Breaking Point?

[DABIGCHEEZ]

My son(who is 13 also) would be planted 2 feet in the ground if he ever laid a hand on his mother...and he KNOWS that.

Of course if he were younger than 10... it would only be 1 foot!

 

[Britt]

Honestly, I can't even imagine a scenario where any of my sons think its ok to hit me or my husband! My boys are very respectful and call us both ma'am/sir. They're 7, 6, and 2 and we've raised them to be respectful from day 1. I'm trying to even fathom it in my head and can't! LOL

Heck my parents raised me to be respectful and I remember swearing at my mom when I was 16 and my dad was instantly in front of me demanding an apology and I lost the door to my bedroom for a week. You can bet I never tried that again! LOL

 

[donaldtoo]

Our children are now 18 (DD), 20 (DS), and 21 (DD).
Even when you're just plain exhausted, wiped out, dizzy and wanna' scream, take the time to discipline them when they are young, or you will pay dearly later.
With our kiddos bein' so close in age, it was like tryin' to herd cats a good portion of the time, but we both knew that we could NOT slack on the consequences for bad behavior.
I remember one incident when our youngest was about 3. We were all at Wal-Mart shopping and youngest went into meltdown. It was always my job to remove any of the 3 (or all, if necessary) from those types of situations. As soon as I exited the store with my kicking and screaming DD under my arms she knew EXACTLY what to do, thinking that it would for sure derail my plans. She started screaming "HELP MOMMY! HELP!" You can just imagine the looks I got from other shoppers. I was not havin' any of it. After I explained (as I just kept walkin' towards the car) that she was my daughter and was havin' a meldown and needed to be removed, I headed straight for the car and I strapped her into the car seat where she continued to kick and scream for several minutes while we waited there for my wife and the other 2 to join us.
Needless to say, she never tired that one again, and so it went as we raised them.
They are very good kiddos (now young adults and adults now), and I know for sure if we wouldn't have taken the time to do it right when we had the chance and they were still young, things would have turned out MUCH differently. I could point out many examples that I'm familiar with around us.

 

[Raven66]

Our daughter has always been very polite and sweet. But she had her moments. One time we were in a restaurant and she started to meltdown for some reason and we told her to quiet or we were leaving. She called my bluff. I pulled her out of the high chair, left my hubby to finish and her and I went to sit in the the car. Incidents were few and far between. All I would have to say after that was "Do you want to go talk to mommy in the the bathroom?" She would be like no mommy I will be good. I never even spanked her, but she knew she was in trouble if I said that. Another time we were in the laundry mat and she was about 3 and my hubby and her went to go play the claw game. Well, my hubby lost and she came walking over to me and pulled her leg back and kicked me as hard as she could. I was stunned because she never even talked back to me. I turned her around and gave her a spank. Everyone was looking at me and I was like WHAT? and I sat her little butt in a chair with her just sobbing. My husband walked over and sat next to her and put his arm around her and I turned around and yelled "get your arm from around her she is being punished" I was so livid. I didn't know what to do.


We have to remember, that there are people that believe spanking or discipline of any kind is wrong and will call the police. So sometimes they think to do nothing at the moment is what is best. I am not above spanking but we just never did. She is 15 (almost 16) now and if I can count on one hand how many bad moments we had with her then I count us very lucky. She has grown into an amazing girl and I wouldn't change anything. Except maybe that kick to the shin. That really hurt!

 

[mickeysbrother]

My mom would have brought me back home instantly. On the plane that day and she would have cut her losses and i wouldnt have been back for the next couple of years. She would have went without me with no regret.

 

[s&k'smom]

As the parent of an autistic teenager behaviors have been a way of life. It's how you react. My son is expected to be polite in school and he is. When he wasn't there was a consequence of course being a teen he tested the limits but once he understood his teacher and I would communicate by email and I would know what happened before he even got home they were few and far between. When in Disney we give him expectation of how we want to spend the day and follow it and well except for some typical bro/sis needling all is usually well during the week.

Believe me if you do not curb this behavior FAST the kids will escalate it until he gets his or her way. I've seen it happen with my own child he was really going at it one day and my beloved DH wanted to give in but I knew I couldn't (these are long stories of his issues so I'll cut to the chase) and now years later he is a wonderful young man with some now typical teenage issues, all that hard work really paid off.

