Trip Report COMPLETED: Dolish Whips and Buttery Beers: A WDW/UNI Trip Report 9/7-9/11

Prelude: Might As Well Face It, We're Addicted To Dub (-ble-you dee dubble-you)

We weren't supposed to go to Disney World this time.

The BF and I went TWICE in 2014. Once in January, which was his first time ever and my first time after a 15-year absence. Needless to say, enough Mickey-minded magic and merriment was made to inspire a second trip in November. Just as fun, if not quite as magical. Because absence makes the heart grow fond, we solemnly vowed not to return to Disney World until a bunch of new stuff opened up. At the time, we meant something big, like the opening of Pandora - The World of Avatar. Yet, as the Disney withdrawal ravaged our system, we knew we'd settle for the opening of Scar's Mitten Kiosk.

But no! We stayed strong. We stayed out of alleys littered with shady characters peddling Magic Your Way tickets. We gobbled up Big Hero 6 and Tangled on Blu-Ray like they were methadone. We were going to stay away. If not from Orlando, at least from Disney World proper. I mean, Universal Orlando was still fair game...right?

I got a dream job this year. So many pluses: a great salary, a high-profile project, a huge boost in exposure for my career. But there's one critical minus: I'm basically confined to New York City for an entire year. Which means that this summer was my last hurrah, travel-wise, for quite a while. So we booked a bunch of trips! We were invited to a friend's wedding in Ohio in mid-September, right before the new job started. Which was cool! But a quick search turned up only ridiculously expensive flights with multiple layovers! Which was significantly less cool! I had an idea.

What if we flew from New York to, say, oh, I don't know...ORLANDO, booked...hm...just spitballing here...a three-day trip to Universal, THEN flew to Ohio, and THEN flew back to New York? We'd be paying $50 less on airfare apiece, that's what! Plus, if we arrived the day after Labor Day, we'd be getting the lowest hotel rates of the year, not to mention the lowest crowd levels. BF was into it. So we booked the first flight to Orlando on September 8th, three nights at Cabana Bay through Orbitz (those promo codes and Orbucks really come in handy), and a three-day park-to-park ticket through Undercover Tourist. We were going to Orlando! And we were honoring our pact to not go to Disney World!

What fools we were.

Weeks after booking the trip, we got an email from Delta. Which is never good news. Delta never emails me to tell me I grossly overpaid for my flight, or that my low-carb diet really seems to be paying off. Nope, the email said they were canceling our flight to Orlando and putting us on a new flight hours later. Well, that simply wouldn't do. We'd only be at Universal for three days, and losing a chunk of one of those days wasn't acceptable. Minutes later, almost as though Central Florida was conspiring to bilk more money out of me and force me to break my no-Disney promise, I got an email from Disney Rewards Visa. In addition to mentioning how trim I looked in my new jeans (thanks, DRV!), they offered a ridiculous discount on studios at Polynesian Village. My wheels started to turn. What if we left a day early? Took the first Delta flight out on Labor Day and did a day at Magic Kingdom and a night in a beautiful DVC studio? Again, BF was on board, so I called up Delta to see if our flight could be moved to the previous day. It could. Then I called Disney to see if we could get a discounted Poly studio on Labor Day. We sure could.

Though it was just for one glorious day, we were returning to Walt Disney World. Promises schmomises.

Next: Making FastPass Our You-Know-What

 

[Disney-leaf]

You are hilarious! Looking forward to reading more - what a talented writer you are!!

 

[Ms.Sunshine]

I'm following along....and cracking up at my desk....

 

[UnhealthilyObsessed]

Making FP+ Our You-Know-What

The flight from LGA to MCO was blissfully uneventful. Our walk through the airport to DME barely felt real, as last-minute Disney feels even more strange and ethereal than 180-days-out Disney. You know WDW tourism has changed when booking two months in advance feels like flying by the seat of your pants. "Honey, let's elope to Disney World! It'll be so spontaneous! I've been on hold with dining for hours; can you choose some FP+ experiences? Just think, in sixteen short weeks we'll be married! What a whirlwind!"

We boarded the bus, sat back, and watched some delightful pre-packaged entertainment. Cheesy and square? Sure. But we didn't come to Disney World for the ironically-detached post-modernism. What definitely wasn't square, however, was the New Jersey-accented woman sitting behind us loudly saying the f-word into her cell phone at least a dozen times. Where did she think we were going, Six Flags?!? At least we got to watch one of those new Mickey Mouse shorts. Have you seen these things? They are fantastic.

Before we knew it, we were *gasp* home!!!

The Polynesian was the second stop, which was good news. Plus I got to see Wilderness Lodge in person for the first time. Whew! They've got a whole lot of renovations going on. If I'd known there'd be construction workers everywhere, I would've worn a more low-cut top. In all seriousness, Wilderness Lodge seemed very reminiscent of Animal Kingdom Lodge. Probably due to their shared lodginess.

At last we arrived at the Poly and, ooh! A CM was standing by to put leis on all of us (I'd say "we got lei'd," but that joke has been made 9 kajillion times and I'm not basic)! Our only previous trip to the Poly was for a not-so-magical trip to Kona for dinner, where the service was poor and the construction wall-and-buzz-saws theming was beyond immersive. So to see the entrance and lobby of the Poly in its wide-open glory was more than welcome. I'd never seen the lobby in its previous incarnation, so I've never experienced what everyone seems to miss so much. But I can't imagine it looked much better than this. Don't listen to me, though; I'm probably full of aloha.

Our room wasn't ready.No big deal! After all, that one-day Magic Kingdom ticket was burning holes in our (very light, at this point) pockets, and the possibility of getting to MK from our WDW resort hotel BY FREAKING BOAT was too irresistible to pass up. We checked our carry-ons in with bell services and just missed a boat. No matter! Ten minutes waiting for a boat is miles more entertaining than two minutes waiting for some dumb bus.

We arrived on the other side of the lagoon to a potentially troubling situation: a giant mob of people outside the MK entrance. Then I remembered that's just the default mode of the MK entrance, and marched right past the throngs of families at bag check. Touring Plans listed Labor Day's crowd levels as a 2, and I prayed they were right. But even if they were wrong, I was excited to use the customized plan I made. It was our first time using Touring Plans, and I wanted to see if it was worth it.

