Would you cancel your Disney trip IF your kids were completely ungrateful and disrespectful?
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Thinking About Canceling Our Trip Due to Ungrateful Kids...
- Thread starter VTdisneytravel
- Start date
HRHPrincessAriel
Well-Known Member
Do 5-6 year olds really get being ungrateful? How does an 8 year old get to decide what they are doing?
mcurtiss
Well-Known Member
without knowing your situation, how much support do you get from your spouse re: the 6 & 8 year old? i mean, if it was the two of you planning the trip, if they are still blaming you for favoring the 5yo, it seems like you have more on your plate than a lack of gratitude.
The problem here is this: we have my two step children on the weekends & so they go home to their Mom and then all of a sudden there are issues. So the Mom steps in & states that they don't have to attend things with us. I have no control of the situation. My husband supports me & tries to get the kids to attend, but he has only so much control too.
cbettua
Well-Known Member
It seems like the mother of the children is causing the issues. I really wouldn't blame the children. I think they are caught in a hard place you know?
Is the time split court ordered? Or is it loosey goosey? I ask because if it's his time share he should get them during that time and I wouldn't plan anything unless it is his timeshare.
Will this trip be during the scheduled time share? If not, I would just plan for the 5 year old.
Is the time split court ordered? Or is it loosey goosey? I ask because if it's his time share he should get them during that time and I wouldn't plan anything unless it is his timeshare.
Will this trip be during the scheduled time share? If not, I would just plan for the 5 year old.
Yes we have a court order for visitations. We get them on weekends & she gets them during the week. I usually only schedule things during our time together. HOWEVER, this vacation is booked for 2 weeks in July & its not court order visit, so she could technically say... "No I changed my mind, they can't go".
cbettua
Well-Known Member
That uncertainty would make me be very reserved in booking a vacation that included them.
mcurtiss
Well-Known Member
based on this, I would cancel unless you can get the court to sign off on the vacation....anything to make sure the mom can't pull the rug out from under you.
Thanks guys.
CAPTAIN HOOK
Well-Known Member
Cancel - or at least cut the two step kids out of the trip
Allygator
Well-Known Member
That's definitely the mother's doing! I don't think between the ages of 5 through 8 is much of a difference in activities. I could see if they were preteens or teenagers. It's a no win situation. If you go without them she will be running her mouth how you don't include them in vacation. I would see about getting something in writing that you are to have them for those specific dates. Let the kids all pick out rides they want to do. Let them each pick out a restaurant. Then just ignore their comments. They feel caught in the middle and are probably giving you a hard time because they feel like they don't want to betray their mother. I wonder if something could be added that she is to refund you for the cost of the vacation if she doesn't allow the children to go? I never understood why parents do this. I was thankful for my ex taking my children anywhere. It's an experience for them. Also time for them spend time with their father. Who doesn't want that for their children? Good luck!
Thanks! We want to go and have fun... It's a lot to think about!
Weather_Lady
Well-Known Member
We were having some behavioral issues (constant whining, mostly) with our kids before we took our then-4 and 6-year-olds on their first Disney trip. We had a long talk beforehand and actually had them sign a little contract which set forth the behavior we expected on our vacation, and what the consequences would be if they didn't behave. (For example, everybody gets to select 2 attractions or character meets per day that are their must-dos in our designated park, and we'll try to be sure they're in the touring plan. Nobody whines about anyone else's choices. If you begin whining or complaining about participating in activities chosen by others, you will forfeit your chosen activities for the following day. If bad behavior persists, you will spend the next day confined to our hotel room with a 'Kids Night Out' babysitter.) I meant that, too -- I had the "Kids Night Out" phone number programmed in my phone in case we needed it.
Overall, it worked extremely well. I kept a copy of our little contract with me in case the kids needed reminding, but for the most part, they didn't. We also made sure we were all adequately fed and rested at all times, which made it easier for all of us to make good choices.