 

[Britt]

As the parent of an autistic teenager behaviors have been a way of life. It's how you react. My son is expected to be polite in school and he is. When he wasn't there was a consequence of course being a teen he tested the limits but once he understood his teacher and I would communicate by email and I would know what happened before he even got home they were few and far between. When in Disney we give him expectation of how we want to spend the day and follow it and well except for some typical bro/sis needling all is usually well during the week.

Believe me if you do not curb this behavior FAST the kids will escalate it until he gets his or her way. I've seen it happen with my own child he was really going at it one day and my beloved DH wanted to give in but I knew I couldn't (these are long stories of his issues so I'll cut to the chase) and now years later he is a wonderful young man with some now typical teenage issues, all that hard work really paid off.

I def try not to judge, because I do know quite a bit about Autism. My sister works in a classroom with Autistic kiddos, and a few of my friends have children with very severe Autism. It's usually in the back of my mind when I see older children (4 and above) having meltdowns (who should typically "know better"). <3

Good luck to you mama!! It sounds like you're doing an awesome job with him! <3

 

[Disneydreamer23]

I would never have to take a day away from them at Disney because My children will know better not to ever hit some one or push there siblings, If a child gets away with things they will keep doing it thats how I see it

 

[s&k'smom]

Thank you Brit. I like to say I'm raising my kids on Disney.

 

[Clyde]

Here is the problem...by the time they azre 13 its to late. IMO you start teaching children the day they come home from the hospital.....yes even as an infant they quickly learn how to play the parents. The mistake parents make is that they are not consistant. There is a line, if the child crosses the line there will be dire consequences to pay. My son leraned to not even approach the line.

Family dynamic.....shmamic. hitting is unacceptable behavior...PERIOD! The trip cost to much? Give me a break. The child learns that he can get a way with it in certian circumstances. Kids are very intuitive, they learn when to push the buttons....like being in public. So his behavior was not corrected but rewarded with a day at disney. Cost ? How much is it going to cost this kid later in life because he dosnt respect authority? IMO thats why we as a culture has slipped so far....no one is held to a standard of responsibility! I would have grabbed that kid by the hand and did an about face.....he would have sat in the hotel room the rest of the day. If behavior continued...he would have got to know the hotel room intimately. Family dynamic......sheeeesh......liberal hogwash

Liberal hogwash huh? I'm a therapist. Wanna know how many conservatives I have as clients?
What's even more interesting is their problem is usually something along the lines of believing they aren't good enough and never quite achieved their parent's approval. Oh... the parents never know this is how their children feel by the way. They are too busy making sure the kids act a certain way when they come over. Extremism on either side isn't the answer. Trust me.
Most people who give in to their children like was said in the original post are doing so as an over compensation to contradict how their parents treated them. This is an across the board problem. Blaming it on the "others" is why we've slipped as a culture. Not because someone doesn't discipline their child the way you think they should. It amazes me how many people work as judges these days.

 

[John]

You may have more conservative clients then liberal.....in the state of the union I am not surprised....lol j/k
When I say that there will be dire consequences I never said what they were. I dont believe in capitol punishment...so if that is where your going...you are incorrect. As far as judgeing anyone, I think you have done a fine job yourself in your reply....dont you think? I am not judgeing them on how they punished their child. Only with the information given me...the lack of punishment at all. Not to mention the lack of disapline displayed by the child. If he was taught early on that this behavior was unacceptable...it would have never taken place to begin with. Now, Yes I am not a fan of "therapist" sure I believe there is a need for them. I think there might be one or two on this very site that may need your services Infact I have been acused of needing them once or twice in my life. I will not question your professional opinion. As I wouldnt want you to question mine. I have raised not only my son but am the oldest of several siblings, which I helped raise not to mention coaching and mentoring thousands of young people for over twenty years in organized sports. Sorry, but I have to say that spending thousands of hours gives me quite a bit of insight not only to children but just as many parenting styles. Not so good with young ladies but I know what a boy will do before he even thinks about doing it. Hitting your mother is not any kind of way to "express" yourself.

I have seen single mothers with six or seven kids and everyone of them are as well behaved as they could be and I have seen two very capbable adults have one child that I swear are going to grow up on the FBIs most wanted list. The comment "liberal hogwash" was directed to the comment that that because of some "family dynamic" was the reason that it may have been why there was a lack of punishment. If you want to take this private and discuss it I would be happy to. but I dont think the mods will allow us to get into a political debte ( as they shouldnt). I was expressing an opinion....you obviously disagree with. Parenting isnt learned in a class room or from a book. Being a therapist you can not deny that there is a line in social behaviour and what is and isnt acceptable behaviour. Sorry hitting isnt one of them....just like it isnt acceptable for me to hit the child.....

