Traveling with toddler and "must be in control" spouse

[Disney memories]

Hi all- So, with two weeks left to go before our trip, my DH finally decides to look at the plans I have set for our trip (he never cared before- said it was up to me). We have a 2 and a half year old who, realistically, will miss his normal bed time and will not want to nap (he is going to see Mickey and his grandparents on this trip - to much excitement!). My DH is set on keeping his normal schedule no matter what. This is a little unrealistic, right? I mean, we are on vacation, right? I personally don't care if my DS goes to bed a few hours late- we are on Disney time!
To make the planning process more stressful, my DH has now decided he wants to go to dinner without the grandparents. After all of the ADR planning and calls, he now thinks we should change the schedule- with two weeks before we leave.

I guess what I am writing about is.... Does anyone else have family members that make the planning process so difficult? How do I explain to my DH that it might be too late to change our reservations now and that we should go with the flow with our son?? Ugh. Stressed!

 

[RandomPrincess]

Every family vacations different and whenever you add more people things get crazier.

We took our DD at 2.5 and we did skip naps because she just couldn't calm down. However as the week went on our days got shorter and shorter. she couldn't handle being up every day 12 hours. To avoid meltdowns we were in the hotel room early by 6:00 pm the last 3 nights. Maybe you will be lucky and have a kid who will nap in their stroller.

Some families go with the flow some stick to theri home schedule it all depends on what works for you and your family.

As for ADRs I would explain that it may be impossible to rebook but you will look into it. See if you can change a couple. He may have realized he doesn't want to be they the grandparents 24/7 on vacation. after all it is supposed to be fun for everyone.

 

[Disney memories]

Every family vacations different and whenever you add more people things get crazier.

We took our DD at 2.5 and we did skip naps because she just couldn't calm down. However as the week went on our days got shorter and shorter. she couldn't handle being up every day 12 hours. To avoid meltdowns we were in the hotel room early by 6:00 pm the last 3 nights. Maybe you will be lucky and have a kid who will nap in their stroller.

Some families go with the flow some stick to theri home schedule it all depends on what works for you and your family.

As for ADRs I would explain that it may be impossible to rebook but you will look into it. See if you can change a couple. He may have realized he doesn't want to be they the grandparents 24/7 on vacation. after all it is supposed to be fun for everyone.

Thanks for the advice I am sure that he doesn't want to be around the grandparents the whole trip... I guess I am just frustrated that he took this long to tell me to change the reservations . As far as sleep time goes, I am more go with the flow - he is more rigid. Hope that he can relax

 

[Raven66]

I would handle this way different. I would tell him that you had your chance for input and you told me to take care of it all so guess what sweetheart you are out of luck. Of course I would say it with sweetness and love in my voice.

 

[Skofo]

We actually just got back from two weeks in Orlando with our 2.5 year old. I was worried beforehand that he wouldn't sleep in his stroller, but he was actually fine. There was only one day that he didn't nap, so we gave up early that day and went home at 2-3pm. Generally, if we were staying out late for fireworks, we would get to the park early afternoon so that he could nap at home first. He didn't have any problems staying up late, and he really did love them so I'm glad he didn't miss out. He did get a little bit out of his bedtime routine, but it really didn't matter all that much. If anything it meant that he slept in a little later in the morning!

It does seem unreasonable to expect you to change all of your plans at this point. We were also there with my parents, and it was good to have them there, not just for dinner, but also at the parks. It meant that we cold run off to rides like Splash or Space Mountain, and they looked after our son for a morning while we ran around our favourite rides at Universal.

Could you just leave your reservations in place and try to get him to go along with it when you're there, or is he completely set that the plans have to change?

 

[Disney memories]

I would handle this way different. I would tell him that you had your chance for input and you told me to take care of it all so guess what sweetheart you are out of luck. Of course I would say it with sweetness and love in my voice.

I like this way of handling it as well. I kind of already did that, but feel some guilt now that he won't be able to have/do some of the things that he was imagining... But, as you said, he had his chance

 

[Disney memories]

We actually just got back from two weeks in Orlando with our 2.5 year old. I was worried beforehand that he wouldn't sleep in his stroller, but he was actually fine. There was only one day that he didn't nap, so we gave up early that day and went home at 2-3pm. Generally, if we were staying out late for fireworks, we would get to the park early afternoon so that he could nap at home first. He didn't have any problems staying up late, and he really did love them so I'm glad he didn't miss out. He did get a little bit out of his bedtime routine, but it really didn't matter all that much. If anything it meant that he slept in a little later in the morning!

