GenerationX
Well-Known Member
ANAHEIM, CA (AP) - DISNEY PARKS TO UNDERGO PLANNED DETERIORATION
In a move designed to save money on maintenance, Disney CEO Michael Eisner announced today a new plan that will allow the parks to deteriorate at a rapid pace. Reading from a prepared statement, Eisner explained the genesis of the new program.
"We've got all this theming everywhere," Eisner said. "We have for years. But, you know, it serves no purpose, and it costs us a crapload of money every year to maintain. It doesn't make you go up, down, or spin. So, I started thinking - why do we have all of this stuff?"
Eisner said he dispatched a team from Disney's marketing division to examine the theming at other amusement parks across the country. He reported their findings.
"Basically, these other companies slap an area name on a park map, name the rides with some awful wordplay related to the area, and then claim to have a 'theme' park. And I thought, 'Why aren't we doing that?'"
Despite surrounding himself with sycophants, yesmen, and toadies, Eisner said his idea was not well-received at corporate Disney. Until he explained the upside.
"We just stop doing maintenance on the parks, and we'll save millions of dollars in the future. Heck, we could probably tear some of the 'theming' down now and make a killing on eBay. I mean, come on, theming? We run parks built by a rodent. Have you seen how they live? I can tell you it's anything but neat and orderly."
When asked to comment on the bold new initiative, former Disney board member and nephew of Walt Disney himself, Roy Disney, had this to say:
"Finally, something Michael and I can agree on. Uncle Walt was, well, kind of loony when it came to this whole 'theming' thing. We all thought he was bonkers, but hey, it was his company. Frankly, I'm shocked that it's taken this long for this idea to get approved. If Michael had mentioned this to me earlier, we would never have had this nasty, public feud. Michael, call me."
In a move designed to save money on maintenance, Disney CEO Michael Eisner announced today a new plan that will allow the parks to deteriorate at a rapid pace. Reading from a prepared statement, Eisner explained the genesis of the new program.
"We've got all this theming everywhere," Eisner said. "We have for years. But, you know, it serves no purpose, and it costs us a crapload of money every year to maintain. It doesn't make you go up, down, or spin. So, I started thinking - why do we have all of this stuff?"
Eisner said he dispatched a team from Disney's marketing division to examine the theming at other amusement parks across the country. He reported their findings.
"Basically, these other companies slap an area name on a park map, name the rides with some awful wordplay related to the area, and then claim to have a 'theme' park. And I thought, 'Why aren't we doing that?'"
Despite surrounding himself with sycophants, yesmen, and toadies, Eisner said his idea was not well-received at corporate Disney. Until he explained the upside.
"We just stop doing maintenance on the parks, and we'll save millions of dollars in the future. Heck, we could probably tear some of the 'theming' down now and make a killing on eBay. I mean, come on, theming? We run parks built by a rodent. Have you seen how they live? I can tell you it's anything but neat and orderly."
When asked to comment on the bold new initiative, former Disney board member and nephew of Walt Disney himself, Roy Disney, had this to say:
"Finally, something Michael and I can agree on. Uncle Walt was, well, kind of loony when it came to this whole 'theming' thing. We all thought he was bonkers, but hey, it was his company. Frankly, I'm shocked that it's taken this long for this idea to get approved. If Michael had mentioned this to me earlier, we would never have had this nasty, public feud. Michael, call me."