I am a child of divorce myself (I was 5 at the time), and I hope you won't blame the kids for how they're acting. I remember feeling tremendous guilt whenever I "dared" to let loose and have a good time with my Dad and stepmother, because I felt like I was betraying my mother. (Candidly, my mother did all she could to bolster those feelings of guilt -- although my parents' divorce had been her choice and my stepmother didn't come into the picture until long after it, Mom was insecure and wanted to cement her status as the favorite parent. She often said things like, "You don't have to do anything that woman wants you to do, because she's not your real mother," or "Be wary of anything she suggests, because she doesn't love you like I do, and will put you in dangerous situations because she hates me and knows that if you get hurt, it will hurt me.")
We visited my Dad and stepmother every other weekend and for one week in the summer, and I have to say that by the second or third day of that annual one-week vacation, my sister and I would start to forget how much we were supposed to "not enjoy ourselves" and would have a wonderful week with them when all was said and done. My advice would be: talk with the kids (and their mother, if she's amenable) beforehand to clarify behavioral expectations, even having the kids help with writing out a list of rules and consequences. Watch the Disney planning video as a family to help the kids understand that WDW isn't just a place for little kids (but expect some backlash or sour grapes if they go excitedly home to Mom and tell her that now they can't wait for the trip). Take them on the trip (and if they attempt to refuse, their father should be the one to remind them that he is in charge and that refusal is not an option), watch for them to let their emotional guard down, be flexible even if they don't, and follow through on the pre-determined consequences if their behavior isn't acceptable. (And be sure their father is committed to backing you every step of the way.)
Being a stepmother is hard: so often you're damned if you do ("you forced them to go on a vacation they didn't want!"), and damned if you don't ("you abandoned them at home to take a vacation without them!"). It took me 25 years to get to the point where I fully understood and sympathized with my stepmother's efforts to develop a relationship with me, when the only asset she had was my father's support... but you know what else I remember? I remember the summer they took us to Disney World when we were 7 and 9, and how much genuine fun we had on that trip, Mom-imposed guilt or no!
I say go for it.*EDIT* - OP, I just read your prior post about this not being part of court-ordered visitation, meaning Mom can pull the plug at any time. (My own situation was different in that our annual vacation with Dad was Court-ordered -- Dad sued Mom to have it added to their agreement after the divorce -- so my mother couldn't stop us from going.) If your husband can't get a written commitment from her that the kids will go, or better yet a court order to that effect, your concerns about money wasted are well-founded. Are you still eligible for vacation insurance that would cover you for the kids' nonrefundable costs if they back out (e.g, "cancel for any reason" insurance)? We've gotten insurance like that before from Travelguard, but you have to get the insurance within something like 15 days of your initial trip deposit...
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ShookieJones
We need time for things to happen.
If I canceled things due to ungrateful kids I wouldn't be doing a d*mn thing.
Anytime my kids act ungrateful I assume it's my fault. I failed them at some point in time during their formative years. Now granted there are a myriad factors why my kids act the way they do, but it definitely grounds me to just assume it's me and move on with a remedy, if that means canceling stuff then do what ya gotta do. For me? I handle it on a situation by situation basis...but like I said If I bailed every time they were ungratefull little sh...angels, I wouldn't go anywhere.
With ALL that being said..Ain't No Way I'm missing a trip to WDW.
Anytime my kids act ungrateful I assume it's my fault. I failed them at some point in time during their formative years. Now granted there are a myriad factors why my kids act the way they do, but it definitely grounds me to just assume it's me and move on with a remedy, if that means canceling stuff then do what ya gotta do. For me? I handle it on a situation by situation basis...but like I said If I bailed every time they were ungratefull little sh...angels, I wouldn't go anywhere.
With ALL that being said..Ain't No Way I'm missing a trip to WDW.
