Team Chandler Presents
The Jungle Terror Cruise
In order to better compete with the Halloween offerings found in and around Orlando (i.e. Universal), it was decided early on in 2016 that for the first time in American theme park history, Walt Disney World's version of the world famous Jungle Cruise would undergo a brief refurbishment to install an overlay that - at first glance - may seem a bit outlandish when compared to the likes of a more simple overlay, such as the Jingle Cruise.
In September of 2016, the waiting world was introduced to the The Jungle Terror Cruise and its strange and frightening sights and sounds... Gone was the typical, happy-go-lucky Marc Davis-designed E-Ticket, in its stead was a transformed realm of dark humor and freaky freaks that only the passages of ancient jungle folklore could produce. Better yet, the attraction received a much-needed refurbishment, providing technological upgrades not just to the animatronics and limited special effects, but also the inclusion of an onboard soundtrack, composed by the legendary Danny Elfman, a feature that has since been unique to Tokyo's Jungle Cruise (which at one time was an exact clone of Florida's) which will be utilized not just during the October season, but year-round... Albeit, the music won't always be so darn creepy...
Ride Specifics
The installation of the Halloween overlay should be very quick and simple. Most effects can simply be turned off when not in overlay mode.
Timeline
2 to 3 weeks down for refurb and Halloween overlay preparation.
September to October for the Halloween overlay.
Another 1 to 2 weeks down Holiday overlay preparation.
November to January For Holiday.
1 to 2 weeks down to remove overlay and back to normal Jungle Cruise.
Boats
There are 15 vehicles, with a maximum of 10 in operation at any given time. All boats currently in circulation have been renamed for the Halloween overlay.
Apparition Annie
Batty Bertha
Cobweb Connie
Ghastly Gertie
Eerie Irma
Macabre Millie
Nightmare Nellie
Evil Eye Ida
RIP Ruby
Spooky Sadie
Scared Sal
Lycanthrope Lolly
Voodoo Val
Witchy Wanda
Zombie Zelda
Queue
Heading to the entrance of the Jungle Cruise, the cheerful 1930’s Big Band era music has been replaced with a creepier version sounding as if an old gramophone were still struggling to play. The attraction’s sign looks to be unchanged at first glance, but slowly the word TERROR appears in wacky font and then fades away.
Entering into the queue, soft strains of Cab Calloway's "Minnie the Moocher" and "St. James Infirmary" take the place of the comic narration. Guests winding their way to the dock are greeting with several news broadcasts concerning missing boats and other supernatural occurrences along the rivers. Guests are advised to keep a good head on their shoulders or they may very well lose it. Several skippers out in the jungle interrupt Albert Awol’s broadcasts with radio transmissions with increasingly urgent warnings about the danger ahead. Mixed in with the previous gear and jungle treasures are a series of grainy photos and crude drawings of strange creatures and glowing eyes reported to be seen along the river’s edge. A map of where the missing boats might have gone missing is the last the guests see before they head onto the boats.
Boat Loading
The skipper greets the guests as normal putting the guests somewhat at ease about the potential dangers ahead. He/she is standing in the front of the boat, one hand on the wheel, one hand holding the microphone. The skipper talks as the guest
Skipper: “Please listen to the boat loaders. They used to work in a sardine factory until they got canned. They didn't mind too much though- they worked for scale.”
“I want to direct your attention to my house across the river. I live in the basement. I have a water bed. On the porch is my girlfriend, Annette (a net). She’s quite a catch.”
“Come all the way to the front- up by me. There's no truth to the rumor that you’ll survive riding in the back.”
“A couple of more people and we’ll be under water.. heh heh.. I mean underway. Sorry, I didn’t mean to give away the ending.”
“Some of you might want to come up and sit on our sacrificial altar (pointing to the center cushion). We like to balance out the boat so when we sink, we go down evenly.”
Pulling away from the dock
Skipper (in a dark foreboding voice: “Your cadaverous pallor betrays an aura of foreboding, almost as though you sense a disquieting metamorphosis. Is this boat actually leaving the dock? Or is it your imagination? And consider this dismaying observation: this boat is completely surrounded with water, and I'm you skipper. Which offers you this chilling challenge: to find a way out! Of course you could always swim away!!! (flash lights on and off and make the sound of thunder at night) Better turn and take one last look at the dock- you may never see it again!”
