Please tell me that someone can relate to this.,
The past few years, I’ve developed a strange fear of heights. I know that it’s irrational, I try to fight it.. but my palms get sweaty, chest gets tight, I feel dizzy, and I shake.
I don’t understand it!!!
I spent my whole life as an adrenaline junkie..I adore rollercoasters, ATVs speeding thru the mud, surfing, scuba diving (my greatest passion), speed boating, cliff diving, bridge jumping, sky diving, bungee jumping Etc.. I mean LOVED that stuff.
Then something happened. One day we were on the top of building, on a lookout, and I felt all of what I described in the first paragraph. I couldn’t believe it. What was happening to me?
I booked a doctor’s appt ASAP.. explained what happened..
My doctor said “ Nothing is wrong with you. It’s your age. You’re more aware of your mortality now, leaving your child behind, and it’s manifesting into a fear of heights.”
”How do I fix it?”
“Just try to push through when your feeling that way. You know you’re not in danger. Take deep breaths..... Or, you may just not be able to do some of the things that you used to do.”
“Yeah, That’s not an option. I’m not going to prevent my kid from having experiences, not over my sudden irrational fears.”
So, I’ve been pushing thru when it happens. The weird thing is, I feel like I’m about to pass out when going up a rollercoaster hill, or on a Drop Tower, or high stairs or bridges... but I’m fine once moving. It’s so strange!!
I knew this would come into play when zip lining, but I kept telling myself— “You’ve been on more intense zip-line courses than this one!! Think about Costa Rica, think about how much you always enjoy being up in the trees and zipping down the lines!”
Well, I thought I was doing ok while on the course. The guides laughed at me because, although I looked like I was going to pass out while going up stairs and standing on the swaying tree platforms.. I was fine while on the line itself. Positioned perfectly... and Stopped perfectly every time. They said they don’t see that often, especially when someone looks as scared as I did.
So it’s going ok, but... then.,, we come to a tight rope... I freeze, literally. Felt like I couldn’t breathe or move. T says “You can do it Mom. Believe in yourself! You got this!” — the kid now giving advice to his mother, that she used to have to give to him. I realize how sweet that was, yet how ridiculous that he had to do it... and I go.
I’m halfway across and it’s getting harder, moving more... I freeze again. Felt such internal panic.. palms are drenched. I don’t think I can go the rest of the way.
I’m humiliated.
T and the guide are trying to motivate me.. I finally get across.. T says “Good job mom. You fought through.”
Oh, my sweet boy.
then this-
“But mom, you also looked like a total wimp. Don’t be scared. You’re safe.”
Thanks, kiddo.
I asked if there was another tightrope that we would cross.. was told “Not til we get to Level 2, that one is 100 ft. across.”
Nope. I’m out after Level 1 is completed. I can’t do it, even though I want to. I don’t inform T yet., let’s just finish the Level 1 course first. I had booked 2 tours at the two levels which T fit the height/weight requirements., he did not weigh enough for Level 3 tour.., but at this point I don’t even care if I get a refund or not. I know that I can’t do the 100ft tightrope, and I’m furious at myself.
So, we finish the course. I inform T that we can’t do the next. He’s upset. He was having so much fun. I have not seen my kid this happy in nearly 2 months. It’s breaking my heart that I’m ruining it. I’m debating with myself if I can do the tightrope without freezing and having a panic attack... but I just don’t know. He says “Mom, what if I just go by myself?”
“T, would you really want to do that?”
“Yes. I’m not scared. This is awesome. You can stay on the ground and I’ll do the harder course. “
I ask the guide if he’s even allowed to do it without a parent., guide says “He’s 10, right?”
“Yes, for less than a month.”
”It’s ok. He’s old enough if you want to let him. We’ll be right there with him.”
I agree. I didn’t want to wreck his time over my ridiculousness
Off they go.. here’s a few shots that I took... from the ground.
See him, way over there? This was the longest one.. I would have enjoyed that part.
I don’t like the bridges, but they’re better than the tightrope.
I would not have enjoyed this one. Going up the swinging inclined bridge, then up the staircase. Ugh. I hate this fear!! At least he had fun!!