It does seem unreasonable to expect you to change all of your plans at this point. We were also there with my parents, and it was good to have them there, not just for dinner, but also at the parks. It meant that we cold run off to rides like Splash or Space Mountain, and they looked after our son for a morning while we ran around our favourite rides at Universal.

Could you just leave your reservations in place and try to get him to go along with it when you're there, or is he completely set that the plans have to change?

Totally agree! I know my parents will probably drive him crazy in some ways, but in the end it will be fun for my son and a great benefit when it comes to rides having them there. I think he is ok to go with the plans, he just grumbles now that it wasn't what he was thinking it would be. I just want to say.... Take a deep breath and have some fun!!!

 

[Kristamouse]

We have 4 children and one due in late September. All have gone to WDW at every age and true a toddler can be tough. We did a little of both, keeping a home schedual and seeing where the day took us. My guess would be that one day, at least, you all will need an afternoon nap. My kids nap better in the stroller with a blanket or towel blocking out the park and a stroller fan keeping them cool. We have also had luck with naps on the railroad, you can ride around a few times and a least cool off, decompress and sit! I think the trick with my toddlers to calm down was the decompressing. Find quite place with little visual stimulation, like the rail road, TTA, UofE, any movie in EPCOT the paths in AK. DHS was tough, to be honest, I like to nap on DHS days at the hotel.
As for family changing plans...ugg...let them try to book the dining 2 weeks out! My in laws only wanted 2 park days and then watched the park channel in the resort and wanted to do everything! I was irritated with thier sudden interest when the previous months they had no ideas/feedback/options. Anyway it was fine, they loved WDW and we had a great time.
DH is fine leaving it all to me...until we are driving down and he has all these restaurant opinions. Then I tell him to book them

 

[Weather_Lady]

You may be surprised how ready your toddler is for a nap -- and how ready YOU are for a nap -- by the second day of your vacation! All four of us (me, DH, and the kids, 4 and 6) took a solid 2-hour nap every single day, and it really kept us going. If your schedule and ADRs allow it, I'd still try to get in some nap time. If not, it's a little late for your DH to try and "help" with the planning now! Perhaps you could assign him some other task that will help him feel like he's in control of something -- confirming airline reservations or making packing lists for himself and your toddler -- and keep him distracted from trying to interfere with the scheduling aspect of your vacation.

Edit: On first reading, I missed the OP's comment about DH not wanting to eat with the grandparents. Unless the grandparents themselves are asking for some "couple time" away from your family, that's an insensitive suggestion for your DH to be making. If there is ANYTHING you all should do together, IMO, it is eat. This way, everyone can go at their own pace during the day, separating and going off in different directions when tastes or energy levels dictate, all with the knowledge that you'll be gathering again at dinnertime to share accounts of your day, and regroup.

 

[SAV]

Compromise. It is HIS vacation too. I mean a plan is just that...a plan. Not a set in stone path to glory. Nothing ever goes exactly to plan.

I'd try to give him the one dinner with out the GP's since that wouldn't be too much of a change. You're just lopping off 2 people, no biggie. But then explain about all of the time and trouble it would be to come and go for naps to try and keep a regular schedule. It is vacation and you are right that they probably will not be on their regular schedule, not to mention if you are changing time zones when you arrive. That throws things off too.

We tour commando and the kids just slept in the stroller. Our only mistake was the one night we stayed way too late and paid for it with a crying kid the whole way back to the resort and a couple of hours at the resort. He just wouldn't snap out of it. So we adjusted and left a little bit earlier the rest of the days and there wasn't a problem.

 

[Master Yoda]

The person that will be setting the schedule will be your child. If they need a nap and to be in bed by 9, then that is what you need to do. If you push your child past his/her limits they will snap and make everyone around you miserable.

 

[Goofyernmost]

So if the Grandparents get excluded...what do they do for dinner? A hot dog at Cassy's? How would they feel when they thought that they were part of the family and now are told...no you're on your own. I think, at this point, to decide that "he doesn't want to have every meal with them" is self involved, uncaring and downright insulting.

