Everyone knows that going to a theme park is serious business, and certainly no time to play around. You've saved for months and traveled for days to get there, so it's imperative to get in, ride everything thrice, and get out before the tour groups can catch up. After all; if you had wanted to sit around and rest you wouldn't have gone on vacation. Going hard means gearing up, though, so I thought I'd share what I've found to be an effective gear loadout for me and look forward to seeing what others have to share.
As a threshold issue I'd point out that I and my group typically prefer to go completely bag-less when at all possible, since a lot of Orlando parks aren't particularly bag-friendly.
UNIFORM.
Keeping cool and keeping dry from the knees-up is essential to any commando to maintain peak operational functionality. In the wilds of Central Florida, this can be a challenge, but careful materials selection will make a difference.
Quick-dry cargo shorts.
Since carrying a bag is out of the question, you're going to need storage space, and that means lots of pockets. 5, if not 6 is preferable. Since you're going to be riding everything multiple times, this means being prepared for looping roller coasters and inverting flat rides, so I recommend pockets with zippered closures. The last thing you want to do is lose mission-critical gear on a ride, and not being confident enough to raise your hands up during a coaster is decidedly un-tactical.
In addition, it is recommended to use clothing made of nylon weave or similar quick-drying synthetic fabric. You're going to ride the water rides and then it's going to rain. An effective commando plans for this.
One potentially useful variant are convertible paratrooper pants, as these can be quickly converted to shorts in order to accommodate for rapidly-shifting weather conditions. This also reduces the amount of luggage space required, and since you're too cheap to spring for a checked bag, every bit of saved material helps. Note that all previously-mentioned concerns about pockets and material choice still apply.
Shirts.
There are two approaches to upper-wear.
The first is to use this element of your gear to properly advertise your status as a theme park commando to other park guests and cast members. To ensure that one is not confused with a normal guest, normal T-shirts will not suffice. As a guest that has achieved true park commando status, it is beneath your dignity to be seen wearing something that could be simply be bought off the rack at Mickey's Star Traders. Limited-edition, special-event, or anniversary shirts are appropriate, though ideally one would want to wear something custom-made and slightly subversive. The desired effect is a confused tilt of the head from normal guests and a knowing nod from others of your class. Shibboleth.
Some examples:
The second possible tactic is to understand the fundamental nature of the cast members one will need to interact with. In order to receive the best possible service it sometimes becomes useful to not only blend in with the other guests, but actually dress like a functional adult. Collared shirts for men and conservative but lightweight tops for women will often make the difference between being told that your MagicBand can't be fixed because your illegal modifications of the chip violate Disney policy and FCC regulations, and getting what you actually want.
Of course, standard concerns about quick-dry materials and construction still apply. Make sure your shirt has some sort of logo of an expensive outdoor or backpacking company that sells gear for activities you don't actually do and you'll probably be good to go.
Footwear.
I understand that some of you may have ankle issues, but assume that you'll be walking 12-14 miles daily through two-inch puddles. You need something with traction and protection but also that will be fully-amphibious. For these reasons, fisherman sandals are optimal. You get all the traction of a tennis shoe, protection against stubbed toes, and the ventilation of a pair of sandals. No danger of losing these on an inverted coaster or stepping into a ride vehicle, either, thanks to the multiple straps.
Headgear.
What is more imporant? One's dignity or the the skin on the top of your ears? That's a stupid question. A bucket hat is essential because it protects your face, gives limited protection during the inevitable rainstorms, and can easily be wrung out when wet or sweaty and stuffed in one's pocket when it's time to ride. Don't worry about looking uncool- if you cared about looking uncool you wouldn't have paid Redbubble $25+shipping for that Mesa Verde T-shirt.
WHAT'S IT GOT IN ITS POCKETSES?
Smartphone.
With the realities of My Magic Plus upon us, a smart device is no longer optional. This, however, fits squarely within your mission parameters because a phone of sufficient intelligence takes the place of several other items you might have otherwise been inclined to carry, like a camera, camcorder, flashlight, pedometer (Google Tracks can be used to ensure one is hitting at least 15 miles per day) or tip calculator. In addition, internet access can be utilized to provide WDWMAGIC with up to the minute reports of whether or not the bird-on-a-stick is working and combined with GPS functionality can be used to triangulate the location of hidden monorail track support structures.