As we began our walk up Main Street, we realized we were hungry. Three seconds in the park and our touring plan was already out the window! We both have fond memories of the barbecue chicken flatbread at Pinocchio's Village Haus, so we headed there. I stepped up to the register.

Me: "I'll have the barbecue chicken flatbread."
CM: "No."
Me: "Um...I'm sorry?"
CM: "We don't have that."

A couple things to unpack here. a) I'm all for keeping a menu fresh, but why remove the best thing on it in favor of far inferior dishes? And b) C'mon, lady. I deserve more than a flat "No." Something like, "Oops! I'm so sorry; we took that off the menu. Can I interest you in one of our other flatbreads?" See? I can pull it off, and I'm not even from the midwest! So snort a line of pixie dust before your shift if you have to, sweetheart. Pick another dwarf to emulate besides Grumpy.

Adequate-at-best flatbreads now nestled in our bellies, we headed to the first step of my touring plan: Country Bear Jamboree?!? Strange but true! We didn't see any shows our last trip, and I planned on rectifying that this trip. The fact that it was hot as spheres used in sports made the prospect of extended periods of air conditioning even sweeter.

I love Country Bear Jamboree. I do not love their sound system. Maybe it was because we sat in the back, but it was crazy quiet. It didn't sound like a jamboree; I'd barely call it a hootenanny. We then made our way to our longest wait of the day, for Big Thunder Mountain Railroad. And I must say, it was time well spent! I don't think I've ever ridden BTMRR without a FP in my adult life, so all of the fun details and games in the queue were totally new to me and really fun to experience. Even my famously impatient BF was into it.

Next up was Splash Mountain, our first FP of the day. Oh, man. I love this ride so much. And despite BF's assertion that the attraction is "kind of all about this bear's [adult euphemism for butt]," it edges out Haunted Mansion as my favorite in the park. The AA's and effects all seemed in tip-top shape, and you have to love it for length alone. A lot can happen while you're on Splash Mountain. "Oh, were you guys just on Splash Mountain? Well, get a quick iPhone pic of your on-ride photo, and then I have to introduce you to our alien overlords. They took over the Earth sometime during the beehive scene. Oh, and I learned Russian!"

As we exited the ride, picking nits out of our new Rip Van Winkle beards, we were greeted by BFFFT (BF's Friend From Tampa), who drove to meet us! Three may sometimes be a crowd, but we had a grand old time with BFFFT, who despite his proximity hadn't been to a Disney park in years. We headed to Adventureland for the intoxicating one-two-three punch of Enchanted Tiki Room, a sweet and creamy Dole Whip, and Jungle Cruise.

The next stop on our touring plan was Hall of Presidents, but BF vetoed it. "It stresses me out. You can go and we'll meet you later, but I get too nervous people are going to boo Obama." He had a point. Instead, we made our way to Fantasyland to get our next two FP's out of the way: Peter Pan's Flight and Seven Dwarfs Mine Train. BFFFT couldn't get FP's for either, so he instead enjoyed the most in-demand attraction in Magic Kingdom in September: an air-conditioned room. PPF and SDMT were lovely and fun as always.

We met back up with BFFFT to grab a coffee. A coffee that turned into a coffee and two waffle sandwiches. But wait, you may ask! Didn't you guys just eat? You obviously don't know what bottomless pits you're dealing with. Besides, BFFFFT wanted to join us for our ADR at The Plaza, and the only way to make that happen was to eat dinner two hours later than we had planned. So refueling was a must. We ordered one ham and cheese waffle sandwich, and one fruit and Nutella sandwich. Crap has never tasted quite so yummy.

Pro Tip: don't try to squeeze three large men into one doombuggy. You're asking for trouble. Our 4th FP of the day (and BFFFT's 1st!), Haunted Mansion was dependably awesome, though 500 or so pounds of man-heft pressed against me during the graveyard descent tainted the proceedings somewhat. it's a small world was a walk-on, so why not? Well, I'll tell you! The pointy part of the pointy sun wasn't spinning! That's my favorite part! What the hell? I'm overreacting for comic effect, but the fact remains: in less than two years, I've become the kind of Disney fan who notices when a spiky sun isn't spinning. Heaven help me.

Our next stop was New Fantasyland, and we took in the never-ending delights that are Under The Sea - Journey of the Little Mermaid and Enchanted Tales With Belle. Seeing the spires of Beast's castle is always welcome, though somewhat depressing when you don't have an ADR for Be Our Guest. As a sure sign that BF has also drunk the Disney Kool-Aid (though he's not slurring his speech as much as me), I overheard this exchange between him and BFFFT:

BF: Look at how far away Beast's castle looks. Because of forced perspective.
BFFFT: ...Did you seriously just say "forced perspective" to me?

FastPass #5: Space Mountain. We merrily rolled along to Tomorrowland and hopped aboard one of my favorite rides in the whole World: the Peoplemover. Even BFFFT's measured "That was very relaxing" felt like a ringing endorsement. I rode Space Mountain in front for what must've been the first time, because it was ten times better than any other time I've ever ridden it. I always love it, but man. Riding in front takes it up a whole mess of notches.

All of us were so taken with Space Mountain, in fact, that we decided to make it FastPass #6 as well. With a little time to kill before our next FP window opened, we went to Carousel of Progress (or, as BF calls it, Nap Time). To me, this attraction is the type of thing Walt Disney World is all about. A little entertainment, a little education, a catchy tune, and merciless cheesiness. An occasional snore from the BF in the back is just the cherry on top. Buzz Lightyear's Space Ranger Spin was a walk-on, and the perfect way to remind me of what a miserable shot I am. My score on that ride is consistently so low, I feel like I'm somehow being bullied. They should make a special level below "Star Cadet" just for me: "Nebular Atrocity."

My spirits were lifted with another spin on Space Mountain. Now we had another 45 minutes or so before dinner. The sensible thing would've been to stay in Tomorrowland or perhaps look around the shops on Main Street. We, however, are not sensible people. So we made FP reservations for Splash Mountain and trekked to the other side of the park to check back in with Br'er and friends. The only thing better than Splash Mountain during the day is Splash Mountain at night. Better yet: dusk! If you can think of anything better than that final hill, all lit up, with the lights of the rest of the park in the distance, well, you shouldn't be describing it on a Disney message board.

