Unnecessary harsh treatment of children in public spaces at WDW

[Goofyernmost]

Well, kind in mind that clinically, positive reinforcement is always more effective than negative reinforcement... in the long-term at least. However, negative reinforcement can be effective in the short-term... but lead to long-term consequences. In an emergency situation it can be effective, and can also be a courtesy to other people. Its important to start the behavior correction process well before you get to a park, but also be cognoscente about trying to avoid going negative as much as possible unless its an emergency or a safety concern.

No, focusing on positive reinforcement won't turn kids into brats or lose your control over them. Negative reinforcement just won't be very effective in the long-term, and will hurt your relationship with them.

I was with you until the last paragraph. It is way over stated that negative will cause major problem later in life. All of this, either positive or negative will have future problems if overdone and not with the judgment it takes to decide which one is the most effective at the moment of need. My generation was given "positive" rewards for doing things that were expected of us. We didn't get participation trophies. We earned our rewards and our less then ideal negativity. I know that my kids did well and were always well behaved (at least after the first time they met with negative the first time they misbehaved). I'm not talking about beating a child physically, (btw, a slap on the butt is not the same as beating) but setting out what is expected of them and they will do what is necessary to get the positive reinforcement.

However, like adults, each child is different in personalities. I have a grandson who when he was little you could actually see his mind working as he decided what was worth the punishment and what wasn't. Since he was not my problem I found it comical. The kid is still quick witted and will test at every inch of the way. He is 18 now and still has a personality that is intriguing. He will take chances if he thinks it will be alright, but he also is one of kindest, sincerely sympathetic young men I have ever known. He never fails to make me laugh. What a piece of work. He cares about his parents, wants to make them proud, but if he thinks he is right about something he can be like a giant tree and is unmovable. His lifetime has been a constant exposure of negative from his Dad, especially when it came to sports. But, over the years he has developed a "water off a ducks back" attitude who knew he was pretty talented, and his Dad was just a perfectionist when it came to that stuff. With that, because it was extreme and long lived his dad will suffer a detachment because he no longer is willing to accept the negative. That is the payback that bad parents get. Sad, but understandable, but still only if it is extreme. Negative reinforcement in an isolated situation like visiting a theme park is not something that will carry over to adulthood. Over reaction to that will usually result in under reaction when it is to the benefit of all those involved.

 

[Parker in NYC]

Though I'm often asked when I'm going to have children, I'm going to save myself the trouble and give it up for all of you who do -- to my mind -- the lord's work.

 

[DryerLintFan]

Look we have seen adults argue with each other at WDW so kids are certainly going to do it. You have no idea what caused the outburst. Often it could be that be the kid was running away or putting themselves in danger and the parent was scared(thus the scolding). Hitting is wrong all together but we know the difference between a light spank and a "hit" and if you see a child being abused, verbally(being called a name) or physically you need to stand up for that kid. But if it's it correcting or scolding...probably a reason it happened, so think before getting involved, and maybe offer to lend a hand, if anything the "magical" world seems to bring more stress!

Not enough people offer to help. Parenting is overwhelming at times, and help can be so appreciated.

Engage the kid in conversation. Suggest a game. Offer to hold some food or whatever so mom or dad has a couple hands free to talk to the kid. Give a funny comment to mom like "this is why I drink so much coffee" to help diffuse their frustration. If you happen to have purse games bring them out. Or simply ask the parent "is there any way I can help?" because sometimes just knowing someone is willing to help is enough.

This would could use more people who are helpful.

 

[DANDAMAN1]

First time I took my oldest. It was just him and me, he was 9. No real issues. Just him being tired cause we did 6 parks. But left by 7ish most days.

Now I have 3 little ones and we're going in June. I do worry about their behavior at WDW cause at times they can be a handful. But I'm sure i'ts been mentioned before. You can't stay at the parks ALL DAY with no break and expect them to be perfect little kids. Also, I do not like getting after them in front of people. I always take to restroom, or out of ears shot. That's just me, and I understand at WDW you may not always be able to do that.

This thread made me LOL a few times. But what we can all agree on is that each kid and circumstance is different. As parents we understand this and when we see someone lose it on their kid in public, don't think twice about it. We've all been there. And WDW is no different. I think the OP that doesn't have kids just didn't understand how this could happen at the "happiest place on earth". But after reading and hearing everyone, I'm sure they know now that NO PLACE is immune to unruly kids and a good butt woopin'.

 

[Tanna Eros]

Honestly that's likely not luck. Parents who ensure their kids can rest, reset, get fed, not get too overwhelmed, those are the parents that have kids that melt down. All of us melt down under poor circumstances. With Disney, I try really hard to make sure we don't have poor circumstances because that makes meltdowns likely.

