The first three years here were very unhappy ones for me. As soon as we moved into our own house, it got better. It's true what they say "Good fences make good neighbors.'' or in my case, make good in-laws. We desperately needed boundaries. I had told my husband that if we didn't have our own place in 6 months (this was after nearly 3 years of living with his parents), I wanted to move back to the US because I just couldn't stand to live like a naughty little child anymore, and I needed to have my own place and independence, where we could be a married couple, not someone's children. Then we got this house. We still have our moments, but I do love my in-laws, and we get along better now that we have that distance. I don't think they intended to hurt me, but just didn't realize how much I was going through and they thought they were doing the right thing, but it just wasn't what I needed. At the time I moved here, my mother had just passed, we had just put my dog to sleep a couple of weeks before mom died, and within a couple of weeks, we had packed up and moved all our stuff, quit our jobs, gave up the lease on our apartment....it all happened so quickly, and it was just so much change for me all at once, and so much to say goodbye to. They were so focused on me adapting to Dutch life, I don't think they stopped to think about everything I had just gone through and how I was feeling and that what I needed most was support. They weren't thinking about what I needed, but about what they wanted. I literally had less freedom than a teenager, and I don't think that's how they saw it, or rather, they didn't realize what they were doing to me. And part of that is on my husband, because he DID know, and he should have stood up for me more, but I think he was kind of blinded by his love for them. He knew they wouldn't intentionally hurt me, but he encouraged me to just let it all go because they MEANT well, instead of telling them to knock it off because they were being jerks.
I'm sorry it was such a bad experience. I've heard similar stories from others who had to live with their inlaws for extended periods...and most weren't dealing with the cultural differences you had in your mix. I'm glad that moving to your own place helped and you now have a better relationship with them. I think those now and then moments are just part of being human. You were definitely dealing with a lot on top of this move and the pressures put upon you in this situation. At least you're now past all of this, and like you said, they probably didn't intend to make your life miserable.