Struggling with anxiety over leaving children and considering cancelling WDW - help?

[HerefortheFood]

My wife and I booked an 8 day WDW vacation for the two of us back in December for this upcoming August, and we have really enjoyed planning it. However, the closer the trip comes, the more we are getting anxious over leaving our two kids (who will be 14 months and 3 years old).

They will be staying with my wife's parents who they see multiple times a week and are comfortable with. I know they will be taken good care of, we are just worried they will become homesick or miss us too much, or impact our attachment. My wife is also doing her best to wean our almost 1 year old onto straw cups as he doesn’t take bottles well. He eats solids well, but doesn’t always like drinking milk from cups.

Are we just overthinking this, or is 8 days too long to be away?

 

[SamandplanningUK]

You're overthinking, a little time apart will be beneficial for you - you need time to be 'you' again and not be 'mum and dad'! My kids are 15 and 18 now but we left on our honeymoon for 10 days when they were 4 and 2, they had a blast at nannies houses and we had a lovely refresh getting time to enjoy Florida as adults.

 

[ohioguy]

I wouldn't go if I was filled with anxiety. You won't be able to enjoy your trip.

 

[Goofyernmost]

Emotions are not easy to control. I have a daughter that has three kids. I don't recall them ever being apart for more than a few hours since they were born. They still always take family vacations and their kids ages now are 12, 21 and 23. I don't know how they do it. We didn't go many places when they were small because frankly we didn't have the money. We did take one golfing trip when they stayed with my parents (at age 4 and 6).

My daughter is a stay at home mom and my son in law has worked from home over the last 12 years, they are never apart. I would have been a padded cell by now. Don't get me wrong, I loved my family and even followed them to North Carolina mostly because I didn't want to be that far away, but I don't live with them now, just see them more often. I'm not critical of them because that is what they decided they wanted to do, I just don't understand it.

 

[eliza61nyc]

The first time is always the worse. I will say this, the first time away from the kids was totally worth the anxiety leading up to it. No one would question my hubby and my love for our kids but I gotta tell you, that first day we woke up to a bit of peace and quiet was heaven.
the first couple of days I called my parents (they were hanging with grandpa and meemaw in NYC) twice a day and once I realized that they were absolutely fine my anxiety dropped way down.

now, don't worry about the attachment issue. no being away for a week is not going to impact that. I should add, I am not a doctor of anything. just a mom.

can you find a happy medium and go for maybe 4 or 5 days. lol I think more for you and your wifes peace of mind.

 

[nickys]

I know they will be taken good care of, we are just worried they will become homesick or miss us too much, or impact our attachment.

I quoted this bit to try and reassure you.
You can take some of their favourite toys and books to your in-laws. I don’t think homesick is really a concern at that age.
Yes they will miss you and when you get back you’ll probably find they become clingy for a while. That doesn’t mean however their attachment to you is “broken”.
Can you FaceTime your in-laws, or use Skype / zoom etc? A text exchange just before can make sure it’s a good time to talk to them.

If your anxiety is really high can you consider shortening your stay? Maybe 4 or 5 nights instead of 8. That still gives you some couple time but won’t seem too long. Since you have enjoyed planning it I think the anxiety is just natural last minute jitters. It would be a shame to cancel it altogether.

 

[drizgirl]

8 days is too long at that age. Plenty of people do just that, but I wouldn't have done that when mine were that small. Take a long weekend somewhere for now and save the long trips for later. I know I personally wouldn't have enjoyed it so what's the point?

I had to leave for a few days on a work trip when my first 2 were right at those ages and of course everyone was fine. But I wouldn't do it if I didn't have to.

 

[harryk]

My folks did that to my sister and I at an early age several times and it worked out very well. We stayed with our grandparents. Had such a great time with them. When they finally took a longer trip - we just rolled with it and got on. We still think that the trips they took were a help to us in being able to deal with their absences later in life. Go for it and you will find that your children are more flexible than you think.

 

[CaptainAmerica]

Are the only options going without them or cancelling the trip entirely?

Why not take the kids with you?

 

[Club Cooloholic]

Are the only options going without them or cancelling the trip entirely?

Why not take the kids with you?

Totally agree(this post vibes as click bait but I guess i am a fish). I have never had the option of grandparents watching our kids, but if I did I don't think it would be for a week, and to Disneyworld? One might end up constantly be thinking how much the little ones would love seeing the parks (yes even the 14month old). If you were going to Paris or NYC for a long weekend yeah I can get leaving the tykes behind. If someone wants to increase bonds with kids bring them on vacation and share some memories, the best thing? Bring the grands, they can spell you for a few nights to get out without the kids.

 

[Lilofan]

I wouldn't go if I was filled with anxiety. You won't be able to enjoy your trip.

Xanax

 

[GladToBeHear]

Take them with you. We took all our kids when they were that age (and younger). You'll enjoy the trip a lot more. Just take it easy and do what you can do.

 

[DisneyHead123]

It really depends on your kids. I feel bad because my grandparents have asked to watch my son while we go away on vacation, but I’ve always politely sidestepped the issue because he’s got his quirks and you have to really know how to work with those to get him through the day (insanely picky eater, good luck getting this kid to sleep, might become randomly rigid if some part of his routine is altered, etc.) They are lovely people but they are old school in regard to parenting style and would assume you just insist a child eat what you serve when you serve it, get in bed and go to sleep independently when you say it’s bedtime, etc. I’m comfortable with his daycare teacher watching him for an evening though, because she sees him every day, knows his quirks, and has tons of tips and tricks up her sleeve from working with dozens if not hundreds of kids with differing temperaments over the years.