Skipper (cheerful again): “Hello, everyone. I'd like to welcome you aboard the world-famous Jungle Cruise. My name is (looks down at the cast member name tag)
name and I'll be your skipper - unless we run into trouble- in which case your new captain will be taking over. (Looking at nearby guest)... What did you say your name was?”
Skipper: “And don’t be surprised if we do run into trouble out there. There’s been a rash of missing boats and strange sightings. But not to worry, those weren’t my boats. Although I would feel a lot safer if I had a protective jungle medallion, but they are very hard to come by.”
“And not to worry folks, I get paid for the number of people I take out... not the number I bring back! So if it's crowded now... there'll be lots of room on the way back.”
Butterflies
Skipper: “Over here is a rare species of giant butterfly. It’s genus name is Platicus Mechanicus.”
On the opposite bank, the lone skull on a pike lowers it’s jaw bone. It’s eyes light up in a brilliant shade of red. The skipper doesn’t seem to notice.
Inspiration Falls
Skipper: “And over here, look at this! Isn't that beautiful. It's Inspiration Falls. We call it Inspiration Falls because it inspires sensible people to go further into the jungle. Everyone say 'ooh,'. (Wait for guests to replay. Meanwhile the boat is drifting around the to the other side. “Say 'ahhAAHHHH! What is that thing?!”
The skipper points to the shore next to the falls. Along the shore is La Sachamama, a giant snake like creature that seems to have plants growing out of it. In the giant snake's coils, the skeleton of a skipper in tattered-khaki, complete with a near-destroyed CM nametag is seen.
Skipper: “And I’m suddenly inspired to leave this immediate area.” The boat speeds around the bend. “Did you see that skeleton, I shouldn't do any ribbing on this guy, his humor is dead. Let him rest in peace.”
Pygmies
The drums have been replaced by a more ethereal native chant and an eerie drum beat.
Skipper: Hear those drums...that's a native chant...tis very...enchanting.
Skipper: “We're on the Congo river now in Africa and there's a Pygmy party just up ahead.”
The drums have been replaced by a more ethereal native chant and an eerie drum beat.
Skipper: “Hear those drums...that's a native chant...tis very...enchanting.”
As the boat nears the party, several skeletons are lying on the beach. No one else is seen.
Skipper: “Look like a pretty dead party.” The skulls on the pikes all simultaneously lower their jaws and light up their eyes. The skipper makes increasingly nervous noises.
The boat heads away from the camp.
Skipper:“What could have scared the pygmies off? Keep your eyes peeled for..”
The skipper screams and points to the other side where the mokèlé-mbèmbé is nearly submerged in the river. The wreckage of a jungle cruise boat is floating nearby.
Skipper (briefly getting over his fear): "This creature is a territorial herbivore, which means it doesn't eat meat...so you're safe...probably something you've never herb before."
The boat heads away towards the camp.
Camp
Skipper” You know, a lot of safaris camp around this area. Hmm.... that could be one up ahead.” As the boat gets nearer, the silhouette of a man is seen battle a huge Venus flytrap behind the closed off tent. Several vines have slithered out from the tent, wrapping themselves around the gear and the jeep.
Skipper: “Um..nevermind. On an unrelated note, please watch out for these carnivorous vines (pointing). Last week, one of them reached into the back of the boat and pulled a woman right out. It was awful! And just before she disappeared, she was feeling just vine. (Pointing) In fact she was sitting right where that (lady/man/girl/boy) in (color) is sitting!”
Nile River
Skiper (quickly): “Moving on! We’ve now turned down the Nile River and if you don’t believe that you must be in denial.”
The bushes leading toward the elephants rustle and move, as if something is stalking the boat. When the boats reach the elephants have pure-red eyes and make rather fearsome "battle cries."
Skipper (nervously): “The jungle spirits appear to have overthrown the area...the elephants seem possessed, and they are wearing their trunks!”
The boat continues forward quickly before the elephants can attack.