A leisurely stroll back across the park was punctuated by a trip to the Christmas store (I bought a Lumiere ornament!) and an absolute clusterbang in the Hub. A stressed out BF is a stressed out me, so I cut through the masses as quickly as possible to arrive at...the smallest Walt Disney World restaurant I have ever seen. I figured The Plaza, with its prime location and goofily low prices, would be a sprawling mega-diner. Nope. That place couldn't fit all of the Duggars. Capacity envy aside, I loved The Plaza. A large, tasty homestyle meal for non-astronomical prices. And if you think I didn't follow it up by putting away a giant disgusting delicious strawberry sundae...well, think again, sucka.

The evening was still relatively young. The park was open for another 90 minutes or so, but we were itching to get our Poly on. We thought we'd be clever and take the Main Street bypass to beat the post-MSEP crowd. But the bypass was closed! I knew the crowds were low, but they must've been really low for them not to bother opening the bypass.

We made our way down a not-too-crowded-at-all-particularly-immediately-after-a-parade Main Street and spotted a Halloween-themed "See You Real Soon" above the train station's tunnel. And as I crossed underneath, I thought to myself "Not soon enough."

We hugged BFFFT goodbye and sent him towards the TTC-bound ferry, while we hopped back on our boat to the Poly. As we dreamily glided across the water, Wishes began. Romantic and perfect. And to think we weren't going to do Disney this trip.

Next: The Room! My God, THE ROOM!!!

 

[catmom46]

You are hilarious! Looking forward to reading more - what a talented writer you are!!

Yes, he is! You should read his other TRs. Brilliant stuff!

 

[acrab3t]

Loving your TR!

 

[UnhealthilyObsessed]

The Room! My God, THE ROOM!!!

After seeing what a little wishing can do, BF and I lazily strolled the tiki torch-lined paths to Tokelau, where our third-floor studio awaited. As the door opened, so did my fool mouth.

This room was unbelievable. As if I needed any more convincing that I want to go DVC at some point. Most people have an angel on one shoulder and a demon on the other. Both of my shoulders have demons with mouse ears instead of horns, and they just scream "DVC!!!" at the top of their lungs 24/7. Getting to sleep is a chore.

Anyway, everything about this deluxe studio was right up our alley. Bright colors, clean lines, a touch of tiki bar kitsch...total design . One bathroom with a shower, one bathroom with a toilet? Weird, but okay! Shower bathroom was straight-up sexy, and even though some less savory business takes place in the other one, everything is better when you're getting cheered on by mermaids.

The giddy studio tour complete, we headed back towards the lobby to attempt entry to Trader Sam's Grog Grotto. Having been only open a little more than four months, and hearing stories about hours-long waits, I was prepared for the worst. We opened the door, bracing ourselves.

It was nearly a ghost town. A freaking awesome, mega-fun ghost town.

Man, and I thought The Plaza was small! Trader Sam's Grog Grotto, for such a hot property, can accommodate, like, half a mouse. It is TEENSY. Now I understand why the lines were so long when it opened: only so many people can squeeze into a jewelry box a the same time.

BF and I ordered an Uh-Oa! to split. It was big, strong, and flaming. Just like us. The special effects for each drink was beyond cool. It takes one of the things I love most about Enchanted Tiki Room and turns it up to 11. We had a great chat with another guest at the bar and then took a table in the rear and ordered the chicken lettuce cups (de-lish!) and another round of drinks. This time, I got the Polynesian Pearl and BF got the Krakatoa Punch. Tasty, dessert-y cocktails! Plus I got to keep a useless plastic pearline sphere. Win-win!

All in all, Trader Sam's Grog Grotto was just an incredible experience. It's the type of place that makes me think I could plan an unforgettable Walt Disney World vacation without stepping foot into a park. Now when I sit in a bar in New York City, I'll be annoyed there's not more Imagineering. And for those who get sick of seeing and hearing repeated drink effects: you've been there too long. Go sober up.

We both had a very restful night's sleep in our room's uber-comfy bed. I got up to make coffee and enjoy a leisurely sip of joe on our balcony, confident we had plenty of time until our 10:30 ADR at Kona Cafe. That's right: after a subpar dinner last trip, we were giving it another shot. Oh, the lengths one will go to for Tonga Toast!

It was sheer dumb luck, then, that I happened to check My Disney Experience and noticed that our 10:30 ADR was, in fact, for 9:20. Well, crap-a-dee doo dah! I called Disney Dining in a white-hot panic to see if there was something we could do. I dealt with lovely CM Fatima, who advised me to get it together and head over to Kona as soon as possible and they'd most likely be able to accommodate us. There's no grimmer prospect than not having Tonga Toast on a day one expected to have Tonga Toast, so we sped up our morning routine and bid a rushed-but-reluctant goodbye to our beautiful, beautiful room.

Unencumbered by construction walls, Kona is a completely different environment. Though still a little food court-y, it's refreshingly open and gets great light. Poor Nina from Long Island! It must've been quite a sight to see two flustered fellas approach the host stand and attempt to stammer out an explanation why they were over a half hour late. After mockingly telling us how unacceptably we've behaved and threatening to have security escort us out, she showed us to a table.

Tonga Toast is every bit the big deal we were told it was. And the coffee was pretty delectable as well. But seriously: it was the perfect way to satisfy our craving for a fried, stuffed, sugar-dusted 9-pound cube. After the final essential step of any Tonga Toast breakfast, completely hating ourselves, we did a little shopping at the Poly before requesting our Uber to go from the World to the Universe (al).

Next: Cabana-Fanna Bo-Bay!

 

[prfctlyximprct]

I must try tonga toast!!!!

 

[officialtom]

Love it.

 

[fractal]

Great report! Tonga toast is the bomb. Glad you didn't miss out.

 

[Zipadeelady]

Six flags!! Now that was funny!

 

[UnhealthilyObsessed]

Cabana-Fanna Bo-Bay!