 

[donaldtoo]

As the parent of an autistic teenager behaviors have been a way of life. It's how you react. My son is expected to be polite in school and he is. When he wasn't there was a consequence of course being a teen he tested the limits but once he understood his teacher and I would communicate by email and I would know what happened before he even got home they were few and far between. When in Disney we give him expectation of how we want to spend the day and follow it and well except for some typical bro/sis needling all is usually well during the week.

Believe me if you do not curb this behavior FAST the kids will escalate it until he gets his or her way. I've seen it happen with my own child he was really going at it one day and my beloved DH wanted to give in but I knew I couldn't (these are long stories of his issues so I'll cut to the chase) and now years later he is a wonderful young man with some now typical teenage issues, all that hard work really paid off.

I'm kinda' new here, so I guess that may be why I was hesitant to bring this up.
Our son was 1lb. 4oz. when he was born (it's a looooong story, but the doctors suggested to us MANY times that we DNC "'cause he's gonna' die in utero, anyway" and we said "Uhmmmm...NOPE!") and has mild asperger's/autism.
We, of course, did not know what all we were going to be dealing with when he was first born, but we both agreed that however he came to us that we were NEVER going to allow him to use his situation as an excuse not to do things right and live as full a life as possible. We have always told him, in a loving tone "Sorry pal, you just may have to work a little harder than the next guy to get there, but sometimes, the next guy ain't workin' all that hard, anyway...! " Although there are still struggles, for the most part he gets it and knows what's expected of him.
We wouldn't trade any of our kiddos for anything. We are indeed blessed, but I like to think we helped those blessings along a little ourselves.

 

[Clyde]

You may have more conservative clients then liberal.....in the state of the union I am not surprised....lol j/k
When I say that there will be dire consequences I never said what they were. I dont believe in capitol punishment...so if that is where your going...you are incorrect. As far as judgeing anyone, I think you have done a fine job yourself in your reply....dont you think? I am not judgeing them on how they punished their child. Only with the information given me...the lack of punishment at all. Not to mention the lack of disapline displayed by the child. If he was taught early on that this behavior was unacceptable...it would have never taken place to begin with. Now, Yes I am not a fan of "therapist" sure I believe there is a need for them. I think there might be one or two on this very site that may need your services Infact I have been acused of needing them once or twice in my life. I will not question your professional opinion. As I wouldnt want you to question mine. I have raised not only my son but am the oldest of several siblings, which I helped raise not to mention coaching and mentoring thousands of young people for over twenty years in organized sports. Sorry, but I have to say that spending thousands of hours gives me quite a bit of insight not only to children but just as many parenting styles. Not so good with young ladies but I know what a boy will do before he even thinks about doing it. Hitting your mother is not any kind of way to "express" yourself.

I have seen single mothers with six or seven kids and everyone of them are as well behaved as they could be and I have seen two very capbable adults have one child that I swear are going to grow up on the FBIs most wanted list. The comment "liberal hogwash" was directed to the comment that that because of some "family dynamic" was the reason that it may have been why there was a lack of punishment. If you want to take this private and discuss it I would be happy to. but I dont think the mods will allow us to get into a political debte ( as they shouldnt). I was expressing an opinion....you obviously disagree with. Parenting isnt learned in a class room or from a book. Being a therapist you can not deny that there is a line in social behaviour and what is and isnt acceptable behaviour. Sorry hitting isnt one of them....just like it isnt acceptable for me to hit the child.....