Skipper: “Don’t worry folks; we’re safe. On the right here are some fascinating rock formations. These rocks you see in the river are sandstone, but some people take it for granite.” The skipper waits for laughs, but shouts in alarm when a fearful growling echoes around the rocks.
Skipper (laughing nervously): “Oh, c’mon! It wasn’t that bad!” The growling continues.
African Veldt
Skipper (relieved): “Now we’ve come to the African Veldt, home to lions, giraffes, Zebras, and those random Florida ducks. On top of the hill is a 1983 Impala. Just for your information, all of the animals here on the veldt are real, but their feet have been bolted to the ground for your safety.” The sound of birds and crickets fill a moment of silence.
Skipper: “Out of the danger and into a quiet and tranquil place.”
*crickets*
Skipper: “Let's all sing like the birdies sing...oh sorry, wrong ride.”
Trapped Safari (Rhino):
The skipper’s relief is short lived. Around the rocks (replacing the rhino) is a ferocious dog-like creature with long pointed ears and a forked tail. This is Set, the creature that has been stalking the boat.
Skipper: “Uh-oh... look! That safari's in a tight spot there. Hey! I know that guy on the bottom, his names Juan. And it looks like that creature is going to get a hole in Juan. Nothing to be concerned about. I wouldn't get too close, though. Bottoms up, fellows!”
Crocodiles
The same, growling noises and shaking brush follows the boat. The skipper nervously peers around tyring to find the beast. A hissing sound comes from the shore. The skipper looks over with a shriek, but only sees two crocodiles.
Skipper: “Whew! Now there's a croc with a snappy personality! We have trained them to stay perfectly still so you can take better pictures. But please keep all hands in the boat. They’re always looking for a handout.”
Schweitzer Falls
Skipper: “Ahead is beautiful Schweitzer Falls, and I (wheel appears to jam and skipper tries to free) Oh no! Oh, no we’re not going to make the turn, everyone lean in, lean in everyone. Oh, no the icy grip of death is upon…oh, we made it. I see the fella back there barely moved a muscle. Probably paralyzed with fear. Scared stiff.”
Crashed plane
Skipper: “I don’t know if I can take any more of this.” The boat approaches the crashed plane where the Set creature is crouched on top of the wreckage, ready to pounce. “Oh, no!” The skipper accelerates quickly away.
Hippos
The blanket of fog obscures the water, causing the skipper to immediately slow the boat.
Skipper (nervously): How many of you are willing to go on? (Show of hands) How many of you want to turn back? How many of you are apathetic about the situations? I can't see anything...There's so much fog...oh but I see I hippo...I guess that makes me a hippo-crit.”
Skipper: “They like to sink my boats. If we start sinking, we'll have to lighten our load. (Turns to guest) You folks over there want to get your belongings together? You may be leaving us shortly.”
Before the last Hippo submerges, he blows some water from his nostrils, appearing to sneeze.
Headhunters
The boat cruises passed the hippos safely, but runs into a party of headhunters. “We are now entering the most dangerous part of our journey...hold onto your kids...they are good shields..” Epic drumming and chanting can be heard ahead.
Skipper: “Hang on to your heads...there’s hunters out here. And who knows what their after...but soon it'll come to a head.”
A shrine to the Set creature is an ominous omen for the boat. The dancing headhunters carry shields with Set’s image painted across them. A group of previous explorers are tied to half-submerged tree trunks in the water.
Skipper: “Over there are the remains of my last crew. You can tell they had a good time. Look, they are still smiling! Hey guys, how’s it swimming?” (Skipper pauses) “Hm, I guess (in best imitation of the Pirates of the Caribbean) DEAD MEN TELL NO TALES.”
Skipper: “Let me see is I can translate this chanting.” The boat is almost passed the village. “Glory to Set… kill unfunny boat person. Uh-oh”
Headhunter Attack (as part of the refurb the native no longer throw spears, but blow poison darts)
Skipper: “Oh look out! Look out! We're being attacked! Get down get down get down! And don't worry about looking stupid, I'm doing that for you.” The natives attack with poison darts. The dart-blowers blast smoke and the water splashes upward when "hit."