He had his chance for input, decided it wasn't needed and now wants to take control. NO! This is not acceptable or respectful to the other people involved with this trip. Maybe, it's because I am an Grandparent and have been on numerous trips with my kids families, but, I know that I would be hurt and angry if 1) I was excluded like an old shoe and made to feel that I was not a part of the family and (2) as someone else mentioned, if I were brought along to "babysit" I might even go ballistic.

I'm sorry, this post isn't my usual cherub like demeanor, but, I guess it struck a nerve. Grandparents are people too. If they are miserable to get along with, then don't invite them along to begin with. It will save a lot of hurt all around.

My advise is just tell him it's too late to change now, live with it. Maybe next time he'll have some input early on, when it can be done.

 

[bethymouse]

IMO it's not worth stressing over. Go to Disney, and have a good time. Maybe don't schedule things, just go w/ the flow. I know it's hard because you want to do everything! I've been there ( w/ grandparents too). Just cherish those memories!

 

[Disney memories]

You may be surprised how ready your toddler is for a nap -- and how ready YOU are for a nap -- by the second day of your vacation! All four of us (me, DH, and the kids, 4 and 6) took a solid 2-hour nap every single day, and it really kept us going. If your schedule and ADRs allow it, I'd still try to get in some nap time. If not, it's a little late for your DH to try and "help" with the planning now! Perhaps you could assign him some other task that will help him feel like he's in control of something -- confirming airline reservations or making packing lists for himself and your toddler -- and keep him distracted from trying to interfere with the scheduling aspect of your vacation.

Edit: On first reading, I missed the OP's comment about DH not wanting to eat with the grandparents. Unless the grandparents themselves are asking for some "couple time" away from your family, that's an insensitive suggestion for your DH to be making. If there is ANYTHING you all should do together, IMO, it is eat. This way, everyone can go at their own pace during the day, separating and going off in different directions when tastes or energy levels dictate, all with the knowledge that you'll be gathering again at dinnertime to share accounts of your day, and regroup.

Completely agree with this. I am excited to eat dinner with the whole family!

 

[Disney memories]

So if the Grandparents get excluded...what do they do for dinner? A hot dog at Cassy's? How would they feel when they thought that they were part of the family and now are told...no you're on your own. I think, at this point, to decide that "he doesn't want to have every meal with them" is self involved, uncaring and downright insulting.

He had his chance for input, decided it wasn't needed and now wants to take control. NO! This is not acceptable or respectful to the other people involved with this trip. Maybe, it's because I am an Grandparent and have been on numerous trips with my kids families, but, I know that I would be hurt and angry if 1) I was excluded like an old shoe and made to feel that I was not a part of the family and (2) as someone else mentioned, if I were brought along to "babysit" I might even go ballistic.

I'm sorry, this post isn't my usual cherub like demeanor, but, I guess it struck a nerve. Grandparents are people too. If they are miserable to get along with, then don't invite them along to begin with. It will save a lot of hurt all around.

My advise is just tell him it's too late to change now, live with it. Maybe next time he'll have some input early on, when it can be done.

Love your response! That is how I felt - my parents and I have been discussing this trip for the past 4 months or so. Now to change things because he all of a sudden wants to get involved is not cool at all. My parents made me the Disney lover that I am and I am extremely grateful for it we will not be excluding them, that is for sure!

 

[jmorri26]

Read this first: You will still have fun. No matter the bumps along the way, you will have a great trip.

That said, I hear ya. It's not easy. I'm Disney Warrior, blowing through at breakneck speed, must ride everything, booked ADRs, everything planned and good to go. My parents did Disney that way, so do I now. Well, last trip I had my mom in a scooter, my infant son, my husband who melts in heat and a gaggle of family. We still had fun, but I learned to slow down and roll with the punches. My husband got very controlling of our son that he was always too hot or too tired or many things. He was constantly short tempered rushing into shops to cool off. I dealt with it, kept assuring him we were ok, tried to buy him a mister fan and we kept on. He didn't like many ADRs but he didnt help plan when I offered, so he had little room to disagree. You may be surprised by the naps/sleep for your little one. They hit a wall and just...need to sleep. In the stroller, the monorail, bed, whatever. Ours was much younger, but we'd truck on with him sleeping.
I'd say be persistent- if you planned this all, you get to run this show. That's my feeling if theres members of your party trying to break up plans laid out long in advance. Put your foot down or better yet, ignore it and go on about your trip. Theyll follow and theyll all have a great time in the end.