I'll take your lead and will not continue the "political" side of this discussion (as it is not the place) after saying, it was the liberal hogwash comment which stirred enough interest for me to reply.
The rest...... me pointing out someone judging does not imply judgment. Just as pointing out someone eating does not fill my belly.I like what ya did there though.
Just know this about me before I continue. I'm a father, have 6 younger siblings, have over 100 cousins, coached 9, 10,11 yr olds in football for years and am an addiction therapist. I've literally "coached" families on how to draw firm boundaries with the addicted youth of today for many years. I'm actually on the tougher side of things (I am from Northeast NJ afterall) . I tell you this so you can understand what type of person you are speaking with. The point that you are making insinuates a you have a very one sided point of view. That is fine of course, but to throw in comments that insult a specific chunk of the population is where I have issue. Maybe I'm too sensitive. Maybe I tire of a term carrying a derogatory connotation when it's used for people who care about others and aren't just cold and hard. I'll even consider that I took what you wrote incorrectly, but rarely will someone explain away intolerance to me. Family dynamic is not specific to anyone. Its a term used to explain the nuances of a particular family.
That being said, my kid will never hit my wife and get away with it. =)

 

[luckycharligirl]

Here is the problem...by the time they azre 13 its to late. IMO you start teaching children the day they come home from the hospital.....yes even as an infant they quickly learn how to play the parents. The mistake parents make is that they are not consistant. There is a line, if the child crosses the line there will be dire consequences to pay. My son leraned to not even approach the line.

Family dynamic.....shmamic. hitting is unacceptable behavior...PERIOD! The trip cost to much? Give me a break. The child learns that he can get a way with it in certian circumstances. Kids are very intuitive, they learn when to push the buttons....like being in public. So his behavior was not corrected but rewarded with a day at disney. Cost ? How much is it going to cost this kid later in life because he dosnt respect authority? IMO thats why we as a culture has slipped so far....no one is held to a standard of responsibility! I would have grabbed that kid by the hand and did an about face.....he would have sat in the hotel room the rest of the day. If behavior continued...he would have got to know the hotel room intimately. Family dynamic......sheeeesh......liberal hogwash

love this post. I have worked with families and children with behavioral issues and consistency AND discipline is so important. why has it slacked so much?
Does anyone feel that an onlooker making an "appropriate'' comment is ok? i might have loudly said, 'wow, if I did hit my mom...'

 

[John]

love this post. I have worked with families and children with behavioral issues and consistency AND discipline is so important. why has it slacked so much?
Does anyone feel that an onlooker making an "appropriate'' comment is ok? i might have loudly said, 'wow, if I did hit my mom...'

I dare say why....I have been taken to the wood shed over this issue. WHY? IMO is that parents want to be thier childs friend instead of thier parent. The WORST thing a parent can do or say is...."just dont let it happen again"
BAM! credibility down the drain. Not sure if I would say anything, then you have a parent being defensive and going ballistic on you.....instead of the kid.

By the time they are 13 it would take some serious intervention to turn this family around. These parents are living on a hope and a prayer that the child makes it to 18 without being incarcerated. Then its society's problem.
Then because of his lack of respect for authority ends up in jail, told it isnt his fault...which is true in a way. but that he dosnt have to be responsible for his actions. That he is a victim and just "acting out his feelings" He has learned as a young child that he will not be held accountable....

 

[Lightyear999]

Hitting is not an option.

Sums it up best. Children can get cranky, pout, be corrected if attitude errupts. But never does a situation warrant hitting (from child or parent).

 

[Freshee61]

I am so sick of childess people complaining and or mentioning kids behaviors in Disney. Even adults have meltdowns With the best of upbringings. Get over it.

 

[luckycharligirl]

I dare say why....I have been taken to the wood shed over this issue. WHY? IMO is that parents want to be thier childs friend instead of thier parent. The WORST thing a parent can do or say is...."just dont let it happen again"
BAM! credibility down the drain. Not sure if I would say anything, then you have a parent being defensive and going ballistic on you.....instead of the kid.

By the time they are 13 it would take some serious intervention to turn this family around. These parents are living on a hope and a prayer that the child makes it to 18 without being incarcerated. Then its society's problem.
Then because of his lack of respect for authority ends up in jail, told it isnt his fault...which is true in a way. but that he dosnt have to be responsible for his actions. That he is a victim and just "acting out his feelings" He has learned as a young child that he will not be held accountable....

good point. sometimes it's hard to keep my mouth shut or think before i speak!!

 

[I_heart_Tigger]

I am so sick of childess people complaining and or mentioning kids behaviors in Disney. Even adults have meltdowns With the best of upbringings. Get over it.

If the actions of a child has an effect on me I have the right to an opinion about it. It doesn't matter whether I have children or not. Just because you don't own a theme park doesn't mean you don't have the right to comment on how one is run.

 

[Mickey_777]

13 year old boy and the Dad just kept walking? His man card needs to be revoked immediately. The Dad is the punk if you ask me.