Agreed. I will say, as a female, nice girls aren't going to want to hurt your feelings, even if she's not interested. And often, we have to learn the hard way that a lot of boys don't do "subtle". I ended up engaged to a guy who I never even wanted to date because he never actually asked me out...he just assumed that because he liked me and expressed an interest that I was on board. He told me that he didn't like my boyfriend and didn't think he treated me well and I could do better. I asked him who was better than my boyfriend (I was totally in love with my boyfriend) and he said I could have him. Not wanting to hurt him by telling him he was in no way better than the man I loved, I tried to be diplomatic by saying "I'm flattered", but not actually saying I wasn't interested. Big mistake. He took it to mean "Yay! I'd love to dump my boyfriend and be with you!"
A couple of months later, I was looking at his class ring...we had just started college. He told me to wear it and I once again tried to be diplomatic and told him it was too big and I didn't want to lose it. He insisted I should wear it so everyone could see I was his girl. I tried to give it back, insisting even on my thumb it was just too big. But I had a necklace that I wore every day, so he told me to hang it on that. I didn't see how I could give it back without hurting his feelings, so I put it on and he was so happy....then told me that was a promise for another ring to come. Though he never actually asked me to marry him and I never said I wanted to, he considered us engaged from that moment on and I was a coward and didn't want to hurt him. I thought he'd figure it out over time that he had made a mistake....we had only been "dating" for like 2 months when he gave me the class ring. We were only 18, freshmen in college, and barely knew each other. I thought he'd just never officially propose and we would fizzle out....then the next day he said something like "I can't believe we're engaged!!" and I was in shock...he'd insisted I wear the class ring before he had said anything about marriage even though I was reluctant to accept it, and he never gave me a chance to say yes or no. I hadn't realized he considered that a binding agreement. In hindsight, I should have given the ring back immediately and told him things were moving way too fast and I really wasn't ready for that, but I still thought once he got to know me, he'd realize we weren't a good fit.
He was a good friend, and I just didn't want to hurt him and he was always saying that nice guys always finished last, and how girls only ever wanted guys who treated them like crap and weren't interested in someone like him. I didn't want to be just like all the other girls, and I didn't want to break his heart, so I went along with it hoping I'd grow to love him in a more romantic way eventually. I felt trapped. I either had to break his heart or live a lie and as I was very insecure, I thought it was better to have someone who loved me even if I didn't feel the same way than have no one at all. I chose wrong. But I learned, you can't be subtle. Sometimes you have to rip off the bandaid...it might hurt in the moment, but it's better in the long run. And I'd advise men to make sure that what they hear as a yes is in fact what she means as a yes!