Auxiliary Battery pack.
To be used to re-charge the above, as it may take several rounds of Frozen Free Fall to endure the standby queue of Peter Pan's Flight. At least 3200 milliampere hours or more is recommended.
Zip-Loc bags
Two or more, to be used as makeshift waterproof coverings so that your electronics, crumpled guide map, and crumpled times guide survive all 23 seconds of Kali River Rapids dry and functional.
Collapsible water bottles:
Staying hydrated on the inside is just as important as staying dehydrated on the outside. To facilitate this, bring a collapsible water bottle. These can be filled at drink stations or water fountains and then easily folded back away in one of your six pockets when empty. Try to do this in the line for Big Thunder and make sure as many thirsty people around you see it as possible. I realize that at some parks you can simply ask for a cup of free water at many quick service restaurants, but you don't have time for this; there are more things to ride.
Sunglass Retainers.
Eye protection is essential, even on coasters. Especially on indoor coasters where you never know if a loose hair barrette from the girl in front of you may come flying at your face. To prevent losing your sunglasses, and to shoo off any cast member that attempts to get you to remove them, strap them to your face. You won't have room in your six pockets by now anyway, since your hat is crammed in there.
Oh, and you may want bring a pair of sunglasses to use with the sunglass retainers.
Single-Use Disposable Poncho
Assuming you're going to on a mission to Central Florida, your theater of operations is a subtropical North American savanna. Rain is just as inevitable as well-heeled British people. However, Hina Kaluua is a tricky goddess, and the more raingear one brings the less likely it is to actually rain. Rather than burden oneself with a heavy rainjacket all day in 97 degree heat, the better option is to simply pack a one-use poncho in a back pocket. Note the emphasis on one-use, however; you'll have a better chance of running into an impromptu meet-and-greet with Prince John than you will of fitting one of these back into its packet once deployed. Since you can usually find these at the dollar store, the better plan is to bring 3-4 in your luggage and replace throughout your trip as needed.
Well that's all I've got for now.
Can anyone think of any other suggestions to give one that needed tactical advantage?
As a threshold issue I'd point out that I and my group typically prefer to go completely bag-less when at all possible, since a lot of Orlando parks aren't particularly bag-friendly.
UNIFORM.
Keeping cool and keeping dry from the knees-up is essential to any commando to maintain peak operational functionality. In the wilds of Central Florida, this can be a challenge, but careful materials selection will make a difference.
Quick-dry cargo shorts.
Since carrying a bag is out of the question, you're going to need storage space, and that means lots of pockets. 5, if not 6 is preferable. Since you're going to be riding everything multiple times, this means being prepared for looping roller coasters and inverting flat rides, so I recommend pockets with zippered closures. The last thing you want to do is lose mission-critical gear on a ride, and not being confident enough to raise your hands up during a coaster is decidedly un-tactical.
In addition, it is recommended to use clothing made of nylon weave or similar quick-drying synthetic fabric. You're going to ride the water rides and then it's going to rain. An effective commando plans for this.
One potentially useful variant are convertible paratrooper pants, as these can be quickly converted to shorts in order to accommodate for rapidly-shifting weather conditions. This also reduces the amount of luggage space required, and since you're too cheap to spring for a checked bag, every bit of saved material helps. Note that all previously-mentioned concerns about pockets and material choice still apply.
Shirts.
There are two approaches to upper-wear.
The first is to use this element of your gear to properly advertise your status as a theme park commando to other park guests and cast members. To ensure that one is not confused with a normal guest, normal T-shirts will not suffice. As a guest that has achieved true park commando status, it is beneath your dignity to be seen wearing something that could be simply be bought off the rack at Mickey's Star Traders. Limited-edition, special-event, or anniversary shirts are appropriate, though ideally one would want to wear something custom-made and slightly subversive. The desired effect is a confused tilt of the head from normal guests and a knowing nod from others of your class. Shibboleth.