 

[danpam1024]

Thanks for the advice I am sure that he doesn't want to be around the grandparents the whole trip... I guess I am just frustrated that he took this long to tell me to change the reservations . As far as sleep time goes, I am more go with the flow - he is more rigid. Hope that he can relax

Men . Tell him HE can plan the next trip LOL!

 

[Spikerdink]

I guess what I am writing about is.... Does anyone else have family members that make the planning process so difficult? How do I explain to my DH that it might be too late to change our reservations now and that we should go with the flow with our son?? Ugh. Stressed!

There are times I realize I never married. When I read your post, I knew why. If I ended up with someone like your husband, I wouldn't be spending 1 - 2 weeks at Disney a year, I'd be looking at 10 - 20 at Sing-sing prison.

There are two problems I have with his attitude. First - and most important - how friggin' dare he to say you should lop off YOUR parents and cast them adrift because he doesn't want to have dinner with them? If it were his parents, would he say the same thing? That is beyond rude, and you MUST stand your ground and not let your parents be treated this way. Unless your parents want an early night, or volunteer to give you and hub a date night, the plans stand.

Second - after planning, deciding, booking, revising, finalizing...NOW he decides he wants input? Nope, sorry, thanks for playing. What you could do in the effort to compromise is ask your parents if they would take your son back to the hotel a few times - that gives you a chance and Prince Alarming to spend time with you. See how your son reacts - but make sure you get him plenty of rest. I have seen too many vacations tarnished because parents pushed the kids way past their limits and the results are kids out of sync and parents out of thier mind. A pool afternoon and a nap everyday would do wonders to help him along....and the pool time is a great time for the family to unwind and then go back to the parks when everyone feels they are at their best. If you feel your son can go further, try it, but be ready to bail when he hits that wall. Go with the flow and don't be disappointed if everything you planned doesn't work out.

Look at it this way, when you go down to Disney with your new husband in a few years, you will train this one better.

 

[danpam1024]

There are times I realize I never married. When I read your post, I knew why. If I ended up with someone like your husband, I wouldn't be spending 1 - 2 weeks at Disney a year, I'd be looking at 10 - 20 at Sing-sing prison.

There are two problems I have with his attitude. First - and most important - how friggin' dare he to say you should lop off YOUR parents and cast them adrift because he doesn't want to have dinner with them? If it were his parents, would he say the same thing? That is beyond rude, and you MUST stand your ground and not let your parents be treated this way. Unless your parents want an early night, or volunteer to give you and hub a date night, the plans stand.

Second - after planning, deciding, booking, revising, finalizing...NOW he decides he wants input? Nope, sorry, thanks for playing. What you could do in the effort to compromise is ask your parents if they would take your son back to the hotel a few times - that gives you a chance and Prince Alarming to spend time with you. See how your son reacts - but make sure you get him plenty of rest. I have seen too many vacations tarnished because parents pushed the kids way past their limits and the results are kids out of sync and parents out of thier mind. A pool afternoon and a nap everyday would do wonders to help him along....and the pool time is a great time for the family to unwind and then go back to the parks when everyone feels they are at their best. If you feel your son can go further, try it, but be ready to bail when he hits that wall. Go with the flow and don't be disappointed if everything you planned doesn't work out.

Look at it this way, when you go down to Disney with your new husband in a few years, you will train this one better.

OMG ROFLOL! Sad but true & I totally agree with you @Spikerdink! I'm glad my hubby enjoys helping me plan then watching me second guess EVERY detail! He just laughs and shakes his head knowing we will have an amazing time no matter what

 

[bubbles1812]

Would it be reasonable to ask your parents if there could be one meal for just you and your husband? I am sure there are ways you could "make that up to them." They could get some fun alone time with your baby boy and maybe you could call up the and have flowers or a fun Disney basket sent to their room? Or is there something they like to do?

@Goofyernmost... I totally get what you are saying and the OP's husband should have made his wishes known earlier but at the same time maybe he hoped he'd get a little just individual family time? Ive never met anyone who doesnt need a little away time from their in-laws. Sorry, it's just never ever happened. I don't think it is unreasonable to ask for one meal alone Though his expectation that all meals be without her parents is not reasonable.