I would say talk to your wife. Sorry to be a little sexist (I’m a mom, btw) but it’s usually moms who are in tune with their child’s temperament and needs to a level that borders on psychic. See if she has any doubts about her parents being able to handle both kids for a little over a week - in terms of the kid’s needs and her parent’s needs. That may give you a better sense of this is just anxiety, or if maybe 8 days just isn’t a good fit for whatever reason. If this is your first time away from them 8 days does seem like a lot (especially if you’re in the middle of weaning) - you could always try a weekend trip first and then use that as a trial to figure out any difficulties that may come up. If you go out of town and suddenly the grandparents realize they can’t get the kids to sleep through the night or some such thing, much easier to deal with if you’re back in a day or two, and then you’re prepped for a longer trip next time once any issues are sorted out.

 

[pixargal]

I can empathize with your anxiety, and as others have noted, the first time you leave the kids is the hardest. But, it is important to couples to have the alone time to reconnect. I think eight days is long, for all parties involved. I would try four days/ three nights. I hope that you have peace with whatever decision you make. None will be wrong, every family is different

 

[Spookie2018]

I've actually cancelled my trip numerous times because of our dog. Prior to getting him, we never missed a year, but now, every time it gets close, the guilt over boarding him sets in, and I find myself on the computer postponing everything.

He's 2 and 1/2 years old (we got him at 8 weeks old) and hasn't ever spent a night without us. He's had some day care sessions, which went well, but never overnight.

I completely understand your dilemma.

I'm currently booked (flight/hotel/rental car/tickets & parks) for October 30. We'll see if it happens!

 

[John park hopper]

Make a bet the kids won't miss you. If you are really feeling guilty do your parents have the ability to face time with you?

 

[Weather_Lady]

Our kids at that age would have seen the whole week as a fantastic vacation with their doting grandparents, and wouldn't have missed us a bit. My husband and I would have been the only ones feeling anxious, and that would have subsided after a couple days of calling home and realizing the kids were having just as much fun without us.

The closest thing we did to what you're doing is that we left our 1-year-old son home with my sister and her husband for a week while we went on a cruise, and although we were wracked with guilt at first, we quickly realized our son was getting more attention than we could have given him at home, and according to my sister, he never even seemed bothered or confused by our absence (and blithely accepted our return with no particular fanfare). My sister put together a photo album of all the things she (and my parents) had done with him while we were gone: to make a long story short, he went on way more excursions on his "vacation" (the beach, the zoo, etc.), and ended up with more souvenirs, than we did!

 

[dreday3]

I've actually cancelled my trip numerous times because of our dog. Prior to getting him, we never missed a year, but now, every time it gets close, the guilt over boarding him sets in, and I find myself on the computer postponing everything.

He's 2 and 1/2 years old (we got him at 8 weeks old) and hasn't ever spent a night without us. He's had some day care sessions, which went well, but never overnight.

I completely understand your dilemma.

I'm currently booked (flight/hotel/rental car/tickets & parks) for October 30. We'll see if it happens!

I get this.

Now it's our cat. But we board him with our cat only vet and it's wonderful. He takes medication everyday, so I know he's in great hands. They send us texts and pictures about twice a day, he has his own big room and they just love on him all day. I dread the days before we drop him off, always want to cancel, but once he's there and we are on our way we have a great trip knowing he's well taken care of. We board him 10 or 11 nights each time.

Try boarding your dog for a couple nights before you go, by the second day most pets are usually acclimated to where they are staying. This would give you a good idea of how he'll do and maybe make you feel better?

My advice would be don't read the internet, which of course is full of horror stories about pet boarding, especially cats! In reality, most pets do just fine. Do they love it? Probably not. Will they get over it once you are home? Absolutely! Don't miss out on vacations, they are important.

And if I'm this crazed about a cat, I don't know what I'd be like with a baby!

 

[DisneyHead123]

I've actually cancelled my trip numerous times because of our dog. Prior to getting him, we never missed a year, but now, every time it gets close, the guilt over boarding him sets in, and I find myself on the computer postponing everything.

He's 2 and 1/2 years old (we got him at 8 weeks old) and hasn't ever spent a night without us. He's had some day care sessions, which went well, but never overnight.

I completely understand your dilemma.

I'm currently booked (flight/hotel/rental car/tickets & parks) for October 30. We'll see if it happens!

When my cat was alive (especially when she got older and had health issues) I couldn’t stomach the thought of boarding her (she was a rescue cat with anxiety issues from her prior circumstances so that played a role too.)

Any chance you could leave the dog with a friend or relative? That always set my mind at ease much more.

 

[Laura]

I’m an extremely attached parent and I couldn’t do it. I’ve not left mine overnight for a single night in 9 years. I cannot think of any trip I would want to take that would be fun enough to override how miserable I would be if I left my kids at home. Even the handful of times we have left them with a grandparent or older sibling for a couple hours so we can have a date night or run some errands, I just spend the whole time stressing over what’s happening with them and cannot enjoy the moment.

I would base the decision on how it would impact you and your wife. If you’re like me and would be miserable not having the kids with you for an extended time, then there’s no sense in wasting all that money to have a bad time. But I know there’s plenty of parents out there who leave their kids all the time to take trips alone and they are unaffected by it.