Let's talk real quick about the greatest thing to happen to Central Florida since 1971: And no, I'm not talking about Primeval Whirl. I'm talking about Uber. The region is already enough of an unrelenting cash-suck, so why pay an arm and a leg to get around to each additionally expensive thing? Our trip from the Poly at WDW to Cabana Bay at UNI cost $19.55. We were in the car for 27 minutes. Is that a bargoon or what? If we had taken Mears or a cab, they'd have demanded 60 gold bricks AND our first-born child.
Immediately upon entering Universal property, I realized this was a different ballgame. Universal Orlando is not some tucked-away oasis that makes you forget you're on some entertainment strip outside of Orlando; you're right in the thick of it. It was a good reminder not to compare every single experience to its Disney antecedent. Which I of course super-mega-totally did anyway.

We hit the lobby entrance of Cabana Bay, and oh man: this brings the idea of a "value" resort to a whole other level (See? I'm already comparing UNI and WDW). Both BF and I are big fans of mid-century modern design, so this place was right in our wheelhouse. Amazing details everywhere, fantastic service at the front desk, an almost unsettling dearth of children running around everywhere? I've never been to the All-Star resorts, but from what I've read, Cabana Bay blows them right out of the lazy river.

Our room was cute! What it lacked in square footage it more than made up for in sleek design, use of color, fantastic floor-to-ceiling windows, and awesome views. In fact, when I gazed towards the horizon from our room on the 5th floor of the Americana building, I swore I could see Spaceship Earth in the distance. BF didn't believe me. The matter would be settled later that night. Read on, loyal fans!

It was time to head to my first-ever Universal Orlando park! BF had gone once or twice in the early aughts, and I went to Universal Hollywood (and its dazzling array of 6 or 7 attractions) in 2009, but I knew this would be the real deal. A bus was waiting for us when we got to the stop and we left as soon as we got on. We were at our stop within five minutes. It was a far cry from the endless ordeal getting anywhere on Disney property tends to become.

But speaking of endless ordeals, what in hell is up with the Universal death march? Y'know, that 84.6 mile stretch of intermittently operational peoplemovers to get to CityWalk and the two parks? Is that meant to feel like the red sea has parted? In any case, let my people go.

We decided to go classic and hit USF first. Entrance to the park was easy enough, and the crowds were definitely low. Using TouringPlans for this leg of the trip as well, we made our way to E.T. Adventure. Talk about classic! I immediately loved this ride from the get-go. The cheesy pre-ride video, walking through the wooded queue, riding the bikes, soaring into the sky...it all felt like a classic Disney dark ride (who am I kidding? I'm gonna compare until I'm blue in the face). Okay, they a little bit lost me when we got to the bizarre day-glo fever dream that was E.T.'s home planet. It's as if the Universal equivalent of Imagineers (Universalists? MovieMagicians? Directors of Funtography?) got together and were like, "Let's hit 'em with sense of wonder, sense of wonder, sense of wonder, and then BAM! Creepy, multi-eyed, and kinda weirdly warm!" Nonetheless, it was super fun. Yay, Universal!

The giddy sense of discovery continued as we strolled down Springfield, USA. Both of us are huge fans of The Simpsons, so Springfield, USA is a big deal. It's like Be Our Guest-level awesome. We were still mega-full of Tonga Toast, so we had to bookmark all of the places we had to stop when our bodies weren't stuffed with bread bricks. We queued up for The Simpsons Ride, and though the wait was 20-25 minutes or so, there was enough to see and read on our way through that it all felt like part of the attraction. This is also one of the 3.5 rides at Universal Hollywood, so it felt like a fun visit from an old friend. BF felt a little pukey afterwards. Distressing, considering it looked as though USF was going to be mostly screen-based rides like this. We'd make sure to try to not do too many screeners in a row. We'd also make sure to call screen-based rides screeners, because we're cool and enjoy making up terms for stuff.

Next up was Men in Black Alien Attack. Conscientious dork that I am, I read up on Universal with not one, but two books, both of which gave this ride middling at best reviews. I don't know what they're talking about, because we thought this one was ridiculously fun. From the awesomely art-directed kitschy 50's safety video in the pre-show to the practical environments to the added delight of getting to shoot at other park guests, this thing is a USF must with bonus points for repeatability. Speaking of bonus points, I totally used the tips from the Universal Orlando books and racked up a huge score. Take that, Buzz Lightyear!

We emerged from MIB and were greeted with some pretty dreary drizzling. What better time to take a trip to London? Guys, this may not come as a surprise, but oh, man: Diagon Alley is cool. They had me at the nondescript entrance. Turning the corner and taking in Gringotts may not fill me with the childlike, nostalgic awe of that first glimpse of Cinderella Castle, but was still beyond impressive. A themed environment that may just be unparalleled. Most people would head straight to the ride. Not us. We made a mad dash for Butterbeer instead.

I honestly thought I'd hate Butterbeer. My tastes tend to lean more towards savory than sweet. And though nobody would deny that Butterbeer is nearly instant-diabetes sweet, it somehow is cut by that creamy foam on top. Which is also sweet. Guys, I'm not a scientist. My degree is in acting, for pete's sake. So I don't know how something sweet makes something else less sweet (though I could probably find its dramatic psychological motivation), but it's true. Butterbeer is yummy and sweet, but not too sweet. Frozen Butterbeer's even less sweet, for those of you who like your novelty beverages TWO notches below sugar coma.

Some goblin animatronics suckered us into uselessly exchanging money for Gringotts bills, and then we headed into the belly of the beast: Escape From Gringotts. The stand-by wait was 20 minutes in the middle of the afternoon. I can't say enough about Orlando parks right after Labor Day. If you can stand the heat, get into the kitchen (of the UNI quick-service places and smack them upside the head for serving such garbage)! Gringotts was un. Be. Lievable. Every inch of the preshow is ornate, stunning, and contributes to the storytelling. And the ride itself is...fine! More screens! One cool-ish drop! And Helena Bonham Carter is really letting us have it! But it was already starting to occur to me that the novelty of the screeners wears off kinda quick. Fun? Sure! But kind of a measured fun.

The real fun was just hanging around Diagon Alley. BF was understandably feeling a little woozy after Escape From Gringotts, so we stopped at the Leaky Cauldron for a little food. I got the banger sandwich. Pretty good! Hey, you don't go to London for the food.