The past few years, I’ve developed a strange fear of heights. I know that it’s irrational, I try to fight it.. but my palms get sweaty, chest gets tight, I feel dizzy, and I shake.
I don’t understand it!!!
I spent my whole life as an adrenaline junkie..I adore rollercoasters, ATVs speeding thru the mud, surfing, scuba diving (my greatest passion), speed boating, cliff diving, bridge jumping, sky diving, bungee jumping Etc.. I mean LOVED that stuff.
Then something happened. One day we were on the top of building, on a lookout, and I felt all of what I described in the first paragraph. I couldn’t believe it. What was happening to me?
I booked a doctor’s appt ASAP.. explained what happened..
My doctor said “ Nothing is wrong with you. It’s your age. You’re more aware of your mortality now, leaving your child behind, and it’s manifesting into a fear of heights.”
”How do I fix it?”
“Just try to push through when your feeling that way. You know you’re not in danger. Take deep breaths..... Or, you may just not be able to do some of the things that you used to do.”
“Yeah, That’s not an option. I’m not going to prevent my kid from having experiences, not over my sudden irrational fears.”
So, I’ve been pushing thru when it happens. The weird thing is, I feel like I’m about to pass out when going up a rollercoaster hill, or on a Drop Tower, or high stairs or bridges... but I’m fine once moving. It’s so strange!!
I knew this would come into play when zip lining, but I kept telling myself— “You’ve been on more intense zip-line courses than this one!! Think about Costa Rica, think about how much you always enjoy being up in the trees and zipping down the lines!”
Well, I thought I was doing ok while on the course. The guides laughed at me because, although I looked like I was going to pass out while going up stairs and standing on the swaying tree platforms.. I was fine while on the line itself. Positioned perfectly... and Stopped perfectly every time. They said they don’t see that often, especially when someone looks as scared as I did.
So it’s going ok, but... then.,, we come to a tight rope... I freeze, literally. Felt like I couldn’t breathe or move. T says “You can do it Mom. Believe in yourself! You got this!” — the kid now giving advice to his mother, that she used to have to give to him. I realize how sweet that was, yet how ridiculous that he had to do it... and I go.
I’m halfway across and it’s getting harder, moving more... I freeze again. Felt such internal panic.. palms are drenched. I don’t think I can go the rest of the way.
I’m humiliated.
T and the guide are trying to motivate me.. I finally get across.. T says “Good job mom. You fought through.”
Oh, my sweet boy.
then this-
“But mom, you also looked like a total wimp. Don’t be scared. You’re safe.”
Thanks, kiddo.
I asked if there was another tightrope that we would cross.. was told “Not til we get to Level 2, that one is 100 ft. across.”
Nope. I’m out after Level 1 is completed. I can’t do it, even though I want to. I don’t inform T yet., let’s just finish the Level 1 course first. I had booked 2 tours at the two levels which T fit the height/weight requirements., he did not weigh enough for Level 3 tour.., but at this point I don’t even care if I get a refund or not. I know that I can’t do the 100ft tightrope, and I’m furious at myself.
So, we finish the course. I inform T that we can’t do the next. He’s upset. He was having so much fun. I have not seen my kid this happy in nearly 2 months. It’s breaking my heart that I’m ruining it. I’m debating with myself if I can do the tightrope without freezing and having a panic attack... but I just don’t know. He says “Mom, what if I just go by myself?”
“T, would you really want to do that?”
“Yes. I’m not scared. This is awesome. You can stay on the ground and I’ll do the harder course. “
I ask the guide if he’s even allowed to do it without a parent., guide says “He’s 10, right?”
“Yes, for less than a month.”
”It’s ok. He’s old enough if you want to let him. We’ll be right there with him.”
I agree. I didn’t want to wreck his time over my ridiculousness
Off they go.. here’s a few shots that I took... from the ground.
See him, way over there? This was the longest one.. I would have enjoyed that part.
I don’t like the bridges, but they’re better than the tightrope.
I would not have enjoyed this one. Going up the swinging inclined bridge, then up the staircase. Ugh. I hate this fear!! At least he had fun!!
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Oh well, it’s ready. “T, we’re getting in the cabin now!!”