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cbettua
Well-Known Member
We were having some behavioral issues (constant whining, mostly) before we took our then-4 and 6-year-olds on their first Disney trip. We had a long talk beforehand and actually had them sign a little contract which set forth the behavior we expected on our vacation, and what the consequences would be if they didn't behave. (For example, everybody gets to select 2 attractions or character meets per day that are their must-dos in our designated park, and we'll try to be sure they're in the touring plan. Nobody whines about anyone else's choices. If you begin whining or complaining about participating in activities chosen by others, you will forfeit your chosen activities for the following day. If bad behavior persists, you will spend the next day confined to our hotel room with a 'Kids Night Out' babysitter.) I meant that, too -- I had the "Kids Night Out" phone number programmed in my phone in case we needed it.
Overall, it worked extremely well. I kept a copy of our little contract with me in case the kids needed reminding, but for the most part, they didn't. We also made sure we were all adequately fed and rested at all times, which made it easier for all of us to make good choices.
I am a child of divorce myself (I was 5 at the time), and I hope you won't blame the kids for how they're acting. I remember feeling tremendous guilt whenever I "dared" to let loose and have a good time with my Dad and stepmother, because I felt like I was betraying my mother. (Candidly, my mother did all she could to bolster those feelings of guilt -- although my parents' divorce had been her choice and my stepmother didn't come into the picture until long after it, Mom was insecure and wanted to cement her status as the favorite parent. She often said things like, "You don't have to do anything that woman wants you to do, because she's not your real mother," or "Be wary of anything she suggests, because she doesn't love you like I do, and will put you in dangerous situations because she knows that if you get hurt, it will hurt me.")
We visited my Dad and stepmother every other weekend and for one week in the summer, and I have to say that by the second or third day of that one-week vacation, my sister and I would start to forget how much we were supposed to "not enjoy ourselves" and would have a wonderful week when all was said and done. My advice would be: talk with the kids (and their mother, if she's amenable) beforehand to clarify behavioral expectations, even having the kids help with writing out a list of rules and consequences. Watch the Disney planning video as a family to help the kids understand that WDW isn't just a place for little kids (but expect some backlash or sour grapes if they go excitedly home to Mom and tell her that now they can't wait for the trip). Take them on the trip, watch for them to let their emotional guard down, be flexible even if they don't, and follow through on the pre-determined consequences if their behavior isn't acceptable. (And be sure their father is committed to backing you every step of the way.)
Being a stepmother is hard: so often you're damned if you do ("you forced them to go on a vacation they didn't want!"), and damned if you don't ("you abandoned them at home to take a vacation without them!"). It took me 25 years to get to the point where I fully understood and sympathized with my stepmother's efforts to develop a relationship with me, when the only asset she had was my father's support... but you know what else I remember? I remember the summer they took us to Disney World when we were 7 and 9, and how much genuine fun we had on that trip, Mom-imposed guilt or no!
This is such great insight!
I agree, we need to get this into our court order. If we do, then Ithink we will go. If not, then I think im going to go anyways... just maybe having to leave them behind
jimbojones
Well-Known Member
I agree, sounds like biological mom is the issue not the kids. I would perhaps not cancel but would certainly not do a 5k 2 week trip if I thought biomom could pull rug out. Besides if they are in a bratty stage 2 weeks at WDW is going to be less fun than it could be. Do a shorter, lower risk trip.
if you leave them behind mom is most likely going to tell them see you guys care about the 5 year old and do not care about them. which ever you go is going to be a loose for you guys without the court order. it is not the kids it is what they are being told by mom. if they are not being able to come to events on your weekends, I am guessing mom is afraid the kids are going to want to spend more time with you because they get extras at you house all the time because they are at your house so little of the time. been there done that but with stepgrandson
mousehockey37
Well-Known Member
This!!!! If the kids are going to cause issues (or have their mom put those issues in their heads), then I'd just leave their butts behind. Don't punish YOUR kid because the mom of the other 2 is ultimately causing the problems. Get a lawyer, make arrangements that SHE keeps her kids the weekend(s) you're headed to Disney and off the deserving ones go!