Traveling with toddler and "must be in control" spouse

[danpam1024]

So if the Grandparents get excluded...what do they do for dinner? A hot dog at Cassy's? How would they feel when they thought that they were part of the family and now are told...no you're on your own. I think, at this point, to decide that "he doesn't want to have every meal with them" is self involved, uncaring and downright insulting.

He had his chance for input, decided it wasn't needed and now wants to take control. NO! This is not acceptable or respectful to the other people involved with this trip. Maybe, it's because I am an Grandparent and have been on numerous trips with my kids families, but, I know that I would be hurt and angry if 1) I was excluded like an old shoe and made to feel that I was not a part of the family and (2) as someone else mentioned, if I were brought along to "babysit" I might even go ballistic.

I'm sorry, this post isn't my usual cherub like demeanor, but, I guess it struck a nerve. Grandparents are people too. If they are miserable to get along with, then don't invite them along to begin with. It will save a lot of hurt all around.

My advise is just tell him it's too late to change now, live with it. Maybe next time he'll have some input early on, when it can be done.

My DS is only (almost) 11 and DH is ALREADY talking about when we take our grand kids to Disney! He wants to take the grand kids and ditch my son LOL! I think people are very lucky to have extended family (we do not) and should appreciate that they WANT to spend their vacation with you.

 

[Disney memories]

There are times I realize I never married. When I read your post, I knew why. If I ended up with someone like your husband, I wouldn't be spending 1 - 2 weeks at Disney a year, I'd be looking at 10 - 20 at Sing-sing prison.

There are two problems I have with his attitude. First - and most important - how friggin' dare he to say you should lop off YOUR parents and cast them adrift because he doesn't want to have dinner with them? If it were his parents, would he say the same thing? That is beyond rude, and you MUST stand your ground and not let your parents be treated this way. Unless your parents want an early night, or volunteer to give you and hub a date night, the plans stand.

Second - after planning, deciding, booking, revising, finalizing...NOW he decides he wants input? Nope, sorry, thanks for playing. What you could do in the effort to compromise is ask your parents if they would take your son back to the hotel a few times - that gives you a chance and Prince Alarming to spend time with you. See how your son reacts - but make sure you get him plenty of rest. I have seen too many vacations tarnished because parents pushed the kids way past their limits and the results are kids out of sync and parents out of thier mind. A pool afternoon and a nap everyday would do wonders to help him along....and the pool time is a great time for the family to unwind and then go back to the parks when everyone feels they are at their best. If you feel your son can go further, try it, but be ready to bail when he hits that wall. Go with the flow and don't be disappointed if everything you planned doesn't work out.

Look at it this way, when you go down to Disney with your new husband in a few years, you will train this one better.

Oh my gosh--- I have never laughed so hard. Will you be my new best friend? Seriously? . Anyway, thanks for making me feel a little less frustrated and for giving me a huge smile! So funny!

 

[Goofyernmost]

@Goofyernmost... I totally get what you are saying and the OP's husband should have made his wishes known earlier but at the same time maybe he hoped he'd get a little just individual family time? Ive never met anyone who doesnt need a little away time from their in-laws. Sorry, it's just never ever happened. I don't think it is unreasonable to ask for one meal alone Though his expectation that all meals be without her parents is not reasonable.

I absolutely understand that, but this is not the time to express it. It is also different if each group is planning and doing there own setup and would then agree to meet for certain meals but not necessarily all. In this case, as far as I understand it, this is a group trip. As such, it is done as a unit and planned as a unit. All I can think of is if you and your spouse have 4 kids traveling with you and you decide that you would rather not have to do everything with a couple of the kids. Where does that leave them. This is not the same as group trip planning. It might work out anyway as they might decide to spend time alone and ask for that, but, that is not a rejection based request. The ones left out are the ones that would be initiating that situation.

I've had two such situations that are comparable. I once organized and paid for a total family trip to WDW. There were 11 of us on that trip. We all stayed in one 6 bedroom villa. We had three cars available. It was clear at the planning sessions we had (4 of them) that if someone wanted to eat in or go to a different restaurant then others there would be no problem, otherwise we would do it as a group. Again advanced planning on that point along with the fact the reservations were not necessary, made that work out.

If, when I went along with my daughters on a different trip, I was considered part of the solid family unit. I would have been very hurt if I was told that my company was not wanted or appreciated. What would I do while they were out having dinner? How would I feel about being excluded? I can tell you the answer to the last one. I would be extremely hurt, I would be extremely upset and I would never, ever, ever go with them anyplace again. I want to be a part of my family, not a fifth wheel to be discarded as an unnecessary part or something to get away from "for a break". If I must be gotten away from, then don't ask me to go to start with.

 

[Disney memories]

Would it be reasonable to ask your parents if there could be one meal for just you and your husband? I am sure there are ways you could "make that up to them." They could get some fun alone time with your baby boy and maybe you could call up the and have flowers or a fun Disney basket sent to their room? Or is there something they like to do?

@Goofyernmost... I totally get what you are saying and the OP's husband should have made his wishes known earlier but at the same time maybe he hoped he'd get a little just individual family time? Ive never met anyone who doesnt need a little away time from their in-laws. Sorry, it's just never ever happened. I don't think it is unreasonable to ask for one meal alone Though his expectation that all meals be without her parents is not reasonable.

My parents actually have offered and I have planned on going to DTD or other parks with my husband alone. His big issue is that we are spending to many dinners with them-- even though I booked the reservations six months ago (he just now tells me)....

 

[bubbles1812]

My parents actually have offered and I have planned on going to DTD or other parks with my husband alone. His big issue is that we are spending to many dinners with them-- even though I booked the reservations six months ago (he just now tells me)....

Gotcha. If your parents are already planning on letting you and husband have alone time then by all means, tell him to stick his complaints where the sun don't shine.