Congrats on your upcoming trip. I'll chime in on some of your questions with my advice.
Re: where to stay - my wife and I have recently gotten into the routine of using Camelot for our DLR visits. The rooms are big, clean, and it's very close to the crosswalk to the Parks. Nothing bad to say about this hotel option. We just returned from a week long stay this past Saturday with our niece joining us.
Re: transportation from SNA to the hotel - well, you've already made the most important choice in flying into John Wayne instead of LAX (we usually do but flew into LAX this past trip since we tried to get a direct flight that ended up changing anyway - never again). We usually just grab a cab from SNA to the hotel; but, this past trip we used limos.com and prebooked a towncar from LAX>DLR for the 3 of us for like $90 w/tip included. I will likely use this service again. We usually budget an hour to travel; but, most of the time it's a 25 minute ride.
Re: restaurants - You are correct that dining in DLR is vastly different than WDW. It still pays to preplan though. Blue Bayou is a great place to eat if you want to soak up the ambience. That is the main attraction to a visit here. For a first time visitor, I recommend it as it is a part of DLR history. Lunch is a good way to fit it into the schedule. Other Quick Service options in DLR that I can recommend are: Hungry Bear and Harbour Gallery (the stuffed baked potatoes are a great way to recharge your battery). For CA, the sit down options should factor in World of Color. Trust me on the following little known tidbit - all 3 WoC packages are not created equal in terms of viewing. WoC's viewing location zones seem to fluctuate frequently; but, the way the reserved viewing works does not. On our most recent visit the "best" viewing locations (front and center) actually went Trattoria and Grotto in a section called "Preferred Dining" and Carthay had a separate section set to the side of them with a separate entrance. The little known tidbit is that Carthay gets first dibs on ANY section a guest wants to view the show from - including the other two premium sections and the regular fast pass sections. This information is not commonly known to even the Guest Show Operations crew; but, can be confirmed with any of the team leads. This comes in handy if you want to get the best view possible as with a Carthay ticket, you can show up before they start letting guests in and let the cast member know where you want to go and they will let you in before they send anyone else. In my opinion, WoC is currently the best of the nighttime spectactulars IF you get into a good location. Being on the show's centerline is very important as it has a very limited viewing angle where all of the mist projection screens actually line up. Also, in my opinion, to get the full spectacle of the show - you need to be up against the railing down front in the wet zone. Only there can you see the surface effects cleanly and only there can you see how the individual droplets of water reflect the light. Up front and center, WoC is awe inspiring. Of course, you may get wet. May is the best way to describe it as even last week, there were shows up front where I didn't get a drop on me and others where we got soaked. So, if you are trying to get WoC reservations, Carthay is my choice. It just so happens that Carthay is also constantly excellent quality food as well. CA has several good QS options; but, Flo's always gets a visit from us.
Re: When to visit - I'm a big believer that you shouldn't go out of your way to plan around really low crowds at DLR as when you do, you get reduced operating hours and more importantly - reduced entertainment and run into ride refurbs. Other than avoiding the BIG holidays, there isn't as much concern at DLR as WDW as Anaheim has much greater ride and attraction capacity per park that can soak up the crowds.
Let me know if you have any additional questions.
