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MJ's Birthday Blessings!

mpoppins76

mpoppins76

Well-Known Member
Uponastar said:
Uh-oh.
Want to share?
Click to expand...

Sure. We have sort of a complicated situation. We're both at the point in our lives and are at the age (30) where we're ready to settle down and start a family. We've been together 2 years and love each other so much...are perfect together and couldn't be more "right" for each other. We live together now and are on the verge of the next step (getting engaged). Problem is...I don't want to settle down out here. I'm fine being here for a little while (which was the understanding when I moved out here in April). But especially once we have a family, I really would rather be more centrally located between our families (mine's in Nebraska, his here in Jersey). I know it'd be really tough on my parents if they weren't able to know their grandkids...and me too for that matter. I just don't think DBF ever wants to leave this area. He sees how homesick I am for Chicago and feels bad; it puts stress on our relationship. But I have a feeling if we did get married and have a family and DID move back there (would make the most sense because we want to stay in a big city, and it's exactly in the middle of our families), I'm afraid that HE'D be the miserable one. It's just hard because I finally found the person for me but it seems like either way, one of us has to sacrifice where we want to live :(
 
rlaeromech

rlaeromech

Member
mpoppins76 said:
Sure. We have sort of a complicated situation. We're both at the point in our lives and are at the age (30) where we're ready to settle down and start a family. We've been together 2 years and love each other so much...are perfect together and couldn't be more "right" for each other. We live together now and are on the verge of the next step (getting engaged). Problem is...I don't want to settle down out here. I'm fine being here for a little while (which was the understanding when I moved out here in April). But especially once we have a family, I really would rather be more centrally located between our families (mine's in Nebraska, his here in Jersey). I know it'd be really tough on my parents if they weren't able to know their grandkids...and me too for that matter. I just don't think DBF ever wants to leave this area. He sees how homesick I am for Chicago and feels bad; it puts stress on our relationship. But I have a feeling if we did get married and have a family and DID move back there (would make the most sense because we want to stay in a big city, and it's exactly in the middle of our families), I'm afraid that HE'D be the miserable one. It's just hard because I finally found the person for me but it seems like either way, one of us has to sacrifice where we want to live :(
Click to expand...

Whoa boy, that is tough, maybe later if your on, I can give you a perspective from the guys point of view, Gotta run,
 
Uponastar

Uponastar

Well-Known Member
mpoppins76 said:
Sure. We have sort of a complicated situation. We're both at the point in our lives and are at the age (30) where we're ready to settle down and start a family. We've been together 2 years and love each other so much...are perfect together and couldn't be more "right" for each other. We live together now and are on the verge of the next step (getting engaged). Problem is...I don't want to settle down out here. I'm fine being here for a little while (which was the understanding when I moved out here in April). But especially once we have a family, I really would rather be more centrally located between our families (mine's in Nebraska, his here in Jersey). I know it'd be really tough on my parents if they weren't able to know their grandkids...and me too for that matter. I just don't think DBF ever wants to leave this area. He sees how homesick I am for Chicago and feels bad; it puts stress on our relationship. But I have a feeling if we did get married and have a family and DID move back there (would make the most sense because we want to stay in a big city, and it's exactly in the middle of our families), I'm afraid that HE'D be the miserable one. It's just hard because I finally found the person for me but it seems like either way, one of us has to sacrifice where we want to live :(
Click to expand...

Oh dear.
When you and he talked this weekend, did you really talk? Or just kinda dance around the subject leaving the other one to read into what he/she will? I'm asking because this is a real lay-your-cards-on-the-table type of problem. You have to talk this one out long and hard. . .and lay out every option and obstacle. Your jobs, your families and your own personal wants and needs. Ya gotta talk!
 
Nemo14

Nemo14

Well-Known Member
mpoppins76 said:
Sure. We have sort of a complicated situation. We're both at the point in our lives and are at the age (30) where we're ready to settle down and start a family. We've been together 2 years and love each other so much...are perfect together and couldn't be more "right" for each other. We live together now and are on the verge of the next step (getting engaged). Problem is...I don't want to settle down out here. I'm fine being here for a little while (which was the understanding when I moved out here in April). But especially once we have a family, I really would rather be more centrally located between our families (mine's in Nebraska, his here in Jersey). I know it'd be really tough on my parents if they weren't able to know their grandkids...and me too for that matter. I just don't think DBF ever wants to leave this area. He sees how homesick I am for Chicago and feels bad; it puts stress on our relationship. But I have a feeling if we did get married and have a family and DID move back there (would make the most sense because we want to stay in a big city, and it's exactly in the middle of our families), I'm afraid that HE'D be the miserable one. It's just hard because I finally found the person for me but it seems like either way, one of us has to sacrifice where we want to live :(
Click to expand...
Every relationship requires compromise, and this one is really a biggie. My kids have grown up without really knowing my mom except for our annual Florida trips, and her one weekper year up here. It's hard, but you pretty much have to make it work. You decide your priorities, and then you work within them. I'd caution the idea of living half-way between, because it seems to me that the end result of that would be that neither family really gets to see them, and you wouldn't want that either.
 

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