Some examples:
The second possible tactic is to understand the fundamental nature of the cast members one will need to interact with. In order to receive the best possible service it sometimes becomes useful to not only blend in with the other guests, but actually dress like a functional adult. Collared shirts for men and conservative but lightweight tops for women will often make the difference between being told that your MagicBand can't be fixed because your illegal modifications of the chip violate Disney policy and FCC regulations, and getting what you actually want.
Of course, standard concerns about quick-dry materials and construction still apply. Make sure your shirt has some sort of logo of an expensive outdoor or backpacking company that sells gear for activities you don't actually do and you'll probably be good to go.
Footwear.
I understand that some of you may have ankle issues, but assume that you'll be walking 12-14 miles daily through two-inch puddles. You need something with traction and protection but also that will be fully-amphibious. For these reasons, fisherman sandals are optimal. You get all the traction of a tennis shoe, protection against stubbed toes, and the ventilation of a pair of sandals. No danger of losing these on an inverted coaster or stepping into a ride vehicle, either, thanks to the multiple straps.
Headgear.
What is more imporant? One's dignity or the the skin on the top of your ears? That's a stupid question. A bucket hat is essential because it protects your face, gives limited protection during the inevitable rainstorms, and can easily be wrung out when wet or sweaty and stuffed in one's pocket when it's time to ride. Don't worry about looking uncool- if you cared about looking uncool you wouldn't have paid Redbubble $25+shipping for that Mesa Verde T-shirt.
WHAT'S IT GOT IN ITS POCKETSES?
Smartphone.
With the realities of My Magic Plus upon us, a smart device is no longer optional. This, however, fits squarely within your mission parameters because a phone of sufficient intelligence takes the place of several other items you might have otherwise been inclined to carry, like a camera, camcorder, flashlight, pedometer (Google Tracks can be used to ensure one is hitting at least 15 miles per day) or tip calculator. In addition, internet access can be utilized to provide WDWMAGIC with up to the minute reports of whether or not the bird-on-a-stick is working and combined with GPS functionality can be used to triangulate the location of hidden monorail track support structures.
Auxiliary Battery pack.
To be used to re-charge the above, as it may take several rounds of Frozen Free Fall to endure the standby queue of Peter Pan's Flight. At least 3200 milliampere hours or more is recommended.
Zip-Loc bags
Two or more, to be used as makeshift waterproof coverings so that your electronics, crumpled guide map, and crumpled times guide survive all 23 seconds of Kali River Rapids dry and functional.
Collapsible water bottles:
Staying hydrated on the inside is just as important as staying dehydrated on the outside. To facilitate this, bring a collapsible water bottle. These can be filled at drink stations or water fountains and then easily folded back away in one of your six pockets when empty. Try to do this in the line for Big Thunder and make sure as many thirsty people around you see it as possible. I realize that at some parks you can simply ask for a cup of free water at many quick service restaurants, but you don't have time for this; there are more things to ride.
Sunglass Retainers.
Eye protection is essential, even on coasters. Especially on indoor coasters where you never know if a loose hair barrette from the girl in front of you may come flying at your face. To prevent losing your sunglasses, and to shoo off any cast member that attempts to get you to remove them, strap them to your face. You won't have room in your six pockets by now anyway, since your hat is crammed in there.
Oh, and you may want bring a pair of sunglasses to use with the sunglass retainers.
Single-Use Disposable Poncho
Assuming you're going to on a mission to Central Florida, your theater of operations is a subtropical North American savanna. Rain is just as inevitable as well-heeled British people. However, Hina Kaluua is a tricky goddess, and the more raingear one brings the less likely it is to actually rain. Rather than burden oneself with a heavy rainjacket all day in 97 degree heat, the better option is to simply pack a one-use poncho in a back pocket. Note the emphasis on one-use, however; you'll have a better chance of running into an impromptu meet-and-greet with Prince John than you will of fitting one of these back into its packet once deployed. Since you can usually find these at the dollar store, the better plan is to bring 3-4 in your luggage and replace throughout your trip as needed.
Well that's all I've got for now.
Can anyone think of any other suggestions to give one that needed tactical advantage?
Last edited:
. Sparkle on!
