Men Hoedown
Wayne Brady:
I've got a message, to all of you gals
I'm a sensitive man, so why can't we be pals?
I know sometimes in the past, I haven't treated you right
That's why I'm takin' hormones, boom! I'm a transvestite
Chip Esten:
Men can be quite mean, men can be quite bad
I bet you had a boyfriend, I bet he was a cad
I don't really like men myself, that, I can tell
But my friend Ryan, well, he thinks they're swell
Colin Mochrie:
I am a man, I love films with violence
I like to watch them everyday, even when they don't make sense
I saw this one with a guy with a gun, his shots would never miss ya
Then he'd hit ya with a flower, he was Dirty Harry Krishna
Ryan Stiles:
Like me tell you all about men, I walk the walk
I don't care what people say, just let them talk
All the rumors goin' 'round, ah, yeah, they're kinda scary
I guess I'm gonna have to stop it, showering with Drew Carey
All: Showering with Drew Carey!
Car Salesman Hoedown
Chip Esten:
Yeee-haw! Tulsa, Oklahoma! Saaalute!
I went down to my dealership, I tried to buy a car
He tried to sell a lemon, but he didn't get too far
I found a lot of steals and I found a lot of deals
and then I bought a Pinto but it didn't have no wheels
Drew Carey:
Well, I wanted a Chevy, but I didn't want to get bored
and then I thought, maybe a Mercury, maybe I'll get me a Ford
But when it came down to it, I didn't make a fuss
'Cause I didn't have any money anyway, so I'll just take the bus
Colin Mochrie:
I met a car salesman, he didn't have no ethics
and I believed his every lie, it really was pathetic
He did horrible things that no good man ever should
I came home early, found him checking under my wife's hood
Ryan Stiles:
Oh, boy, those German cars, do they cost big bucks
I looked at the price tag, and I am full of yuks!
Oh, those Porsches, more expensive than the others
unless you're Drew Carey and get them free from Warner Brothers!
All: Free from Warner Brothers!
Backstreet Hoedown
Chip Esten:
Yeee-haw!
Them Backstreet Boys I think they really stink
It isn't anything personal, they're just not N'Sync
This might be kinda weird, it could be a shock
But I still got a poster of the New Kids on the Block
Drew Carey:
Well I hate radio today
They don't have anything good to play
All they play is junk they are in a rut
I wish they'd take the Backstreet Boys and shove it up their butt
Colin Mochrie:
I hate the Backstreet Boys, they bug me like no one else can
So I came up with a really cunning plan
I kidnapped them and then I showed them, Oh how to hurt
I made them all wear a copy of my shirt
Ryan Stiles:
A lot of people think they're the best ones in the land
But the Backstreet Boys aren't my kind of band
Many people think, that they are heaven sent
But you're not a band unless you play an instrument
All: Play an instrument!