A lot of parents at Disney try to park commando with young kids and don't stick to their known schedules. This isn't all on the kids.

And you can see the clock tick down to blastoff on a kid's face. You can see it in their eyes they need a break.

 

[MAGICFLOP]

I am not surprised this happens... its a bad combination.. the family is spending a lot of money so they are trying to squeeze in too much in one day, now comes the heat and top that with kids that are totally off schedule (naps, meals and such), all this leads to a melt down down for the children followed by an exhausted frustrated parent. I always watched to see how the kids were holding up and if we had to sit under a tree while they napped so be it, and it was a good mental break for us as well..

 

[Tanna Eros]

I am not surprised this happens... its a bad combination.. the family is spending a lot of money so they are trying to squeeze in too much in one day, now comes the heat and top that with kids that are totally off schedule (naps, meals and such), all this leads to a melt down down for the children followed by an exhausted frustrated parent. I always watched to see how the kids were holding up and if we had to sit under a tree while they napped so be it, and it was a good mental break for us as well..

A Sleepy Dwarf Getaway Enclave is needed for parents and kids. It's even IP related.

 

[Tomi-Rocket]

“children CAN be a handful at times on vacation”

Okay, I have children (grown now) and work with kindergarten in an after school program and all I can say about this line is this: it is the biggest understatement about kids EVER!!

 

[draybook]

I agree that there's no excusing this behavior in public places. That's why I drag my kids to the bathroom before I take them to Suplex City.

 

[Hcalvert]

I am a parent and a middle school teacher. I spend a lot of time at work reminding kids how to behave. Sometimes, they listen, sometimes not. I find disciplining other people's kids is more effective on a trip. For instance, I was on an 8th grade field trip at Colonial Williamsburg in November. I saw some kids in my group not doing what they were supposed to be doing. I disciplined them the only way a non-parent can (told them what they were doing was wrong and what they should have been doing and I either they corrected or went to the next level--isolation from peers or hanging out with me). This was done immediately and one of the staff members stopped me and thanked me for being an active chaperone as she doesn't see it very often. Obviously, I don't use exactly the same discipline methods with other people's kids that I do with my own, but I have found that the majority of kids will "tow the line" in public after a mild and firm rebuke.

Now, my kid can be another story. I have removed him from a line and put him in time out at WDW and just told him off sometimes. It irritates me when he tries to walk on the ledges and climb things and I hear that annoying statement "but other kids are doing it." My response: I don't give a crap what they are doing. I have control of you and you will behave or leave (and I meant it too). We don't stay at the park all day and allow for some down time, which I believe helps too. I also believe in natural consequences for some situations. For instance, we tell our son to bring his poncho because it might rain. Don't listen and it rains--we let him get wet. Next time, listen and stay dry. I learned this same lesson when I was a kid on the "Maid of the Mist" in Canada. Kids learn from experience too and sometimes we have to let them in non-dangerous situations.

 

[DISNEYVAL]

View attachment 453441

Omg this is funny as hell. I saw this all the time when I worked there.

 

[Artsmylife]

No, I ask that you please don't post anything hateful, and that you think about what you're going to say before you post it. I'm asking people to reply in a way that will help me understand why parents do this, NOT because I'm looking for a huge debate.

Come to think of it, more replies to my post asking the question have not even been about the question! :/

To answer your question about treatment of children in public spaces is this. Children are different it isn't a plain as day question especially if you don't have kids of your own. Having a child is a learning experience and for me personally my son has ADHD, oppositional defiant disorder, and autism. Now he is system overload because of autism and he is super hyper because of ADHD, then doesn't listen if it isn't something he wants to do he gets angry to the point of pushing and hitting me. People look at me like boy she doesn't know how to parent her kid because it does not matter where you are at you have to continue the same routine with him or he won't know that he did something super bad. I give him a firm look first then if he continues with the behavior it goes to firm talking to, then yelling, then spanked and sorry but most of the time this is the only thing that works as I have tried the reward system and he will be on his best behavior until he gets the reward then back to bad behavior all over again. Unless someone is full on beating their child to the ground it isn't wrong. My son if given everything he wants turns into a spoiled entitled brat. Until you have a child try to realize that what you know now will be totally different once you have one and all kids are different so if you have one and then another it will be another different experience what works for one may not work for the other.

 

[Artsmylife]

What an absurd statement to make

No not an absurd statement at all if you don't have a child or children then you don't understand.

 

[Minthorne]

Simplest solution - leave the kids at home!