Our next stop was Ollivander's for the wand demonstration and the inevitable dropping of a dumb fortune on a dumb piece of plastic wand that was a dumb amount of fun and worth every dumb penny we spent. BF and I went with Dumbledore's wand. Y'know...solidarity. While BF spent 90 minutes or so on the phone with our realtor (oh yeah...we're buying a weekend house!), I walked around Diagon Alley playing with my wand, doing spells, and acting like a little kid. The fire-breathing dragon is great, Carkitt Market is beautiful, but for my park-to-park, Knockturn Alley is the enchanted bee's enchanted knees. It was there that I felt the most immersed in JK Rowling's wonderful wizarding world. Also, that one spell at the creepy door with red eyes scared the Every Flavour Beans out of me.

BF was still on the phone after my spellcasting tour of Diagon Alley, so I did the single rider line for Escape From Gringotts. It was a walk-on. Crazy! But man, you miss a LOT of pre-show. You basically miss everything. So make sure you do it properly once before trying to pull a fast one.

One orgy of slightly blurry screens later, and BF was finally off the phone. House buying is hard! Especially if you're not me! He debriefed me on the benches near the rear entrance to Knockturn Alley when we realized something was terribly wrong: we weren't eating ice cream right that second. Luckily, we rectified the problem with the help of Florean Fortescue. I got salted caramel blondie and strawberry & peanut butter. BF got chocolate chili and Earl Grey & Lavender. All four flavors-sorry, flavours were delicious (deuliucious?). Diagon Alley's sweet treat game is on fleek.

It was a really fun few hours, but it was time to bid Diagon Alley expelliarmus. Or something. Right ahead of King's Cross Station loomed the imposing silhouette of the Transformers: The Ride-3D show building. Why not? The standby line was 15 minutes, and we had some ice cream to digest. It soon became clear the 15 minute time was nefariously placed there by Deceptacons, because we were in that line for at least a half hour. And the ride itself was...fun! Fine! Blurry! Confusing! Another screen! I don't know, you guys. If every other ride at Walt Disney World, across all four parks, was a cute little junior coaster, I'd be annoyed. And cute little junior coasters don't even make me or my BF nauseous! But we'd be like, can you dudes build another type of ride, please?

After making absolute sure we weren't in for another screener, we went to Revenge of the Mummy. I rode Universal Hollywood's version of a Mummy ride, and so I expected basically the same experience here. Was I ever wrong. Hollywood's Mummy ride is a perfectly serviceable coaster ride with a weird letdown of an ending. Orlando's Mummy ride is a butt-kicking, scream-inducing, thrill-a-minute magic machine. It is deliriously cheesy, but it is also insanely fun. That fake ending is one of the sharpest, funniest things I've ever experienced on a ride. It was the surprise hit of the trip and has my highest possible recommendation, terrible Brendan Fraser cameo aside.

And then...we were tired?!? It's true: we promised ourselves not to be such commandoes this trip. So after only a few total hours in the park, we opted to head back to Cabana Bay for some grub 'n' pool. Well, we made it inside the resort just as a huge thunderstorm hit, and the pool never reopened. As for the grub, the Bayliner Diner was...just okay. In fact, it was kinda lousy. Love the look, love the vibe, but the food was serviceable at best. The cocktails and beers we had right after at Swizzle Lounge, however, were perfect. Harder to screw up, I guess!

Up in the room, I looked back out the window. Though it was still drizzling, the skies were unusually clear. And off towards the horizon, where I swore I saw the white sphere of Spaceship Earth during the day, was a purple sphere! I knew it! You could see freaking Epcot from our room at Universal! I was still shaking my head in disbelief when it got even cooler. I saw a burst of light. Then another. I saw what time it was and I realized I was watching a teeny-tiny version of IllumiNations: Reflections of Earth. It was amazing. I tried to snap a photo, but it didn't remotely do it justice.

For a theme park day that was completely new to me, it was a fairly low-key day. Our feet weren't bleeding, our thighs weren't raw, and we were in no hurry to get to the parks tomorrow either. We sleepily watched the hilarious premiere of The Late Show With Stephen Colbert and drifted off to dreamland.

Next: One Fish, Two Fish, Red Fish, Cowfish?!?

 

[catmom46]

"…playing with my wand…" "…our thighs weren't raw…"

 

[Ms.Sunshine]

"So snort a line of pixie dust before your shift if you have to, sweetheart."

This. I also need to get my hands on a butterbeer. and a wand. and a owl.

 

[Mickey2422]

I love your narrative style!!! Looking forward to more of the report.

 

[UnhealthilyObsessed]

One Fish, Two Fish, Red Fish, Cowfish?!?

We woke up at a perfectly respectable hour. I swear. I headed down to the resort's Starbucks for coffees and a breakfast sandwich. After last night's lackluster Bayliner Diner experience, I wasn't about to take the Pepsi challenge on their powdered eggs. I'll take the Starbucks powdered eggs I'm already familiar with, thank you very much! BF and I quickly got it together and headed out the door for my second first-time park in as many days: Islands of Adventure.

The bus system was once again quick and efficient; the conveyor belt death march was once again death march-y. The entrance to IOA is gorgeous; the swashbuckling theme definitely outdoes USF's "front of an amusement park" theme.

Our touring plan suggested we start with The Amazing Adventures of Spider-Man, so start with that we did. Loved the Daily Bugle queue and marveling (no pun intended) at its bizarre details: every desk has a working computer monitor, but the break room microwave is fake. The ride started up, we saw two or three scenes, and then...everything stopped. We sat in a weird factory-like environment for a few minutes, and when we started back up, there was no sound for another minute or so, and then the rest of the ride kicked in normally. When the ride vehicle pulled back to the front, whatever they call Cast Members (Studio Specialists? Movie Magicians? USHERS?!?) were lined up with Express Passes for another ride on Spider-Man to make up for the technical difficulty. Sweet!

Marvel Super Hero Island as a whole was pretty cool! Maybe it's a little on-the-nose, I kind of liked the flat 2-D character cutouts (though I'd prefer someone else drew them besides Adam Kubert...but that's going way too far down the comic book nerd rabbit hole), and the Easter eggy names of the buildings was great. The one big minus was that The Incredible Hulk was closed for a refurb. Oh well; a great excuse to return one day! I announced to BF that I would be braving the towering terror (ahem) of Doctor Doom's Fearfall, and that it was fine if he sat this one out. He did.

