sox. ick. :hurl:

But you are completely right that social norms are much different between family to family.

But what is the difference between spending a weekend at a school and a week in florida? Besides a couple hundred miles (Now that I think about it, it could be it because Philadelphia is closer to NJ than florida is)

We would be paying for the trip entirely ourselves so it's not like we're demanding freedom. My girlfriend has also asked about moving out and even paying bills.

But I respect everyone who has contributed something here and wasn't rude about it.

Thanks to all.

 

[steviej]

dude, as long as money ain't coming out of my pocket, I got no problem with my daughter going