#KidsRuinDisney

 

[Patcheslee]

There is no magic formula that works for every kid, though it would be nice if the "recommendations from professionals" would have worked.
Heck I wish a swift swat would work on my 11yo when she was younger because things like running into the street warranted one. But she has a very high pain threshold so it didn't. Take away toys? Nope. No TV? Nope. Early bedtime? Nope. Timeout? Not much because of daydreaming.
Take away her books? WINNER!!!
Now "the look" is knowing if she keeps going she'll have to wait a few days before getting to read her next chapter. I look at parents with kids as just trying to find what button they have to push for a kid to understand.

 

[HongKongFooy]

No not an absurd statement at all if you don't have a child or children then you

Do you even know what I was addressing??Let's refresh what I call absurd.

Another poster gave us this:
""Well, it’s like criticizing someone’s driving when you’ve never driven before""

If someone is driving under the influence of drugs or endangering others by the way he drives then anybody witnessing such danger has standing to criticize ---yes, anyone even those without a driving license.

 

[Parker in NYC]

I hope no one’s hitting their kids now without first using Purell.

 

[Artsmylife]

Do you even know what I was addressing??Let's refresh what I call absurd.

Another poster gave us this:
""Well, it’s like criticizing someone’s driving when you’ve never driven before""

If someone is driving under the influence of drugs or endangering others by the way he drives then anybody witnessing such danger has standing to criticize ---yes, anyone even those without a driving license.
[/QUOTE/]
Yes anyone who witnesses something is considered an outsider into a situation therefore their view is perceived differently so saying it is absurd is not true either in this case as it depends on the situation because if we are talking about parents that are going extreme on their kids that is when I think the driving reference implies example: beating/child abuse so it really depends and goes back to the initial intent of the person writing the question discussion topic in the first place. the quote you were referencing that was originally listed showed something different when I viewed it which made it seem you were saying that people with kids are indeed going to extreme on their kids on purpose. My question for the original poster is the intention of the post what to the original poster is considered extreme?

 

[Artsmylife]

Do you even know what I was addressing??Let's refresh what I call absurd.

Another poster gave us this:
""Well, it’s like criticizing someone’s driving when you’ve never driven before""

If someone is driving under the influence of drugs or endangering others by the way he drives then anybody witnessing such danger has standing to criticize ---yes, anyone even those without a driving license.
[/QUOTE/]
Yes anyone who witnesses something is considered an outsider into a situation therefore their view is perceived differently so saying it is absurd is not true either in this case as it depends on the situation because if we are talking about parents that are going extreme on their kids that is when I think the driving reference implies example: beating/child abuse so it really depends and goes back to the initial intent of the person writing the question discussion topic in the first place. the quote you were referencing that was originally listed showed something different when I viewed it which made it seem you were saying that people with kids are indeed going to extreme on their kids on purpose. My question for the original poster is the intention of the post what to the original poster is considered extreme?

I was with you until the last paragraph. It is way over stated that negative will cause major problem later in life. All of this, either positive or negative will have future problems if overdone and not with the judgment it takes to decide which one is the most effective at the moment of need. My generation was given "positive" rewards for doing things that were expected of us. We didn't get participation trophies. We earned our rewards and our less then ideal negativity. I know that my kids did well and were always well behaved (at least after the first time they met with negative the first time they misbehaved). I'm not talking about beating a child physically, (btw, a slap on the butt is not the same as beating) but setting out what is expected of them and they will do what is necessary to get the positive reinforcement.

However, like adults, each child is different in personalities. I have a grandson who when he was little you could actually see his mind working as he decided what was worth the punishment and what wasn't. Since he was not my problem I found it comical. The kid is still quick witted and will test at every inch of the way. He is 18 now and still has a personality that is intriguing. He will take chances if he thinks it will be alright, but he also is one of kindest, sincerely sympathetic young men I have ever known. He never fails to make me laugh. What a piece of work. He cares about his parents, wants to make them proud, but if he thinks he is right about something he can be like a giant tree and is unmovable. His lifetime has been a constant exposure of negative from his Dad, especially when it came to sports. But, over the years he has developed a "water off a ducks back" attitude who knew he was pretty talented, and his Dad was just a perfectionist when it came to that stuff. With that, because it was extreme and long lived his dad will suffer a detachment because he no longer is willing to accept the negative. That is the payback that bad parents get. Sad, but understandable, but still only if it is extreme. Negative reinforcement in an isolated situation like visiting a theme park is not something that will carry over to adulthood. Over reaction to that will usually result in under reaction when it is to the benefit of all those involved.

Nicely said agree with you

 

[PeoplemoverTTA]

I disagree with this actually. I've known what I consider to be bad parents who have taken their kids to WDW, the difference is that they're not doing it for the kids, they're doing it for themselves. It's evident in everything that they do while they're there.

If they could have found someone to watch them, they wouldn't have been there at all.

Didnt those awful people who tormented their children (like a dozen of them and I believe locked them up in cages) used to take the kids to Disneyland? Case in point!