Skipper (once the attack is over): “Sir in the (middle/back)- that was very clever the way you hid behind your (child / wife / that lady... do you know her?) Let's dart past this...guess the head hunters have taken it up a notch...guess we are entering the true...smoke on the water.”
Skipper” Right up ahead, is a safe place to take a break. It’s really fantastic, practically the 8th wonder of the world!” The boat sails around behind a waterfall. “It’s the backside of water!”
Mekong temple
Skipper: “It looks like we made it safely out of the Nile into the Mekong. We should be okay now…” Up ahead is a temple that looks close to collapsing.
Two destroyed jungle cruise boats are half sunk near the entrance, The name of one of the destroyed boats is just visible: Killer Kate.
Skipper: “Oh no. I don’t recognize this place. What do you guys think? Should we go in?” (Pause for response). That’s great because I can’t turn this boat around anyways.
The boat starts forward slowly.
Skipper: “There’s no telling what we’ll find on the other side.” (Eyes wide and in an enthusiastic voice) “I hope it’s a gift shop. But knowing are luck it’s probably some man eating creature. Keep your eyes wide open because I’ll be keeping mine shut.”
The cruises forward into the temple, slowly and cautiously.
River Naga (replaces the tiger)
Near the entrance we see the naga. The lower portion of it's body looks like it's in the water rising to go through the hole and the head moving back and forth. It's roar follows the guests through the temple. The boat continues into the temple passing treasure and venomous serpents.
On right side: giant snake has a person wrapped in it's coils.
Skipper: “But don't worry folks. He's friendly. He might even get a crush on you. But you don’t want to get wrapped up in that. Ah, let's snake out of here...”
Leaving Temple
One loud roar from the naga, and it sounds like the temple is coming down on us. Plumes of water shoot up as if pieces of the temple are falling off.
Elephant bathing pool
Skipper: Okay, did everyone make it? Raise your hand if you’re not here.”
Heading into the elephant pool.
Skipper: “It looks like a whole herd has come down to bathe! Don't scare them now... of course, the big shot gets the private shower... but I kind of like the little squirts myself.”
Skipper: “As we leave the elephant pool, I would just like to say that I’m sorry about all of those strange.. look out. It’s coming back!” An elephant rises out of the water.
Skipper: “Oh it’s just an elephant. I thought it was… look out in back!” The head of the river naga rises out of the water as if to get in one last attack.
Trader Sam
Skipper: There's old Trader Sam, head salesman of the area. Hey, Sam! It looks like you cornered the market on those protective medaliions.”
Sam is seen wearing several strands and has many more overflowing around him.
Skipper: “It looks like he wanted to get a head in the market. Hey, Sam, how much? Oh..half off. Maybe I’ll come out ahead.”
Return to Civilization
We turn around another bend, and heads toward the dock.
Skipper: ”Okay, here come the really scary part, my attempt to dock this boat. I certainly hope you've enjoyed our cruise. However, if your in-laws are still with you, you've missed a golden opportunity. However, bring them back later tonight for our "in-law" special... halfway for half fare, no questions asked.
Skipper: “Once we get to the dock, please exit to the right. If you’re shoes start to fill up with water… please climb back into the boat and try again. That was the wrong side.”
Skipper: If you had a good time, my name is ___ and this has been the world famous Jungle Cruise. And if you didn’t... well, my name is ___ and this has been the Haunted Mansion.
Skipper: “Truly you have been a great group, I might even venture to say outstanding. Once the boat comes to a complete stop, I’m going to need everyone here out standing on the docks.
The boat pulls up to the dock.
Skipper: “I enjoyed having you... hope you enjoyed being had. But hey, we've laughed and we've cried. We've almost died! I love you like family. Now get out! I'm sorry, that was rude. Please get out. “
Guests start exiting the boat.
Skipper: “Please exit the boat the same way you entered... pushing and shoving.”
Skipper: “That’s it. It’s over. You can run away screaming now.”
In conclusion, The Jungle Terror Cruise promises to bring WDW up to par in its ongoing rivalry with Universal Parks & Resorts just down the highway. Perhaps this exotic fright fest may or may not be the beginning to a new beginning in Halloween amenities at the
Man, I love Walt's Vault! It's like a box of chocolates; you'll never know what you're going to get. Congratulations, D!