The Fearfall is cool! The reviews are not glowing, which I guess is fair. But the queue building is really cool, and much like the MIB ride, the kitschy 50's animation style of the pre-show is pure nerdy nom-noms. Being straight-up terrified of heights, it's also a really good tension builder. By the time I got into the ride vehicle, I was sufficiently scared enough to almost cover the seat with pure Iron Man gold. And then we shot up into the sky and it was beautiful and fun and fine. Fear is weird.

We moved on to Toon Lagoon, which we thought was really lovely and well themed. Would a little kid know who any of these syndicated comic strip characters are? No way. Pretty sure a pre-teen isn't gonna lose it over seeing a life-size likeness of Dagwood. But we thought it was mostly cool. Ahem. Mostly. Seriously, what is going on with Cathy here? I thought this was a family park.

Dudley Do-Right's Ripsaw Falls looked like a really fun time, but it also looked like people were getting soaked. We decided to pass and head towards Jurassic Park, stopping to drop our jaws at the sheer size and scope of the upcoming Kong attraction. BF definitely will want a return trip to try this baby on for size.

On our way to Jurassic Park River Adventure, we spotted a really cool-looking suspension coaster that ended up being Pteranodon Flyers. We were promptly stopped by a CineWizard (I really don't feel like looking up what UNI calls its Cast Members) who informed us we couldn't ride it without a child. That thing looked awfully high and took up an awful lot of real estate to be a kids-only attraction. I later read the atrocious reviews of this ride and realized we dodged a bullet.

Jurassic Park River Adventure had like a 5 minute wait. Perfect. Despite the woman next to me narrating THE ENTIRE RIDE to her parents behind us ("Look, Dad! A dinosaur!" "Look, Mom! Another dinosaur!" "Look, parents! Several trees!"), we had a great time on this. I rode its Universal Hollywood equivalent, and I'm pretty sure Orlando has the superior version yet again.

One major drawback: we got pretty wet. The water itself wasn't the problem; it was ridiculously hot outside and getting splashed was really refreshing. The water itself, though, was GROSS. Like, I-smelled-like-barf-for-the-rest-of-the-day gross. So if you're going to ride this ride, I recommend a poncho that you immediately burn afterwards.

Once we were wet already, we figured what the hey? Why not do Ripsaw Falls too? We LOVED this ride. Also, the water was way less barfy! Always a plus. Fun fact: the little drop in the middle of the ride got us way, way wetter than the big finale drop. Because science. This feels like a great old-school Disney ride: plenty of AA's and loads of corny jokes. Could it use a buff and polish? Sure. But we had a blast.

Our tummies were grumbling, and we wanted somewhere to dry off, so we killed two pterodactyls with one stone by stopping at Thunder Falls Terrace. It was one of the few positively-rated counter service joints in the entire resort, and it was...fine. Not great. But the ambience of the joint is awesome and the service was friendly. If you know you're not getting great food no matter what you do, at least you can sit in a cool building and deal with nice people.

At last it was time for part two of our Wizarding World tour: Hogsmeade. Again, gorgeous! Stunningly themed! I'll say this, though: you can definitely tell it came before Diagon Alley, because DA definitely takes things up to the next level. Think of Hogsmeade as Chamber of Secrets and Diagon Alley as Prisoner of Azkaban. On the ride front, however, Hogsmeade takes it.

Harry Potter and The Forbidden Journey was awesome! Yes, it's a screener. But there are enough practical elements to the attraction (like the Whomping Willow!) to allow us to rest our eyes a little. I also preferred the nimbleness of the ride vehicle to the less dynamic cars in Escape From Gringotts. Once again woozy, BF needed to take a ride break. What better way to spend said break than with a frosty beer? The animatronic hog's head agreed.

BF must've ordered a cup full of bravery, because when we finished our beers, he suggested riding Dragon Challenge. Fine by me! We chose Chinese Fireball on the left, and man, this is a great coaster! On the long climb up the first hill, I told BF "I think I might be getting over my fear of heights," to which he responded "It's the beer." He may have been right, but I kept my eyes open throughout nonetheless.

Emboldened by our upside-down adventures, we headed over to Flight of the Hippogriff. Have you ever tried to fit two suitcase's worth of clothes into one suitcase? That's what we looked like trying to pack our flesh into this tiny two-seater. We looked like big dumb dummies as we uncomfortably zipped around the track for the 17-second duration of the ride. This thing is so short, a poorly timed series of sneezes could make you miss the whole thing. Dumb.

We decided to zip back to Marvel Super Hero Island to use our Spider-Man Express Passes. This time, we rode without incident. And let me say this: The Amazing Adventures of Spider-Man may not be the newest screener, but I think it's by far the best. Sorry, Harry and Optimus. None of the other screeners so seamlessly integrate the screens and the real environments. When you start rising above the skyscrapers of Manhattan, you can feel it. All of the building sets perfectly reinforce the staggering scale of Spider-Man's battle. I love, love, loved it. The only way to make it better would be to make it about Superman instead.

Right around then, I got an extremely irrational craving. I wanted a Big Pink, and I wanted it now. Y'know...the donut from Lard Lad Donuts that's bigger than a human head? BF was on board. Problem was, we were at IOA, and the Big Pink was all the way over at USF. What to do, what to do? Take the Hogwarts Express, of course!

Again, the posted wait was a giant, disgraceful lie, as I'm pretty sure our wait for the train was the longest we waited for anything the whole trip. And unlike King's Cross on the Diagon Alley side, there wasn't a whole lot to look at while we waited. The train itself, though, was a whole other story. What an awesome attraction. And practical, too! I knew we'd see cool stuff out the window, but the effects on the door side were a nice surprise.

I let BF play around with the wand in Knockturn Alley (he missed all the fun the previous day when he was stuck on the phone with our realtor), while I walked on Gringotts for another single-rider spin. Then it was back to Springfield for the Big Pink. We promised ourselves we'd have half and bring the rest back to the hotel, a promise we immediately broke when we gluttonously devoured every disgusting delicious ounce of the thing.

In another stunning example of our newfound restraint, we decided to take a break and head back to Cabana Bay for some poolside cocktails and lazy riveration. We bought the (very reasonable!) inner tubes and got our chillax on. Man, that lazy river is awesome. Peaceful, but with just enough water features to keep things interesting. BF stopped at the Hideaway and got us disgustingly sweet slushy cocktails in souvenir cups. We sat in our deck chairs, wincing at every sip and watching the lizards run by. Florida may be really hot, but it's also kind of cool.

Our evening plan was to make a quick return trip to USF for another ride on Mummy before grabbing dinner at CityWalk. Mummy was just as good the second time. BF even kept his eyes open most of the time, which was sadly not captured by the on-ride photo, which depicts him shutting his eyes so tight his skull might crack. He was feeling a little sleepy afterward and wanted a coffee, so I sent him to Starbucks while I went on another BF-vetoed ride: The Rip Ride Rockit.

To be honest, I was a little nervous about this one, based solely on the fact that the totally vertical lift looked totally terrifying. The lift ended up being pretty painless and quite exhilarating, and the rest of the ride was super-fun. One problem: the screen where you choose your soundtrack never went on, and no music played at any point during the ride. Even though most roller coasters don't have soundtracks, it felt eerily silent to ride this without music. Like you could tell something was missing. That said, they sure do cram a billion loops and hills and turns into a relatively small space. I'm pretty sure we turned at acute angles not recommended by engineering. It was a blast.

I gathered up BF and we went to Cowfish, the burger/sushi joint at CityWalk. That probably sounds weird and/or gross to most people, but we live in New York. We've been eating at 5 Napkin Burger, which does both burgers and sushi, and does them very well, for years. So this seemed more a sure bet than novelty.

We started with fried pickle chips, which I can tell were delicious because my mouth started watering as I started typing this sentence. Then we each got a special "burgushi" box that included a variety of stuff. When our food game, I was a little disappointed to see that the sole "burg" in the "burgushi" was a tiny overcooked slider. The sushi was great, but I expected more of a marriage of the two cuisines since they bothered to marry the two words. Still, those pickles. Man. They almost made our insufferably talkative waitress bearable. Don't get me wrong; I waitressed for eight years. I respect the staff. But when you see your guests' eyes glaze over during minute 17 of your story about your boyfriend, take a hint.

We ended our evening - where else? - at Swizzle Lounge with a couple more beers. We felt sufficiently rested to attempt braving IOA's Extra Movie Magic Hours Or Whatever It's Called the next day. Would it happen? Would we basically have Hogsmeade to ourselves? Would we eat our weight in nachos? Spoiler alert: yes.

Next: Two Cats, No Hats

 

[Ms.Sunshine]

It's bad enough that I would eat a regular bowl of sliced pickles, but FRY them? OMG, a thousand times YES!

 

[UnhealthilyObsessed]

Two Cats, No Hats

Fresh as two bearded, 200-plus-pound daisies, we got up early and headed to the parks. For the first time since we arrived at Cabana Bay, we had to wait TWO WHOLE MINUTES for a bus to arrive. My, how quickly we spoil!

We arrived at Islands of Adventure, eager to quickly bang out the right half of the park we didn't get to the previous day. What a rude awakening we were in for! Only the Wizarding World was open for early admission. I guess the old saying is true: you can read two books about Universal Orlando, but you can't make him drink (in the knowledge that early attraction availability is limited). That is not an old saying. Nor a saying at all, really.

It was time to take the lemons we'd been handed and somehow make Butterbeer. I resolved to ride the Hungarian Horntail side of Dragon Challenge, a prospect BF balked at. It really was the beer that made him want to ride it yesterday. While BF snapped photos and bought candy (honestly, why would you ever want to buy Every Flavour Beans unless it was to trick someone?!? Barf! Which, incidentally, is one of the least offensive flavors!), I took an early-morning roller coaster ride. Though I kept my eyes open, the first hill seemed way higher and scarier than it did the day before. Forget Polyjuice Potion; beer is the most magical brew of all.

After scooping all the change out of my loose items locker (how annoying is that mess?), I met up with BF for some English breakfast at Three Broomsticks. Not bad! We also split a Butterbeer. Even not badder! We took another turn on Forbidden Journey. This time the dragon breathed fire right into my face and it was kind of a big deal. Glad BF wasn't sitting there; he would've covered his seat in Golden Snitch.

From there, we bid Hogsmeade adieu and walked through the beautiful land whose attractions the books say to avoid like the plague: The Lost Continent. Man, the show buildings for Sindbad and Poseidon's Fury look so amazing! But for once, we actually heeded advice and skipped them on account of their near-unanimous turdiness. From there, we reached perhaps the most pleasant surprise of our whole trip: the beauty and wonder that is Seuss Landing.

Despite being two of perhaps twelve people in the ENTIRE LAND, we were in hog heaven. The design of this place is unbelievable. Sure, gawk at the Wizarding World, but this place was a serious wow. First we boarded The High in the Sky Seuss Trolley Train Ride, which was a lovely and relaxing tour of Seuss Landing from above. Think of it as the Peoplemover with greener eggs and ham. Then we rode The Cat in the Hat. Oh man. And I thought E.T. felt like a classic dark ride! This is as Fantasyland as it gets: quaint, charming, funny, and sweet. Universal is a really fun place, but even at the Wizarding Worlds, to me, there is a distinctive lack of that unknowable thing, that unmistakable feeling, that magic. This felt like magic. I realize this is a weird opinion.

Hypothetical Friend: "Welcome back from Universal! What were your favorite rides?"
Me: "Revenge of the Mummy and Cat in the Hat!"
Hypothetical Friend: "Cool. Well, have fun being addicted to crack!"

Sufficiently bitten by the Seuss bug, we scrambled to the Christmas store to pick up a Grinch ornament before taking an encore ride on Cat in the Hat. We wanted to grab a quick bite, but the menu at Mythos wasn't wowing us quite like the building itself. Predictably, I suggested heading over to Springfield USA for some tacos. BF agreed.

It beat waiting for the Hogwarts Express, but man! The walk between the front gates of IOA and the front gates of USF was face-meltingly hot. Put in a palm tree or two, fellas! Geez!

En route to Fast Food Boulevard, we stopped at the newly-departed TWISTER...Ride It Out. I love, love, LOVE that Bill Paxton and Helen Hunt hated each other so much that they had to film their parts in the pre-show separately. What I didn't love was that I could barely hear a single word of the pre-show because non-English speakers in line, giving up on trying to understand the video, were just speaking at full volume. I'm all for international guests; just keep it down! Ciao!

Twister was actually really cool! I love that the carnage had to reset for every single show. Less engaging was what was obviously a Universal go-to: getting squirted with just a little too much water. We get it, guys. It's a real 4-D experience. I just imagine that in every meeting to develop a new ride, an exec asks "So where do we squirt them with just a little too much water? Maybe some lady on a screen can cry, and then the too-much-water is her tears?"

We grabbed Korean beef and fish tacos from the Bumblebee Man, plus chips and guac. Dios mio! They were delicious. We took them to Duff Brewery and washed them down with a cool Duff Light. We walked around all the various Springfield shops (Moe's is amazing, despite the cruel injustice that is a non-alcoholic Flaming Moe). Universal may host Marvel characters, but seeing this super-family was a breath of fresh DC Comics air:

A return to World Expo was in order, as we took a single-rider spin on Men in Black. Predictably, at this point, we were both overcome with yet another craving for Butterbeer. An unexpected return trip to Diagon Alley was in order. We saw Dobby the house elf in a window on the streets of London before grabbing our sweet, sweet fix. We watched Celestina Warbeck belt out a few mystical tunes before bidding the alley a final farewell.

I had read great things about the Horror Make-Up Show and didn't want to miss it, but we had a little time to kill before the next show. An E.T.-sized amount of time. I'm glad we had ridden before, since I missed the entire pre-show video this time thanks to EVERYONE AROUND ME SCREAMING AT THE TOP OF THEIR LUNGS IN ITALIAN. The ride was just as fun the second time around, and E.T. even attempted an approximation of mine and BF's names this time! I think he was a little backlogged during our first ride, since I think he called both of us "Amanda" then. Or at the very least, "Amurndur."

The Horror Make-Up Show was so great! Solid performers, great crowd work, and an informed, entertaining look at makeup effects. Oh, man. I went white as a ghost when it looked like they were slicing into the audience volunteer's arm. BF jumped when the "robotic creature" moved, but I proudly called it as soon as it was introduced.

The line for Minions Mayhem was consistently just too long to do this trip, so we settled for Shrek 4-D across the street (remember: the 4th dimension is irritating squirts of water!). Once again, the pre-show was marred by a shouted smattering of "Milano!"s and "Bella!"s and "gelato!"s and "calamari!"s. Oh well. Though I have a vague recollection of having done this attraction in Hollywood, this seemed new to me and was a bunch of fun. It was also our Universal Studios swan song. We decided we'd had enough amusement.

The plan was more pool and lazy river before dinner, but suddenly a margarita sounded good. And we didn't trust Cabana Bay to make a good one. So we stopped at Antojitos at CityWalk for margaritas (a great idea!) and nachos (though very delicious, a bad idea!).

After another smooth bus ride back to Cabana Bay (there was never not a bus waiting for us at the parks entrance; amazing!) and a dip in the laziest of rivers, we got ready for the moment I'd been really waiting for all week. We were returning to Animal Kingdom Lodge for a meal at Jiko.

It had been a great three days at Universal, but it also reinforced a fundamental truth: I'm a Disney guy. My heart skipped a beat as our Uber neared Disney property...and then the straight-up un-Disneyest thing ever happened. The car pulled up to the security gate of Animal Kingdom Lodge, and the guard proceeded to SCREAM at our driver that he should never drive an Uber vehicle up to a security gate. It such an unnecessary overreaction. Have these CM's been drinking out of the River Country splash pool?

Once our driver had been thoroughly admonished, the guard let us through and dropped us off in front of Jambo House. $15.43! These prices are insane! We hit the lobby and that old familiar feeling (and smell! Oh man, that SMELL!) washed over me. We had a few minutes before our ADR time; perfect! That meant there was time for a Mount Kilimarita at Victoria Falls. Delish!

Jiko was a wonder. We started with a Taste of Africa (we know people swear by the wild boar, but that just seemed too heavy), which was delicious. I got the scallops and BF got the filet. Our server was convinced I didn't order enough food, but I suspected otherwise (my secret? I ate a trough of nachos mere hours before). It was a delicious meal in a beautiful space, but we didn't save room for dessert.

Though night had fallen, we went out to look into the savannas, and sure enough, some giraffes and wildebeests were still roaming around. So gorgeous. In the distance, a thunderstorm raged, with a steady stream of lightning flashes. We walked the perimeter of the pool area, reminiscing about our perfect trip last November. As amazing as our stay at the Poly was, this reinforced that Animal Kingdom is our favorite WDW resort.

Stuffed with scallops and sirloin though we were, we'd certainly have room for a snack later on, right? So we stopped into The Mara for some sweet treats to go. I got a peanut butter brownie and BF got zebra domes, natch. This was all partially because we were hungry, and partially because we just wanted to squeeze all the magic we could out of this short trip to AKL. It was time to hail another Uber back to Cabana Bay. It came to $16.86. Have I made it clear enough that Uber is the only way to get around Orlando?

We made short work of our Mara treats when we got back to our room. The next morning we'd grab a surprisingly tasty meal at Bayliner before heading to MCO for the next leg of our trip, a wedding in Ohio. It was an amazing trip, filled with new experiences, familiar friends, and lots of laughs. We said we wouldn't go to Disney again, but man, am I glad we did. Oh, and Universal was okay too. And though our next trip to the World in 2017 feels like way too far away, 2016 will be an incredible year too. And if I play my cards right, by this time next year, I may be writing an Aulani trip report.

Next: I Read Everyone Else's Trip Reports In A Futile Effort To Vicariously Live Through Them

 

[ScarletBegonias]

I loved this trip report! I love your writing style and could probably read a novel you wrote about going to the grocery store!!

I think Cabana Bay looks AMAZING, but I'm just not sure if I could stay outside of the Disney bubble! Maybe some day.... errr- or not!

We stayed at AKL in September. It's a gorgeous resort, and the smell!! Ahhhhhh..

anyway, thanks for posting! It was wonderful!

 

[fractal]

Great report!